Yoongi's POV

I left the bathroom after erasing the remnants of the night's escapade that was adhered to my skin, leaving only light purple marks which were only visible to my own eyes - such a sneaky woman, dared enough to still leave her marks on me even when I forbid her to - and faint scratches on my upper arm where she made her desperate hold only hours ago. I entered the bedroom, followed by the steam from the hot shower and the scent of soap flowing through the air, yet they couldn't defeat the scent of sex that was still thick in that room, and the warmth could not replace the heat which our bodies created.

I laid my eyes towards the bed, welcomed by the sight of her bare back facing at me. Her body was curling under the silky blanket, above the messy sheets, her hair still sticky and disheveled above the pillows. She did not make any movements, yet by the subtle gestures her shoulder was making as she slowly breathed I knew that she was pretending to be in deep of slumber.

"I know you are awake," I spoke to her, gently lowering myself to sit at the edge of the bed right across from where she laid, just when I was about to let myself to reach out and brush my fingers on her beautiful skin that I loved so much - too much, considering everything that had happened.

She slowly stirred on her position, and I had to bite my lips to hold off the smirk from showing off as I saw how much she was having trouble only to be able to turn her body around on the bed to face me, moving her body so carefully with a soft whimper and a few huffs as if she was carrying a huge weight around her hips. I could see the outcome of our previous love making still evident on her skin, showing themselves when her blanket slightly fell off of her body, the purple marks on her collarbone and around the valley of her breast - yes I was allowed to leave them, and only me, even when she forbid me to at the beginning-, and the slight blue marks around her hips and thighs, where I held her tight during those long beautiful moments. In the end i couldn't stop my proud smile from showing off the moment I saw her beautifully swollen lips smiling, inviting me to devour them as I did just before, the moment she lifted her face to look at me.

"And how could you tell?" She asked with a raspy voice, still losing a lot of energy after wasting them by screaming out my name when I sent her to the oblivion.

"Because I know you that well," I calmly answered with a proud smile still plastered on my face, earning her softening gaze and a subtle hint of pink on her cheeks. It amazed me on how much I could still read her so well. Because I knew everything.

I knew the way she would drift her eyes from mine whenever she hid something from me. I knew how she blushed, the pinkness appearing dots by dots until she let them take over of her skin. I knew how much she loved to call my name, when we made love, when we cuddled on the couch together, when we spent time cooking our dinners, when we do our late night phone calls whenever I was far away. I knew how she laughed, how she cried, how she hid her feelings by giggling nervously just so she wouldn't make other people worry. I knew how ticklish she was. I knew every sensitive spots of her body, which of those that would make her writhe and succumb under my touch or laughed out loud when it tingled too much. I knew how soft her hair felt when I ran my fingers through them. I knew her body scent, more than I knew mine. I knew the words she would say just before she said them out loud.

I knew everything. I knew them from years of living with her and loving her, I knew them from sleeping on this very own bed for many years, I knew them from waking up next to her and falling asleep with her in my arms. I knew everything because I spent years of looking only at her and into her. And I knew too much. Too damn much, that it diminished every curiosity that I had to search for anything new in her, that it pushed me away so hard when I could read her too clearly even without her giving me any clue of what she had inside her mind, that I finally became too afraid to even touched her, and opted for another's touch. And for that I had given up that now empty spot on her bed to be taken by somebody else.

I followed her gaze as her eyes went down from my face, to my bare chest, and finally found out that I already had my pants on around my waist still unbuttoned. She let out a regretful sigh - so subtle that you might missed it if only you hadn't been paying attention at her as much as I did - before whispering with a shaky voice, "Leaving so soon this time?"

I released a sigh with a blink, hiding away my regret and showing her more of my teasing gaze to remind her, "What other choice do I have? Didn't you tell me that he is going to be back in the morning? We don't want your precious lover to find you tucked safely in my arms the moment he passes through that door, do you?"

Although I want it so badly to have you sleeping in my arms, just the way we always do until we part ways in the mornings, every time he goes away. Just like old times.

She shifted from her position, adjusting her back on the mattress and looked away to hide the thoughts in her mind which was already showing clearly on her face. Perhaps it would be better that way. Perhaps that would be the perfect way out. Yet she took a deep breath and gave out an answer, a damn sarcastic one at that - subtle as always, of course, "No, of course we don't want that."

I despised on how much I could read her so well.

I stepped over on the bed, crawling to her side to tuck her in her blanket, adjusting the sides to cover the area just above her breast - just the way she liked it. I hovered above her with each of my hands placed on each side of her body, taking in the sight of her lying underneath me, staring up back at me with those troubled look which I knew was a result of her conflicting the ideas of asking me to stay, or just let me be on my way so we could be together again on any other nights.

"When will I see you again?" She asked, her voice was shaky and her fingers were gripping tight onto the edge of the blanket, holding back the urge of griping to my shoulders. I leaned down to kiss her forehead, to the side of her temple, to her cheeks, before stopping at the corner of her lips and whispered, "Whenever my soul calls for you. Whenever the night pulls me back to you. But then again, you always know how to find me."

I took a moment and held myself the best I could from kissing her lips. I pulled away only to take a last glance on the marks of her skin. Her lover might not going to find us together, he might not be able to see me holding her in my arms and see how perfectly our bodies intertwined with each other, and he might not even know how many nights I spent staying by her side whenever he wasn't around. But these beautiful shades of color on her beautiful skin would serve as both reward and punishment for him. Oh how I wished I would be able to see that moment, when she forgot to cover them up and let him find the remainder of our secret love still imprinted on her. I couldn't help to wonder what he would do. He hated me enough already anyway.

I leaned back down, kissing the nape of her neck, breathing her pretty scent while letting my whole body take in her body warmth as a remembrance until our next rendezvous. "Thank you for the beautiful night, Y/N," I whispered to her before giving her the last kiss and stood up, fixing the rest of my clothes on my body while I walk out of the apartment. This used to be our safe haven. This used to be ours. She used to be my anchor. And they were no longer mine. Everything was gone. All gone.

✧✧✧

It wasn't the first time that I had to leave her and went straight to my own apartment way before sunrise. But it was the first that I felt something weighing me down. Something was trying to pull me back to where she was. I stopped my car at an intersection where the red light signaled me to stop. I took a deep breath, and I could smell the scent of her soap and the scent of her skin on mine, especially on my fingers. The scent of her perfume wafted as I gave a light tug on my coat. And each time I moved a muscle, I could still feel her touch lingering on me. It was as if I was taking her with me, as if she was there with me still. All it took was a deep inhale of breath, a blink of an eye, and immediately I was taken back into her arms, her bed, and every second I spent with her replayed over and over again in my thoughts.

I let out a desperate chuckle, laughing at my own stupidity. Selfish. I voiced out the word in my mind. I had spent quite some time to deny what was going on inside of my head, why I kept coming back to her, over and over again, even after she had become somebody else's lover, even when I had a different place and a different person to come home to.

Home.

I stood right outside the door of my recent apartment. Away from her. And I needed a moment before I had to step inside the apartment and face the reality of my current life where there was no part of her existed. I closed my eyes, reminiscing her image, her smile lively plastered on her face and her soothing voice welcoming me from behind the opened door, and I let those images of her filling my heart and soul before I finally opened the door with an exhaled sigh.

"I'm home," I announced at the dark and cold room. It was so quiet. Too quiet. I looked around, my vision took its time to defeat the darkness with the help of the moonlight illuminating through the large windows, until the only light in the room, coming from the small lamp above the side table of the living room helped me to find her. My new home. She was sitting quietly on the couch at the corner of the living room, her body leaning back on it, her face looking nowhere else but at the glass of wine on her hand, dangling just above her knee. Her hair disheveled and falling over her face as her head slightly dropping forward, her body covered by her long white night gown, with its edges messily falling over to the sides of her long legs.

I watched her from across the room, waiting for her to give a reaction to my presence in the room, and she gave me nothing. I blinked my tired eyes, and reminisced the first time I saw her, the first time she filled my mind with curiosity. I want her. I want her body. Was all that I could think of as she swayed her way through my very existence, which led me into chasing her, this new woman who moved so delicately to catch my attention each time we met, and finally led me into leaving the only woman I ever loved, leaving the only person who knew me best. I finally had her. I managed to own her body, but I lost my soul as a price.

"Jia," I kneeled in front of her, trying to grab her attention and pull her eyes away from the glass of wine so she could look at me instead. I rubbed her knees gently, before taking the glass from her hands as she finally lifted her face.

For a slight second I saw her doll-like face, with her dead eyes looking back into mine with an expression that shattered my heart into pieces. I did this to her. "You're home," she whispered, her face instantly lit up like a candle in the darkness, her voice so withered despite how many liquid she had taken before I came.

I let out a soft chuckle, letting her threw her hands around my shoulder and pressed her body to my chest while I placed the glass carefully on the side table. "I'm home," I told her, with my lips hovering around her earlobes and her hair falling partly on my face. I brushed off some of her hair with my fingers and whispered, "Why are you so surprised that I'm home? How much did you drink?"

She hummed, pressing her nose and lips on the nape of my neck. "You only come home when the sun is up high in the sky everytime you leave the way you do on nights like these," she responded, brushing her nose on my skin and breathing in the air from where she was resting her head, "You smell like vanilla."

I lowered my head, biting my lips as I realized that I actually had taken a part of her home with me. I felt a little tingle in my heart, admitting that there was a part of me that wanted Jia to be curious, to suspect that I had been hiding something. And that was when I realized that there was a part deep inside of me begging so much to be caught red-handed. "Come on, Jia. Let's get you into bed now, shall we?"

She tightened her hold around my body, pulling me and pressing me so hard to her lithe body, "Will you go away? I don't want this dream to end."

"No, Jia," I sighed, "This is not a dream. I'll sleep by your side tonight, alright?"

She let out another humm before loosening her hold on me and said, "Okay."

I pulled away from her, before setting her on my arm so I could carry her to our bedroom. I kept my eyes looking straight as I walked by, even though I knew she had her droopy eyes staring up at me. I laid her gently on the bed, before I walked around and joined her, still with my coat on and my shoes kicked away somewhere on the floor. She shifted on the bed, eliminating our distance and pressing part of her body on my chest. "I missed you, Yoongi," she said softly, right before she was taken away by sleep.

"I know."

✧✧✧

I found somebody else.

I regretted the day I said those words to her. To Y/N. I regretted every second that passed by right after I had let those words leave my lips. I regretted that I shattered her heart to pieces, that I had to watch her being broken from my acts and my words, that I had to see her cry in front of me. I regretted that I couldn't hold her, hug her and kiss her to make everything alright again, to make the truth go away. I regretted that I couldn't lie to her, that I didn't deny every words that I just gave her even when she begged me over and over again, "Please tell me they were lies. Please tell me that you are lying to me."

I remember how broken I really was when I couldn't even touch her when she broke down to her knees and begged me not to leave. I remember the very second when I felt as if my soul were ripped out of my body as soon as I walked out of the apartment. Our apartment.

But I kept coming back. I left most of my things at our, no, her apartment. I didn't have any reason back then, only deciding to do so since I got most of my things when I was building my life with her. But to think back and look at it, it seemed that I did it only so I would have a reason to come back, something that would hold me back from moving on too fast and too soon, something that would keep me from straying away from her and everything we built together.

I need my things. I have to come and get them. Such lame excuses that I would put out just so I could come up to her - yes, her - apartment. Just so I could see her. Just so I could be in the same room with her again.

At first I thought she would kick me out as soon as I showed my face in front of her again. She probably wanted to so bad. She even tried to look for excuses so she could be away and out of the apartment whenever I came by, but I always arranged things so we could be there together, so she would have no other way but to stay and meet me each time I went there. I kept leaving my things behind no matter how hard she tried to convince me to take all of my belongings out of that place, even threatening to throw them away if I hadn't, but I kept refusing, kept acting as if it was unintended, not letting her know that all I needed was excuses to be able to see her.

Yes, only to see her.

Only to be able to look into her eyes and look at her beautiful face, and had her eyes looking back at me. Only to be able to hear her voice and feel her presence near me. Yet I still couldn't touch her. Because I could still read her. And I kept reading the same thing again and again, through the look on her face and the painful look in her eyes. That was why at the end of the night, I would still came home to Jia.

But I always came back to her. I may no longer owned her body, but I could still feel our souls intertwining with each other no matter how far apart we were. And I wanted to be able to still feel it, no matter what. Selfish, such a selfish man.

I found somebody else.

It was like a rewind of a movie. A broken mixtape. History repeating itself. I knew it was unusual for her to give in so easily when I called her to announce my intention of coming over that day. "Just come quick then. I need to tell you something."

Her words made me so eager to reach her apartment as fast as I could. My head was filled with excitement, curiosity, and anxiety. A part of me was delighted that she wanted to see me, that I was able to see her that day without forcing my way to her, while the other part of me knew something was wrong. Because I knew her.

And then there I was, standing in the doorway, staring at her content face with shaky breaths, trying to grasp the words that she just said to me. Though it shouldn't have been hard for me to understand them, since she just told me the exact same thing as to what I had told her back then, word by word.

"You- What?"

"I found somebody else, Yoongi. I'm trying to move on. I've been trying to, so hard- but you wouldn't let me, you never let me, but I finally found someone, Yoongi. So I need you to get away from my life and let me be." I watched her as she spoke in front of me. I tried my best to read her, to find anything in her eyes that would indicate lies.

"You're lying. You just want me to leave so you're just saying things. You're lying," the words came rushing out of my lips even before my brain had time to process any of it. "Please tell me you're lying."

Right at that moment I understood. I was standing at where she was, saying the words she said, listening to the words I said to her back then. I felt as if there was a giant invisible hand slapping me on the face, the whole universe laughing at me wickedly when I finally felt the same pain as the one she felt, the one that I gave her.

The sudden thought of her being with another person, intertwining her body and soul with somebody else devastated me. I could see her slipping further and further away from me, and all I could do was blame myself. The words repeating in my mind. You did this. This is your fault. And I became desperate.

I was so desperate to keep her as a part of me, even though I had let her go at the beginning. And I was desperate enough to finally reach out to her, to hold her hands, to hug her. To do the one thing that I wasn't able to do when I was still her lover. I couldn't recall who made the first move, but I remembered how she melted in my arms, how her knees weaken the moment I finally touched her again. Finally, after so long. Too fucking long, and too late. And even though I knew I could never turn back time and fix all of my wrongdoings, I kept kissing her tears away. I kept holding her tight in my arms when she cried out, "Why? Yoongi, why?"

Neither of us tried to stop it - even when I told her to - not even when she pulled me into the bedroom, when I pulled off every fabric that were covering our skin, when she kissed me with shaky breaths, when I was finally inside of her once again, filling her to the core as deep as I ever could. Neither of us tried to stop it, because when we were there intertwining our bodies together, as our bodies were moving in sync in the heat of the night, I could feel our soul intertwining with each other once again, and I could see the light on her face appearing as pieces of her lost soul being knitted back together. I felt my pride building inside of me when I saw it, when I realized I was the one who welded her back together, even though it was also me who tore her apart before.

I kept coming back. We kept repeating those sinful nights, before coming back to our lovers the next morning. I kept doing my best to erase every bit of regret in both of our hearts. Because I needed those nights, I needed to always come back to her. Only to assure myself, that even when she was no longer mine, her soul still belonged to me.

Selfish. Such a selfish man.

✧✧✧

Our meetings were always discreet, mostly unplanned. We would only meet at nights, only when both of our lovers were away, although in the end it did increase into meeting up whenever we felt so lonely. We never meet up in public. We did try to just once, but it was too painful for both of us to catch a sight of each other looking through our phones when each of our significant others tried to find us, and eventually ended the day by watching one another leaving to be with different people. Coming home to different people. We set our rules, we would never talk about them when we were together, never mentioned their names, and we never talked about our past. And we would only meet at her place, at the apartment she bought with me years ago. It should've been just as simple.

And then one day, on one of those days when I couldn't possibly see or contact her, she appeared before me unannounced, only a few days after our last rendezvous, only when I just finally lost the marks she left on me.

I was sitting at the small cafe which I would always go to, perched on one of its corners with my eyes plastered on the screen of my laptop, leaving the two empty cups - previously filled with coffee - forgotten by my side. And right at the moment I stretched out my body to remove the stiffness which I got after sitting for too long and let my eyes to drift away towards the glass door, I saw her.

She was walking on the sidewalk, only stopping at the front of the shop with her back facing me. I couldn't see her face. I didn't have to, yet I knew it was her. I knew from the way she arched her back and tilted her head slightly to be able to kiss the man standing in front of her. I knew how her hips sway as she moved, and how her hair waved around from the blowing wind. So it didn't surprise me the moment I finally saw her face, when she finally part ways with her man, turning her body and quickly entering the cafe.

She stood at the front, looking around as if she was trying to find something, or someone, and I stayed at my seat without words. Until our eyes met, and she walked over to my table. "I- um, didn't think that you would actually be here," she said while standing beside my table, looking down at me with restless eyes.

I smiled at her, letting out a deep chuckle before answering, "We both know that's a lie. You are the one who knows best that I go here to work sometimes, or just lounge around when you are with him." I motioned my chin at the direction where her lover just walked out to and she got my point.

She nodded carefully, "I came here cause I wanted to see you. He has been in the apartment for days because his company is giving him some free time, so I couldn't even try to call you."

I stared up at her face, pursing my lips before pointing my hand towards the empty seat across the table. "Sit down then."

I closed my laptop and brushed it to the side so I could look straight at her. "You look good," I told her while she was busy positioning herself on her seat. She did look good. She always looked so beautiful in my eyes. Especially now, when she was unreachable by my own two hands.

She answered me with a smile, and a look on her face filled with many questions. "Did you really miss me that much?" I teased her, placing both my hands on the table.

"Yoongi..."

I waved my hands with a sigh, "I was trying to be friendly. For all we know, no one in this cafe knew what is going on between us. We're just a man and a woman sitting together in a booth for conversations."

I didn't think that my words would be too harsh for her, but I saw how she flinched at them, "I'm sorry, Y/N. What is it that you want to talk about?"

She bit her lips while staring at me, and that was how I knew how much she hated to be here, how much she hated to be telling me whatever she was about to say. I shifted on my seat, suddenly feeling insecure as I waited. "It's really nothing serious, but-" she stopped to see my reaction and flickered her eyes away from looking at me. "Um- did Taehyung contact you? About the party he is having with Jungkook?"

I raised my eyebrow, not expecting that subject to be one she would say, "Actually, Jungkook did. Why? Did they invited you?"

"Are you and- um- Jia planning to go?" She asked after she nodded, watching me, anticipating.

"I'm not sure yet. We haven't talked about it," I answered her, unexpectedly giving her a harsh tone. A slight pain appeared inside my chest. We never talked about them, she never said her name, so it surprised me once she did. I cleared my throat, pushing all of this foreign feeling away. "Why does it matter to you?"

"He- um- was home when Tae called and he was the one who answered the phone for me. And when Taehyung told him about the party, he said yes immediately." She looked around before she finally spoke out what she actually wanted to say to me, "Yoongi, I came here to ask- can you not go there? Please don't come to the party."

"I see." I watched her face and saw that there was something else bothering her. "Why does it feel feel more like a warning than a simple request?"

She opened her lips to speak but stopped herself before she did. I could practically hear the wheels in her brain turning, and her heart beating rapidly before she finally said something, "When he asked me on going, he- was pretty demanding on it. He insists to go no matter how much I try to make him change his mind."

"Do you know why he is so persistent about it?"

"I- I'm not sure. He won't tell me even if I ask him, but-" She released a nervous sigh, "Yoongi, I think he is expecting that you would be there."

I let out a chuckle. Interesting. "You know, if he really wants to see me that bad he could've asked me nicely."

"Yoongi, I don't think- I mean-"

I gave her a frowned look. I whispered to her while leaning forward with my hands crossed above the table, "Y/N, what's wrong?"

She bit her lips again. Damn it, I wish I could push away the stupid table so I could kiss her. Especially with those teary eyes showing up. "I- I think he is suspecting something, I think he knew."

I let out a smirk, asking her playfully, "Does he now? Did he see any hints? Or did you have a slip up without you realizing it?"

"No," she frowned at me, a hint of anger and annoyance were appearing on her face, just because she thought I wasn't taking things seriously. I actually was, because things might change a lot if it was true. "Please, Yoongi- I'm serious. I- I'm not sure, but by the way he acts lately, I- He keeps trying to find out more about you, and us."

"Alright," I sighed, "I understand. I might not go." I leaned back, keeping my eyes fixated on her face, trying to understand what she was thinking. Does this man really that important to her? Does the relationship really matter that much for her? Even more than-

"I'm sorry, for asking so much. I just don't want any trouble, or cause any scene on that party. Let me try to clear things out, okay?"

I nodded my head, holding myself back from asking more, holding myself back from saying the things that I wanted to say so badly. "Okay," was the only words that I gave her in the end. "Did he know you came in here to see me?" I drifted my gaze towards the glass windows and watched at the passing people outside of the cafe.

"Oh- Right, uh- no, I made an excuse of getting coffee before joining him. I should- go before he tries to look for me," she said, standing up. She stopped at her tracks to look at me once more. Regret and sadness were pouring out from the look she was giving me, but I said nothing. And I let her walk away, to get her coffee as an alibi - such a clever girl - and walked out of the cafe without looking back at me.

I watched her every move. I watched as she walked away. And I kept my eyes following her until she was no longer visible to my very own eyes. I clenched my hands above the table, gripping hard to nothingness, to the last hope I ever had to be able to hold her again.

✧✧✧

You talk about her like she is the sun and the moon

You look at her like she puts galaxies in the skies

And I am nothing

Nothing compared to the fire she lights in your soul

Nothing but a burned out star in the vast dark abyss

Foolish enough to think I could be your gravity

I stayed silent. Refraining myself from speaking or moving as I listened to more of her words. I was sitting quietly at the couch while Jia walked back and forth in the room, a glass of wine on one hand, the other was busy waving around in the air as she recited her poetic words at me - if not holding the front part of her long night dress to wave them away from blocking her footsteps.

I used to be amazed at her sight whenever she wore that dress. The long white satin night dress that fell perfectly on every curve of her body. She used to appear so ethereal in my eyes, but now her figure before me only seemed to be giving me the chills, encouraging me to leave the room immediately just to shoo her image away from my sight. Even the way she talked only sickening me - must be the reason why I always shut her up by fucking her body at nights before going to bed.

She was on her drunken state, reciting words by words of her pain, of her thoughts on myself and of her jealousy. She was broken and it was because of me. She was broken because she saw through me, through my head which was filled with my past love.

Jia kept talking and talking about her. About Y/N. And I was lost for words, letting every words that she gave me to sink in inside my head, mentally slapping myself from disregarding her pain. She turned around once she had enough, taking the last sip of wine, emptying her glass with her eyes fixated on me, before walking slowly towards me from across the room.

She leaned down, catching my chin on one of her hand and lifting my face to stare at her. "I never know what you want, Yoongi. Was it only the chase that you loved so much? Because I know that your love isn't for me. Not when you still have her in your head."

I gave her a pursed smile, holding off a smirk from coming through. It was a battle of wit between me and her. After a long battle of dominance, she finally decided that it was time to fight back. Although I was the one that started it. All I wanted to do was to stop her from emptying the last bottle of wine that we have in this house, and then to leave her alone, just like most nights. But she answered me with a long list of pain, a long list of jealousy she has of Y/N. The long list of excuses she made for engulfing the entire stack of wine I bought her. She knew I was meeting Y/N. She knew and she let me off for her own pride. She had enough of it, because she knew that I finally had enough of her.

"Do you really know what it is that I really want? All I want was the chase. All I want was your body. Meanwhile all you want from me was a boost for your ego. Isn't it fair? We both won something from all of this."

She flickered her eyes to look into mine. "At first- that was my reason. But then I started to feel- I want you all to myself. I loved how you admire my body, how your eyes were always full of pride after we fuck. I loved how good we look when we're together. And I want more and more. I want you to love me. Only me," she continued on, and I kept my straight face to hold in my emotions as best as I could - something I knew how to do best. She licked her lips, drunkenly tilting her head as she spoke, "I thought I could endure everything. I thought I still have the upper hand when you always come home to me, even if you are covered with her perfume every night. But what's the use of me being with you if you don't even look at me the way I want you to? If it's my body you want, then why won't you touch me anymore?"

I bit my lips, watching her so closely and letting out a chuckle at her words. I leaned forward, leaning my face so close to hers while lifting my hand behind her and gripping her by the hair. I was taking over the dominance, making sure that she looked straight at me as it was my turn to recite my own words at her. "Because the chase was over. Yet it was the only beautiful part I got from you. And when I had your body-"

I see nothing but a void.

"Don't you ever wonder why I couldn't cum when I'm with you?"

She stared at me with widen eyes. "You have a fucked up soul, Min Yoongi."

"I know," I said, still gripping tight of her hair, while brushing her cheeks with my other hand softly. "Are you afraid of me?"

I watched as she tensed up. Her face full of rage, shame, and pain. She blinked her eyes rapidly as she took short gasps of air, right before she flickered those doll-like eyes back to stare into my eyes. Terrified.

✧✧✧

I stepped up the stairs of the club. The loud music emitting through the walls. I tucked my hands in my pockets, taking a deep breath before I stepped through the entrance right after the huge bouncer guy on the front found my name on the list of guests. I guess those boys were still expecting me to come tonight after all.

I decided to crash in the party anyway. It wasn't my intention to do things against her will - although I do that all the time regardless - but I had spent hours of driving around, and this was my last sanctuary unless I decided to give in and sleep on the streets, if I wasn't capable enough to find a really cheap dusty motels.

The place was packed with people, mostly familiar faces, mostly were already intoxicated and dancing freely to the music, and I felt claustrophobic by the view. Not for long, thankfully, since I could see Jungkook waving his hand above his head, signaling me to come to him for safety. I made my way through the crowd, relieved the moment I got to him and welcomed by a cold bottle of beer being handed to me.

"Didn't think you'll show up," Jungkook said, leaning to me so I could hear him speak.

"Uh- yeah, I didn't think I would either," I told him, before taking a huge gulp of the alcohol to clear my mind a little.

"Did- um- Taehyung told you?" He said, pursing his lips and exhaling a sigh before he continued speaking, "He- uh-"

"Invited Y/N?" I chuckled. "Y/N told me about it."

"She did?" He stared at me wide eyed. Wasn't much of a surprise, cause we didn't really let the public know of our contact or our rendezvous. How could we? When all that people knew was how I hurt her and how she hated me because of it. "I- I'm sorry about it, Yoongi. We kind of talked to you guys separately and when I found out he contacted her, I-"

"Hey, it's okay. If there's any trouble at all I'll just go. Is she here yet, though?"

He shook his head, and took a few moments to look around at the club, "I haven't seen her. Look, just enjoy your time here, okay? I'll figure something out, but I really hope you won't meet each other, or perhaps she canceled."

I actually hoped differently.

"Didn't you guys talk to each other before calling anyone?"

Jungkook laughed, "No, we were too busy lately, and I guess everything just messed up."

"Thank God, I thought you guys had a fight or something," I told him, taking another gulp of beer while he laughed at me.

I did enjoy my time, and the drinks. I joined in the party, though I refused to join the hype going on in the middle of the dance floor. I mostly stayed with both Jungkook and Taehyung, if not retreating to the bar to get drinks and some personal space to rid the tension I got from the moving crowd.

It wasn't until one hour later that she finally showed up. She approached me at the bar, with anger plastered all over her face, pulling me to the side, away from the crowd and into a more quiet spot. The alcohol was starting to take over me, so she was half dragging me away on the floor.

"Why are you here?" She said, the moment we stopped, and she turned around to face me.

"I was invited," I answered her. My words were not slurred, but I was already tipsy enough to find that the happening moment was pretty amusing.

"We made a deal, Yoongi." She was practically yelling at me, both of annoyance and to be able to defeat the loud music. She had her eyes flickering at my face while glancing around at times, yet I couldn't care for any of it, since I was too busy admiring her standing there in front of me.

"Tell me again why you are so afraid of meeting me?" I teased her. I took a few steps closer as I talked back to her. "Did that boy of yours finally caught on to what we've been doing behind his back? Did you flaunt the marks I left on your body from our last time together to him?"

"Don't do this to me, Yoongi."

"Don't do- what?" I was already standing close to her, I looked down to watch her face, keeping my eyes on her lips.

"Please, Yoongi. If you don't go, I will," she scowled at me. It didn't scare me at all, only amused me more at her restless look.

"You know, what? This isn't fair. I came here first, and I'm only here to be a good friend to the host. You can't just tell me not to be here when they didn't even tell me to leave."

"Not fair? Me?" She was fuming in front of me. "Do you know what is not fair in all of this, Yoongi? You left me, saying that you found somebody else. Yet you just wouldn't let me go and be free even when I have found somebody. You decided to come back over and over again when I was struggling to move on. Don't you know how hard everything has been for me? I only asked of you one thing, and you just have to make things so hard."

I frowned. I thought she was the sober one, yet I didn't expect her to lash out on me. I didn't think she would just shove all of her thoughts right there, in the middle of a party, when all we had to argue was for me being there, for me not keeping my promises. I opened my mouth to answer, but stopped the moment a voice called me from behind.

"Min Yoongi."

I saw her eyes moving away from me, her face paled instantly as she caught the sight standing behind me. I turned around to see who the intruder was, and let out a smirk as I recognized him.

"Park Jimin." Of course, the man himself, the one that caused her for being so anxious on finding me here. He was staring straight at me with anger, which seemed to be something people wear on their faces when they were dealing with me. "It's been awhile. I see you've been doing well."

"Am I interrupting something, Y/N?" He called for her, yet his eyes was on me all the time. I felt Y/N brushed my body while she passed me by, rushing to be at his side. She instantly wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him to distract his attention from me.

"Baby, come on," she cooed at him.

Fuck.

I felt pain stabbing in my heart the moment I heard that nickname coming out of her lips. She used to call me that way. Used to. I kept my eyes staring back at his intimidating gaze, but I had my smile plastered on my face. I wanted to laugh out loud, watching him standing right there, both of us waiting for each other to make the first move.

I chuckled, grinning at him, "Well, I promised Jungkook if anything should happen I would leave, so I'm gonna be out of your way now." I started walking pass them, keeping my eyes on him as I moved forward until I was close enough to be able to whisper at my secret lover softly, "Have a great night, Y/N."

I brushed through the dancing crowd, swaying my way to both of the party hosts that were in the middle of their dancing. I bid my goodbyes and said thank you to them for inviting me before walking straight to the exit. I stopped on my tracks just when I was about to leave. I knew I shouldn't have turned around, but I did. And I saw them, far across the club area, just when he was leaning down to kiss her, just when she was letting her fingers to be entangled into his.

I turned back around, hiding my clenched hands inside my jacket pocket as I rushed outside.

I breathed in the cold night air the moment I stepped my foot on the parking lot. I looked around to see my car parked safely on one corner, and I walked to the opposite side. I had nowhere else to go, so I just let my own two legs lead me to where ever they wanted to go.

I walked and walked, not focusing on where I was heading, only noticing the paved sidewalk under my steps. I stopped as I finally reached a small bar at the corner of the street, and I walked straight to enter the place.

It wasn't as packed as the club I just left, merely a simple bar with an old pub setting illuminated by dim lights and filled with slow tempo music coming from the small stage around the corner. I sat at the bar, repeating my orders for liquors each time any flashes of memories showed up in my head. I lost track of time, letting myself drown in my drinks and my thoughts. The more I drink, the more I could see her face in my head. At first I tried to stop the images of her filling my head, but then I just let them be. I let her face filling my mind, appearing whenever I closed my eyes, I let her voice ringing in my ears, defeating the sound of music that was playing from the forgotten stage.

"You look pretty beat up."

I was reluctant to open my eyes - refusing to lose the sight of her in my mind - but I did anyway, only to see who it was that had the nerve to interrupt me. I turned my eyes to my side, and found the insolent woman standing next to me, her eyes staring at me as if she was ready to engulf me, either with the thoughts of stripping me bare or eating me alive.

"I'm fine," I sneered at her words, "But then again, you might know better than I do. You seemed so expert on acknowledging beat up men." I raised my glass, gulping the liquid and cringe at the strong taste that I thought I would already endure after devouring so many of them before.

She snickered, taking a sip of her own liquor teasingly, "I've met a lot of people like you at bars like these. Beating themselves up with alcohol instead of facing life." She put her glass down on the counter, turning her body to face me, "What's your excuse? Heartbreak? Got your heart stolen? Or perhaps your money?"

I let out a chuckle, licking my lips as I returned her coaxing manner. "What are you? A counselor offering for free private therapy session? Or you just really nosy at other people's matter?"

"Oh, come on," she laughed, "I'm just trying to be friendly. I saw a good looking man drinking alone, I just wanted to know if there's a room for me to accompany you and perhaps- I don't know, help you forget about your problems?" she said, as she was leaning closer to me.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Who would've thought that I was going to be seduced by a random woman at a bar? I laughed at the situation. It was such a typical thing, to be hooking up with strangers in a bar just to cure your pain. For a moment I was tempted. I needed a distraction from everything, and I could picture myself leaving this bar with this woman in my arms, spending the rest of the night at a random motel room and used her body to release my anger. Very tempting indeed.

I looked at her again with a smirk on my face. "You seem like such an expert on that."

She tilted her head with such a tease, frowning while she asked, "What do you mean?"

I stood up from my high chair, taking a few steps closer to her so I could answer her right to her face, "You said it yourself, you've seen many guys. You do this a lot? Try to be friendly to any beat up guys you see on bars, acting like you know everything. For what? A fling? A night of fun?" I tutted, "Such a good, good girl."

"Fuck you," she retorted with disgust and - of course - fear. The view that had become so familiar in my eyes as I saw them a lot from the people around me. Fear. Of me.

I licked my lips, having the pride building in me when I saw her flinched in front of me the moment I showed my shitty grin at her. "Is that what you want? Where do you want it?"

She pushed me away, before turning her heels and walked away as fast as she could from me, cursing as she went. I let out a chuckle, no longer knowing who or what it was that I found so funny, and I turned around, facing the bar once again to order more and more of those intoxicating liquid. I ordered once, and twice, devouring them faster than a blink of an eye.

"Dude, I think you've had enough. Want me to call a cab for you?"

The bartender looked at me in the eye, giving me the cue to stop the moment I ordered for another. I could still think straight - though I might not too sure about how well I could do it - and I could still see very well, so I tried to push for it. "Come on, man. I'm not even that drunk. Just one more before I go."

He shook his head before calling for his guys to send me off. "I'm sorry, man. I just can't risk it. You drank more than enough. Come back another time."

I snickered as some guy started pulling me away from the bar. I didn't give a fight, following him to the door and walked out with him gripping hard on the collar of my jacket. I stumbled at my steps as I headed at the door, perhaps I was actually drunk but I blamed it at the powerful pull he was making on my body.

He let me go on the alleyway where I came in from, giving me a light push and a mumble of go home, dude to make sure I did go. I turned around to give him my middle finger while stepping away, not caring whether the guy still had his eyes on me by then or perhaps had his back turned heading towards the bar already.

I spun around, starting to go on my way leaving that bar behind, heading straight to the road where I came from. I might have moved to soon, or perhaps I might have too many alcohol in my system, because I was stumbling and falling, and as I was trying to straighten my body I felt a bump as I was colliding with someone. I didn't see who they were, due to my attention being distracted on the way my legs were feeling like jelly, and due to gravity pulling me down.

I mumbled a sorry as I passed them by, but whoever it was that I bumped into wasn't having it. He grabbed my jacket, turning me around to face him. "What's your problem, man?" he said to my face, pulling me up until my face was settled right in front of his.

I laughed, "It seems like my only problem is being drunk. I already said sorry, man."

I didn't notice anyone else was there until he pulled my jacket collar and shook my body to sober me up a little, and that was when I saw his friends. I couldn't recall what he told me, but I was too drunk to care, too drunk to take anything seriously, too drunk to even responded well. Until I felt the hard blow he gave on my face.

I let them threw punches at me, again and again, and I couldn't care less. I gave in to the alcohol running in my system even though I still had some strength to stand up straight, but that was not the reason why I didn't put up a fight. I deserved it. Every single punch. Besides, no matter how hard they hit me, the pain that they sent forth onto my body could never beat out the pain that was residing in my heart.

✧✧✧

I was unconscious.

Both from the alcohol - although my head was spinning less the minute I woke up and I could feel my head sobering up - and from the pain I got through the wounds on my body and face. I couldn't even remember falling down but I did remember the final blow they gave on my face before everything went dark. I tried to get up but it didn't go very well, since I kept on falling and dropping on the ground each time I tried. I looked around, patting my pockets and search on the ground. My phone was gone. But I found my wallet and car keys inside of my jacket. My car. I groaned as I remembered that I left my car back at the club, hoping that it was still there.

I was finally able to stand up after a minutes of struggling, and I started walking back towards the previous club. Gripping hard onto my keys, I walked with clumsy steps while withstanding the pain, focusing solely into finding my car so I could get away from that place.

"Yoongi?"

I lifted my face at the voice. At first I thought it was only my imagination, at first I told myself that I was still drunk after all. Drunk, and desperately wanting to see her. But no, she was there, standing right beside my car, with her wide eyes fixated at me as she straighten her body up and started to take a step closer towards me. "Y/N. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be home?"

Perhaps my body was giving up without me realizing it, and I only noticed that I was swaying on my steps and was about to fall onto the ground when she rushed forward to catch me. "Yoongi, oh my God. What happened to you?"

She gripped tightly on my jacket, pulling my body up and wrapped her arms around my waist to keep me from falling again. I let out a chuckle as she held me tight, pressing my body onto hers to provide more strength, for her body was much lighter than me.

"Why are you laughing? Oh God, your face is all swollen. Who did this to you?" She kept asking me with shaky voice, with her hands holding me tight, one holding me firmly by the waist and the other clutching on the collar of my jacket, afraid of lifting them further upward to touch any bit of my wounded skin although I knew she wanted to so bad.

I lifted my own hands to reach for her cheeks, cupping both sides of her face in my hands, tilting her to look up at me. "You're really here."

For a second I saw a hint of tear revealing herself on the edge of her eyes before she blinked them away. "I'm here," she said. "And to answer your question, I did go home. But I couldn't stop thinking of you. I remember I saw your car and how you left the club. I called Tae and he said no one confirmed to driving you home so I came back here to find you."

"Were you that worried of me?" I slurred my words while probably smiling like shit. How could I care? She was there, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling, completely useless against the last bit of toxic still running through my blood and the throbbing pain on my head to even care about keeping my feelings hidden inside.

"How could I not," she whispered. She looked at my hands and found the car keys I was holding tight and took it away. "Come on, Yoongi. Let me take you home, okay?"

"Home. Where is home?" I told her, letting her take my keys but not letting my eyes to drift away from her. She looked up at me with a frown on her face. Confused.

"What do you mean?"

I laughed again, flinching each time I felt a sting on my skin as I did so. I stared away to the ground as I told her, "Jia kicked me out. No- I kicked myself out."

"Why? What happened?"

I clenched around her hips, pressing her closer to my body while I stared deep into her eyes. "What else would be the reason? Me. I scared her away. I break her and ruined everything, just like I always do," I chuckled bitterly, my eyes were tearing up and I couldn't even care less. "I have a fucked up soul, Y/N. I fucked up in everything. I am evil. I am a terrible, terrible person." I leaned down, pressing my forehead on hers, feeling so weak, so vulnerable, so ashamed, and for the first time I had let her see all of that.

She reached up, entangling her fingers through my hair and whispered to me, "Come on, at least we can find somewhere to let you rest, okay?"

I let her drive the car away from the club. I sat beside her quietly, closing my eyes the whole time trying to force myself to sleep so I could rid the remaining tipsiness I had left so I could think a lot clearer. We went on a long drive, and I expected her to drive me off to the nearest decent motel where I could sleep through the night. Instead the moment I opened my eyes, all I saw was a more familiar looking neighborhood.

"Why are you taking me here?"

She took her time to answer, focusing on pulling the car over in the parking lot before answering me while she turned the machine off. "I couldn't think of any place safer than here where you can rest."

I leaned myself back in my seat, turning my gaze around. "Won't he be there? Didn't you guys went home together?"

She bit her lips and softly answered, "No, he isn't there."

I looked over to her, watching her face as she kept her eyes staring straight out of the car, avoiding my eyes. I wanted to reach for her so much. But I knew I would only make things worse if I had done so. "Get off the car."

She turned at me and frowned. "What?"

"You can get off now. You are safely home," I told her, leaning my head back with my body half facing her. "I'm sober enough to continue driving now, so I'm gonna be fine on my own. Thanks for-"

"No," she cut me off firmly. "Come up with me, I have medicines to treat your wounds and you could rest better here than on any random motel rooms."

I groaned. I knew how stubborn she could be, and I wasn't in the mood on filling her requests. "Y/N, I can't go up there. Just because I have been coming to you at nights that doesn't mean I still belong there. I've been coming back for different reasons anyway, so-"

"Yoongi, we bought that place together. It was our home. Your home too."

"Was. Not anymore," I answered bitterly, turning my body away from her and let my eyes to stare away to the distance. The realization hitting me harder than the punches I got before. It was our home. Was.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Yoongi?"

I sighed, "Doing what?"

"This- Pushing everyone away from you, shutting yourself from people, from me."

I turned back to look at her. She was now sitting with her body facing me, after having herself freed from the seat belt that previously holding her back. I looked into her eyes, and I saw so many expectations, so many questions which I knew I wouldn't be able to give answers to. "Then tell me, why are you doing this, why do you keep trying so hard with me? I hurt you so bad, I destroyed everything. I fucked up. And I am dragging you further and further with me. Why do you keep letting me do it to you? Why did you let me- go back into those sinful nights with you."

She bit her lips while keeping her eyes fixated on me. I saw her hesitation, how she was contemplating on making whatever step she was planning in her head. My eyes flickered down from her eyes to her lips. My mind begging for her to stop doing that and messing up my mind, while at the same time begging me to kiss her. And the moment I moved my gaze to stare back into her eyes, I saw how the look in her eyes changed.

She suddenly moved from her seat, crawling to my side. I watched as she positioned herself above me, with one leg on each sides of my body. She reached down to take my seat belt off, letting me free from my last restraint. I was startled from her bold and sudden move, and all I could do was looked at straight at her and waited, as she leaned lower, pressing her forehead and whispered, "Do you want to know why, Yoongi? Why I couldn't just let you go? Because I know that everything you have been doing is just an act, and that you are just hurting yourself."

She lifted her palms, brushing the skin of my face lightly with the tip of her fingers. My body twitched under the soft brush of her fingertips over the stubble of my jaw and over the drying scars on my face. "You did hurt me, Yoongi. And I swear to God, I spent days and weeks cursing and hating you. But you always come back. And that's when I knew that deep down you were hurting too."

I could feel her warm breath as she spoke to me, with her face so close to mine, biting her lips each time she took a break from talking just to hold off her tears and keeping her eyes looking deep into mine. "I was happy when we started making love again. I knew what we've been doing is wrong, but I let you in every single time thinking perhaps something will change, perhaps next time you will show me what it is that you are searching for. Every time you come to me I will lay on bed, thinking that it would either be the end of us, or it would finally be the time for me to hear you say those words."

She scooted closer, her body still straddling my hips. I let her move her lips hovering on mine, and I flinched as she lightly pecks on each wounds, flickering her tongue on them gently to kiss the pain away. "I thought one day you will stop coming back to me, that you will one day decide that you've had enough. But you keep coming back. Yet I never know what it is that you want, Yoongi."

I could feel my breath getting warmer and heavier as my heartbeat started to beat more rapidly. Her touches were sending shivers all through my body. "What do you want, Y/N?"

She placed both of her palms on my shoulders, her eyes staring deep into mine as she spoke firmly, "You, Yoongi. I want you. I want the strong part of you, and I want that vulnerable part that you keep hiding from me, from anyone. I want the real Yoongi, the one hiding underneath those careless expression you always put on. I want the passionate Yoongi, who has the biggest dream and hunger to reach for more. And I want the Yoongi that I once held so tight in our bed inside our home when you were hurt."

It was the words that I needed to hear from her. I was taken aback from those words and from how boldly she expressed her feelings to me. And I lost it. I pulled her closer, holding the side of her face with one of my palm as I kissed her. I could feel her body tensed for a moment, slowly relaxing once I began to soften the kiss. I could no longer care for the pain I felt on my lips when it was meshed with hers. I only wanted to feel how she melted in my arms, kissing me back heatedly before I pulled away - keeping myself still attached to her and not drifted too far.

I held her hips firmly, keeping her steady above me while I gave her soft kisses as I spoke to her, "Is it selfish to say I want you the whole fucking time? I want you in my head. I want you in my bed." I felt the words rushing out of my lips, my feelings were flooding and I couldn't stop it. I would blame the alcohol for setting me free, but I knew I didn't want to stop.

"I want my hands to be all over you, on your thighs, on your body, giving you the tightest grip," I told her with my lips hovering on hers, my hands holding firmly on the bottom edge of her short dress. "I want to exhale all of my loneliness and sadness to you. I want to breathe you in. I want you. I wanted you, so bad. But I couldn't touch you, afraid that you might break from all of the burden that I had, afraid that I will hurt you by sharing all of my pain. I felt like such a failure, when you looked at me with so much admiration and love while I was so vulnerable, weak, and not feeling as strong as you thought I would- no, as I wanted to be for you."

She tilted my chin to look at her, I saw the tears in her eyes the moment she whispered to me in shaky voice, "But I want you, Yoongi. I would fight for you and fight with you. I wanted to since then, and I still want to now."

I cupped her cheek with my palm, softly sealing my lips to hers. "I can't fix what I did. I can't undo of the pain I gave to you." I was a selfish man with a fucked up soul. And we both knew it.

"Then we'll start over," she said, her lips leaving mine to give kisses on the nape of my neck, while her hands gripping hard on my jacket. "Just say the words, and I am fully yours."

I didn't give her any words to answer, instead I gripped harder on her dress, pulling it up and passed them through her head. We took off our clothes hastily, pieces by pieces, bumping to each other and to the body of the car as we undid them with our clumsy hands, not letting any of us stopping our kisses as we threw them away.

And then we were both exposed, bare from our clothes and of our true feelings. I smiled at her as she positioned herself back onto my lap, straddling me once again with my hands holding her firmly by the hips to help her settle down on me. I groaned in our kiss as she pressed down, grinding her center right on my naked shaft. "God, you are so wet, baby," I sighed between our kisses, feeling her body fluid coating me, getting me ready.

I gripped harder on her hips, lifting her up slightly to position myself underneath her, guiding my tip to her glistening entrance. She sighed at the feeling of me entering her, and I carefully started pressing her body lower and pulling her closer until I was fully inside of her. I whimpered at the feeling of her walls clenching tight around me. I felt safe as I was filling her up, stretching her walls with me inside.

I rubbed my thumbs on her waist gently to help her relax, until she eased down on my lap. I didn't stop kissing her lips, sneaking my tongue inside to meet hers. I loved how she moaned for me, how she let out a sigh which signaled that she was ready for me. But I waited. I wanted her to make the first move, I wanted her to show me that she wasn't afraid of me. I knew that she understood the moment she looked into my eyes and she put both of her hands on my shoulder, serving them as leverage as she lifted her body until she reached my tip and slammed her body back down on me, creating the slapping sound of skin to skin as her hips fell beautifully on mine.

She kept her eyes fixated at me as she continuously moving her body up and down to ride me, letting me know how good she was feeling, how desperate she was to show her needs. She looked so beautiful. So vulnerable. And I loved every seconds of it, I loved how I could see how much she cared and loved me, every bit of her feelings emitting from her face, her body, and the noises she let out through her beautiful lips.

I knew everything she wanted to say. I felt every vulnerableness she wanted for me to see. "Say the words, Yoongi," she whimpered at me louder and louder, still humping on me sloppily, "Make me yours again."

I let out a grunt as I could feel my high building up with the intense movement she was making. The sound of her voice and the words she said gave me the cue that it was time for me to reciprocate, to show her every hidden side of me. I held her tight in my arms as I bucked my hips upwards, snapping inside her walls, hitting that spot deep within which earned me her yelp and cries, and I repeated the movements after she let out a scream. There, right there.

It was right at that moment, as I was embracing the blissful high, moaning and grunting for her, while I was watching her beautiful face contorting from her own high above me. When both of our bodies were soaking wet and shaking hard from our heated love making. I could feel us, our souls, pieces of our broken selves intertwining along with our bodies, melting into each other. My tears fell all over my face, my heart filled with happiness and content with the thought that she was mine once again.

All mine.

"I love you."

✧✧✧