Chapter Fifteen | Dreams of Regret
I was back in my little corner of the silent living room. Tucked away and out of sight as the Lady and Hornroot had their discussion in an adjacent room. Their voices were muffled but, even if I could hear them, I couldn't understand them. I only understood Hornroot when he talked in my head.
"You have done our Lady and your Master well today," he had said. I had wished I could have soaked in his surprised tone and disbelieving face. But there was nothing to feel good about.
I could still taste her blood in my mouth. No amount of water could wash away the feel of her life in my teeth, nor the memory.
"Looks like you're winning again," she had said. Her voice, so unlike stern and rough Hornroot, whispered in my ear—my head. "Thirty to twenty-nine, or something like that."
It had been one of Fawn's many tests. Mouse would try to get from one point to another, and I had to find her and stop her before she did. At first, we both weren't that good at it. Mouse had been out of practice for nearly a year and everything involving familiar training was fairly new to me. Since the very beginning, it was a back and forth between us with her winning one and me winning the next.
When it was time for us all to leave with our respective Masters, Mouse and I were tied. A fact that I knew bothered her to no end, even if she never showed it.
I had spat her out almost immediately, my mind a storm of apologies and horror. But either my voice was unable to reach her, or she ignored me, because she was already moving on and quickly trying to tell me her plan. Even while she lay bleeding out on the Lady's carpet.
"Take me outside and present me to my Master and Lady Louise," she had said, the voice in my head showing no sign that my earlier attack had any effect on her ability to talk – to think. "Make sure they both know you and only you were the one who caught me."
I still wasn't in a clear headspace. I could only look on at her small, fragile body. So similar to mine. Had it been only a week ago that this mouse was a living and breathing girl, I had wondered.
"We're still in this together, right?" she then asked, snapping me out of my daze and pulling me down a dark, underground tunnel. I could only offer her a dull nod.
"Then get moving! Outside!"
And I moved. Without entirely knowing what I was doing, I scooped her back up in my mouth – gently this time – and followed after Lady Louise as she left the room. I scampered between her legs, down the hall, and through the little doggy door they had made in the front door just for me. Not an obvious flap or anything. A secret panel opened when the device in my collar got close enough to it.
Mouse somehow let out a low whistle in my head as we slipped through. I had tried to ignore her, knowing that if I stopped to think for just a second that I would break down and back out.
"Wait here on the sidewalk and face the door."
But then I was just sitting there. On the empty sidewalk in near absolute silence. Mouse had nothing more to say to me, and I had yet to figure out how the 'head talk' stuff worked yet. So we both had remained silent. Me on the cold cement, and Mouse in my mouth.
What felt like an eternity later, the front door opened, Mr. Copper stepped out, and I finally realized what was going on. I saw it all on his face. The gape mouth, the pale skin, the bulging eyes. It was the look of defeat.
Mouse still had no more words for me, but I knew what to do next. I walked with slow, purposeful steps towards the Master. In turn, he continued to gape at me with that ridiculous expression. I almost pitied him in the moment when I placed Mouse, his familiar, bloody and limp, at his feet. I told myself that he had this coming, ever since he decided to take people away and help turn them into monsters. But I didn't look back when I passed him or when I slipped in between Lady Louise and Hornroot and retreated into the deep shadows of their home.
I still did not know what to feel. Mouse had read my desperate situation instantly, and she helped, keeping the promise we had all made each other not even a week ago. But at what cost to herself? Her already weak Master was shamed even further, not to mention what long term injuries she'd sustain after I—
No. No long term injuries. None of any kind if Fawn's teachings were anything to go by. We could be hurt just like anyone else, but we could heal. It would take time, maybe a lot of time, but Mouse would be back to normal.
Well, normal save for the memories of being crushed between rows of sharp teeth. Magically healing injuries doesn't also magically make the memory of the pain— of the way your body had felt in the moment— go away. Deep gashes, starvation, severe burns that nearly melt the skin off your bones.
No, for all the memories magic could take away, those remained the most vivid.
A tall figure clad in black stepped into the dark room. If it weren't for my night-vision, I wouldn't have even known he entered. Hornroot had a knack for making next to no noise when he moved, whether he was a person or a bird. I would have preferred to be left alone, but even if I tried to hide in the shadows it would do little good. Night-vision wasn't exactly a unique trait. Our eyes met almost instantly and I involuntarily shuddered as a felt a familiar presence worm its way inside my head.
"The hour grows late, young one," a voice, rough and impatient, spoke. It took up most of the space in my head, hardly giving me room to think. "If we are to hunt it shall be now."
Oh, how badly I wanted to tell him to stuff it. Maybe call him a name or two just for the hell of it. But even after a week of having his voice rattle off inside my head, I couldn't figure out how to do it right back. Hornroot had wasted no time to inform me that it wasn't because my Master kept me from it. "All familiars are connected in this way," he had said in that damn superior tone. "You merely lack discipline."
"Flametail."
Oh, God. Another shudder, this time intentional. He used 'that' name again. I knew he only called me...'that' when I did something to piss him off. I think our mutual distaste for the name was the only thing we had in common.
Well, what do you want from me? I still can't communicate, remember?
"Do you hear me, Flametail? We are going to hunt."
I held in the growl bubbling up my throat. Instead, I shook my head, slowly, from side to side. It was an awkward gesture, and hurt my neck to do it, but it was my only option to get the point across.
Hornroot was silent and still for a few solid seconds. With some sort of amused snort from his nose he turned away. "Very well then," his voice echoed as he left the room in swift, long strides.
I relaxed myself as best I could in the little doggy bed. Besides all the stuff involving Mary and Mr. Copper, I hadn't moved much. My muscles were taut and restless, my stomach stabbed its deep sinking pangs into my brain, but I couldn't summon the will to hunt that night. Maybe not any night again.
I pondered half-thought out ideas to beg Lady Louise for food as I drifted off to sleep.
...
"Whoa, slow down there, Mutt. You're going to choke on a bone again!" Stallion said, trying and failing to not laugh. "It's dead, man, it ain't going anywhere."
Mutt made no comment as he tore through the plucked chicken like it was his last and not, like, the fourth bird he had in the past few minutes. Stallion's own stack of vegetables and fruits lay untouched, the large teen invested in Mutt's display with a mixed look of amusement and horror.
Mary sat across the table from me. She and Fawn were having a whispered conversation and occasionally glanced my way. If they were trying to be covert, they were doing a pretty bad job of it. I made to tell them as much when Kat cleared her throat.
"Seriously, Mutt, some of us are trying to actually enjoy their food," she said, staring at her companion-across-the-table with unmasked disgust.
"I am enjoying," Mutt said defensively, his words hard to understand through the mouthful of meat. "I'm enjoying it very much!" A few chewed up morsels of chicken meat drizzled down his chin as he spoke.
Kat turned up her nose before grabbing her plate of cut up fish. "I'll be outside," she said before standing and making her way out of the room. I tried to call out to her. Tried to tell her not to be so over-dramatic and eat with the rest of us, but I couldn't speak. I opened my mouth and all that came out was a horrid yelping sound.
Kat collapsed. Like a puppet cut from its strings, her body went limp and she fell motionless to the floor. More of the high pitched cries escaped from my mouth as I looked to the others, searching for an answer.
Stallion and Mutt had both fallen – sprawled out on the table. Stallion had to have hit his head really bad because it was bruised with ugly splotches of color. Mutt was face down in the meat he had been eating; only now it was no longer fresh. It was rotten, black, and oozing bugs and worms.
I fell back, the cries now an unsettling scream that sounded mixed with human and animal, and tripped over my chair. I tried to straighten out my legs, but I couldn't get them to work right. They wobbled and collapsed and I finally saw them for what they were.
Little black paws.
The foreign screams turned deafening as I rolled across the floor. I expected to be stopped by the wall behind me, but instead I fell through it. The old, abandoned asylum cafeteria and my friends vanished.
In their place was a large brick wall.
I slowly got to my feet – all four of them – on thin, shaky legs covered in black and red hair. Moving any part of my body was awkward and jerky, but I managed to turn and face the rest of my surroundings. There wasn't much. Empty cobblestone path, squat buildings in the distance with large signs that gave away their names. I couldn't read any of the words, everything was bathed in a thick veil of mist, but I recognized them as stores.
I knew at once where I was: the strip mall I had visited with Stallion and Mutt over two years ago. And then I knew where I really was.
A dream.
"You took a lot longer than Mouse to figure it out."
I jumped nearly out of my skin (how I wish I could actually do that) and did my best to search for the source of the sudden voice. There was no way to tell where it could have come from. It had sounded more like an echo, the words dancing around the fogged over world that surrounded me.
"Hello."
And then she was suddenly right there, standing just a few feet away from me. A disturbingly thin and pale woman with wispy blonde hair and bloodshot blue eyes. She was kneeling close to the ground, watching me with those veiny eyes that looked much too big for her head. I half ran, half fell backwards in my attempt to put distance between us, only to find myself pinned against the brick wall. Trapped.
"Are you afraid of me?" she asked, tilting her head to the side in conjunction with the question. The woman stood and walked closer to me. She was so pale that I could see the veins in her neck and her face shift as she moved. "Don't be. I'm harmless."
Knowing I couldn't warn her away with words, I let loose a rumbling growl. It tickled my throat, but it was a lot easier to do than trying to form words.
She stopped walking. With a small frown that made her appear more confused than mad, she knelt back down and extended her hand towards me. "Is here good, then?" she asked. "I'll let you come the rest of the way, when you're ready."
Was she being serious? Was she messing with me? Another growl came easier as I glared into her bulbous eyes. "I'm not a damn dog!"
She stared at me in silence for a few moments before speaking again. "I know that. I've only really interacted with dogs, when I was a little girl, but I thought that even if the process may not be the same, the message would still get across that I was showing you respect. I assumed you would understand, no matter what animal you are."
It was my turn to pause. Did she really just respond like I had said something? Could she understand me?
"Uh, hello?"
I refused to break our eye contact. The woman kept her hand extended as she tilted her head slightly to the side again. "Hello," she repeated.
"You can understand me?!" The realization swelled inside me like an over-inflated balloon.
"Yes, I can," the woman said, lowering her hand. "I don't see why I wouldn't?"
I was hardly listening to her anymore. I didn't know what I was doing different, but I was finally talking with someone besides the stuffy old bird. All I had to do was think really hard about what I wanted to say and it would be just like talking. It was a shame the only person around was this weirdo I had somehow dreamed up, but I'd have to make do.
"Who are you?" I asked her, meeting her eyes again incase that was the trick to it. In the long run, I hoped there was something else I could do. Her eyes fit a corpse better than anything else.
"My name is Ashling," she said, finally pulling her hand in as she wrapped her arms around her legs. "But you can call me Ash, if you want. I'd prefer it."
I took that in for what it was worth. Practically nothing. I knew for sure that I had never heard of a name like that before. No, from the moment I saw her, I knew Ash was someone I had never met.
"Are you a part of my dream?" I asked, though I already had a good idea of what the answer was.
"No, I'm not," Ash said. "I'm more like a visitor. I visited your dreams while you were sleeping."
Her unbroken stare was really unnerving. I couldn't remember seeing her blink, even once. But I didn't want to break the link in case it really did keep me from speaking. "So...you're a witch."
"Witch?" Her head tilting was starting to get on my nerves. Like if some adult was trying too hard to act thirty years younger than they really were. Though, each time, she did manage to appear genuinely lost. "I don't know. Mouse called me a Knower, is that like a witch?"
My thoughts ground to a sudden halt. I risked taking a few, shaky, steps closer, to which Ash perked up. Almost eagerly, she extended her hand back out to me. I didn't bother to stop the growl that answered her.
"Stop that! You said Mouse? Like mouse capital M Mouse?"
Ash nodded her head slowly. "Yes. I told her I thought Mouse was a strange name, but she—"
"How do you know her? Where did you see her? Is she okay? Did she tell you anything?"
I took a breath, half worried I had overloaded the woman, but ready to assault her with the same questions if she didn't try to answer soon.
Ash finally blinked, once, before answering. "I've only known Mouse for a few days. I met her like I meet everyone, in their dreams. I've spent many, many years in people's dreams, but hers was the first in a very long time that seemed interesting to me. Same with yours."
She paused, as if waiting for me to make a comment on what she said. I didn't really care about the dreams. I wanted to know about Mouse. I let my silence do the work of telling her to keep going.
"I don't know how she is beyond what I've seen in her dreams. When I last saw her – yesterday— she acted no different than how I've known her to act the few days we have interacted before."
"...And? What she tell you? What did you guys talk about?"
"She wanted to know about me, mostly. But those talks only lasted a few hours since there isn't much I have done. I've spent most of my life in a coma."
The reveal happened so out of left field I almost let her continue talking without saying anything. "Uh, sorry."
Ash nodded once, as though she was expecting it. "I am not sorry. I used to be, but I'm familiar with how things are now. In a way, I prefer it. I didn't tell you so you could say sorry. I thought it seemed relevant to the answers you wanted."
"...Alright, well, it was. Thanks."
"You are welcome."
"So, what did you guys talk about then?"
Her eyes really were unsettling. No matter how long we held eye contact, it never once felt like she was looking at me. At least, not until I asked that question.
"We talked about you, Alex."
...
*Author's Note*
A new challenger has entered the battle! Though this witch seems a bit more different than some of the others he has encountered. Can this Ash be trusted? Just what sort of rabbit hole has our little fox fallen into this time?
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