Madara:

I closed the cab door behind me, the sound of it echoing among the mountains, empty in the summer but still covered in snow. I was a bit early, and I hadn't texted my parents to tell them, figuring this was a great opportunity to prevent anyone to be out and meet me. Instead, I tiptoed into the hotel and to our living quarters, opened the door, and went in.

"Madara?"

I jerked, but it was only Sonia. "Hi."

"Oh, my dear boy!" She came and gave me a bone-crushing, Russian hug. "We've missed you so much! You've barely called!" She looked hurt, and my heart aches.

"I'm sorry, Sonia. It's just... I needed some time alone."

"Shhh, don't speak like that! I know. I know it must have been hard for you."

I swallowed and looked down. Hard for me... That was nothing compared to what Izuna must have gone through. I felt awful. Suddenly, I heard a voice from upstairs.

"Sonia! When is Madara coming?" Holy shit. It was Izuna. I felt my heart clench. "Do I have time to go snowboarding?"

I looked at Sonia with hope in my eyes. Could he..? But Sonia shook her head.

"I don't think so, dear", Sonia called up, giving me a meaningful glance. "He might be here any second. You don't wanna miss him!"

"He snowboards?" I whispered.

She smiled warmly. "Of course! You didn't think he would just sit on his paralytic ass and do nothing, did you?" She winked at me.

Confused, I tiptoed upstairs, making sure Izuna didn't notice. Outside his door, I stopped and looked inside. He was sitting at his desk, in his wheelchair, his hair tumbling down his back. He looked so calm, so... Content. It broke my heart. With tears in my eyes, I went to my room, closed and locked my door.

Izuna <3 (08.45 pm): I know you are home. Why haven't you said hello? Why didn't you come down for dinner?

Izuna <3 (09.12): Just so you know, I'm not mad at you. I have no reason to be. I know you have reason to be mad at me. I just miss you so much, it hurts.

Oh, my God, Izuna... Can't you see?

I was laying in my bed, listening to White Lies and crying, sending memes back and forth to Hashi. I planned on going out to ski tomorrow for the first time since... Since everything. I caressed the skis Hashi had gotten me that I'd lain down next to me in bed to egg myself. I did feel a mild tingling in my heart at the thought of throwing myself out of the steepest black hill once more. Hashi... He truly was what kept me going at this point. Still, I didn't know how much longer I could keep going. Not like this.

My goggles turned the world a fantastic blue, locking the scorching sun out of my retina as I slalomed downhill. I usually preferre going straight down, but I found slalom to be a good warmup for my knees. I needed to practice it though, if I wanted to be a more versatile competitor. I knew I was world-class when it came to slalom, but not as good as downhill.

The black hill was completely empty, only for me, summertime not really being the season for tourists to fill the hills up. That made me careless, so when something suddenly passed me from behind, I lost my smooth slalom-curves in pure panic, and I crashed straight into their back. We tumbled down the hill, which luckily was coming close to an end, before we stopped.

"What... What the hell?!" I screamed. I was furious. I knew the person had not really done anything wrong, turning past me in a soft curve so far away from me I should've been able to maneuver the situation. But I was still furious. "You can't just cut my way off like that!"

"Sorry..." a little voice said.

Oh...

He was attached to his old snowboard with a sitting device, now pushed to one side. He had his helmet on, the metallic orange one is bought him when he visited me at uni, but he'd removed his goggles, so I could see him looking down shame-facedly.

Izuna...

He looked up, hope sparkling in his eyes. "Madara", he squeaked. "Madara, please..."

I looked at him. He looked at me. Then, I got up and skied away, leaving my paraplegic little brother who loved me so unconditionally in the snow.

Later that night, as I was sitting at my desk, there was a soft knock on my door. I tensed up, but when it opened, it was only mother.

"Hi", she said warmly.

"Hi", I said, turning back to my laptop screen.

"May I sit with you?" she asked.

I nodded. She pulled a chair I had to the side of my desk to sit down next to me, and she started watching the skiers.

"Can you go as fast as they can?" she asked.

I smiled. "Come watch my next competition."

Mum smiled warmly. "Your dad and me have already said we will." She was quiet for a while, then she turned to me. "Tobirama arrived today."

I didn't take the bait. "They must be very happy."

Mum smiled warmly. "They are. They're adapting well." I jerked at this subtle mention of what I had caused them. "Madara... You haven't been here to see, but I have. Izuna... He hasn't been doing well. And it's not because of his injury. He's fine with that." She looked at me. I looked at her grey, clear, watery eyes, signs of age starting to surround them. "It's because he misses his big brother. I've heard him cry himself to sleep. And what really worries me is he doesn't talk about it. He pretends everything is fine. Or tries to. You know how he usually is, his heart on his sleeve. But he's trying to hide how miserable he truly is. It frightens me."

"It frightens me, too, mum", I whispered.

Th next evening, I tiptoed out to go take a shower in the bathroom. My mother's words consumed me. He'd cried himself to sleep... He'd cried himself to sleep because of me. It was late now, but I still heard the low voices of two lovers talking coming from Izuna's bedroom; Izuna's pearly voice contrasted by Tobirama's much deeper one. As opposed to me, Izuna preferred having his bedroom door open, mirroring the openness of his heart to the world outside, whereas my heart was much more closedn, with room only for Hashi and my brother. The warm light from the bedroom intermingled with their voices created a scene so welcoming, I felt a pang in my heart. As I passed, I could see Tobirama lifting Izuna carefully from his wheelchair. Izuna placed a kiss on his nose, causing Tobirama to stop dead. They were just looking at each other for a while, Izuna smiling, Tobirama clearly close to tears.

"Tobes, thank you", Izuna whispered, putting his fingertips to his cheek.

"For what?" he asked, his dark voice trembling.

"For not leaving me."

"Oh my God, Izuna..." he said, connecting their foreheads. "Izuna, Izuna, Izuna, Izuna..."

Our parents and Sonia weren't home then but invited for dinner at their friends in another town, and wouldn't be back until two days from no. And lucky for the two love-doves, because they started kissing then, a full-on movie star kiss, and I knew it was my cue to stop eavesdropping and leave for my shower. The whole scene had been so heartfelt, tears were streaming down my face. Seeing what I had destroyed first-hand crushed me and I suddenly felt desperate to die. I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on until it was scolding hot. I drenched myself, washed my hair and my body before pulling out some blades. Without even thinking, I put them to my scars and gushed them open. I barely felt the pain; my brain was so numb by the guilt. Blood was pouring down the front and back of my thighs. I didn't even realise I was doing it, but with the balls of my index and middle fingers, I found my femoral pulse. Without hesitating, I put the blade there.

And I heard a scream.

Someone opened the glass door to the ginormous shower and I felt a hand grabbing my wrist. A fully dressed body fell over mine, wrestling me to the ground so I dropped the razor blade, and the figure became soaking wet. He screamed incomprehensible words, clearly crying. Izuna... It was Izuna. He'd fallen off his wheelchair stopping me from killing myself, and the wheelchair had fallen to the side with a clatter.

"Izuna!!" It was Tobirama. "Oh my God..." he whispered as he saw the scene before him, his lover covered in the blood of his naked big brother. "Madara, what have you done?" Tobirama whispered. But there was no anger in his voice.

"Tobirama, bring me anything long made of fabric from my room. Several things. I need to bind these rashes." Izuna had suddenly become very efficient. "And call an ambulance."

Tobirama walked away, and meanwhile Izuna turned the shower off. I was on my back, Izuna over me, not looking at me but tears streaming down his face, lips trembling, brows furrowed in an attempt to bit openly cry. His black hoodie and ponytail were both soaking wet from shower water.

"Izuna..." I mumbled, and I put my fingertips to his cheeks. I was so weak due to the blood loss and the situation, I could hardly keep my hand up.

He looked at me then, his eyes containing all the starts of the universe.  "You said my name", he whispered as if unable to believe it. "You said my name."

He threw his arms around me then, still in the shower, not caring I wasn't dressed, and he started crying. I tensed up at first, but after a while, I felt my entire body relax, and I hugged him back.