UPDATE CITYYYYY; also look at the banner photo. I AM STUCK IN A BLIZZARD. MORE UPDATES TO COME (PROBABLY...HOPEFULLY.)
I already had most of this chapter written since the last one got too long. Let me know what you think!
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It was weird; bringing to light the part of her life that brought so much darkness. The memory that haunted her dreams most nights. She had kept it hidden in hopes that would make it to go away. Eight years later, she realized that wasn't happening.

She told him every detail from the passenger seat of his car. She stared out the windshield at her closed up coffee shop, eyeing the blinking security alarm she could see through the window. She couldn't bring herself to look anywhere else. 

She told him how she stayed back in the woods and how Jake kissed her, about how she was excited but then she was scared when he started pushing things too far. She couldn't help the tears that rolled down her cheeks. She tried her best to keep her voice level. She hoped Shawn wasn't judging her.

"The worst part," she said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "Was he just kept saying it was okay through the entire thing. Maybe to convince himself, or maybe he thought he could actually convince me if he said it enough." Jean shook her head and looked directly at Shawn. "But it wasn't okay, Shawn." She choked as her words came out and she covered her mouth. "Nothing about it was okay."

Shawn moved the center console that was separating them and silently moved over to wrap his arms around her. She pressed her face into his neck and he stayed there, squeezing her tighter. She clung to him like she was hanging onto her life. He finally pulled back looked her at her face, taking the sleeve of his sweatshirt and wiping the tears from her eyes. She laughed when he did this, wiping her own face.

"I don't want to see how I look right now," Jean said through her tears. Shawn pulled down the sun visor, the lights automatically illuminating around the mirror. Jean covered her eyes and groaned, pushing the visor back up. Shawn laughed softly.

"I'm sorry, not the time to be funny," Shawn said, smiling softly and looking her in the eyes. She couldn't describe the feelings within her when he looked at her. She couldn't help but throw her arms around him again.

He pulled her back over to his side, holding her in his arms as put her feet up in the passenger seat. He stroked her hair as she leaned her head back against his chest. It was weird how comfortable she felt, but after just telling him what she kept hidden for nearly a decade, letting her hold him felt like nothing.

"Jean, I'm so sorry," Shawn said. "That's a lot to carry around. Do you know where this guy lives?" Shawn asked. Jean couldn't see his face but she laughed through her tears.

"I don't even know his last name."

"Dang it," Shawn muttered under his breath. "He's lucky, then."

Jean turned to look at Shawn's face. "Shawn, what would you do?"

He smiled, the back of his head leaning back on the window. "He would definitely get a stern talking to."

Jean smiled and shook her head at him before turning back around. "That's what I thought."

"Are you insinuating something?"

"No, I'm just saying you're too nice."

"Your friend Bret punched me in the face, but who ended up taking you home that night?"

She turned back towards Shawn, her jaw hanging open but unable to hide the smile behind it. Shawn didn't move, that same lazy smile on his face and his eyes filled with amusement, enjoying every second of teasing her.

"My friend?" was all Jean could manage to say through her surprise. She looked at him, leaned back against the window, his hair a mess. She didn't know how the events in her life transpired to be more comfortable with Shawn Lewis than anyone else in her life, but it was true. He got her. He made her want to be a better person. He was probably the only person in the world who could make her smile after sharing the most difficult part of her past.

"Can I pray for you, Jean?"

She felt the words come out of her before she could give it any thought. "Yes."

He sat up, placing his arm around her shoulders and grabbing her hand with his other. She felt her heart speed up, but she followed his lead and closed her eyes.

"Father," he started. "Thank you for bringing Jean into my life." He squeezed her hand. "She's quite alright."

Jean laughed but kept her head down and her eyes closed.

"We don't always know why things happen to us, but we do know that you work all things together for good for those who love you. We can't forget about the darkness that exists in this world, but we know that you have the power to overcome any stronghold in our lives. I pray that you show Jean just how much you love her and bring peace to the parts of her life that need the most light."

She didn't know why the tears were threatening her eyes again, but she did her best to push them away.

"In Jesus name, Amen."

"Amen," Jean whispered quietly, something she learned from church. She wiped her eyes quickly. She wanted to ask him why God would allow it to happen, but he seemed to already say that he didn't know in his prayer. Before she could decide, Shawn interrupter her.

"Before I forget!" Shawn said, reaching into his backseat. "I have another birthday present for you."

"What?"

"It's not that exciting," Shawn said. "Just the word of God and all."

Jean laughed as Shawn handed her a worn bible. She had looked through bibles at hotels, but she never owned one that she actually read. She ran her finger over this name that was engraved in the bottom corner of the cover.

"It was mine, obviously," he said. "But it's in a translation you'll be able to understand. And I highlighted a bunch of verses."

"Shawn, are you sure?" she said, opening it up. It seemed way too special for him to just be giving it to her, especially when she barely knew how to read it. A white card fell from the front cover onto her lap and she picked it up.

"Oh, and that," Shawn said, as Jean looked at the card to see it was an invitation to Zeiler's wedding. "I was hoping you'd be my date."

She froze. She didn't know what to say.

"I know it's kinda awkward, since I'm in the wedding party, but Zeiler really wants you there and said you can hang with her and the bridesmaids beforehand. We'll set you up real nice and up close for dinner." He smiled at ber. "It just wouldn't be complete without you."

She had dreaded this day for so long because it was Amy's wedding. She imagined Anthony walking in with Ametta on his arm, his family accepting her as their own family now. Now Shawn Lewis was asking her to be his date? Zeiler wanted her to get ready with her on her wedding day?

She looked down at the Bible at her hands. Shawn was somehow able to turn her worst fears into her greatest excitements. He cared about her; they all did. She didn't know why, or what she even did to deserve the love they showed them, but it was too overwhelming to comprehend.

She wondered if the love of God compared to this.

She couldn't find the words, so she put her arms around his neck again and pulled him close. "Thank you," was all she could manage to say. When she pulled back, she looked him in the eyes. She could have probably stared at him forever, but she remembered how drastic her face must look right now. She quickly kissed him on the cheek and pulled herself back over to her side and opened the door.

"And yes," she said, holding up the invitation as she ducked down in the doorway. "Of course I'll be your date."

That night, she hung the only wedding invitation she'd receive that year on her fridge. She collapsed on her couch and opened the Bible, finding one section already highlighted on the page.

The familiarity of it made her catch her breath. She read it two more times to make sure she was reading it correctly.

It was a passage in a book called John.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

**
"How about this?" Jasmine said, holding up a bright blue body right dress that looked like something she'd wear to freshman homecoming. Jean rolled her eyes at her and continued to look through the racks of clothing.

"Shawn Lewis," Jasmine said. "Jean did you ever think you'd be going on a date with Shawn Lewis?"

The amount of times Jasmine has asked her that question that evening was a bit ridiculous, but it didn't lessen the shock within Jean. She still found it hard to believe that he found her interesting as a person. Nobody ever showed interest in her, except when the video came out.

"Nope," Jean said, shaking her head as she pulled out some options. "Gotta admit, the negative part of me is still skeptical it will actually happen."

"So, I gotta admit," Jasmine said slowly, perusing through the racks of dresses. "When Brooke dropped off your paycheck on your birthday, I thought for a second that you were a stripper now."

Jean felt her body go numb as she felt Jasmine's eyes watching her. She could tell in her voice that she was already suspicious. She tried not to react and forced a smile on her face.

"I'm not a stripper, Jasmine," Jean said, trying to keep an even tone. She couldn't look at her, if she did she would know. She could risk Jasmine finding out.

"So Brooke quit stripping to come work at the coffee shop with you...?"

She could feel her eyes tearing into her, studying her every move to catch her in a lie. She had already figured it out, there was no going back.

"Jasmine..."

"I knew it!" Jasmine said, dropping the dress to the floor and grabbing Jean's wrists. She had a mischievous smile on her face as she pushed Jean into the corner of the store. "I knew you were working there! I could see it all over your face," she whispered furiously.

"Jasmine, just listen," Jean said, starting to sweat. She looked around the store to make sure nobody was around. "Nobody knows. I still work at the coffee shop a couple days a week. Terry cut all my hours after the video and I couldn't pay my bills. I was desperate."

Jasmine didn't seem to be listening, but she still clutched Jean's wrists. "But you're a stripper?"

"No!" Jean asked, not able to get the image of herself dancing on stage out of her mind. "I'm just a waitress, and it's only temporary. It's just too much money to pass up right now. It's so easy too, once you get past the rude men who treat you like an object."

Jasmine rolled her eyes. "Well, what guy doesn't?"

Shawn, Scottie, Tyler. Jean shook her head. "Anyways, it's just until I save up enough. I might even be able to go back to school with the money I've made." 

"My gosh," Jasmine said. "Can you get me a job there?"

The idea of seeing Jasmine prance around in her underwear for money made her sick. She'd be way too good at it. "Absolutely not."

"Well I want to come see you dance, then! If I pay will you give me a lap dance?"

Jean wanted to die right there in the middle of the store. "No, Jasmine! You can never come, and I don't do those things!" Jasmine couldn't know how difficult this was for her to deal with. She wished she could be as carefree as Jasmine; maybe life could be a lot easier if she didn't take life so seriously.

If she was really being honest about it, Jasmine would steal most of her customers in a heartbeat. Her free-spirited nature and extroverted personality would win over everybody, except maybe the other girls. She knew she shouldn't care about those things, and she couldn't deal with thinking that way right now. She pushed the thought out to her mind.

"Jean, I'm honestly in so much shock right now," Jasmine said, finally letting go of Jean and putting her hands in her hair. "You? Of all people?"

"It's temporary, and you can't tell anyone for any reason."

"Does Shawn know?"

Jean felt like she was punched in the stomach. "No."

Jasmine took a deep breath, like she was thinking. "Okay, you can't tell him. At least not until you quit. Shawn Lewis asked you on a date, you can't ruin this now."

The guilt was becoming more and more difficult to deal with. Having Jasmine know made her feel a little better, so she could at least have some reassurance to her own thoughts racing through her mind.

"Is it a horrible thing that I haven't told him yet?" Jean asked.

Jasmine waved her hand. "He's not your boyfriend...yet." She winked at Jean. Jean had to look away. "He hasn't told you all his deepest darkest secrets. Plus, he seems to be the one coming after you and showing up unannounced at your work, being all hot and throwing you over his shoulder and kidnapping you like he did. You never asked for that. You have no obligation to tell him right now if it doesn't feel right yet."

Jean let out her breath, feeling better. "You really think so?" She was just a waitress. That was the only thing keeping her sane.

"Of course," Jasmine said. "Now, when you're married and have children, then you may want to consider telling him."

Jean rolled her eyes, the idea seeming ridiculous. "Okay, Jazz."

She put her hands up. "I'm just saying."

Jean started to look through the racks again. "I guess it's just extra difficult and weird because...I go to church with him now."

Jasmine froze. "What?"

"Yeah," Jean said. "He's been telling me all about Jesus and inviting me to church. He prays for me. He gave me his bible. It's...different. But I think I like it? I don't know." 

"That's right," Jasmine said. "He's a Christian boy. I almost forgot, but now it makes sense. Didn't his sister have cancer a few years ago?"

Jean was startled at her knowledge. "How'd you know?"

"Um, social media. I keep up with Shawn Lewis."

"It's his cousin, she's the one whose getting married."

"The one with the weird name?"

"Zeiler," Jean laughed. "It's not so weird when you get used to it."

"So what? Are you a Christian now too?"

"No, but, it just, it makes you think," Jean said. "I look at Shawn and his friends and they all have this faith, and they are all so happy and at peace. It's nice to have hope in something. To believe we're not actually all alone."

"Maybe," Jasmine said. "My family has never been religious."

"Me either," Jean said. "But when it's explained, it makes sense. Shawn told me about Zeiler and her leukemia, and how there was only one person in the world who was a 100% match and she was across the world. She got tested a month earlier only because 'God told her to.' Zeiler probably wouldn't be alive because of that. He calls it a 'God moment'".

Jasmine laughed. "I guess Shawn being at the bar that night was a 'God moment'."

Jean already knew that it was.

"You know, I keep wondering why there's so many terrible things in the world if there's a God. But there's evil in the world, too. You can't deny that there's evil." She knew it from her own experience.

"Jean, I can't think about good and evil right now," Jasmine said, a smile creeping on her lips. "My best friend just told me she's a stripper and discovering Jesus at the same time. It's a little much to handle."

***

Jean had told Zeiler she would join her at final dress fitting that evening. When Zeiler found out she was shopping with Jasmine, she told her to bring her along too. She smiled at how welcoming she was.

Jasmine, of course, was more than excited for anything wedding related. The store was close to the mall, andher and Jean met Zeiler inside. Although she knew Jasmine would never do anything to tell her secret, she still felt nervous having the two of them in the same room.

The two of them made small talk. Jean looked around the store at the gorgeous dresses that were on draped over the mannequins. A few months ago, this would have made her depressed knowing she was no longer marrying Anthony. Now, she felt nothing but joy and excitement for her friend. 

When the woman took Zeiler back to the fitting room, Jasmine came and put her arm around Jean.

"I can see why you like them so much," Jasmine said. "She literally just invited me to her wedding."

"What?" Jean said, laughing.

"I can't go, but she said people RSVPed and bailed last second. Usually I'd be jealous of your new girlfriends, but I approve."

They really were a special group of people. Jean was glad Jasmine could see it too.

When Zeiler finally emerged from the fitting room, she was wearing a long, classy fitted dress. It was simple, and she moved around effortlessly in it.

"You look incredible," Jean said honestly.

"Thanks, It was more important for me to be able to dance," Zeiler said, moving around in the mirror. "What's the point of having a nice looking dress if you can barely walk?"

Jasmine laughed. "Honestly. Or breathe."

Zeiler let out a deep. "Thank god this fits. Thanks for running with me Jean. It was all worth it now...kinda."

When Zeiler went back in to change, Jean felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

Her eyes narrowed when a dark picture lit up the screen. When she was able to focus on what it was, she felt her heart stop.

You were a natural the other night!

Donovan had taken a picture of her when she was on the stage. She quickly threw her phone back down on her lap, covering the screen.

"What's wrong?" Jasmine whispered.

Jean could feel the nausea rising her in throat. It was happening. Again.

"Give me a second," Jean said, standing up and running out the door. When she got outside, she could feel her hands shaking. She could barely open her phone.

She pressed the phone to her ear, each unanswered ring cutting her deeper.

"Hello?" Donavan's voice finally said.

Jean almost couldn't get the words out of her throat. "Delete that photo right now."

"Woah, relax," Donavan's voice said from the other end.
"Nobody's seen it but you."

"I'm asking you to please delete it," Jean said, desperation rising in her voice. "A video ruined my life once, I can't go through it again."

"Okay, okay, okay!" Donovan said, as if he couldn't believe she was actually getting upset. "I didn't know it was that big of a deal. It's deleted."

"Are you lying?" She couldn't take any risks.

"Jean, you can check my phone next time you see me. It's gone."

Jean knew that he could lose his job for this. "You're not supposed to take pictures. Isn't that your job to watch for those things?"

Donovan scoffed. "I thought we were just coworkers having some fun, sorry, I'll think twice next time."

Jean hung up her phone, but she didn't feel any more peace. She had let this happen again.

She had no reason to think Donovan would show anyone. He probably actually deleted the photo like he said, but she couldn't risk it. She dialed Brooke's number while her head was still spinning.

"I need to talk to you," Jean said, her voice in the edge of hysterics. "Something's happened."