Colin went to his favorite watering hole and found Robbie already sitting at the bar with three empty glasses in front of him.

"Hey," Robbie slurred as he waved to the bartender.  "Lemme have another one of these. . . whatever.  As long as it's got alcohol in it."

Colin sat next to him.  "I'm guessing things are going well with Christina?"

Robbie took a swig from Drink Number Four before speaking.  "Oh, things are just dandy.  Peachy.  Super. A dream come true. I am just so frickin happy, my teeth are gonna start hurting from smiling so damn much."

Colin ordered a beer.  "Okay, how bad is it?"

Robbie ordered and drank his fifth drink before answering.  "Oh, you're going to love this.  Guess what?"

"What?"

"Guess?"

"I give up, what?"

Robbie waved him closer, then yelled "I'm going to be a baby daddy."

Colin looked shocked.  "Are you serious?"

"Yup.

"Seriously?"

A cigarette dangled from Robbie's lips.  It stayed there while he took a drink from Number Six.

"I thought you used protection," Colin said.  "Unless your little swimmers somehow managed to bust through them."

Robbie shook his head.  "No no no, I forgot to pack them when we went out of town.  But Christina let me do it anyway.  Hey, ever done it without a condom?"

Colin looked around quickly.  "Shhhh you're too loud."

"Well have you? Have you ever done it without a condom?" Robbie pointed his finger at him.

"Maybe a few times, lower your voice."

Robbie kept babbling.  "It's frickin great.  All that skin on skin.  I think I'm gonna give up on condoms."

"Sure, great idea." Colin said.  "Knock up more girls and catch yourself an STD while you're at it."

Robbie had to think deeply about that, or as much as the liquor will allow.  "Oh yeah, that's right.  Babies are made without condoms.  That's how my kid got here."

Colin took a sip of beer.  "So what are you going to do?"

"Right now?" Robbie climbed off his bar stool.  "I'm gonna go take a piss."

"I meant about the baby, dumbass."

"Oh, my bad.  Christina wants to keep it so that's what we're gonna do.  'scuse me."

Robbie stumbled to the mens room.  When he opened the door he was faced with a most disgusting sight.  The floor was covered in urine, toilet paper was everywhere, and the toilet itself was stopped up with Lord knows what.

"Oh hell no.". Robbie backed up.  "Hey," he told the bartender.  "You need to clean the john."

"You clean it." The bartender said.

"Shit." Robbie muttered as he headed to the door.

"Where are you going?" Colin asked.

"Be right back," Robbie told him.  "I gotta go piss."

Robbie left the bar and went around the side.  He dropped his pants and started to take it out when all of a sudden. . .bright lights flared up around him.

"The fuck?"

"DO NOT MOVE!" said a booming voice.

Robbie turned around, his cigarette still hanging from his lips.  "What!"

Oh crap! The police!

A cop came over.  "Sir, what are you doing?"

"Taking a leak,"  Robbie told him.  "That pisshole in the bar is absolute shit, I wouldn't let my dog use that."

"You'll have to come with us." The cop said.

Robbie stood there in his boxers with his pants around his ankles.  "What did I do?" He slurred.

"Seriously? It's called indecent exposure."

"What? Have you seen that bathroom?" Robbie pointed.  "I'm better off pissing out here."

"Sorry, but that's against the law," the cop said.  "We'll have to take you in."

Robbie thought about it, then he kicked off his pants and ran away.

"We got a runner!" The cop said.  "After him."

Back at the apartment Christina was on the couch with Sandy, channel surfing on the TV when she landed on an episode of Cops.  What caught her eye was her baby daddy running around in his boxers with the teddy bears on them while the cops chased him. 

"Get your ass back here!" One cop said.  "And put your pants back on!"

"(Bleep) you!" Robbie yelled back as he ducked and dodged the cops.  "(Bleep) you all, mother(bleepers)!" He tripped and fell flat on his face.  As the cops pulled him up by his arms, Robbie squirmed loose and ran away again.

"Aw, (bleep)," one cop said, chasing after him.  "I'm too old for this (bleep),"

Christina shook her head and watched as they finally caught up with Robbie and stuffed him into the squad car.  Robbie put up a good fight resisting the car.  He kept sticking out his legs to prevent being put into the car.  The police had to literally fold him into the back seat.  One smacked him upside the head.  "That's for making us run after your ass." The cop said.

Christina touched her belly.  "That's your daddy," she told the unborn baby.  "I hope you're as proud of him as I am.  Now I've got to go bail out your daddy from jail."

Robbie sat in the cell with his head in his hands.  His head was hurting, he felt like puking and he still had to pee.  He heard Christina's voice down the hall.  Aw, shit, like he didn't have enough to deal with, now he had to put up with her mouth. Ohh this was going to be a great day.

Christina came to his cell.  "Robbie, what the hell were you thinking?" she kept her hand on her belly as if she were protecting the baby from his crazy ass daddy.  "Why were you peeing outside the bar? Were you raised by wolves? Really?"

"That bar bathroom was a pisshole."

"So you just piss outside, nice."

"I had to, that place was absolute shit."

Christina just looked at him.  "Robbie, we're about to be parents," she said.  "Are you going to be doing this every single time you get stressed?"

"What are you talking about"

"This wasn't about some shitty bathroom," she said.  "You're still freaked out about the baby."

Robbie looked down.  She wasn't lying, he thought.  This whole baby thing was throwing him.

"Look," Christina was firm.  "I was just as freaked too, but I pulled it together for the sake of our kid.  He needs two parents, ones who got their act together.  I need to count on you, and so does our baby."

"Yeah," Robbie sighed.  "You're right.  I need to get it together. They're not going to press charges, I just need to pay a fine.  I'll ease up on the drinking."

"Good."

Robbie smiled.  "You said 'he'.  Is it really?"

" We won't know til next week at my appointment," Christina said as they left the station.  "If you behave, I'll let you know if you're having a son or daughter."

Robbie was surprised.  "Really? Oh my God! I am so not ready for that."

"Better get ready, Baby Daddy."

They laughed as they headed home.  Robbie vowed to straighten up and fly right for the sake of his kid.