unbreakable

Her studies were coming along as well as can be expected. After spending days talking to Dezrick and going through all the staff members, she finally came up with two names.

Cancor, and Iffren.

Cancor looked down his nose at her, but he was the exact kind of person she needed for the job. He was curious about any and everything, and now that she had put her little plan into his head, she could see his need to find out if it was possible. He like the challenge of breaking something he saw as unbreakable.

He was tall, thin, and reminded her of Lurch from the Addams family. By day two, she was calling him Lurch. As smart as he was, nicknames confused the man.

Iffren was younger than her and a genius of the bipolar kind. Talking to him was like talking to someone with a blender in his head. Turn it on and see what comes out. It was irritating as hell, but he was one of the best minds, so she put up with him.

Today she was sitting in a classroom all by herself, waiting for Simmin. Her handpicked new life advisor.

Jess was way early and that should let you know how nervous she was.

Not about Simmin, but about the subject they were supposed to talk about today.

Today she was going on record about her time as a captive and her time outside the wall.

The only reason she even agreed to any of this is because it might help with her study to put an end to mates.

Swallowing nails straight from a fire pit would be more fun.

Simmin came in and bowed her head.

Jess had half a mind to let her stand there like that all day, but she wanted this shit over with and never mentioned again. "At ease. Let's start with my imprisonment."

She slouched in her desk and stretch her legs out in an attempt to not look as upset as she was.

"You may start, my Queen. I am here more as a support system for you. They feel it will help you have a face to talk to rather than having you talk directly to Dezrick. I would like to thank you for choosing me as your new life advisor. It is an honor, my Queen."

"I see you've been working on your smile."

"For days, my Queen. I did not wish to upset you. If it pleases you, you can begin at any time."

"No one is listening, right? Except for Dez? They can listen later, but I don't want anyone listening right now."

"We understand your request, my Queen. Your terms have been accepted and put into action. Frey is close by in case you need her to assist you with her gifts, but the choice to do so remains yours."

"There's not that much to tell. Beatings. Daily. I don't even know how long that lasted. Eventually they tired of it. They aren't all that smart, but they are creative."

"Their intellect is higher than a human's, but they are indeed a primitive group. They have the intellect but lack the motivation to do much with it."

Simmin remained silent, but Dez was never good at that unless he was ordered to be silent. She was thankful for his voice. She'd never thought about it before, but he sounded like Tom Hanks, if Tom Hanks lacked emotion.

"They can't be too smart. The more hurt they got messing with me, the more they came back for more. I can almost understand the dumbass one who had Julian. She was trying to get rid of me. Trying to punish me, but there were some other ones who were sorely there to have fun."

"My Queen, we would like names and descriptions." Dez stated.

"How often do captors usually introduce themselves before they beat the shit out of you? All I know is two of them were so damn huge they could make Godrick look like a shrimp. There was one who favored knives. Real sick fuck. She liked to lay them in the fire first. Luckily, she didn't last long."

"Can you give details, my Queen?"

"No." Jess winced at her own shrill voice. "What's so hard to understand? She laid them in a fire then she had brute one and two hold me down. Across my stomach. Peeled my skin like a filet. Hurt like a bitch and I can't describe how unpleasant the smell of your own flesh burning is. FYI, what they did to me happened to them times ten. Same kind of pain, same place. That stupid bitch got two good cuts in the first day and damn if she didn't come back for a second day. After that I didn't see her again. Hot poker girl came on four different occasions. After that, it was mostly getting slapped around. Kicked. Shit like that. One bitch had this enormous bat like thing but bigger. Like that cartoon caveman used to carry around. She made them hold my hand out, and she whacked the shit out of it. I know that shit was broken."

She shifted and kept her eyes off Simmin. "That was around the time William found me and started feeding me the pudding. He also highjacked one of their machine that fixed my hand and ribs, but it didn't help open wounds. Just bones. He said they stole it from his planet and didn't even know what it was used for. Fun fact? They could starve me and get no repercussions. Anyway, that about covers all of that. New subject."

"We would like to hear about your experience at the river. The day you almost died, my Queen."

"I had it under control." She shrugged, and since this session was being recorded, she knew Dez could see it.

"My King was unable to breathe. We feared for his life, so we have to assume that you were having to fear for your life."

"I don't have the answer for that. I was on the verge of drowning. Maybe I was knocking on heaven's door because I saw things. You can find out more from Annie about all that crap. She said something about me getting to see Kellum. And I did. He told me to save myself, so I did."

"Would you be willing to allow Pensley your memories, my Queen? We would like to see this for ourselves."

"I talk to Frey this morning and she didn't mention that he was awake yet."

"He's not, my Queen, but his gift still works. He is hooked up to machines that allow me to cypher his dreams and visions. Most of the visions center on war and treason. They center on you, my Queen."

"Great." She said dryly. "That seems messed up to me. Hasn't he been through enough?"

"He has, my Queen. We hope he will awaken soon but even if he does, it is unclear whether he will be the same. The same issues of missing gaps, severe confusion, and changes in personality that my King was affected by are expected."

Meaning he could wake up and not be the same person.

She looked at Simmin who was still being silent. "Anything else?"

"They would like an account of any difficulties that you were affected by from being apart from your mate." Simmin offered a soft smile.

It wasn't easy, but Jess told them about how the effects started almost instantly, and she told them about day three and four when she thought she was going to die. She told them about all of it, except for the heartbreak and despair. The feeling of emptiness.

Mostly, she skipped it because it was something they wouldn't understand. They didn't know what it felt like to ache for someone until you were turned inside out. They wouldn't know how it felt to cry your eyes out because you missed someone so much that it felt like there was a hole in your chest.

It was one of those things you couldn't tell someone; they had to experience it for themselves and since these aliens were mostly unfeeling asses, they could never fathom the true depth of that pain.

She would rather be back in the depths of that prison spaceship than to explain to these aliens how broken she'd been because she couldn't feel Kellum anymore.

"Did the burning ever ease up, my Queen?"

"Some days were worse than others. Adrian helped. Seeing Kellum that day at the river helped too, until I had a new day three and four. It was like he'd physically been there."

"Is it a possibility, Dezrick?" Simmin asked.

"Normally I would say no, but with his gift, it is a question I would like to explore. My Queen, why did you never return and end your suffering? After day three and four I would think that your deal with the advisors would be considered void and nulled."

"I survived, so I guess I disagreed with you. There were times I knew I was close to death, hell I probably had moments where I damn sure looked forward to death." With a shrug, she admitted. "Pride. I didn't want people who didn't want me. I didn't want him if he didn't want me."

She gathered her hair up into a messy bun. "Pride and downfalls. Shit and wishes. I think that's enough for today."

With a nod, Simmin rose and turned for the door. Before stepping out, she turned back to Jess. "I can tell this wasn't easy for you to talk about, my Queen. Is there anything I can do to help ease your pain?"

Normally, she would have been pissed that someone noticed when she was trying her damnedest to make sure they didn't, but she was kind of proud of the other woman. She's come a long way from the woman she'd first met.

"I'm making it, Simmin."

"As well as being your new life advisor, they have put me in charge of being your lady-in-waiting."

"What's that?"

"I believe you would call her your assistant, my Queen." Dez announced to the room.

"If it pleases you, my Queen. My King feels with the added responsibilities you are taking on and with your new studies that I can prove helpful."

"I guess, I can work with that."

"I am pleased that you think so, my Queen. Starting tomorrow I will begin attending your studies in case you have need of me. As your advisor, would it be acceptable for us to meet here every day at the same time?"

Jess sighed. "Let's make it every other day. Nobody needs to talk that much."

"As you like, my Queen."

"Guess you can meet me in my room on the spaceship. I might as well put those screens to good use. Simmin, I want you to research Syrian life mates. I'll send you a list of questions to ask. I want to know if they consider themselves in love with their mates. Would they all be happy with their hour a day or do any of them wish for more? I'm going to find out if these so-called mates even care about each other or if they are just in a relationship because they're told to be."

"Yes, my Queen."

"And find out if anyone has ever actually died from being apart from their mates. I know one dies then shortly after the other dies, but I want to know if two have ever been parted and died."

"My Queen___."

"No, Dez. I want her to gather the info on her own. I know you know all, but you're just a machine. You can't think or feel. After her research I want to be able to ask her opinion. You have none that someone else hasn't given you."