My brother was my life. He was the closest to me in my family. There was no problem in the world for which he does not have a solution.

Whenever I was despondent, he would become my clown.

Whenever I was in a dingy situation, he would become my rope to drag me out.

Whenever I felt lost in this crazy world, he would become my light house.

Whenever someone tried to mess with me, he would become my bodyguard.

Whenever I behaved like a lunatic, he would become my psychologist.

Whenever I was unable to contain my sentiments and became nostalgic, he would become my pacifier.

He was everything to me. My philosopher, my guide, my bestie and above all ... ... My God.

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His sudden death was like a blow to me. I felt like I have lost, everything.

I felt as if I am falling down from the summit of a hill and there is no rope to grag me out.

I felt as if my life has lost its directions and there is no light house to show me the way.

I felt as if I have lost control on my emotions and my pacifier is lost too ... ... ... somewhere from where he would never return.

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I would cry for hours and stopped coming out from my room. I lost interest in everything. I stopped talking, eating, drinking, socialising and above all ... ... ... LIVING.

When I would have to support my parents in this situation and be their strength, I myself has lost my enduringness to fight with my life.

I was under depression. My parents made all the endeavours to trail me out of it. Taking me to psychiatrist for sittings, yoga classes to calm me and even a trip to some hermitage for meditation, but nothing was effective.

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I was sitting in my room, staring at the calendar, sobbing bitterly, tears rolling down my cheeks because ... ... it was his birthday.

Every moment spent with him, flashed through my eyes. I remembered, I used to ask him, how he is always so happy and high spirited and if he too, ever feel down and dejected. He would always say ...

'Of course Sis', I too feel dysphoric and rejected sometimes, and feel as if there is nothing left in life that would bring me happiness and contentment but ...... I have my own ways to deal with it. I have my tranquilliser, my medicine, my life saviour that I use in such situations.'

and I would always tease him saying,' Wow Bhai! Tell me who she is?'

and he would laugh heartily and say, 'You would know, when time comes. Its in my secret folder on my laptop.'

This memory brought me back to my senses. I now wanted to know, how he managed to remain calm in every situation.

What was his tranquilliser?

What was his life saviour?

I ran towards his door and opened it. Nothing has changed in these three months since I last spend time here. I could still feel his presence there, as if he is sitting on his chair, with his earphones on.

I dragged the chair to sit and switched on his laptop. His smiling image appeared on screen and I burst into tears.

I cleared my eyes and started searching all his folders.

A folder caught my attention. It was named

*My pacifier, my soul happiness.*

I clicked on it to see what it has and I was not at all surprised to see what it had.

How can I forget this? I knew he loved it. He could live without air, water, food and even without life but could not live without... ...

      🎵🎶🎵 MŨŜĨĈ 🎵🎶🎵

He was a musician, a synthesiser player.

Music was his first love and probably the last.

Music was his refuge. He could crawl into the space between the notes and tunes and would lose himself in its wilderness.

Music was his light house to show him the right path,  medicine to cure his illness, a tranquilliser to deal with anxiety and above all ... ... ...

A Pacifier ....  to make him calm, serene, placid.

***Music is the soul of life.***

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Hey all amazing friends!

This is a special update for *Music lovers*🎵🎼🎶

It actually is scientifically proven that music has miraculous effects on people dealing with depression and anxiety.

So when feeling down, dejected and crestfallen......Embrace Music🤗

Please read, vote and support. Love you all😘

And do share, what acts as your tranquilliser (for me its books and music).