unwilling

Her guy was working his bonbons off, and she was playing. Nothing unusual about that.

After repeatedly getting attacked by Dra and Herns, and somehow holding his own, Julian was now outside, running laps with Dra. A lot of laps.

Pure insanity.

Instead of hiding under the bleachers, she was playing with the rest of the men in her life.

Or she supposed they might see it as torture.

Or at least they would if they were human.

Dame and Herns wouldn't think to tell her no, and Will didn't know any better and was just glad she was spending time with him.

"No, lift him up. Will, put one foot on Herns right shoulder and one foot on Dame's left shoulder. Boys, don't drop him. Keep your hand on his ankles. I wish we had someone to catch him if he falls."

She looked around but there was no one else and they only had a few moments before Julian would be back in sight.

"That's good! Will, hold your arms out and try to stand tall and proud. Smile."

Wearing a stupid grin, Jess went to Dame and gave him a pompom. "Here. Wave this around with your free hand."

He looked unhappy, but then again, he always did.

"That's good. Stay just like that. Is he too heavy?"

Damous raised an eyebrow at her, so she laughed. "Good. Remember, Will, chant loud so he can hear you."

"Anything for you, Karza."

"All three of you will be at the Stage tonight, right?"

"Yes, my Queen."

"Yes, my Queen."

"Of course, Karza. I can't wait to see you sing."

"Hear me sing. Okay, he's coming. Be ready and smile. You must smile. Dame, you're not smiling. At least shake your pompom like you mean it."

She wished she had a camera. This sight was priceless.

Only Julian didn't think so. He took one look, stopped, turned back the other way, and ran off.

"Okay, boys, you can let him down. I'll see you tonight."

Julian didn't get mad at her often, but boy when he did.

He ran all the way home and wouldn't let her catch up with him. When she had to stop to breathe, he kept going.

She was waiting in their room when he showed up. Without a word to her, he headed for the shower.

He got ten minutes, then she popped into the shower with him. Pushing her wet hair out of her face, she looked up at him. "Come on, you know that was funny."

He shrugged and went back to washing himself.

"Is it the short skirts that do it for you, instead of the pompoms?"

Instead of answering, he left the shower and grabbed a towel.

"You know you can't stay mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm... that wasn't funny, Jess. None of this is funny."

"I thought you weren't worried about it?"

"I'm not. I'm..." He shook his head. His upset very real.

"Dez, no interruptions. We are alive but going offline." She sent their bands downstairs, then she sent him and her to her bed. "Talk to me, babe."

"How can I not be worried about it? I just want the damn mark gone. I must constantly worry someone is going to see it. More than anything I must worry about making sure my own trainer doesn't get too close. Sometimes I think..."

She raised an eyebrow when he didn't go on. A dare in her eyes.

He smiled a little. "You can't hit me when I'm having a breakdown."

"I can if you don't talk to me."

Julian kissed her, then brought her closer. "I'm worried that he's figuring it out."

She sighed. "I've been worrying about that, too. Not because of anything he's done but the longer you have the mark the more side effects, you should get." Jess pulled away so she could look at him. "Are you feeling anything yet?"

He stiffened. "I told you that this mating crap is wrong. I'm not going to feel anything. Are you going to believe in some weird alien shit or in me?"

She hit him hard in the chest. "I believe in you. Always you. I believe in you so much that I know you don't care about color. Brown, green, or purple. You don't care about race. Alien or human. Boy or girl. Love is love. You have never had any issues with any of it, so don't start now. I asked because that's how the mark works. You might feel something whether or not you want to."

He relaxed and took a deep breath.

"Don't let that stupid mark change you." Jess ordered.

"Okay."

Jess eased up on him. "Just in case you're the dumbest ass in the universe, you know it wouldn't matter to me, right? I don't care who you're with as long as you're happy."

"I'm happy with you."

"It wouldn't be so bad if you were starting to feel something. Don't be so afraid that you don't give this a chance. Isn't that what you told me once upon a time?"

"Look how well that turned out."

"This isn't about me. If you have a chance at great, I want you to promise me you'll take it. At least be open to it. You deserve warm swirls and kisses that make you melt."

"That didn't go well for you either."

"But maybe it will for you."

"The mark is wrong."

"What if it isn't?"

"Then I would know it."

She snuggled back into his arms. His heartbeat soothing her. "Mom believed that when the right one comes along, nothing else mattered. It doesn't have to make sense and it doesn't even have to be good for us. It doesn't even have to be what we've been looking for. Jace said that Zawinda was everything he didn't even know he was looking for. Maybe it can be all of that."

Jess propped her chin on his chest so they could look at each other. "Julian, I had it, and if you have a chance at that, then you have to take it. The only thing that matters is how he makes you feel."

"I don't..."

"You've never lied to me, so don't start now."

"If I'm feeling anything, and I'm not saying I am, then it's because of this stupid mark. I just want it gone."

"Heart speeds up when he's around? You want to look away, but you can't?"

"It's not like that. The only thing is..."

She looked at him sadly. "When have you ever been unable to tell me something?"

He cupped her cheek. "You're right. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I want you, Jess. I pick you."

"Am I the only reason you're not giving him a chance?"

"You're a damn good reason. We're together now. That means something to me."

Her arms tightened around him. "Me too. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"If you even think about thinking about that, then I'm turning you over my knee. It's always going to be me and you, babe. No matter what."

"That's true. Tell me what you feel for him."

"It's crazy, really. At night, usually right before I fall asleep, I feel like he's talking to me. Like he's looking for me. Searching like crazy and can't find me. It's even happening while I'm asleep. Like there is a franticness to it."

"It can't be easy for him to know he has a mate out there and he can't find you. They physically have a need inside of them that makes them have to protect their mates. Kellum had all the feelings, but he never felt the burn, so he didn't know I was out there yet. Damous knows and he can probably feel you, but he can't find you."

"You have to find me a way out of this, Jess." He begged.

"We have to count on Iffren and Cancor. If I'm your only hope, then you're in trouble."

The silence around them was ended by the sound of Mel running through the house. "I promised her I'd take her to the park before I have to be at the Stage." She propped her chin on his chest again. "He has to think you're still outside the gates, or why else would you not come forward? I'm sure that's a scary thought. I wish there was a way for us to make this easier on him. On you. Would it be so bad to spend some time with him? Would it be so bad to find out once and for all if there could be something there? Just in case. You don't have to tell him, you can just see what happens."

"You're asking me to__."

"Chance, everything? Yes. I'm asking you to be the Julian I know and love. When you're afraid of something, you face it. You aren't afraid of hard work or taking punches. You've never been afraid of love like I am. And you would never let prejudice from a world that doesn't exist anymore ruin something that could be special. There's no chance in hell, you'd be afraid of being the first same-sex couple to be mated in the new world. Slenzer freaking glows, and I know I saw you checking out her ass the other day. If you try, then you can tell me there's a hundred percent nothing there, then I will get you out of this one way or another. Just don't be so afraid that you miss out on something that everyone in the entire universe wishes for. I'm a chickenshit when it comes to the heart, but even I gave it a chance."

"Babe, your experience doesn't inspire hope."

"Maybe the ending of my love story sucked, but the beginning was epic. Don't think about the broken, mess up chick I am now. Think about how I was then. Broken, mess up chick who was terrified and still jumped. Or fell. Like a ton of bricks for the greatest eyes in the world. For a little while I touched something special. I was a part of something perfect."

"You're not broken or messed up. What happened wasn't your fault."

"Maybe." She sighed and held him tighter. Shit and wishes. She should have held on tighter to her perfect. "Don't let it be your fault that you miss out on something wonderful."

"No maybe, about it. You did what you had to do."

"You coming to the park?"

"Of course." He kissed the tip of her nose. "I'd follow you to the ends of the world."

She grinned. "We already did that. Let's just go to the park."