The first semester had ended, and while Shawn was grateful for the two weeks off of school, grade cards were due as soon as he returned. Grading writing was his least favorite thing to do. The insane amount of grammatical errors made him believe that either these children were sleeping through elementary school, or the entire school system had failed them.

When he walked in, he instantly noticed the girl behind the counter. As soon as he saw her look up, he knew she was the familiar girl from Megan's apartment. The one who was crying. While she wasn't crying anymore, she didn't look...well. Like she was tired, or sick. While she looked each customer in the eyes and even laughed at times, it all seemed so forced.

Seeing her in the light, he knew that he recognized her from high school. He definitely graduated with her, but couldn't quite think of what her name was. She looked a little different than how he remembered; she had let her bleached hair grow out to its more natural blonde. She looked thinner now, and she wore a lot less makeup. It was as if she had become a brand new person.

When Shawn walked up, she looked him in the eye and gave a tired smile.

"Hi, what can I get started for you?" she said, genuinely kind. Shawn felt like he knew something he shouldn't. For some reason he was expecting her to burst into tears at any moment. He wanted to ask her if she was okay, but he didn't want to be the guy who didn't know how to mind his own business.

He found himself feeling bad; she probably thought she was having a private moment, but Shawn was unbeknownst watching her from his car. He looked at her name tag.

Jeanette. Jeanette Arthur? He was fairly certain that was her name. He had heard it from time to time, but in a class of 500, sometimes people passed under the radar.

"Hey there," Shawn said, looking up at the menu above her head. He pondered for a few moments. "I'll have the small coffee."

For some reason Jean laughed. "Cream and sugar?"

"What?"

"Do you want cream...or sugar?" Jean asked, her voice trailing off at the end in uncertainty.

"No, why'd you laugh?" Shawn asked, looking back at her with amusement.

Jean laughed nervously. "I'm sorry, I don't know." She took the small coffee cup and handed it to Shawn.

Shawn looked at the empty cup and then back at Jean. He didn't move.

"I'm sorry I'm new here, do you have to pay extra to get the coffee inside?"

Jean smiled and nodded towards the coffee pots on the bar across the room. "The different flavors are in the canisters over there, and you fill it up yourself."

Shawn pointed at Jean with the cup and started to back away. "Got it. Thank you."

Shawn didn't know why, but he felt like by making her smile, he had done the world a favor. He could see the hurt written in her eyes, and he had seen it firsthand the other night. After he filled his cup and sat down, he pulled out his papers and started grading.

There wasn't many people in the shop. A couple of old people in the corner, and few college looking aged kids with their laptops open in front of them. He watched as Jean walked over to the table of old people and ask how they were doing. Her face seemed to light up and she seemed genuinely interested in what they were saying. He looked down and finished grading; he didn't wanna be the creepy guy staring.

"I see you figured it out?" her voice said, pulling him from his work.

Shawn laughed and nodded towards the cup. "Yes. You can probably tell I don't drink coffee that often."

She still had that weak smile on her face. "I gathered that after you studied the menu and then ordered the small coffee."

"Is that why you laughed at me?"

Jean shrugged. "Did you really have to look at the menu if that's what you wanted?"

Shawn leaned back in his chair, amused at her teasing.
"If I'm being completely honest, I just didn't know how to pronounce anything, and I teach high school English."

"Where at?"

"Right here in Belleview."

She seemed to study his face for a second, and he knew what she was thinking.

"We graduated together, didn't we?" Shawn said with a smile.

Jean laughed. "We totally did. Shawn Lewis, right?"

He nodded. "Jeanette Arthur?"

"Yes. I mean, most people call me Jean, but yes."

Jean. Of course. Jean Arthur.

They looked at each other for a second, both completely comfortable in what would have been a seemingly awkward situation. Shawn stretched out his hand and offered it to her. She laughed as she grabbed it and shook it.

"It's very nice to finally meet you, Jean."

She smiled and looked over her shoulder at the counter. "I should probably get back, I'm the only one here tonight."

Shawn couldn't help but glance in her direction when she smiled as another customer walked up. She was gentle and kind, but he got the sense that there was a whole lot more to this girl. Maybe he only thought that because of the other night. She could have been crying over anything, but he had the feeling he had witnessed a turning point in her life. Now seeing her in this setting, he knew it wasn't an accident she had turned up once again.

He turned back to his paper and closed his eyes, and he asked God to look after Jean Arthur.

The holidays came and went and so did the months that followed. While Jean never saw Shawn again after that first day, she found herself looking for him from time to time. She never knew him in high school, but she remembered him distinctly by the fact that he smiled at her when they passed each other in the hall. Or he'd say hi if there wasn't a lot of people around. It wasn't much, but Jean remembered him because of those moments. Nobody could ever say anything bad about him because he was just genuinely good.

Even though  Shawn had crossed her mind a couple times, Anthony still haunted her nearly every day. What almost hurt more was thinking about his sisters and his mom. While they still communicated with her, their texts were becoming fewer and farther between, and their responses sounding more like strangers than family. Jean didn't want to put them in a weird position, so she backed off. When she did, she didn't hear from them as much. Again, it broke her heart, but she did her best to push it out of her mind when she could.

Jean had just gotten off work and felt the warm sun touch her face. The temperature had rose dramatically and it was the first warm day of the year. She took a deep breath and stopped for a moment. She had survived the winter; and not only that, but the worst winter of her entire life. While she still had to fight most days to push through, the change in the season made her feel...hope? If the seasons came to an end, maybe this sadness would also subside one day. Maybe one day things would be better again.

Amy had called her the day before and asked to go for a walk with Jean at the park. Jean rolled down the windows of her car as she drove.

She met Amy in the parking lot and they wrapped their arms around each other and stayed liked that for a long time.

"I miss you so much," Amy whispered as she slowly pulled away from Jean.

"I miss you," Jean said. "I miss all of you."

They started walking down the trail and Amy asked what was new. Amy briefly mentioned her wedding and all that she still had to plan, and Jean wondered if she was still invited. She couldn't ever imagine going anyways, seeing Anthony there, and she wouldn't want Amy to worry about her feelings on her big day.

Amy was quiet for a while and Jean sensed that something was bothering her.

"Are you still on social media?" Amy asked.

Jean shrugged. "Not really. Jasmine gave it up, and I try to stay away from it as much as I can."

Amy started to slow her pace. "So I take it you haven't heard?"

Jean felt her heart rate pickup as she stopped walking to look at Amy. "Heard what?" Amy's expression changed, and she looked hesitant to answer.

"Jean, I know you loved Anthony and you loved our family, but you understand that you deserve so much more, right?"

Jean felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. Did Amy mean what she thought she meant?"

"Did Anthony and Ametta break up?" Jean asked. Maybe things were turning around for her. Even if she wasn't going to be with Anthony, the fact that he wasn't with Ametta would lessen the pain.

Amy's eyes widened and she reached forward to grab Jean's hands "No, Jean, they didn't. I didn't mean to make it sound that way." Jean's heart sank as Amy's eyes filled with tears. "They actually...they actually just got engaged."

Jean stared at Amy and waited for her to laugh; to say she was joking. Or at least tell her that's not what she meant. Engaged? They had barely been dating for six months. Was that even allowed?

Jean started laughing when she realized Amy meant what she said. She turned away from her and put her hands on her own face, trying to process what she just said.

"That didn't take him long," Jean said, laughing and shaking her head. "He must really like the girl."

"I'm sorry Jean."

Jean didn't know what to feel, but she just kept laughing. "It's just funny. It's so funny."

"No, Jean, it's a tough thing," Amy said gently.

"No," Jean said, dropping her hands to her sides. "It's really not. My boyfriend broke up with me. Almost every person in the world goes through this. It shouldn't be that big of a deal."

Amy shook her head. "I know Jean, but it's not easy. I know that too."

Jean knew she couldn't tell Amy what she had been going through the last six months. Jean could barely admit it to herself. She was ashamed of her feelings; they made her feel irrational and selfish.

She couldn't tell Amy that when Anthony left, she felt like her life had lost all its meaning. She couldn't admit that falling in love with him was her favorite thing from her past, and marrying him was the best thing about her future. She couldn't tell Amy that she barely had any motivation to keep going on. Jean didn't know why she felt this way. She had known plenty of people to go through breakups, and either they were really good at hiding what they truly felt, or Jean was really that messed up.

She has made Anthony and his family her entire life and she didn't know how to live without them.

"It's okay to not feel okay," Amy said softly.

Jean shrugged and she started down the path. "I am okay though. I'm blessed to have a home, and a job. Blessed to have a couple of good friends." Even if they weren't living here currently. "Some people don't know where their next meal is coming from. I think I'll be alright."

Amy could sense that Jean was in complete coping mode. "But this is your life, this is your reality and it hurts, Jean. That's okay."

The more Amy told her it was okay not to be okay, the more upset she started to feel. She stopped walking and pointed back in the other direction. "Let's just head back," Jean said, her voice cracking as she said it. She cleared her throat, trying to keep the tears from coming. She had spent enough time crying over this guy. He didn't deserve any more of her tears. If he could move on from her so easily, then she would force herself to move on, whether she felt like it or not.

Amy walked back to the trailhead next to her side. They didn't speak a word, but there was nothing to really say. Jean started to gather that Amy probably only asked to see her so she could break the news to her. Would she ask to see her anymore? Was there any reason to at this point? She had always considered her one of her closest friends, but then again, Jean needed Amy a lot more than Amy needed Jean.

Amy wrapped her arms around Jean for a long time when they got back to her car. Jean didn't listen to what she said. It would be easier to keep her distance from the entire Prescott family.

When she got into her driver's seat, she couldn't bring herself to start the ignition. She stared out the windshield and let the fact that the future that she had expected with Anthony was completely over now. Of course, she should have known that when she found out Ametta was at his apartment, but now it seemed so...final. Another girl would walk down the aisle towards him, like she had always imagined she would do herself.

She texted Jasmine and it only took her one minute to call Jean in response.

"You're not serious," her voice sounded from the phone.

"Yeah."

Jasmine paused for a second. "I'm coming home this weekend, we're gonna get you dressed to the nines, and we're gonna show the world what Jeanette Arthur has to offer. That idiot will wish he'd never let you go."

Typically Jean would protest this idea, as Jasmine had always been more on the wild side and Jean was usually the one bringing her back down to earth. However, Jean was beside herself. Whatever choices she had made so far in her life had led her to here and now, and she wasn't happy. Might as well try it someone else's way. She had, quite literally, nothing else to lose.

Jean felt numb as she responded. "I'm all in."
____________________________________

Fun fact: Before Jesus, I put all my worth in what others thought of me, ESPECIALLY men. (ok i guess that's not fun lol)

You see, the guy I thought I was going to marry that I had been with for years told me one day he had feelings for someone else too. He told me he was trying to decide between us. This was on our way to dinner, for a date, on our 2 year anniversary. While I was hopelessly in love with him, I also knew that in the story of my life (I'm a writer okay bare with me), I did not want to have to say that my husband had to "decide" between me and someone else. So I broke up with him. Although I struggled and texted him too much and lost my mind, I now know that ultimately it was the best thing to ever happen to me.  He was engaged to the other girl not even 9 months after this day. It destroyed me, but I recovered. It led me straight into the arms of people who would direct me towards Jesus, the true love of my life. A love that I never have to measure up to or compete for. I know he has more for me, and it's so much better letting him write my story.

So kids, don't settle. Trust God, even when we can't see. No person on the earth with ever fulfill you, but Jesus can.

Sorry just felt called to throw that random story in. Can you see where my inspiration comes from?