The Deepest Desires In My Mind

Calum doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers waking up the next morning pressed against Ashton's side, his head resting on Ashton's chest. Ashton remains asleep, eyes swollen shut, one of his arms wrapped around Calum's shoulders. The morning sunlight glistens against the surface of the water, and Calum faintly hears the other mermaids nearby, talking amongst themselves.

Calum embarrassingly scoots away from how close he was to Ashton, but Ashton makes a noise of protest, pulling him back close to him. Calum lets a small smile slip onto his face and complies, returning to his side.

The two of them remain beside each other for a little while longer, listening to the ocean wake up from the night. Calum watches the schools of fish swim through the water, the sand drifting underneath their fins. Calum closes his eyes. He was foolish yesterday to think about all the dangers of the ocean and to even consider that overpowering the beauty of it. On mornings like these, early mornings with the bright sunlight and the fresh water, the beauty will always overpower the danger.

Ashton and Calum get up once they hear Joy talking close by to Luke. Ashton rubs at his eyes to help him wake up fully before swimming towards them.

"Hey, Ashton," Joy says. "The nets should be cleared by now. We're ready to head back whenever you are."

"I think we're ready. The ocean is fairly clear this morning. It would be smart to get an early start," says Ashton, so Joy leaves to go tell the rest. Luke instantly begins talking to Ashton, chattering about nothing and everything. Ashton, like the genuine man he is, listens with a smile and never once interrupts him. Calum watches with a small smile on his face.

Calum didn't bring anything with him, so he has nothing to pick up in order to leave. He helps his mother gather everything and assists some other mermaids struggling with things to carry, and in no time, the clan is ready to leave. Ashton gives thanks to the other clan leader for allowing them to stay for a little while, and then he returns to the others, swimming past everyone else until he stands right beside Calum and Luke. Ashton gives Calum a sideways glance, smiling a little and squeezing his hand before letting go and picking up a few supplies.

"Alright, everyone," says Ashton. "Let's go."

The journey back is a quiet one. Nobody talks much, but the atmosphere of this journey is definitely a more positive than the previous one. Luke tells jokes to keep everyone entertained, and Ashton quietly talks to Calum as they swim, pointing things out and explaining things whenever Calum asks. Joy swims beside him, and Calum honestly couldn't be more proud of the woman he has as a mother. Calum feels fortunate that he found her after so long.

Even so, it doesn't change the fact that he still has a family back on land. The moment the mermaids finally reach back home and settle in, Calum places everything down and looks toward the direction of land.

He turns to Joy. "I've got to go do something real quick. I'll be back soon." Calum starts to turn away, but then he stops. He turns back to Joy. "Tell Ashton to meet me at the dock north from here. At the beach." Calum can barely get the words out of his mouth fast enough. He itches to get back to land, to see his best friend and his foster mum. The moment everyone settles back in their homes, Calum swims out of the clan and starts the familiar trail he used to always take that leads to his beach.

He thinks about what he just said, and feels a little better. Ashton mentioned last night, late before they went to sleep, about wanting to meet Michael. If Michael no longer hates Calum's guts, he figures that might work out alright.

He begins to grow nervous on his way there. The last time he set foot on land, it didn't go to well, health-wise. He also won't have much time to convince Michael he didn't choose the ocean over him, that it wasn't much of a choice at all. He just needs to see him, and Laura. He needs to see him and he needs to say he's sorry. If they'll let him, of course. Michael may absolutely despise him by now.

The thought makes Calum's chest hurt just thinking about it.

He hurries until he can finally see the beach up ahead of him. Thankfully, the beach is nearly empty due to it being so early in the morning. Calum feels a pang in his chest as he reaches the land, swimming as shallow in the water as he can until the air hits his hips and the scales start to fall away. He misses this, the beach, the air, the sun on his skin. He misses looking up at the sky and seeing all the surfers around him and watching kids run along the sand. He misses it. And now it's too far out of reach to grasp.

Calum walks up the beach, the sand burning the bottoms of his feet. His old jeans are nearly ripped to shreds, soaking wet from the water. He looks like a mess, he knows, but there isn't much he can do about it. He hurries up to his house, rounding the corner until he reaches the front door. He wonders if Michael will be inside. He normally goes to Calum's house before school even when Calum isn't there, but that may have changed since he was gone.

After a moment of hesitation, Calum opens the door cautiously, the door creaking as it slides open. Inside, he can hear Laura's warm, familiar voice. As Calum shuts the door, he hears Michael's voice as well. Calum breaths out a sigh of relief. He doesn't have time to make it to Michael house and back. He can already feel his body weakening from the effect of the air on his skin.

Calum rushes the best he can up the stairway leading to the kitchen, and as he goes, he can hear Laura and Michael stop talking. They heard him. Calum falters for a moment before finally reaching the landing. He looks up, relief filling his veins when he sees Laura and Michael sitting at the kitchen counter together, Michael's familiar colorful hair making Calum want to break down and cry. Their faces contort into shock at the sight of Calum, dripping salt water all over the floor, his knuckles white on his grasp of the railing, but there in the flesh. Laura is the first to move.

"Oh, Calum!" she jumps out of her chair, rushing over to Calum and pulling him into a massive hug despite him being soaking wet. Calum shuts his eyes happily, hugging his foster mother back warmly. He didn't realize how much he missed her until now. "You scared me to death, you know that? When Michael told me... well. I didn't believe him at first. But we never really knew what bloodline you were born from, you know, since you were adopted and all--"

Calum nearly chokes.

"You told her?" Calum says in shock towards Michael, peeking around her to look at his best friend.

Michael gets over his surprise enough to say, "You left. Of course I told her." The edge in Michael's voice makes Calum flinch.

Calum slowly lets go of Laura and walks carefully towards Michael. Despite Michael's stern eyes, he can see how Michael watches Calum carefully, fully aware of how much strength Calum is losing by the second. Michael's muscles tense, ready to jump to Calum's aid at a moment's notice.

"Michael," Calum begins, "you have to understand. I didn't want to leave you here. I promise you. I didn't have a choice, I-- I still don't. I had to go back to the ocean because my-- I can't stay alive if I'm not in the water."

Michael doesn't say anything, just watching Calum's naturally dark skin turn a bit pale.

"You're my best friend, Michael, I would never leave you by choice. I wish I could stay here with you and with Laura, but-- I-- I can't, and--" Calum can't bring himself to keep talking, feeling a bit light-headed. He leans against the counter to regain his balance. Michael jumps out of his chair and stands beside his friend in bewilderment.

"You've gotten so much worse, Cal," Michael says softly, and by the tone of his voice, Calum knows Michael believes him. Calum breathes a sigh of relief.

"I know, I know," he mumbles. "I don't know how much longer I'll be able to change back. It's getting a bit more difficult." He can feel his legs start to weaken, and his knees buckle. Michael reaches out and grabs him before he can collapse, his arms strong and sturdy around him.

"Jesus, Calum," Michael says softly. He hears Laura catch her breath. Calum grasps the edge of the table to keep him stable.

"I'm sorry, Michael. I'm sorry I left, without-- without even explaining," Calum says quickly, trying to get the words out fast. "I didn't--"

"Calm down, it's fine," Michael says gently. "You didn't need to explain. I figured it out myself eventually. I mean, God. Look at you. You couldn't have stayed even if you wanted to."

Michael helps Calum sit down in one of the bar stools at the counter, allowing him to lean against the surface of the table as if it were the only thing holding him together. The colorful haired boy quickly fixes Calum a glass of water, pushing it towards him helpfully. Calum slowly lifts it to his lips, hoping it will give him enough strength to stay for at least a few more minutes without getting too dessicated.

After kissing the top of Calum's head and telling him how much she's glad he's okay, Laura leaves the room to allow Michael and Calum to talk. Michael sits beside Calum, remaining silent as Calum keeps his hands wrapped around the glass of water, while Calum tries to think about all the things he needs to say before he has to leave again.

"I've missed you, you know," Michael says quietly. He looks at Calum through his sea-green eyes. "It's been kind of boring without you complaining to me all the time."

"I've miss you too," Calum says sadly. "I miss everything about land. Even your ever changing hair colors."

"Even my hair colors?" Michael says excitedly. Calum laughs.

"Yes, of course," he says, enjoying the smile on his best friend's face. Michael stares at him, looking deep in thought. After a moment, he takes a deep breath, breaking away from his gaze on Calum to look down at his hands.

"Tell me about the ocean. What's it like?" Michael asks. Calum's almost surprised. He would have sworn Michael wouldn't have wanted to know about any of it, considering he has to be there instead of here with him. But Calum considers the question anyway.

"It's, very beautiful. I found other mermaids and I ended up belonging in the same clan as them. They're all very welcoming," Calum says, staring down at the glass of water in his hands. "I even met my mum. My birth mum."

Michael raises his eyebrows. "Your birth mother? Are you serious?"

Calum allows himself to smile a little, shaking his head. "Yeah. She's a mermaid. Which explains... me. I guess."

Michael smiles. "Dude. That's awesome. You found your literal mother! That's incredible!"

"Met my father, too. He's a fisherman. But... I don't know. He didn't seem all that nice of a guy. My mum sent him away after we found him."

Michael sits back in surprise. "You've been busy."

The longer Calum sits, the air hitting his skin and his lungs growing more and more dry, he starts to feel a migraine coming on in his temples. He gathers enough strength to turn towards Michael, catching his eyes. "There is someone I want you to meet. He-- his name is Ashton. He's like me."

There's a faint smile on Michael's face. "Your ears are red. Do you like him?"

Calum blushes furiously, reaching up to hide his burning ears. "No," he lies.

"Bullshit," Michael smiles. It fades slowly as he takes in Calum's blanched skin. He sighs. "You need to get back to the water."

Calum carefully starts trying to get off the bar stool. "Yeah. I do." He winces as a sharp pain shoots up his leg when his foot touches the ground, making him draw in a breath. Calum bites down on his bottom lip, trying not to let any tears spring to his eyes. He hates this, how he suddenly can't be on land for more than an hour without having his body fall apart.

"Okay, let's get you back. Come on," Michael murmurs, helping Calum out of the chair. He slings his arm around Calum's waist while Calum grasps Michael's shoulders. Michael feels guilty for being so angry at Calum when he left. He should have known immediately how much Calum was struggling behind his words, how he really did have no choice. He should have known that Calum wouldn't have jeopardized their friendship simply so he could swim around in the ocean. The weight of the sick boy in his arms proves that.

Michael makes sure to let Calum hug Laura goodbye before they leave the house, Calum almost completely dependant on Michael at that point. Michael tightens his grasp on Calum's waist as they walk away from the house and down towards the beach. Michael's blood runs cold when he sees how crowded the beach is, and he falters for a moment.

"The dock," Calum mumbles. "Go to the dock."

"Will that be less crowded?" Michael asks, turning and heading towards the dock, which looks way too far away in the condition that Calum is in.

"Yes," says Calum, through gritted teeth. "Ashton is there, too."

Michael could almost cry with relief when the finally reach the dock. He hasn't been so worried for his friend since he was in the hospital nearly an entire year ago. Seeing his normally confident, sarcastic friend so broken down makes him feel like he's been a worthless friend, as ridiculous as that may sound. He just feels responsible for Calum's health and safety sometimes, and seeing him grow sick without any power makes him feel guilty.

At the end of the dock, Michael sits them both down at the edge, and Calum stares down at the thick blue water underneath, too deep to see through. Calum looks up at Michael, and as much as Michael doesn't want to watch Calum go, he knows he needs to if he wants Calum to be healthy and happy. He can see the pain through Calum's big brown eyes, so Michael forces a smile on his face.

"Go on, buddy," Michael says, and Calum sighs, pressing his lips together. He leans forward the best he can and wraps his arms around Michael. He squeezes as hard as he can, which isn't much, but Michael feels the love and sadness through Calum's touch anyway. He hugs him back dismally, and pulls away before the brown haired boy.

"Go on. You need this," Michael reminds him, and Calum nods slowly, not saying anything. He stares at Michael for a moment longer before finally scooting to the edge, taking a deep breath of air before pushing off the dock, dropping straight into the water with astounding grace, not so much of a splash.

Calum can feel the water envelope him as soon as he drops into the water, the salty ocean already sinking into his skin to heal his ailment. The slight tingling of his legs as the scales form doesn't quite bother him as much as it did the first time, but he's glad the water is too dark for Michael to see through.

He surfaces once he feels his strength gain back, and he wipes the water from his eyes as he looks up at Michael, who sits at the edge with a slightly concerned look on his face.

"It's just as weird the second time," Michael says, and Calum smiles, shrugging.

"It's still weird for me, too." Calum has barely gotten the words out of his mouth before something grabs the end of his tail, yanking him down straight into the water. He hears Michael yelp in surprise as Calum is pulled underneath the thick waves.

Calum spins around, trying to see what had grabbed him when he sees Ashton, a bit paler than he normally is, raising his eyebrows at him.

"You little shit," Calum scolds, but a smile slips onto his face all the same. As he gets himself together again, he notices Ashton's nervous face.

"Is that Michael up there?" asks Ashton. His hazel eyes are big and wide, his muscles tense. He looks as though he would rather leap into another net before presenting himself in front of Calum's friend.

"Yes, he is," Calum says gently. Ashton doesn't make a move, remaining still as a statue as he stares up at the surface of the water. Calum slowly takes Ashton's hand, and the contact makes Ashton loosen up a bit.

"Okay. I can do this," Ashton says. Calum smiles, squeezing his hand warmly. He slowly starts swimming up, cautious in case Ashton backs out, but he doesn't. His grip on Calum's hand is tight enough to makes Calum wince, but Calum knows it's just because he's scared.

They both surface at the same time, and Calum lets go of Ashton's hand to shake the water out of his hair and eyes. Ashton grows a little paler when he sees Michael sitting there, his legs dangling off the edge and his hands bracing on the corner of the dock.

"Oh, Neptune," Ashton mumbles under his breath. Calum throws him a look. Michael blinks in surprise down at Ashton. He lets himself smile a little when he sees the way Calum looks at the new mermaid boy who floats beside him. His friend's ears are pink, eyes big as they look at Ashton.

Michael looks over Ashton's wavy brown hair and tanned skin. He looks at Calum.

He's cute, he mouths.

Calum's cheeks burn red. "Shut up."

"What?" Ashton looks over at him.

"Nothing, nothing," Calum says hurriedly. "Michael, this is Ashton. Ashton, this is Michael."

The two of them look at each other. Michael looks still a bit weirded out while Ashton looks like he might faint at any second. After a few moments of silence, Ashton says, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You, too," Michael says with a grin. Calum doesn't say anything for a moment but then his face lights up.

"I'm going to go get Joy," he says excitedly, and ducks underneath the water before neither Michael nor Ashton could stop him. Once Calum disappears, the two are left silently with each other. Ashton looks a lot more uncomfortable without Calum for support at his side.

Michael, however, furrows his eyebrows at Ashton and leans in closer. Ashton blinks. "Listen up. Calum likes you. And I know you like him. But I'm his best friend, and Calum's well-being is as important to me as my own. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I think so?" Ashton squeaks.

"I'm saying that if you hurt Calum, I will most definitely know about it. And Calum doesn't deserve that. He's been through alot," Michael says. Ashton nods quickly.

"I would never-- I would never hurt him. I won't," Ashton says hurriedly, his words stumbling over each other. Michael sits back, releasing a breath.

"Good," he says. Ashton fiddles with his hands nervously. Michael lets himself smile a little. "I'm glad Calum has you, you know. He can't be with me as much anymore, so he needs someone else to be close to him."

Ashton smiles, and Michael sees sweet dimples sink into his cheeks when he does. He wouldn't ever say it aloud to Calum, but he's happy he has Ashton. He hates that he can't always be there with him like he used to, but if he has someone looking out for him under the water, then he thinks he'll be okay.

And besides, Ashton looks like he can handle himself and Calum pretty well. Despite his obvious nervousness, he has an aura of authority about him that makes Michael confident that he won't let Calum get hurt. As obnoxious and annoying as Calum may be, he needs to be looked out for.

And as he's thinking that, Michael gets an idea.

"Wait here," he says to Ashton, already getting to his feet. Ashton furrows his eyebrows at Michael's shoes, as though he'd never seen a pair before. On second thought, he probably hasn't. "I'll be right back."

Ashton watches him go. When he returns, he's wearing his bodysuit from surfing and snorkeling gear. Ashton nearly yelps in surprise when he sees him until he lifts the goggles to reveal his familiar green eyes.

"What?" Michael says, sitting down at the edge of the dock. "If Calum's gonna live somewhere new, I wanna approve of it."

Ashton swims back a bit to get Michael room as he adjusts the goggles back over his eyes, watching him carefully. He's starting to realize just how protective Michael is of his best friend, and he feels a bit better knowing he trusts Ashton in protecting Calum in the big ocean.

Michael fixes his goggles and his suit for a few minutes before finally looking down at the ocean. He glances at Ashton for a moment before pushing off the dock, landing with a big splash into the water. Ashton dives underneath the water, looking as Michael stares back at him through the thick goggles.

Ashton smiles. "Follow me," he says, and he's not sure if Michael can hear what he says, but as he starts swimming, Michael stays right there beside him.

He realizes quickly that Michael can't swim as fast as Ashton despite his fancy suit, so Ashton keeps it to a manageable pace. Even though it's a rather slow and boring trip to the clan to Ashton, it's an entirely different story to Michael. Michael stares around them as they swim, staring in wonder as the scales on Ashton's tail catch the sunlight streaming through the water. He's amazed at the colors, the beauty of the ocean. He wonders what it feels like to Ashton and Calum, what it's like to belong right in the water.

It takes about ten minutes of swimming to get to the clan, and they stop off frequently for more oxygen on the way. They stop swimming when they reach an area full of people like Ashton, like Calum. Mermaids and mermen and even little children with tail swimming around in the water. Michael can hardly speak in amazement, watching it all. Ashton looks over at him with a smile on his face, nodding towards where Calum swims beside a woman who looks eerily similar to him, and he realizes that that's his mother.

"Come on," Ashton says, his voice muffled and blurry from the water, but Michael can understand it enough all the same. He follows Ashton down to the center of the clan, down towards Calum.

The others notice him right away, gasping and swimming away in the other direction immediately, trying to get somewhere where they can hide. A few of them cautiously stick to the cave walls, seeing how he's swimming beside Ashton and Ashton isn't doing anything to stop it. Michael feels his heart swell at the little community, and the two of them swim up to Calum.

When Calum turns around, his face lights up when he sees Michael.

"Michael!" Calum laughs, leaning in and wrapping his arms around his best friend eagerly. "I can't believe this! You're here!"

A smaller blonde boy appears beside Calum, furrowing his eyes at Michael. He has light blue scales that match the color of his eyes. "Human. Holy Poseidon, a literal human," says the blonde.

"This is Luke," says Calum, and Luke looks at Michael as though he's the most interesting thing he's ever seen in his life.

Calum has Michael swear that he'll come down underneath the sea often so they can see each other more, and Michael vows upon it. In all honesty, Calum's the most happy he's ever been a long time. The one thing that was still weighing down on his chest was his inability to see Michael anymore, but now he can. It's like everything's falling together.

Ashton wraps his arms around Calum's shoulders, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Guess everything worked out fairly well, yeah?"

Calum watches as Michael explores, gathering shells in his arms as he swims. Calum leans into Ashton, resting his head on his shoulder. He's never felt more at home anywhere than he does in Ashton's arms, the ocean surrounding him.

"Yeah," Calum says with a smile. "I guess it did."

---
A/N: how's that for a happy cliche ending

this will be the happiest story i will ever write wow. i hope you all enjoyed! who, out of all the characters, was your favorite?

mine was luke, because he's literally a bundle of happiness. and he's smol and loves ashton with all his heart

alright frens this is the end of under the sea! merry christmas and tis the season

love you to the moon. goodbye...

P.S. YALL NEED TO FUCKIN CHILL FOR LIKE 2 SECONDS. LITERALLY HALF THE COMMENTS ON THIS STORY IS "BUT LIKE,,, HOW DO THEY FUCK IF THEY HAVE TAILS" like oh my god ya'll kill me. ya'll went deep in theories on how they do the do. go look up fish anatomy i dont know lmao love yall to the moon tho as always bye

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