You know those days when you are super exited about something, and you prepare yourself for the best things but then that thing unfortunately turns out to be something that makes you regret your life?

That was the day I first started Nursery.

You would think that this kind of childhood couldn't have been that bad, and most of us forget it as the time goes by.

Not me.

My nursery was a hell on earth for me.

Being a different kid that I was. Always scared of people and pretty much very shy, made me the perfect victim to other kids.

You would think 5 to 7 year olds back then wouldn't be cruel, but trust me, that's basically lies.

I was the most picked on person in the class. And I am not even making this up. Every person in the class either knew each other very well or their parents were friends.

And there was me. The looser and freak.

Even I agreed with their statements. I was both a looser and a freak. I was weak and I cried all the time because of the fact that I hated myself and how others treated me. The teacher also hated me which was a bonus.

At breaks when we were allowed to go outside to play, I always went to this mini lake surround by flowers, that had a nice bench to sit on.

I wasn't that kind of kid who would play in the playground, unless I was alone with my sister, but otherwise I didn't want to.

I didn't understand it all.

Why me?

Why am I so different from others?

Why do I feel fear of people that surround me as well as everything else?

All those questions always went through my head, I couldn't defend myself at all.

One time this girl stole my toys and when I said I'll tell my dad she replied with that her big brother is a police man and he can shoot my dad.

And what do you think a 5 year old me would think at that point ?

Yep, that my dad might die if I tell on her. That's how bad people were to me, they even threatened me.

One time this girl was playing with her toy mouse that could move around, and when I was going to sit down on the carpet she on purpose made the mouse go under me so I could sit on it.

And because of its weak material it broke.

I freaked out and she gasped in fake horror and started crying. I started panicking to the point I started horribly sobbing and I basically couldn't breath.

She complained to our teacher about it who even managed to yell at me and we all went to our classroom.

There I was picked on by her and her little group of girls who laughed at me while I sat and cried for who knows how long.

They yelled at me saying "It's your fault!" Or "You're so fat that you managed to break it"

My whole nursery years were something very painful to look back on.

I finally managed to get out of nursery and move on to a Primary School.

It was quite difficult for me. New people, new surroundings, new environment. Fear was building up inside me just thinking about it.

But managed to go to primary 1.

It wasn't so bad, people weren't so bad but I didn't have much friends to be perfectly honest.

Although people in my class had nothing really against me, they didn't really talk to me that much. Maybe this guy David but that's because he lived near by my Grandmothers house and she knew his mother, as well as this other guy Christopher, and he managed to get on my nerves sometimes but both of them were a great laugh.

Although after I finished Primary 1, I left to another primary school to do primary 2, I still managed to hang out with them, and this girl Maya which I knew because my gran and her mum were great friends.

When I went to Primary two, that's when hell came back.

My class was very small, and all of them knew each other somehow.

Although this time, my family knew two of the girls parents. My dad knew this girls Sandra's mum as they were very good friends while my grandfather knew this girls Marcelina father.

But they both hated me equily as bad.

Sandra being the tomboy, she made fun of me about anything and everything or complained about me.

Some people in my class pretended I didn't exist and then Marcelina always yelled at me, complaining how I ask stupid questions and always talk.

And she was so wrong on so many levels. I was the most shy person in the class, and because sometimes Marcelinas dad would drive me to school with her, I would say hi and how are you. And sometimes if I found something unusual I would ask her, such as the fact that she was wearing nothing warm during winter which I found strange because winter in Poland was pretty damn cold if you ask me.

At that point I didn't know what to do. I tried making friends and having that bond but nothing seemed to work. Well besides this guy Adrian who always talked to me, since I knew all of his sisters.

Well that went on until my mum got an opportunity to move to Scotland to get a job. So of course she took the offer not caring enough that her older daughter was going to have a communion, which basically left us split up. My mum and my sister in Scotland and my dad and me in Poland.

Once the school knew I was moving away to another country, that's when my popularity in my classmates seemed of appeared.

Everyone wanted to talk to me or play with me just because they found me so cool and amazing.

And where I lived, moving away to another country was a big deal, so people loved me.

But at that point I didn't care about their friendship at all.

Finally after constant drama between my parents about them almost splitting up because my mum decided to be the most retarded person on earth and found some guy online and fell in love with them, we finally moved to Scotland.

There was some tension between my parents but they tried to build up their relationship. Well at least my dad tried.

I wasn't surprised that mum tried for a bit but given up anyway.

When I finally managed to be in Scotland for few days, fear of it all came.

And where did the fear came out of all of a sudden?

Well an 8 year old with only basic knowledge of English, in a country she has to use English all the time, is something quite terrifying to think about.

Maybe at least for me.

Every day I would complain to my parents how I would never learn English as it was pretty much the hardest thing to learn another language.

But as days went on I caught on with few words, but unfortunately still not enough to talk or understand anyone.

Life was crashing down each day for me.

And I feared of doing anything about it...

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I can already hear the complains from my friends who would say "don't you have enough books" and the answer is no!

This book is very important to me as it is based on things that were really happening to me and how things changed for me.

I want to share my experiences with others and show what I learned from it all and maybe some of you might be able to take something from it.

Anyway goodnight to you all!

Bye!