*This is not my story but from @ themarmalade on AO3*

-*-

Just as he had slipped into the limbo of half-sleep, a familiar, almost nostalgic sound jerks him back to the dark apartment. There it is again, the shivering inhale before Hoseok coughs out a sob, only no sob follows. Nothing but little tremors through the mattress as Hoseok suppresses his tears.

It's been about a month since of living together, learning to be normal as a pair of humans. It's been good, comfortable, but a puddle of worry has remained in Yoongi's mind, not believing for a second that Hoseok's sadness had magically healed. Love isn't comfortable, and so, Yoongi has remained uneasy.

Another hiccuping breath. Yoongi opens his eyes to see Hoseok turned away from him, shoulders shaking under the blanket. He rolls on his side and pulls himself around Hoseok, burying his nose in between his shoulder blades.

"Hoseok, what's wrong?"

Hoseok goes still. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"Why were you trying not to?" he shoots back, kissing the ridge of Hoseok's shoulder blade.

"Because," Hoseok chokes out. Nothing more to defend himself with.

"You know I love you," Yoongi offers, a whisper into the dark that fills the room.

A sniffle and pause before Hoseok twists around to face Yoongi. He's still as Yoongi wipes the tears off his face, smooths his bangs off his face before pressing a firm kiss to his forehead.

The tears flow fresh again. "What's wrong?" Yoongi asks again, big warm hand sliding across his jaw, thumb brushing tears away before they can trickle across his nose.

"I told my parents about you yesterday."

"Oh," Yoongi breathes. Apprehension builds. Is this the end of it? Did telling them knock Hoseok to his senses? It was only a matter of time, he thinks, bracing himself against the sadness. "And they were upset?"

Trying to choke back a sob just seems to make them all tumble out. "No," he whimpers, voice breaking. "They were happy for me. They just said, 'that's great Hoseokie. Whatever makes you happy.' They didn't even, even-"

It wrenches Yoongi's heart to see Hoseok cry like this again, the way the tears wrack his thin body.

"Shh, hey, you're okay. I'm here, I'm here," he whispers into Hoseok's hair, pulling him in tight. "I love you. I'm here. All those times before, this is all I wanted to do, you know? So bad, I wanted to hold you and tell you I love you, that you're not alone, that you're wonderful."

Hoseok let himself be rocked in Yoongi's tight hold, loud, honest cries muffled in Yoongi's neck. "They weren't even upset. They didn't even care, they just... gave up on me. Which is what I wanted, right? To live without all that pressure?" Hoseok sits up and feels around for the tissue box to blow his stuffed up nose.

Yoongi sits in front of him, raking his fingers through Hoseok's hair to keep it from sticking to his wet face. It's soothing, and Hoseok manages to pull in a deep breath.

"I'm free, right? But everything just seems wide open, like the floor opened up under me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. And- and it's fucked up but it was easier when it seemed like I had these obligations keeping me down. At least it gave me a path to follow, I guess? At least someone cared, even if they had a shitty way of showing it. "

"It's not fucked up," Yoongi murmurs, firm kisses across Hoseok's forehead.

"It was the same with Sunny," he says quietly. It's the first time Yoongi's heard his ex-fiance's name. "She wasn't even mad at me, in the end. She just... didn't care anymore. She said, 'we'd never be happy anyway, because you don't want to be happy.'"

Hoseok's chin wobbles a little as he tries to hold the fresh tears in. "I don't think that's true," the raspy whisper a plea for Yoongi to agree. "I wanna be happy so bad," he cries.

"I don't think that's true either," Yoongi replies, pulling Hoseok into his chest. He ignores the twinge the angle puts in his back. "I think you're amazing for trying so hard. You make people happy, Hoseok. You make me happy."

His cries calm down after a bit. Winding and unwinding the corner of the sheet around his finger, he sits up and considers his next words carefully. "I've um... been told before that I'm not good at letting anyone in, or letting anyone sorta... be there for me, you know?"

Yoongi nods. He hasn't known Hoseok all that long, but he can see that, in the tears he only let a cat see, in the smiles he gave everyone when anxiety was whispering ugly fears in the back of his mind.

"But I, I want to," Hoseok whispers, as if begging Yoongi to believe him, to not give up on him. Yoongi wonders how many times it's happened for Hoseok to assume being given up on is the norm. "I want to. I- I want it to be you."

Yoongi pushes Hoseok back down to the bed and spoons him tight. "You don't have to try so hard, baby. Not with me." He kisses Hoseok's neck just below his ear and wonders how the tears made their way all the way here. He kisses him again anyway.

Hoseok threads his fingers through Yoongi's and cuddles Yoongi's hand to his chest like a teddy bear. The wind kicks up the gauzy curtains like a silent ghost.

"You want it to be me?" he can't quite keep the happy disbelief out of his voice.

Hoseok nods, stray hairs tickling his nose.

He squeezes Hoseok tighter, brushing his nose across the back of Hoseok's neck and notching his knees right up against the back of his. "I can't fix anything I know, but, I'll be here, with you. I know it's not that easy, but, whatever you show me, I'll love you still. You don't have to hide. "

-*-

Yoongi stands nervously in the little blue bathroom, taking in his appearance. It's supposed to be a joke, he hopes it won't be weird. Halloween is still a few weeks away, but he wasn't sure how long shipping would take from the internet shop.

He adjusts the little clip-on cat ears, makes sure the black leather collar was on straight so the little bell hung down in the center. The set even came with a velvety black tail, which he had clipped onto his boxers under his giant, pale pink t-shirt.

The front door opens. He whirls around, listening to Hoseok throw his keys on the table, backpack a soft thump on the couch. "I'm back!" Hoseok called out, probably moving to the closet to change into more comfortable clothes.

Nervously tugging his sleeve, he grips the door handle and debates taking the ears and tail off and forgetting the whole thing. It's gonna be weird, what if it's weird? What if it's rude somehow? Like, what we were is a joke or something? What if he-

"Kitty?" Hoseok's voice is suddenly right on the other side of the bathroom door. "Whatcha doin in there," he says in a low, goofy voice.

Before he can chicken out, Yoongi throws the door open.

Hoseok jump back in surprise. With a lopsided smile, Yoongi holds his tail out to the side. "Surprise," he says awkwardly. "Got my Halloween costume," he explains, watching Hoseok's eyes bounce from the tail to the little fluffy ears before they finally land on the collar around his neck.

He looks so serious when it was supposed to be funny, fuck.

Yoongi's hands fly up to fidget with the ears. "Is... is it weird? I just thought it'd-"

As if in some kind of trance, Hoseok reaches out, curls a finger under Yoongi's collar and tugs him forward. A gasp catches in Yoongi's throat as he stumbles forward a little, but Hoseok catches him, hands softer than his gaze when they slide up his shirt.

Hoseok kisses him hard, backing him into the bathroom again and lifting him to set him on the bathroom counter.

Eyes all over him, hungry, devouring, Yoongi shivers and blushes down at his lap. Hoseok never looks this serious, always a little smile softening whatever truth he wasn't sure he wanted to share.

He can't help the shyness overwhelming him. Sure they'd grown closer, easier over the last month, but sometimes the realization that they were real, a real growing relationship instead of a glossy dream would hit him like a truck. He'd freeze up, vulnerable and terrified and grateful. And Hoseok didn't know why exactly, but he'd pull Yoongi close all the same and coax him back out of himself.

This is one of those times. Hoseok is real, real hands squeezing into the flesh of bare thighs, face so serious with lust he almost looks angry. Yoongi is himself in a human body, the one he's meant to be experiencing Hoseok in. And yet, he feels like he's been thrown on stage and told to improv. The weight of responsibility for living a dream come true has him paralyzed.

"Pretty kitty," Hoseok murmurs into his ear, the words grounding him a little. This is how he's used to experiencing Hoseok still, "pretty kitty" in that warm voice, fingers scratching through his hair.

"Where do you go, when you freeze up like this?" Hoseok asks softly, kissing along his jaw up towards his temple. "You feel a million miles away."

"Sorry," he says, wrapping skinny arms and legs around Hoseok. "I just can't believe- it was just- it was easier, being your cat?" he says, realizing the words are true as he says them. "I don't know how to be Yoongi and make you happy, but I was really good at being your cat and doing that."

He pouts at his lap when Hoseok giggles. "I'm fuckin serious! I couldn't screw that up! It was easy: let Hoseok pick you up, let him carry you wherever, purr when he pets you. When he wants to rub your tummy, relax and don't scratch him. It was so easy, and you were so happy, and now I- I'm me, and I never thought I would be me with you. And I'm weird and I don't know how-"

Hoseok smiles and kisses him, slow and warm. He hoists Yoongi up. "Let Hoseok pick you up. Let him carry you wherever," Hoseok repeats as he carries Yoongi to his bed.

He pulls Yoongi's shirt off, careful not to knock the cat ears loose, and kneels between his legs. Running his hands up Yoongi's bare sides, he stares up into Yoongi's eyes. "Purr when I pet you," he says, sounding dangerously like a command.

A breathy whimper escapes him when Hoseok licks across his stomach. He crawls up, straddling over Yoongi, leaving hot kisses on his ribs, his bicep, his sternum before nuzzling under his ear, kissing there too.

"I like you, I like the Yoongi that's with me. It's not hard to make me happy. It's not hard for you to make me happy," he clarifies, scooping Yoongi up into his lap and kissing the center of his chest again. "Just be here with me."

Too pleased to speak, Yoongi blushes, pouting at Hoseok's shoulder instead of meeting his eyes. Instead, he cups one hand to Hoseok's cheek, nuzzling the other one with his nose. "You have too many clothes on," he complains, making Hoseok laugh.

"Fix it," Hoseok says playfully, lifting his arms over his head and waiting for Yoongi to pull his shirt off.

Yoongi pauses to admire how the dark silky hair fluffs up with static, how smooth Hoseok's skin is when he trails his fingers down his chest. So happy, so deliriously happy, and the happiness exposed makes him feel more vulnerable than ever.

There are so many things he wants to do with a half naked Hoseok, but, overwhelmed, he flings his arms around Hoseok's neck and nuzzles his face in.

It brings a soft laugh out of Hoseok. "A little kitty hug," he murmurs, pulling Yoongi away to look up at him and flick the little bell on his collar.

They sit there a moment in the mid-afternoon light, sounds of the town below filtering in through the ever-cracked window, sunny and bustling and regular, no outward signs that the world was shifting for the two of them.

Eyes open, Hoseok pulled Yoongi closer by his collar again and kissed him softly, and again, mouth moving deeper, and deeper, watching Yoongi's eyelashes flutter shut in pleasure. Slowly, tenderly, he scoops Yoongi closer and lays him down on the blankets and soaks in the wide eyed anticipation on Yoongi's face.

"God I want you, every day, several times a day, all day," Hoseok says between kisses down toward his belly button. "You, not someone to make me happy. Just you."

"But I wanna make you happy," Yoongi argues. "I-"

"Well tough fuckin' cookies because I'm about to make you so god damn happy right now," he grits with comical menace as he yanks Yoongi's boxers off, making them both dissolve into giggles.

"Who am I to argue," Yoongi jokes, lust-heavy eyes blinking slow up at him before he pulls him down for more kisses.

"I like you, kitty. So much," Hoseok murmurs against his lips, long fingers stroking his cock lazily. Always taking his time, as if Yoongi is a smooth lake he's easing into.

Gasps and kisses against Hoseok's neck, Yoongi tries to not to lose himself, but he's lost.

"Is that what love is? So much 'like' that it just slides over into something more? Do I love you?"

Yoongi just hums happily at the notion, fingers notching between Hoseok's spine.

"Hey." Hoseok's hand stills, gently pulling Yoongi's face up to kiss his little nose. "Do I? Do I love you?"

A giggle escapes him, giddy with lust and emotions. He shrugs. The question he's been living with is so big, so uncontrollable, he can't even worry about it. Will lightning strike me? Is god real? Does Hoseok love me? Who could know.

"If you'd call it love, then," Yoongi shrugs again.

Seeing the hint of worry on Hoseok's face, he sits up, eyes dancing slow all over Hoseok's face, fingers tracing over his pretty red lips and smooth cheeks. "I feel loved, Hoseok," he answers seriously, imploring him to believe that it's enough, he's enough. More than he had dreamed.

Searching his eyes, Hoseok seems to accept it, doubt fleeing his face to be replaced with something heavy-lidded and serene. In gentle slow motion, Hoseok stands beside the bed and smiles at him as he unbuttons his jeans.

Unreal the way the soft afternoon sunlight filters in to silhouette around Hoseok looming over him, everything fuzzy and faraway. The breeze through the potted palm leaves lifts chilly but the slide of Hoseok's bare thighs around his when he eases him back down to the sheets is nothing but heavy warmth.

A smile and a kiss against Yoongi's pale chest, and then Hoseok grinds down against him, face falling serious again. He watches the way Yoongi's mouth falls open and runs his fingers across his lips, slipping two inside to feel the velvety glide of Yoongi's tongue.

There's the briefest of moments before Hoseok is pushing inside him when uncertainty grips him. What if it doesn't live up expectations? What if it's great but Hoseok regrets it, after?

But then Hoseok is filling him up, a slow, tight fitting of their bodies together. All thoughts are gone besides the heavenly gravity of the moment. He's Yoongi with Hoseok instead of him, a searing, weighty pleasure that pulls spiky little gasps from him with every millimeter of movement from Hoseok.

Hoseok is watching Yoongi's face carefully, wanting desperately not to hurt him, and Yoongi lets his eyes flutter shut. Now that it's happening, there's not a hint of regret, nothing but Hoseok and being his.

"Fuck, baby," Hoseok groans and grasps Yoongi's thighs, pushing them down to his chest.. He watches himself slide out and back inside Yoongi before his dark eyes flick up to witness the "oh," that blooms and floats from Yoongi's lips.

"I wanted you like this for so long," Hoseok growls, snapping his hips harder and harder. "So long," he repeats, softer, hands drifting gently up and down the backs of Yoongi's thighs.
He scoops Yoongi up into his lap, undulating his hips in a maddeningly slow rhythm. "You make me trust myself, you know?"

It's better to hear than any "I love you". Yoongi hums in pleasure against Hoseok's soft lips.

No one has ever touched him like this before, with so much purpose, so much presence. When Hoseok holds his waist steady and starts thrusting up in earnest, he flops forward, face buried in Hoseok's shoulder, not even embarrassed for the breathy, choked whines he lets out.

Hoseok feels so good, thick and hot inside him, strong and steady around him. He feels like love, feels like he loves him; from the gentle way Hoseok cradles Yoongi closer, to the very un-gentle way Hoseok loses himself in the pleasure, Yoongi feels loved.

Hoseok lays him back down on the bed and hovers over him, panting. He laughs when he looks at Yoongi. "So pretty in your cat ears," he teases, cupping Yoongi's face in his big hands, eyes desperately fond.

Pushing back inside him with a low moan, he kisses down Yoongi's neck. "My pretty, pretty kitty," he hums, pulling at Yoongi's collar with his teeth. "I'm all yours."

Hoseok isn't much bigger than him at all, but he makes him feel so small, so had. It's a delicious, safe feeling, dangerous in how much he'd like to stay here like this forever, being nothing more than Hoseok's.

It's like Hoseok knows somehow, maybe from the blissful look on Yoongi's face with every word Hoseok kisses into him, how he doesn't even complain about his own painfully hard cock. Just whispers "more, more," before every hitched breath as Hoseok pounds into him, big hands floating up in slow motion to tangle in Hoseok's hair. It's like Hoseok knows; what makes Yoongi the happiest is just to be his.

The sun is on it's way to setting when Hoseok finally collapses to Yoongi's chest, panting and humming in satisfaction. Exhausted and sated, Yoongi's hand scrunches in Hoseok's messy hair, staring at the dimming light cast across the white ceiling.

They had sex on an October afternoon, as countless others have done before. The earth didn't move, feelings and worries didn't magically resolve, but; ever so quietly, when they were looking elsewhere, love shifted from a furled up bud to a supple, petaled thing, reaching for places to thrive in the sunlight.

-*-

"Kitty, you ready to go?" Hoseok calls from the kitchen.

"I'm uh, yeah, yep," he calls back from the closet. He smooths his bangs under his beanie in the mirror, fidgets for a minute with the end of his belt, trying to think of a good reason to tell himself not to be nervous.

Because he knows how he comes off when he's nervous, and he's usually nervous when he meets new people. He gets shy and quiet, and not the charming, cute kind. Standoffish, disinterested, cold are words that have been used to describe him before, but it doesn't match the reality of his feelings. People didn't take the time to get to know him, and he was sorry that it took him so long to be knowable. He'd gotten used to loneliness.

He hears Hoseok shuffle up behind him in his puffy coat and turns to pout at him. "I really am just a cat," he frowns. "I'm that asshole cat that sniffs someone's hand and sits ten feet away for the first five times we meet."

Hoseok bursts out in laughter and pulls Yoongi out of the bedroom by his hand. "Don't worry, kitty. Kookie's gonna be there, and Jin. You've already sniffed their hands three times," he jokes. "You'll be fine."

-*-

The vintage movie theater-turned-cafe where Jungkook is performing is nice. There's a smattering of old sofas and coffee tables for customers to sit in and chat and watch whoever is performing on the little stage that night.

Like a collar buttoned up too tight, anxiety chokes at him just enough to pull his attention away. To be that much distant, to seem that much uninterested. It's usually enough to have people writing him off at first meeting. But Jimin is nice, seems the type to barrel right over your shyness.

Jungkook, always a little wide-eyed anyway, looks a bit like he's seeing into the afterlife when the cafe staff comes over to tell him it's time to get ready.

"See you on the other side," Jin intones in a goofy voice, pulling Jungkook down by his sweater to kiss him good luck.

Yoongi doesn't miss the dark flash in Jimin's eyes as he looks away from the kiss a little too quickly. Doesn't miss the way Jimin brings up something funny Hyunwoo did the day before, either.

"He's my new boyfriend," Jimin informs Yoongi as a side note before finishing his story.

Yoongi doesn't miss the sad, respectful tinge at the edges of Hoseok and Jin's smiles as they let him go on about his new boyfriend. Or maybe it was just awkwardness. He wonders what happened there, if it had been Jin or Jungkook, and how much Hoseok will tell him if he asks.

"Where'd you meet Hyunwoo?" It's not that he really cared to get the answer, but something about Jimin had Yoongi desperate to see the faltered confidence light back up in his face, and the other two were just letting Jimin's story fall flat.

Jimin leans forward eagerly and answers with another story, and Yoongi nods in interest and Hoseok watches him across the sofa, an oddly domestic look of gratitude and lust in his smile.

When Jungkook walks onto the little stage to mediocre scattered applause, the nervous little smile and greeting is what Yoongi expected.

What he doesn't expect is the delicate, heartbreakingly gorgeous voice that starts to sing, eyes closed in bliss as he strums the guitar.

"Wow," is all he can really say, glad that heads have started turning toward the stage.

"I'm surprised you didn't charm his guitar or something," Yoongi jokes, elbowing Jin.

"Who says I didn't," he smirks. "What! Just a little spell!" he yelps in response to the three shocked faces whipping toward him.

"Just to pull people's attention, because they'll love them if they listen," he says with a proud smile at Jungkook.

Entirely too slow, Yoongi realizes he'd assumed that Jimin knew about what Jin and Jungkook are, washed over with prickly relief that he hadn't exposed Jin as a witch and made a really awkward moment.

He wonders, though, if Jimin knew how him and Hoseok met, what he had been. He didn't know if they were close enough friends for Hoseok to confide that kind of thing. Or if Hoseok was maybe embarrassed, like he was some kind of freak dating a cat, even if Yoongi wasn't anymore.

The urge to know Hoseok's life before him feels desperate, like planting seeds just before autumn. They existed so solely in Hoseok's apartment, always have. Some days when he closes the front door it feels like the bubble will burst with the click of the lock and the dream will die.

He needs more, needs the loose ends of Hoseok's history that weave into who he is. "So how did you two meet?" he asks, pointing between them.

"Jimin dances too," Hoseok answers, reaching to wind his arm through Yoongi's.

"Can you believe I still haven't seen him dance?" Yoongi asks Jimin, who giggles and kicks Hoseok.

"Don't wanna blow your mind," Hoseok says with an exaggerated sultry smile against Yoongi's shoulder. "I-"

Bug-eyed, Jin slams his mug to the table. "I blocked us from the charm but if you all don't shut up and listen to my Jungkookie, so help me I will-!"

A chorus of giggles and apologies and they all turn back to Jungkook singing a soft version of a song Yoongi swears is an old Brand New song. "Fuckin' emo ass," he grins fondly.

And Jin grins with him, and Jimin gives a valiant attempt at it, and Hoseok grins at him. Doesn't stop until Yoongi looks down and murmurs a "what?" and all Hoseok can do is wiggle himself under Yoongi's arm and stretch up for a kiss.

"I like you being here," he whispers against Yoongi's cheek, scooting closer on the sofa to kiss him again before he wraps his arms around Yoongi's waist, head resting under his chin.

It seems like a lot to assume, but Hoseok looks content, like maybe it's enough to snuggle close to Yoongi in a dingy cafe with his friends that could be their friends. Even if it takes a while, even if Yoongi is shy the first five times or even six.

Without asking- and it's an un-askable question- he could never know, couldn't afford to assume, but. But maybe he's enough to make Hoseok a little happier, enough to hold him up or fall with him when it's all too much.

｡ﾟ .*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

"I'm home! Jesus, it's so cold out there. Was November this cold last year? It's only the 6th, I- Yoongi? What's wrong?" Puffy red jacket hanging off one arm, Hoseok rushes beside Yoongi, who's sitting on the floor crying.

"Oh god, are you okay? I've never seen you- I don't know what-" Eyes and hands trace all over him as if to smooth over whatever invisible wounds have erupted.

They've had weeks together as autumn deepened, plenty of hours of Hoseok closing himself off or crying and being comforted. Or Yoongi sulking, pouting sharply and apologizing minutes later. Even once last week there was petty bickering, which turned into a full-blown fight. The tense silence after melting into tentative hand-holding, and ticklish kisses and giggles and the best makeup sex either of them ever had. But never this, never Yoongi sobbing beside the kitchen table. This was brand new.

"I couldn't leave them there, I couldn't. How could anyone d-do this? Please don't make us leave, please," he cries. "I c-couldn't leave them, it's so cold a-and I don't wanna make you mad at me but-"

"Who? Couldn't leave who?"

"I'm sorry I'm so upset, I have no idea why I'm l-like this right now, I'm sorry," Yoongi bawls, trying to sit up straighter and will the tears to stop.

"Kitty, who?" Hoseok presses, chuckling a little at Yoongi's state of pitiful dishevelment. He pulls the yellow sweatshirt back up over Yoongi's shoulder.

Hiccuping a deep breath, Yoongi slides a tall cardboard box from beside him. They kneel together and peer into the box.

Tiny mews greet them. "Oh my god!" Hoseok shrieks. "They're so fucking cute!" He gently tips the box over on its side to let them crawl out. There are three tiny kittens, half the size Yoongi had been, but variations of the same fluffy gray.

"Someone just left them in there, be-behind the dumpster at work," Yoongi spits out, tears subsiding a little. "I couldn't just- just- I'm sorry, I know we don't have enough room. There's not even enough room for me, and my shit is all over your apartment and I never even asked if I could stay here or pay rent a-and-"

Hoseok smiles a little, watching Yoongi sniffle and nuzzle against a little kitten squirming in his hands. He wonders how it must've hurt to see three little mirrors of his past self abandoned cruelly with the garbage.

"You know, there's a bigger apartment for rent on the fourth floor. Two bedroom, I think." He pulls a kitten into his lap and studies Yoongi's reaction.

"O-oh yeah?" Yoongi asks, wary, as if he doesn't want to get his hopes too high and misunderstand.

"Yeah. I mean, it's just about as shitty as this one," Hoseok laughs, scooting closer until their knees touch. He weaves his hands through Yoongi's in his lap. "But I think we could afford it, if we split the rent."

Squirmy little things, the kittens have busied themselves with exploring the living room and chewing on Hoseok's shoelaces. "You wanna live with me?" Yoongi asks softly.

Hoseok grins and kisses his wet cheek. "Of course I do. I love you."

-------------

*This is not my story but from @ themarmalade on AO3*

I hoped you liked it, check out more story's from themarmalade on AO3

Again, I own nothing from this story and all credits go to themarmalade!!