Winter sucked ass and balls. The eonian cold was the WORST possible condition for Qi Rong to go to war in. He was just a foot soldier. He'd now spent three years away from home. That was three whole winters. Each one seemed worse than the last. Sometimes the conditions got so bad he'd actually throw up, and got stuck with frozen vomit on himself.

He missed Guzi. Guzi was almost fifteen now. That was hard to imagine. He hadn't seen him in so long it was hard to picture what he even looked like now. And imagining him with Xie Lian would automatically make his blood boil—which warmed him up ironically in the winters, because that's how that works. For some reason he feared Guzi would be completely changed when he came back home. He'd be some proper, well behaved young gentlemen now that Xie Lian got his hands on him. That would be a nightmare.

He wondered what would happen when he came home. What if Guzi wanted to stay with Xie Lian instead of him? Or would he be so overjoyed he'd run up and hug Qi Rong, never letting go. Guzi once confessed to him that his father... who Qi Rong may have murdered... Was never good to him. That despite how awful a person Qi Rong was, he was a thousand times more thankful to him than to his dad. His dad used to beat him. Qi Rong used to pretend he wanted to eat Guzi just to scare him, but he never actually harmed him. He'd threaten to, but Guzi must have always known Qi Rong never had such an intention. But was that too harsh? Xie Lian, as annoying and deplorable as he was, was a sincere gentleman who was probably giving Guzi the proper care he needed all this time. Hell, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng were rich and had good fortunes. Living with them was probably a dream.

Guzi used to send him letters while he was away. But after about a year, they stopped coming. Most of their mail stopped coming, and he couldn't send letters out. Not that Qi Rong could even write, but he could have manipulated some other soldier into writing a letter for him. The disconnect really perilled him. What if Guzi thought he'd abandoned him for good? Or worse, what if he thought Qi Rong was dead. The boy would surely care... right?

But at some point on a random day in the midde of winter, a letter was finally delivered to Qi Rong. From Guzi, the boy adressed just about anything he could. His handwriting was excellent now, compared to when Qi Rong had been responsible for him. Xie Lian was a good teacher. The only person he couldn't teach was Hua Cheng. Qi Rong was impressed by the writing but overwhelmed by a sudden emotion he was unfamiliar with when reading it.

"Dad,

It has been three years. I have not recieved any letters from you but I assume that is because you suck at writing or the post has been disrupted. Many of my letters were returned so it's probably the second, but I wouldn't doubt that your inability to write coherantly stopped you as well. (You're somehow even worse than Hua Cheng).

A lot has happened. I became a musician! Scrap collector gege bought me a guitar after you left to keep me distracted, and I got really good, really fast! I started playing at that bar you hate regularly and have been saving money for the both of us to share when you return (don't tell gege). I think I've started to become popular locally because people keep asking me to play at their events and such. Some have even requested I write songs for them! I really like music and I can't wait to show you the songs I've written.

Gege found a better school for me to go to and I'm totally smart now. He keeps walking with me to school though, even when I ask him not to. You must have told him something. He's so bad at cooking too, please come back.

Hua Cheng kept our house. I think someone tried to buy or demolish it but he's making sure it's there for us when you come home. Please come home.

I miss you a lot. I'm not sure if you miss me but I think deep down you do. I don't care what anyone else says, you're still my dad. That Lang Qianqiu guy keeps telling me you aren't every time he comes around. He says so because you're the reason my dad is gone. But that man really wasn't a dad to me. You're more real. I miss you. Please stay strong.

Write back if you can.

-Your good son, Guzi"

That stupid kid got Qi Rong to cry... almost. He didn't cry because tears were rare to Qi Rong who hadn't cried since he and his mother were disowned by the Xianle family. But he was overwhelmed by that strange emotion he didn't quite recognize. It took a while for him to place it, for it was pride. Unusual pride. Pride for something outside of himself.

He was so fucking proud of his son.

Instantly, Qi Rong got up and started barking around the camp, demanding someone right a legible letter for him to send back. There was no way he'd let this kid go on, not knowing how proud his dad was.

***

July came out of nowhere. The war was finally over, and Qi Rong could go home.

It felt unreal. He'd just dragged himself through hell and back for Guzi, there couldn't possibly be something more strenious than that. He wouldn't experience such pain for an entire lifetime, surely.

He never knew if Guzi recieved that letter he sent back to him, because he never got another letter. The postal service was the shittiest it could be during a time of war. But now, officially, the state was independent and the people were free. If Guzi never got that letter, it was fine because Qi Rong was coming home to tell him all he wanted to say anyway.

After deboarding the train he was sent back on, Qi Rong found the first phone he could. Regretably, he now had Xie Lian's number memorized after trying to call him so many times while he was away, only for the calls never to go through. It took a while but eventually, his ratty cousin picked up.

"This is Xie--"

"COUSIN!"

"¿¡Qi Rong?!" Xie Lian exclaimed in alarm.

"I'M COMING BACK! YOU BETTER HAVE MY SON TOGETHER IN ONE PIECE!"

"You're home?! This is amazing!"

"Yes, I'm SURE you're happy. Where is my son?!"

"He's been away this past week playing for some towns nearby but he should be getting home today--"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DAMN IT! WHERE WILL HE BE!"

"I can send him--"

"BAH! WHATEVER! HE BETTER GET HERE SOON!"

"Do you want me to send him to your place?" Xie Lian asked politely, "we've kept it in good condition. But really, we could easily afford to--"

"I AIN'T TAKING YOUR DONATIONS! JUST SEND HIM HOME."

"He's going to be so excited--"

Click! Qi Rong hung up because he was impatient.

Once he arrived to his pathetic house, he was alone. He hated playing the waiting game, but if Xie Lian said that shit-head would be coming here as soon as he got back from his duties as a musician, he could wait. But waiting sucks. It was mind numbing, honestly. In the meantime, Qi Rong went through all his stuff to make sure nothing was broken or stolen. He found heeps of notebooks and sheet music everywhere, accumilated by Guzi. Guzi must have been using the place as his music studio.

He couldn't help but smile at the physical evidence of his son's growth. Guzi really was doing well. And he'd been requested to play his music in another town? This ancestor was so proud of him!

But as Qi Rong had to keep waiting, his patience ran completely thin. Getting grumpy in the absence of his son, he went to his dial phone to demand answers from Xie Lian again. He could hardly afford to make calls. He didn't even know if this phone was still operable, but he tried anyway.

Xie Lian quickly picked up. "This is-"

"ITS ME. WHERE IS MY SON?!"

Xie Lian sighed deeply and considered his own patient, well mannered response. "He should be there already. I sent him out an hour ago."

"AND HOUR AGO?! So you you have no brains?! I JUST SAID HE ISN'T HERE!"

"Well that's concerning."

Well damn. Xie Lian was right. That WAS concerning. Qi Rong was the one with no brains.

He hung up before saying anything else. It was dark out by now and, worried something may have happened, Qi Rong was already grabbing his coat and heading out the door. Then he remembered it was July and not colder than balls outside and dropped the coat lazily on the floor. He was too busy hurrying out of the door anyway, having no clue where to even find Guzi.

There were more cars now than he remembered. He almost got hit by one, for he hadn't expected it to be there and thought he could roam the streets by their center as usual. He got honked at by the angry driver and Qi Rong flipped them off with both his fingers.

Where to find Guzi... Where to find Guzi... he didn't even know what route the boy would have taken to come home. And he picked up on the fact Xie Lian wanted to surprise him, so Guzi probably didn't even know Qi Rong was back now. Dumb kid was probably distracted with friends. What would Xie Lian have even said to him to motivate him to come home? Home home, that is.

Perhaps he stopped by that bar Qi Rong hated. He had said that's where he started making good money from with his music gig. It wouldn't be unbelievable. He may have stoped by to say hi to familiar faces, since he wasn't aware of why he needed to go home urgently. Was it urgent??? It was. Yeah. Qi Rong is important.

Qi Rong navigated to that stupid bar, the Stone Temple. It was quaint, and a miserable little place. However, usually very busy. Maybe things had changed a lot since he'd been gone because seeing the place now, it was REALLY busy. There was a whole crowd gathered around it and the authorities were trying to back them away like it was a crime scene.

His curled uneven brows furrowed in angst as pieces began clicking together in his head. It wasn't a crowd meant for the bar. Something had happened. So, Qi Rong pushed his way forward to investigate.

His heart dropped before he even saw it. Hearing murmurs and witnessing the sad behavior of the gathering was enough to clue him in. Suddenly, he was tearing through the crowd and past the police gathered so that he might reach what was going on inside. Bigger men attempted to block him but Qi Rong wormed right past them, showing them his bare thumb to tell them to fuck off.

There, at the back of the bar, beside the small stage, was Guzi's body.

He'd grown a lot since Qi Rong saw him. He was a teenager now and he'd cut his hair clean and short. His fauny skin was pale in the face, lips slightly parted, with his head cocked to the side where it hung lifelessly. His clean bangs didn't fall over his eyes. He was too perfectly groomed for that.

"MY SON!" Qi Rong wailed and threw himself over the boy. He sank like a stone, all function in his body ceasing. Taking root where he fell, he pulled Guzi into his arms, squeezing his eyes shut in disbelief.

He hadn't seen him in three years, what was he supposed to do now that, finally reuniting, it was his corpse he hugged in his arms. Qi Rong screamed in utter anguish, holding the frail body tightly as if that would bring him back.

Never before had he truly cared about a person so deeply. Never before had someone meant this much to him. Guzi was the most important thing in the world to Qi Rong. He'd changed his life for the better, even if he wouldn't admit it. And now, though it had never been genuine, he regretted all the thousands of times he'd taunted and abused this boy. He should have let him know he loved him as a father would. He should have done and said so many things he hadn't. He shouldn't have left him in the first place.

"NO!" Qi Rong screamed, "NO! NO!"

No amount of screaming would bring back his son. Behind him, he heard the police who'd tried pulling him out of there before, now letting mourn for a moment over the young boy. What they said sickened him enough that he wanted to pull their tongues out. They spoke of the cause of Guzi's young death. Qi Rong refused to believe anything they said because it could only be wrong.

They claimed it was suicide.

A/N

"Of July, July, and July still coming, just knowing that's getting me through~"

Key to how the song relates to this chapter:

- "Winter wore me out like I was Prada, threw up on me when the night was through."
Qi Rong, in war, suffering through winter (literally keeps throwing up on himself) Take this with a grain of salt.

- "You can keep a dream in your mind, only to find, it's the hope that was killing you"
Thinking of Guzi helps him through the tough times. The letter really cheers him up.

- "But you arrived like sunlight in the gloom—"
Reading the letter.

- Chorus
Returning home (during the month of July, wowie)

- Skip ahead a little bit and you'll find I pulled some lyrics and put them in here as descriptions and action. Ex "He sank like a stone" Also the name of the bar is a reference to "build your temple to sound and stone".

- Though this is a positive song, for the story to continue with the rest of the album I had to end the chapter mournfully.