UGHHH sorry friends, I've been SO SICK ALL WEEK SKDNSOFNSK.
I went to the doctor, they gave me a SHOT. A SHOT. I couldn't walk. Now I'm on all sorts of steroids and antibiotics all from trying to TEACH THROUGH A COLD. 
I had to split this chapter up, but I will do everything in my power to give you more updates this weekend! A blizzard is hitting Toledo and I'll be stuck here! Plus, no work Monday! I HAVE NO EXCUSE! HARASS ME SO ILL UPDATE. YOUR HARASSMENT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, and so do your votes and comments. Ugh love you guys so much. You guys make dreams come true.
readers: wAN dos SHAHWT find out JEN a streppr?
Me: SOON, FRIENDS, SOON.
Sorry; this is the cold medicine talking. HERE U GO
God bless you all!
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Jean couldn't handle what this night had become. The guilt of dancing for money, for Shawn's kindness that she didn't deserve...it was too much. She didn't know what she wanted; she was just tired of feeling so alone.

She ripped off the black dress that she had worn to work that night and chucked it into the corner of her room. She ripped open the top drawer of her dresser and grabbed some shorts and a T-Shirt. Her tennis shoes were still lying by her front door from the morning before when she ran with Shawn and Tyler.

She started running down the sidewalk, not really sure where she was headed. Five minutes in, she knew this was a terrible idea; not only because it was the middle of the night, but because she had spent the night drinking. She didn't care, and she pushed herself through the pain.

She wondered how many more people she could drive away. Her parents. Anthony. Terry. She sometimes wondered if Jasmine left because she couldn't handle her. Now Shawn; quite possibly the best person she would ever know, and she had just about destroyed all there was with him too.

When she thought she couldn't go any further, she forced herself to run faster. She ran until she was too tired to think about anything but the pain that was in her body.

***

"Did Jean not come to lunch yesterday because of Samantha Tracy?"

The words were out of Zeiler's mouth before she had even finished opening the front door. She and Shawn both looked at each other, waiting for the other to speak first. Tyler walked into the room and Zeiler put a hand up to stop him in his tracks.

"Zeiler, I have no idea. Jean wouldn't tell me. What's up with Samantha?"

Zeiler shook her head, a mischievous smile on her face. She handed her phone to Tyler, who narrowed his eyes in confusion as he started to read whatever it was she gave him.

"Really?" Shawn asked, waiting for both of them to finish reading. Tyler closed his eyes and handed the phone back to Zeiler.

"I'll let you two handle that one," Tyler said, putting his hands up and walking back towards his room. Zeiler didn't skip a beat before putting the phone in front of Shawn, revealing a ridiculously long text message.

"Woke up to that this morning," Zeiler said, resting her chin on Shawn's shoulder as they both scanned the phone. "She was apparently talking to Kim in the bathroom at church. They were discussing if you and Jean were dating. Then they found out she was in there the whole time."

"And they texted you about it?" Shawn asked, looking up from the apologetic text to Zeiler.

Zeiler shrugged. "She said she felt guilty and convicted all night and wanted to make sure that Jean didn't take it the wrong way."

Shawn handed the phone back to Zeiler and pressed his palms into his eyes. "What did she say exactly?"

Zeiler shook her head. "If she felt the need to text me about it, I'm guessing it's not something she's proud of."

Shawn sighed deeply. It made sense. What were the odds of that happening? Here Shawn was trying to show Jean this was a good thing, and her second day there she hears girls gossiping about her in the bathroom. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to go back.

"Jean and I got into a fight yesterday, and now I know why," Shawn said, looking at Zeiler.

"What happened?"

"She was talking to Samantha and Kim, and then suddenly didn't feel well and wanted me to take her home. She was obviously hiding something so I pushed her on it, hoping she'd tell me."

"She wouldn't tell you?"

"No. The only thing she said was she didn't belong at church." Shawn closed his eyes, laughing when he remembered the last detail. "She also told me it didn't matter because I wasn't her boyfriend."

Zeiler looked at Shawn. "You're not?"

He squinted his eyes at her. "Didn't we just have a family meeting on this?"

"I'm just messing with you," Zeiler said. "I think she'll be okay though. Have you talked since?"

"No, I called but she didn't answer. I left a voicemail."

Zeiler rolled her eyes. "You would, old man."

Shawn knew that whatever Jean was feeling, the enemy might just have enough power over her to convince her it would be easier to never talk to him again. Trying to introduce Jesus into her life when she was already struggling with so much was not an easy feat.

It all started that November night in the parking lot, when she came bounding in front of his car the day he broke up with Megan. She may have just stood out because of how upset she was, or how she looked vaguely familiar, but he truly believed God had all these plans and was speaking to him from that moment. Seeing her at the coffee shop was a reminder, her speaking to him was confirmation, and that night at the bar, well, God's plan couldn't have been clearer if he sent it down in writing.

She went from the stranger in the parking lot to the girl he looked forward to seeing the most every single day.

He wasn't going to give up that easily.

***

Shawn prayed that his relationship with Jean was strong enough where he could show up unannounced without appearing creepy; he'd done it once before and it worked out for him. However, when he showed up at her apartment and didn't see her car around, he knew that this time around wasn't going to be as easy.

Luckily for him, he spotted Brooke walking out to her car. She was dressed up, and Shawn wondered where she would be headed out to on a Monday night.

"Hey, Brooke," Shawn said, walking towards her. She looked startled at first, but then she smiled when she saw it was him.

"Hey!" she said, surprising him by going in for a hug. He laughed and hugged her back. "You looking for Jean?"

"Yeah," Shawn said, looking down at her. "I haven't heard from her and just wanted to make sure she's okay."

Brooke laughed and put her hands on her hips. "You never know with that girl. She's a loner, but the sweetest thing you'll ever meet."

Shawn thought about it for a second. "A loner by choice you think?"

Brooke narrowed her eyebrows and looked deep in thought. "You know, I don't know. We got closer when her boyfriend cheated on her. Since then she really doesn't seem to have anyone."

Shawn wanted to ask her more, to maybe ask if she ever mentioned her parents, but he knew this was not the way.

"Do you know where she is?"

Brooke smiled. "She's closing up the coffee place tonight." She took her phone out of her pocket and glanced at it. "It looks like you got 7 minutes before she locks up."

Shawn pressed his hands together and pointed at Brooke. "Thank you!" He said, backing up as he started to walk back to his car. "I owe you one!"

Brooke shook her head before opening the door of her own car. "Just treat my girl right, she deserves it."

Shawn knew it was impossible to make it before close, but that didn't stop him from speeding anyways. When he pulled into the coffee shop parking lot at three minutes past ten, he didn't let it stop him from trying the door.

It was locked, but he saw Jean turn from behind the counter. She jumped a foot in the air, and he quickly waved to try to help her recognize who he was. Dang it, he was creepy. With a hand over her chest, she slowly walked forward and unlocked the door for him.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack," Jean said breathlessly, pushing the door open for Shawn to enter. He tried not to smile too big as he turned and locked the door behind him. When he turned around, Jean had her back to him, messing with her hands at her chest. She always messed with her hands like that when she was uncomfortable.

She spun on her heels before he could say anything.

"Shawn, I'm sorry," she said quickly, almost frantically, as if she was afraid he was going to disappear at any moment.

"Sorry for what?" Shawn said, surprised.

"For being such a brat the other day, and for not returning your call," she said. "I just...I don't know. I got upset."

"Because of those girls in the bathroom at church?" Shawn said, the corner of his mouth edging into a smile.

Jean's face fell. "How'd you know?"

Shawn stepped closer to Jean. "Samantha reached out to Zeiler. She felt really bad about what happened and wanted to apologize and make sure you were okay."

Jean's eyes shifted in confusion, and she brushed her hair behind her ear. "Why?"

Shawn laughed. "Why?"

"Why do they care if I'm okay or not?"

Shawn didn't know how to answer. "Did they say something hurtful about you?"

Jean bit her lip and looked like she was reviewing everything they said. "You know, now that I'm thinking about it, they didn't really say anything bad about me personally, it was more they were just upset that I was there with you."

"How so?"

"Have you heard of missionary dating or something called unequally yoked?" When the words came out of her mouth, he started to turn red and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Ah" Shawn said, smirking as he looked to the ceiling. "I think I got it."

Jean started to fidget with her hands again, but must have caught herself because she shoved them in the pockets of her apron. "It was just weird to hear. Especially since we're not even dating."

"We're not?"

Jean's eyes shot up to meet Shawn's in surprise, but when she saw his teasing smile, she glared at him, trying her best to suppress her own.

"Look," Shawn said, trying to recover from his dumb joke that he stole from his cousin. "I know it may be hard to believe, but I truly do think the girls feel bad for what they said. I'm hoping it was a wake up call for them."

Jean nodded her head, moving around to the counter and grabbing a wet rag from the sanitizer bucket.

"But for you to think that you don't belong there..." Shawn said, pausing until she looked up at him. "That's a lie. Everyone wants you there, including those girls. I can show you the novel length apology text to prove it."

Jean laughed to herself and she continued to wipe the counters. "It's okay, I believe you."

She glanced up at him and smiled. Shawn went across the dining room and began to stack the chairs on the tables for her. When she joined him, he saw her face wince in pain when she lifted a chair onto the tabletop.

"What's wrong?" Shawn asked.

"What?" Jean said, suddenly alarmed.

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me, Jean."

Jean laughed nervously. "I'm not hurt," she said, lifting another chair, but obviously making an effort not to let it show. "Just a bit sore from a late night run."

Shawn shook his head at her, and he took one of the chairs he stacked on the table and set it back on the floor. "Sit down," he said.

"Shawn, I'm okay."

"Please sit down, we both know I'm a great mopper. I'll even leave the dry trail to the door this time."

Jean stared at him, and he knew this was one battle she wouldn't win.

"At least let me clock out if I'm just gonna be sitting here."

He smiled as he watched her walk across the dining room to the back. She was even selfless to the boss she couldn't stand. He would never get tired of her.

She came back with the mop bucket and Shawn watched her tentatively as he stacked the last chair. Eyes locked with his, she kept her hands on the mop. Slowly, she moved the mop onto the floor and started cleaning.

Shawn sighed as he walked across the floor and pried the mop away from Jean's hands. Even though she protested half-heartedly, he pointed to the chair. He could tell she was in too much discomfort to argue, and she took a deep breath before taking a seat.

"You are something else," Shawn muttered, swiping the mop across the floor.

Jean was quiet for a couple minutes while Shawn cleaned the floors. Finally she spoke up.

"Why do you care so much?"

Shawn froze, leaning into the mop. "What?"

Jean hesitated before repeating herself. "I mean, why did you come here tonight?" She closed her eyes, obviously showing that the words were not coming out the way she wanted them to.

"Why do you think?"

"I truly, one hundred percent don't know."

"Try me."

"Shawn," Jean ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know if you still feel bad for the video, but you don't have to keep paying me back. It wasn't your fault it went viral."

Shawn dropped the mop on the ground. "Please tell me you're not serious."

"I just don't know why else you're sticking around. You had your chance to bail. I am not that interesting of a person."

Shawn threw his head back and laughed mockingly. "There's the biggest lie I've ever heard."

Jean couldn't help but smile herself. "Well do you just want another member for your church? Because I truly don't understand."

"Member for my...? What?" Shawn said, picking up the mop and continuing to clean the floor. "Jean, your mind goes to some dark places."

"I'm just trying to understand."

"Understand that I actually like you, Jean."

"Shawn..."

"You're fun to be around. You're hilarious. You get my humor. Your reaction to the bison was better than my six year old cousin's, who, mind you, dressed up as a Native American for Halloween 3 years in a row. You generally care about people, and you always have an open mind."

Whatever Jean was going to argue, the words had disappeared. She could only stare at Shawn in apparent shock.

"Yes, I'm pushing you towards this Jesus thing, but it's only because He is the greatest thing to ever happen to my life and I want everyone to experience this same inexplicable, wonderful thing that I've discovered. Especially you."

Jean looked down at her hands in her lap, overwhelmed by everything he was saying. He wasn't done.

"I was not always the person I am today," Shawn said. "If it weren't for Jesus, I probably would have been one of those people recording on their phones."

Jean couldn't even imagine what her fate might have become had Shawn not entered her life. "So how'd it all change?"

Shawn put the mop back in the bucket and he walked over to the table where Jean was sitting. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Zeiler got diagnosed with leukemia when we were twenty."

Jean felt the color drain from her face. "What?"

"No worries, she's good now." Shawn said. "But nobody has bigger trust in God than Zeiler. At first I thought she was just playing it tough, but she truly had an inexplicable peace about the entire thing." Shawn cleared his throat, clearly pained to talking about this.

"Zeiler's like my sister. We grew up together. So when the doctor says she only had a fifty percent chance of living, and she's making jokes about flipping a coin while you're entire world is shattering, it makes you wonder what's wrong with a person."

"I had no idea," Jean said.

"She's always had Jesus. And she was so at peace with dying, it made me question all my beliefs. And when her only chance came down to finding a 100% match for a marrow transplant, guess who was the match?"

"You?"

"No, I wish" Shawn said. "It was a 25 year old girl from South Africa. The only match in the world. Who only got tested a month prior because 'The Lord told her to.'" Shawn laughed, still thinking about the moment. "I couldn't believe it. I kept thinking it was too good to be true. I kept thinking Zeiler was going to somehow die. But she didn't."

Jean stared at Shawn, stunned.

"But it wasn't her survival that made me acknowledge Jesus," Shawn said. "I thank God everyday, but it was honestly her peace throughout the entire thing. She was so calm about everything. She was completely at peace knowing her life could end any moment. She would send me scripture to make ME feel better," Shawn laughed. "So I started listening, and I cant even explain to you the ride it's been ever since."

Jean was quiet, the memories from her own past brining in her mind. "Do you think you'd still believe if she had died?" Jean asked.

Shawn blinked, the idea of it actually painful to him. "It's hard to say back then. If you asked me that same question now though, with the knowledge and faith I have, then yes, I would still believe."

Jean felt something shake within her, and she knew she had been carrying around this question for too long. She had only ever told one person about what happened to her, and the results of that conversation were completely devastating. However, now she needed to know why God would allow it to happen. If anyone had the answer, it was Shawn.

"Shawn, I want to tell you something," Jean said quickly, before she could take back the words. "Something that happened to me when I was sixteen."