It had been a couple weeks since Jean had been to church. Last time, it had brought up feelings and emotions she wasn't ready to deal with. Shawn had told her after the service that it was more heavy than usual, but she still found the unknown scary. She enjoyed the people there; people were eager to meet her and talk to her, but her one shift a week had been moved to Sunday mornings and Jean had an excuse not to go. However, Jean found herself missing her mornings spent with Shawn and his friends, and she was able to switch her day with someone else.

She wasn't sure how things were going to be between Shawn and her after the night before. I mean, all he did was kiss her on the cheek, but even that was enough to make her head spin.

As she checked out her outfit and turned in the mirror, she heard a knock at the door. Confused, she wondered if it was Brooke. She was the only one to ever knock on her door. When she opened it, she was surprised to see Shawn standing there.

"Shawn?" she said, stepping aside to let him in. "Why didn't you text me?"

Shawn stepped inside and shut the door. "Because I know where you live now, and I'm old-fashioned."

"You do read the newspaper."

He smiled. "I'm sorry, I hope it's okay that I came up. You look great!"

"Thanks, but I've had a heck of a morning," Jean stated. "I don't usually blow dry my hair, but I did today. But I also had the dishwasher running. Half the power in my apartment is out now." She shook her head. "My goal in life is to live in a place where I can dry my hair and wash dishes simultaneously."

"Did you get the power back on?"

"No, I finished drying my hair in the kitchen."

Shawn smiles. "Sounds like you just blew a fuse. I'll help you fix it after church."

"Thanks, I think I'm just about ready." She glanced at his outfit. "What the heck, Shawn? You're more dressed up. Is something special happening today?"

Shawn knit his eyebrows together and looked down at his outfit. "I'm wearing jeans..."

"But you're wearing a button-up."

"I am?" Shawn said, touching his plaid shirt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to? I just grabbed something."

Jean looked down at her own outfit again, now unsure. "Maybe I should wear a dress again."

"No," Shawn said, covering his face as if he was exhausted. "You look perfect."

Jean smiled and put her fingers up for another second as she started to back up towards her room. "Just let me try on a couple more things."

"Jeanette Anne Arthur, you stop this nonsense right now."

She shook her head at him, suppressing her smile at the new guess of her middle name. If he was trying to impersonate her parents, they never used her full name. "You're not even close."

He reached forward and grabbed her hand before she could back up any farther. "Let's go."

She tried to pull away in protest, but he put an arm around her shoulders. She sighed as she gave in and grabbed her purse off the wall and they headed out the door.

***

The service did not bring up as many emotions as the last time, and she was thankful for it. The pastor even referenced a story that Shawn had told her about on one of their morning runs. Excited, she nudged him and he chuckled quietly to himself.

The pastor was still talking about peace, and he talked about how "the enemy" who Jean assumed was the devil, puts lies in your head. At one point he quickly mentioned that everyone has a lie about themselves that they believe and hold with them. Jean assumed she had a couple of those floating around in her heart.

She wanted to ask Shawn what he thought his lie was, but she would save it for the car ride. Maybe that would help clarify what the pastor meant.

Jean snuck away to the bathroom when an old man started talking to Shawn and started opening up. Jean felt like she was in the way by just standing at his side. As she checked her makeup in the stall, she heard a couple girls come in. She wasn't paying attention until she heard Shawn's name.

"That girl's been with him the past couple of weeks. Is she the one from the video?" one of the voices said.

"Yeah, I think her name's Jean."

Jean froze. She didn't know if she should come out of the stall or try to wait until they left. Part of her needed to know what they were about to say, and the other part of her knew this was a dangerous game.

"So...are they like a couple then?"

"Maybe, I think they were holding hands the other week."

Jean felt her heart start to race. She didn't know what to do. She was trapped and knew she should probably end this before things went too far. They obviously didn't know she was in there.

"It's not fair."

"Why isn't it fair?" the second girl sounded a lot more reasonable. She laughed. "Because you want Shawn for yourself?"

"Well I don't even think she's a Christian," the first girl said. "They're unequally yoked. It's just unbiblical right there."

Unequally yoked? What did that even mean? Jean felt her face grow red. It was obvious the first girl was being overly dramatic because her friend was laughing at her, but she knew her heart was still being honest. If it was that offensive to them that she didn't share the same beliefs as him, she could imagine what they would be saying if they knew all of what she did.

"Samantha, you don't even know her."

"There are no single Christian guys ever, and then Shawn finally becomes single, and he chooses a non christian? Our dating pool is very limited, and I just don't think it's fair."

"Maybe she'll find Jesus because of him." The reasonable girl laughed. "Maybe he's missionary dating."

She couldn't stand it any longer, but like most things in her life, she had waited too long. She waited until she heard the door open and the silence returned.

She couldn't get out of there fast enough. She quickly washed her hands, looking in the mirror. Her face looked white and it reflected how she felt. Now she knew what these people were actually thinking about her. They didn't care that she was in the video, they were only offended that she was with Shawn.

He was too good for her. He was too good for anyone, quite honestly, but especially her. She already knew that though. He deserved a nice Christian girl who understood the same things as him, like what unequally yoked meant.

And missionary dating? She was smart enough to figure that one out on her own. Was Shawn really showing interest in her to get her to join his church? To join his religion? The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. He could have any girl he wanted, and they all clearly wanted him back. He probably felt guilty because of the video and thought her life would be better if she at least had God.

She pushed open the bathroom door and she was met with the eyes of two young girls. By the way their faces changed from surprise to horror, it was clear they were the ones from the bathroom. They quickly composed themselves and the one smiled before she began to speak.

"Hi! Are you Shawn's friend? I don't know if we met." She stuck her hand out to shake Jean's.

Jean smiled weakly and took her hand, trying her best to keep it together.

"I'm Jean," she said. "And yes, we are friends." She didn't mean to sound passive aggressive, but after what she said next, she knew that's how it came across. If the girls were wondering if Jean heard them in the bathroom, they knew now.

"We're just friends."

*****

Shawn watched out of the corner of his eye as Jean was talking with Samantha Tracy and Kim Burnett. She looked uncomfortable, and he knew he was going to need to go and rescue her. By the time he said goodbye to who he was talking to, she was already walking in his direction.

"Are you alright?" he asked. She looked white.

She nodded, fidgeting with her hands. He had come to learn that she did that when she was nervous or uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling that well and don't know if I want to go to lunch. Could you maybe just take me home?"

He stared at her, and then flicked his eyes above her head to glance at Samantha and Kim. They quickly averted their eyes. Something had happened. Only a few minutes before she was laughing with everyone. Now she wasn't feeling well?

"Are you sure?" Shawn asked.

Jean nodded her head. "I just don't feel good."

What happened in the few minutes that she was in the bathroom?

Shawn walked with her to the car and she kept her head down. Something was not right here. She was clearly offended by something and he needed to know what.

The drive back to her apartment, Jean looked out the window of the car and didn't say a word. Shawn tried talking to her, but she would just smile and respond with a few words. She was drawing into herself.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Jean immediately unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Hey, before you go," Shawn said. "Were all hanging out at the house tonight if you're feeling better later."

Jean didn't even look at him. "I don't think I'm going to be feeling better."

She was so obvious. He wondered if she knew how obvious she was or if she really thought he believed her. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you lying to me, Jean?"

Her eyes grew wide when she looked at him, but he didn't say anything else. "Excuse me?"

"Something is bothering you. Something happened at church. Why can't you talk to me?" He had never pushed her beyond anything, but he couldn't watch her continue to isolate herself. Not when it involved church, something she was already uncomfortable with already.

"Nothing happened, I'm fine!" She was growing more defensive now. "I just really need to go."

He had gone too far and he couldn't stop now. He had to make her aware. "You're avoiding and running away from your problems. I want you to know that I'm here for you. You can talk to me."

From the look on her face, he could tell that she wasn't used to being challenged on this. She was completely shocked. "I'm not running away from anything." He could hear the bite in her words. "Now thank you for the ride." She quickly got out of the car and shut the door.

She wasn't running away from anything? As he watched her bound across the parking lot, it was clear that she was running away from a whole lot more than just him. He opened his car door and got out.

"Jean!" he yelled after her, and she stopped walking, hunching her shoulders and looked to the sky in exasperation. She put her hands over her face.

"Shawn, I don't want to do this right now," she moaned.

"Do what?" he asked, growing more frustrated himself as he closed the distance between them. "Talk to me and have a normal conversation?"

"I just want to go inside."

"What happened at church?"

"Nothing happened!" This was the first time he'd ever seen her come close to yelling. "I just...I don't belong there, Shawn."

Don't belong there? At least he was getting somewhere.

"Why would you say that?" He paused for a moment. "Did someone say something to you?"

He could tell she would rather be anywhere else than here talking to him. He could see her literally inching away from him as he spoke. He took a deep breath. If she was trying to run away, he would make it so she had nowhere left to run.

"Okay," he said, surprising her by taking her keys from her hand and walking ahead of her. "I'll just fix that breaker for you real quick and be on my way.".

"Shawn, I'm sure..." she gave up, knowing there was no use. She followed behind him reluctantly, and he shut the door behind her when she walked in the apartment. He flipped the lock for good measure.

He found her breaker box and flipped the breaker. "You just blew a fuse," he said. "If it happens again, it'll be this switch right here. I can fix it later, but I'll need the tools."

"Or I can just call maintenance," Jean said.

He exhaled. He asked for it. He chased her into a corner where she had nowhere left to run, and now her only option was to fight. He tried not to take it personally.

He shut the breaker door closed, but had to take a few seconds to gather himself before turning around. She was stubborn, more than he had realized. She was isolating herself and letting the demons surround her and she didn't even know it. Or maybe she did. He prayed for patience because his was wearing thin.

He moved out of the closet and looked at her. If she saw the frustration on his face, it didn't phase her as her eyes challenged him back. She was not going to let up. He knew he wasn't going to win, but he had to give it one more shot.

"Why don't you belong, Jean?"

Jean rolled her eyes grabbed her hair by the roots. "Why do you care, Shawn? You're not my boyfriend, what does it matter?"

She was going to use that excuse now? Shawn laughed without humor. "So because I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not allowed to care about you?"

"I'm just saying it doesn't matter."

"It does matter Jean," he stepped closer to her, and she must have sensed his anger because she looked away. "Maybe you're not used to having people care about you, but I do. Zeiler does. Scottie and Tyler do. Does that matter?"

She turned her eyes back at him, anger at the surface. "Not if you won't listen to me and leave me alone."

Shots fired. That was it. Her words pierced him and he knew she had won. He had trapped her here with nowhere to run, and this was her way of escaping. It was evident there was nobody in her life who cared about her enough to challenge her, but Shawn didn't want to be rational in this moment. She hurt him and the angry part of his soul wanted to hurt her back. He stared at her, and she couldn't hold his gaze. When she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, he knew she had hurt herself enough. He needed to leave before he said something he'd later regret.

"Heard that," Shawn muttered, walking past her to the door. She didn't try to stop him, but he didn't expect her to. He knew she had her reasons, and he knew her past was more complex than he could imagine, but he couldn't process that right now. All he could feel was the anger within him.

When Shawn got in his car, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He saw it was Tyler calling.

"Hey," Tyler said. "You two coming to lunch? We got a table."

Shawn closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I'm just gonna head home," he said. "I'm not feeling too well."

————————————————————————

Anyone else unable to dry their hair while the dishwasher is running? That scene was inspired by true events aka my current life.

seriously my closet door has been lying in my family room for 2 weeks now because it just fell off. maintenance is a joke. Did anyone punch Jean in the face when she said she'd call maintenance? I'm like LOL MAINTENANCE IS A FICTIONAL CREATURE JEAN #buffaloAreREAL

Also, today when I was writing, Shawn autocorrected to Shazam. If I get enough inquiries I will consider changing Shawn's name to Shazam. Except I won't actually.

But Jazam would be a cute couple name. Or Shazean. Right now their couple name is "Sean" which is literally just "Shawn" spelled the annoying way (no offense to anyone named Sean. Your parents named you anyways u had no control) However, if you are the parent reading this and you named your child Sean....how dare u

Omg sorry I need sleep. LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT ❤️