"Bitterness is a choice," thought Sarah bitterly. "Oh help!" she prayed. The vehicle rumbled along the stone street. Inside it was silent. In Sarah's head was noise: thoughts, emotions, feelings, questions all tumbling about like a stream fracturing over many cataracts. The silence grew and mother's expectation for speech grew with it to an uncomfortable level. Mother cleared her throat.

"Captain," she said to the man on Sarah's left, "that will be all for now. Leave us."

The captain nodded and they pulled over. He took one last look at the posh furnishings and got out. Sarah sat alone with mother.

"Just drive around for a bit," mother said to the driver. More silence.

Sarah moved over into the seat the captain had occupied and stared out the window. They were leaving the Old City.

"There must be so many things you want to say to me," said mother soothingly, "life...just hasn't been what we expected..." Her voice trailed off, unable to gain momentum in the space she and Sarah shared. "I was hoping," said mother, trying again, "that you would come live with us..." Those words thumped Sarah's heart like a drum and she had to take deep breaths to calm herself. Hot tears came and she quickly wiped them away.

"You know I can't do that mother."

"Yes you can," said a gentle voice; but it was not mother's.

"Just give him a chance!" pleaded mother, "Jack loves him! He cares for us so much! I wish you could see him the way I do, the way Jack does!"

"And then what?" Sarah asked, "and then we'd be one big happy family? Father's gone, grandma's gone, does that even mean anything to you? The man you married is part of the system that brought an end to them. A system that will no doubt bring an end to Undersea itself!"

"Undersea is strong Sarah, can't you see? Every obstacle we face we overcome, nothing stands in our way! Daily our scientists invent new ways of becoming better people. All our problems are being solved by them. Don't they deserve our allegence?"

Sarah had heard these things before in school from her teachers and from elsewhere. It made her sad it was coming now from her mother. Somehow that hit closer to home, though they had not spoken in a long, long while.

"And you'll need somewhere to stay," mother was saying, "come stay with us! We'd be happy to have you!"

"Father's dead," said Sarah abruptly, turning to mother, "father's dead and you don't care! How-how dare you! I don't see you for years and suddenly the day after he's gone you just show up with a goon squad and expect me to act like nothing happened! Where you just waiting for him to be out of the picture before you swooped in?"

Mother was silent and the vehicle rumbled on.

"Sarah," she began, "there are some things you just don't understand..."

"I'd love to hear about them."

"After grandma's inquiry it was about survival, okay? I saw an opportunity and I took it, for Jack and I. You refused to come. Don't begrudge the bright future we've had..."

"You left him mother! You left him when he needed you most."

"Don't you judge me Sarah!" said mother, color flushing in her cheeks, "Don't you judge me! I made the right decission! Look in the vehicle you now sit!" Mother motioned to the luxurious interior of the cabin. "All my needs are provided for, I have no worries! Life is good for me and Jack. There was a time when it wasn't. And I was tired of it Sarah, oh so tired!"

"Why do you need me if life is so good?" said Sarah in a bitter fight with bitterness.

"Oh Sarah-bear!" said mother (Sarah-bear was what mother used to call Sarah long ago), "life hasn't been so good to you! I am here to share it's goodness with you, the goodness Jack and I have. You are my daughter."

Sarah cried to hear those words. The vehicle circled through the main drag of Undersea.

"There is grass and trees where we live," said mother, "cared for and manicured in such a way that they even grow in an under water city! We have the best oxygen; the air is not stuffy where we live. Our house is large, you will have your own rooms. A maid will be assigned to you! You will be well fed and looked after."

"I miss my friends," said Sarah turning back to the window.

"They can come visit whenever you want!" said mother desperatly, "and you can bring them with you to the elite school Jack goes to. You will go there too or course. It is the best school in Undersea, not just anyone gets in."

A sort of tug-o-war was at work in Sarah. She knew what she would have to face if she said yes. But surely it was not a thing to be turned down lightly and Sarah did not know what she was going to do now that father was gone. Sarah seesawed as she stared out the window. The vehicle was moving into an upscale neighborhood and Sarah sat up straight, eyes wide.

"Is that a tree?" she asked looking at a well manicured yard, "is that grass?"

"Just a small one," said mother looking out the window at the tree, "and our yard is much bigger and the grass greener."

Sarah gazed in wonder at those things she had not seen since coming to Undersea. A tear formed in the corner of her eye as she stared at the greenery around her growing ever lusher as they went. Soon the vehicle was passing lawns that were even bigger.

"I can't do this," thought Sarah as she looked longingly at the plants growing, and now there were flowers! "I feel it a betrayal to father and grandma." And as she thought through these things it was laid upon the quiet of her soul that she was to honor her mother despite what had happened and then Sarah knew it was not up to her to decide who deserved what. She was to love despite feeling unloved by her parent for all those years, and the truth that she was not alone, nor ever would be regardless of circumstance, worked to soften the hard corners of her heart.

"Okay," Sarah said after a bit, "I will come to stay with you and Jack and...him." She could not say the name just yet. One thing at a time.

"That's wonderful Sarah!" mother exclaimed very much releived. She moved to the middle seat, leaned over, and put her arm around Sarah.

Sarah swallowed hard and was not sure where she was going to find the courage for the next bit. She had held onto it a lot tighter then she realized and if she released it now, what would take it's place? It had been so familiar, even though it weighed more then any scale could record.

"Mother?

"Yes Sarah?"

"I forgive you." And Sarah cried deep sobs of freedom, and bitterness no longer had a home. "Why haven't I done this sooner," she thought smiling through tears. She hugged mother and was free. "I must still be wary though," Sarah thought to herself later. It pained her to have to think like that.

"Oh..." said mother on the seat next to her, not sure of a response, or that she was even in need of forgiveness. "Um, that's wonderful." And Sarah's mother felt troubled for the first time in a great while.

- - -

The vehicle came to a newer part of Undersea more recently shaped from the rock. They came upon a roundabout and in the center there rose a great lamp: a singular, much larger version of the many smaller lamps that were in the Old City. Many stories high it towered, as if reaching for the dark ceiling of the sky high above. As they circled around it Sarah looked out her window up at the vaulting roof and it occurred to her that nowhere in Undersea had she seen the rock of the ceiling so far above. It made everything feel open; less cramped, like there was space to actually live and breathe. And everywhere there were plants, trees, and flowers. They were now traveling down a wide boulevard paved with white stone and lined with massive trees that shaded the road from the bright light of the roundabout lamp. If Sarah did not know better she would have thought she had strayed into a summer's day in the above world: all that was missing was bird song. And then Sarah looked and saw that flying and perching and wheeling though the limbs of the great trees were birds of such plumage and color that words failed to come to their description. She began to feel a touch of excitement.

Mother smiled.

The ceiling of rock above them was so high it seemed not to be there at all and they continued on along that marvelous straight way. No other street intersected with this boulevard and as Sarah looked between the tree trunks she saw green meadows. A doe and fawn lifted their heads from grazing to watch them pass. There were deer in Undersea!

As they went the meadows turned into a lush manicured lawn and there where fountains and streams running across it in carefully sculpted watercourses. Up ahead Sarah became aware that they were approaching a wall and abrupt it seemed in contrast with all Sarah had seen. The wall was made of the same rock most everything else in Undersea was, and indeed it seemed to Sarah that they had arrived at the very edge of the city itself and could go no further. (It was true, as Sarah would learn, they had in fact come to the end: the outer limit of the furthest reaches of the under water city.)

If the city was to expand further it would have to go around what Sarah saw next. Carved into the wall where the flat land met the sharp uplift of unyielding rock, there was formed a paved driveway of many switchbacks stitching ever upward across the face of the rock. Great carvings and motifs decorated the walls above the winding road. Intricate forests of kelp rising over beds of shells were carved above one sharp curve in the ascending driveway. At another there was the flag of Undersea with many smaller images entwined about it and though it. Yet another motif showed a scene of submarines docked at harbor. But above them all, where the road finally reached its destination, was a massive insert carved into the solid rock. Inside that large recess, perched like a castle high above the lands of it's dominion, was built a mansion of white stones that gleamed in the light of lamps. Great columns it had; towering four stories high, and its front doors flashed like bronze, glinting under the high roundabout lamp that shown down upon its surrounding environs like the midsummer sun on a cloudless day. There were many flowering trees around that palatial abode and ruby-green hummingbirds flitted amongst them. It was difficult to tell how big the house was from where Sarah sat below the first switchback; from there the bulk of the residence sat back out of view.

"You're going to love it here," whispered mother squeezing her hand like Zenith did. Sarah sat taking it all in, and it was hard for her to find words, for she felt many things.

They wound up the wall, first passing though a check point of uniformed guards before they climbed; guards wearing sharp pressed trousers, black boots, and a golden starfish on each shoulder.

Sarah remained silent as they ascended. How old would Jack be by now? Would he even recognize her? Sarah thought of other things that made her feel rigid as iron. She thought of grandma and how much she would have loved to see the trees and birds and deer. She remembered father.

Sarah looked out across the wide expanse of Undersea as they rounded a switchback. She gazed over the lawn, the trees, and the meadows they had passed; beyond the lamp that burned like a sun high above, higher then even the big house was. Way out she looked, to where the ground and roof were close, beyond the great building that was the Lab to were Sarah had lived, up against the oldest wall in the city: a most important wall that kept the ocean out and the air in. Sarah was at a loss of what to think just then as she took in the view, staring upon the land she lived. Her eyes blurred in the middle distance and Sarah's mind drifted to the past, then to the question mark of the future: from where was she even coming and where was she going? It all seemed quite inescapable just then.

As Sarah looked at the opulence around her, at the new wonders that greeted her at each turn, she felt a tinge of disquiet. It was all beautiful yes, but maybe too beautiful, as if overdone? There seemed a manufactured quality just beneath the surface yet hard to pin down. A contrived perfection somehow, in the way that nature wasn't: a mimicry of a memory where only the polished good is recalled. It was in a sense like gilded metal: only the thinnest of varnishes covering something less pure. What then when the varnish rubbed off? Was there anything here in this place that was pure gold through and through? Was there anything that was ment to be here?

They exited the last hairpin turn and the great house loomed up suddenly like a sailing ship out of fog. The vehicle stopped before the steps and columns of the large residence and a servant came wearing a crisp white suite-like garment, and opened the door on mother's side, offering her his arm. He did not make eye contact or look into the cabin at Sarah but rather kept his eyes on the ground and his head bowed. Mother accepted his arm without a glance and exited the vehicle. Sarah scrambled after her, sack of belongings in tow. She felt dwarfed by the giant blocks of the house and her gaze retreated from them to the polished white flags of a large patio that lay between the steps of the house and a curb that bordered the cliff edge. Sarah nearly bumped into another servant, also looking at the ground, who had been sent to take her luggage. He held out his hands motioning for Sarah's pack and Sarah started to surrender it to him. Then on second thought she wanted to take it herself, but a tugging match ensued for a moment until the servant, bewildered, let go and not knowing what to do shuffled off to take up position by a column near the entry doors of the mansion: ready if called upon. Sarah hugged the pack like an only child and stood there as if a young girl lost on the seashore. She looked up at the towering structure before her. "Oh help," she thought.

There was a loud "Whoop!" from the doors of the mansion and out of them bounded a boy of nine or ten, the spitting image of father. The boy ran up to mother and gave her a hug. As they embraced mother whispered something into his ear. She took him by the hand and led him to Sarah.

"Say hello to your sister Jack," said Mother.

"Hello," said the boy, now shy.

Sarah heart melted and she set down her pack and went over to him. "Oh!" was all Sarah could say. She hugged her brother whom she had seen in nearly a decade. The servant who had tried to take Sarah's bag saw his chance and shuffled quickly from his station, eyes down, making for Sarah's unguarded luggage. Sarah spotted him at the last moment and snatched up her sack just as he was reaching for it. Jack gave her a strange look and mother covered a bemused smile by clearing her throat.

"That will be all," she said to the porter looking past him. He shuffled off across the plaza toward a garage-like recess carved into the side wall of the alcove the mansion ocuppied. By the columns a young women appeared.

"Ah," said mother motioning to her, "Emmie, your maid, will help get you settled." Emmie approached eyes down.

Sarah sighed, "for goodness sakes mother, why won't she or the porter, or any of the people here look at me?"

Mother's face clouded at the question as if she did not quite understand it. "Well, why should they?" she said after a moment. Silence on the patio. Jack stood between the two of them glancing from mother's face to Sarah's then back again to mother's, bewildered by the conversation.

"Look Sarah," began mother, "this is just the way it is." She raised her hands as if helpless. "I don't make the rules."

"It's a bad rule mother," said Sarah and she turned to Emmie and smiled. To everyone's surprise she dropped her sack and gave Emmie a big hug. Emmie stood, eyes on the ground, cheeks flushed; the limp recipient of Sarah's embrace. Sarah felt Emmie tremble a little. Over Emmie's shoulder Sarah saw the porter stick his head out of the garage and Sarah beat a retreat to where she left her bag.

Both mother and Jack looked at Sarah like she had a third ear growing from her forehead but Sarah smiled at them too. "When's lunch?"

"In an hour," said mother recovering. "Enough time for you to get settled in. Emmie will take you to your rooms. I need to speak with the driver."

"I'll carry it," said Sarah when Emmie made a move to pick up her sack, "you can lead the way!" Jack tagged along behind.

They ascended the steps of the big house, their footfalls sending soft echoes back across the patio. The air was cool, not stuffy like Sarah was used to down in the Old City. The trio came to the large front doors of gleaming metal and they opened before them without a sound. Emmie, Sarah, and Jack left the light of the large lamp and the towering colonnade of the entrance behind and crossed over the threshold. The doors of the house closed silent behind them.

They stepped into a huge room of white marble with a high vaulted ceiling. It was furnished richly with carved statues in various poses, tapestries, and a few side couches. There were windows looking out over the patio. A massive red floor rug covered most of the room and at the far end two curving grand staircases, one on the left, one on the right, ascended gracefully to a second floor balcony. Passages to different wings of the house met in the Front Room (as it was called) and everywhere that Sarah could see the house was lit with soft light. They crossed the room and ascended a staircase coming to the large balcony overlooking the Front Room. Going then straight down a hallway they came to a suit of rooms in the far corner of the second floor whose windows looked out at the back wall of the alcove the house sat in. Smaller lamps surrounded the back of the house and warm light filtered in.

Sarah laid her bag on the bed and turned to look at the room. It was a large bedroom with thick carpets covering marble floors. There were large closets and places to sit and a bathroom all of her own.

"I'm just next door," said Jack poking his head into the room, "If you get lost holler." Jack turned and went down a hallway to Sarahs left, which formed a T with the main one they had just come down, and she heard a door close. Emmie stood by the wall eyes cast downward.

Sarah shut the door to her room and went over to Emmie. Emmie braced herself for another hug and Sarah laughed. Sarah sat down on a chair and motioned Emmie to sit too, but Emmie would not and her face got redder the more Sarah tried. "What is wrong with this place?" thought Sarah after a fruitless effort. "Why won't you talk to me Emmie?" said Sarah aloud, a little hurt. Emmie shook her head and kept looking at the floor. Sarah was quiet a while. "Okay, new rule Emmie," said Sarah, trying something different, "when you are in my room we will look at each other and not at the ground!"

Sarah dug into her pack and pulled out the marble she had brought with her to Undersea from the above world. When she looked up she saw Emmie looking sideways at her, but head still down. Emmie quickly dropped her eyes. Sarah went to her with the marble in her open palm. Emmie lifted her eyes slowly to the object in Sarah's hand. "For you," said Sarah, "It's called a marble, it's made of glass."

Emmie looked at the marble but did not unbow her head.

"It's for you," repeated Sarah, "a thank you gift for showing me my room." Sarah bent her head to Emmie's level so she could see her eyes. Emmie winced but at Sarah's encouragement slowly reached out and touched the marble. "For you," said Sarah, and Emmie picked it up. She looked up at Sarah and smiled, then frowned as if catching herself and dropped her head. Sarah could have cried in frustration; she needed a moment to think. "Emmie," she said, "would you be kind enough to find out how soon lunch will be please? Thank you."

Emmie shuffled to the door and went out, shutting it softly behind her. In the time the door was open Sarah heard a rich sound, as if some musical instrument was being played nearby.

After Emmie left Sarah sat down again in her chair, head in hands. "Seriously, what is wrong with this place?" she thought again. The ways of the city continued to be tiresome but what could she do? She went over to her pack and reached to the bottom pulling out grandma's book. She tucked it safely under her pillow. "For some reason that's always the last place they look," she thought, half serious half not. She heard the music again, soft and low; it sounded like someone was practicing.

Sarah grew curious; it was not an instrument she had heard before and she left her room to investigate. The music grew louder as she traveled the hallway back toward the stairs. Off to the right, just before she reached the balcony, another hallway branched away and following this around a turn she came to some double doors. The music came from the room beyond and so Sarah carefully pushed them open and stuck her head in.

It was a long rectangular room with warm wooden paneling. Instruments hung on the walls and to her right at the far end near a window overlooking the patio sat a man with his back to her. He was playing an instrument she had never seen before; it was slender and tall, taller then the man, perhaps it was in the woodwind family? It had many buttons and levers and the man's skillful fingers danced over them making the most wonderful sounds. The man played on and then the music stopped and he sat back as if he had been tapped on the shoulder. He leaned the instrument back into its holding stand and spoke.

"It's called a bassatone," he said tidying up some sheet music, "I invented it myself. I am sure you would agree that nothing above or below compares to it! I am told playing an instrument is good for the mind." He stood and turned toward her, "well well young Sarah: 'from the outhouse to the penthouse' I believe the saying goes!" Sir LaRosa spread his arms wide. "Welcome, welcome to Paradise!"