Song: drivers license- Olivia Rodrigo

Pain

Agad akong napaahon sa kama nang maalimpungatan ako. Sandali akong natulala sa kawalan. I just realized that I've been turning off my alarm for a few times already!

My eyes widened when I look at the clock on my side table.

"Oh, shit! I'm late!" I cursed and quickly removed the blanket over my body.

Halos madapa-dapa pa ako habang patungo sa CR sa sobrang pagmamadali. Damn it! Nagigising naman ako palagi sa alarm ko ah? Bakit ngayon hindi?

I took a bath and quickly brushed my teeth. Sa sobrang pagmamadali ay 'di ko na iniisip pa ang pupwedeng mausot. I just grabbed what I saw first.

Matalim kong tiningnan ang orasan sa side table ko at nakitang kakaunting oras nalang ay mayroon ako para bumyahe at makaabot sa oras ng trabaho. Kahit gulo-gulo pa ang buhok ay dali-dali akong bumaba ng hagdan at kinuha ang susi ng sasakyan ko kung saan ito nakasabit.

"Bye! I'll head off to work now!" I shouted at my parents who were both busy having their breakfast.

"Felicity, your food-"

Hindi na naituloy pa ni Mommy iyon dahil nakalabas na ako ng bahay. I keep on cursing myself as I walk towards my car.

"Damn it, Felicity! Why do you keep on turning off your alarm? Ugh! So frustrating!"

Binato ko ang bag ko sa loob at agad na binuhay ang sasakyan ko. I drove as fast as I could so I can get to work on time.

It's been six months ever since we started our internship. At sa anim buwan na iyon ay never akong nalate na pumasok. I was always the first one to arrive in our group and now I feel like I'll be the last.

Today is the first day of our obstetrics and gynecology rotation. I need to be there on time because I don't want to miss anything and I also don't want to create a bad first impression.

In a span of six months, I've already rotated to a lot of department. I've been to dermatology, anesthesia, orthopedics (which was completely nightmare to me), internal medicine (which I enjoyed because all the residents and attendings from this department are all welcoming and understanding), ENT, psychiatry, family planning, ophthalmology, and other departments.

3 departments nalang ang kulang ko bago tuluyang matapos itong internship ko.

I really learned a lot along the way. I always take every second in every rotation as an opportunity to learn. Kapag may namumuong tanong sa isip ko, hindi ako nagdadalawang isip na itanong.

Marami ring nangyari sa loob ng anim na buwan. We celebrated Christmas and Kuya Dominic's birthday last month by organizing another medical mission. It was held in Batangas and I'm glad that a lot of people came.

'Di nakasama sila Kuya Dom dahil nga buntis si Serena at kailangan siya ng asawa niya. But we had a video call with them so they can also see what is happening.

Noong pasko rin ay naka-video call ko si Aya. I was surprised when I saw Archer calling me on Messenger. Napangisi pa ako nang makita kong tumatawag siya.

I answered the call. Hindi pa man nagbubukas ang camera niya ay nagsalita na agad ako.

"Why are you calling? Do you miss m-" I stopped when instead of Archer being in front of the camera is was his sister who welcomed me. "Oh!"

Napasinghap ako at napaayos ng sarili. Naramdaman kong nag-init ang leeg ko dahil sa pagkapahiya.

"Dr. Felicity! Merry Christmas!"

I laughed nervously. Goodness! I just hope that the child didn't hear what I said.

I saw Archer behind Aya who's already smirking now. Kalong niya ang bata at sa tingin ko narinig niya ang sinabi ko kanina.

I cleared my throat and tried to act like it was nothing. Damn it, Felicity! Ano ba kasi 'yang pinagsasabi mo?

"Hi, Aya! Merry Christmas!" I waved on the camera. "What are you up to today?"

Aya's eyes squinted. "Are you at the hospital, Dr. Felicity?"

Kaya siguro naningkit ang mga mata niya dahil nakita niya kung nasaan ako. I'm currently at the nurses' station counter doing some census and some paperworks when they called. Kaya ko rin nasagot ang tawag nila.

"Uh, yeah. We have to. Doctors don't take a break even during Christmas."

Aya frowned. "That's sad. How are you going to celebrate Christmas then?"

"I'll probably celebrate it with my patients and co-workers. We'll have a Christmas party later though."

"Really?! That sounds so fun!"

"It really is!" I giggled.

Ang daming kwento ng bata at pinakita pa niya sa akin ang mga bago niyang laruan. She was just so happy to talk to me again. She's still undergoing her treatment. I always try to update myself with her case even if I'm no longer rotating in the pediatrics department.

And if I have time, I make sure to be there for her whenever she receives her treatment. Minsan hindi nila kasama si Archer dahil abala sa trabaho at hindi nakakaabot.

To be honest, it was difficult to watch Aya in pain as she goes through with her chemotherapy treatment. Bakas sa mukha niya na nasasaktan siya pero kita ko parin sakanya ang kagustohan na labanan ang sakit.

There are times where her mother would be so emotional that I had to step in and volunteer to be the one to console Aya. Kung para sa akin masakit na nakikita si Aya na ganito, paano pa kaya sa sarili niyang ina?

I smiled as tells me a lot of stories. Aya just kept on talking that it came to a point where her brother had to stop her. Oras na rin ng pag-inom niya ng gamot kaya tinawag na siya ng kanyang Mommy.

Bumaba si Aya mula sa pagkakakandong kay Archer at kumaway sa akin. At ngayon, si Archer na itong kausap ko. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang makita ko ang namumuong ngisi sa kanyang labi.

"You really think I missed you huh?"

I scoff sarcastically. "I was just kidding. Ikaw naman masyado mo agad sineseryoso. Gusto mo atang magkatotoo, e."

Siya naman ang tumawa ngayon. He even pointed at himself as if my allegation was ridiculous. Ilang libong pang-aasar pa ata ang inabot ko sakanya bago namin tinapos ang tawag.

On New Year's Eve, the same thing happened. Naging maingat na ako sa pambungad ko dahil inaasahan kong si Aya itong gustong kumausap sa akin. And I wasn't wrong though.

The call was quick since we had a lot of emergency cases that day. I was so preoccupied with work that I didn't have time send a reply to those who were greeting me a happy holiday.

The OB-Gyne resident is already giving her welcoming remarks when I arrived at the hospital. I hissed and muttered a curse.

"Excuse me." sabi ko habang nakikidaan sa gitna ng mga co-interns na inoorient para lang mahanap si Carmela. "Excuse me... Sorry..."

Ilang pagpapaumanhin pa ang sinabi ko hanggang sa tuluyan ko nang nahanap ang kaibigan. She was listening intently to whoever is speaking in front that she didn't notice my arrival.

"Carms." I hissed at her.

Halos mapatalon pa siya sa gulat nang dahil doon. She held on her chest and let out a sigh of relief.

"Muntik na ko mag-mura ng malakas!" Aniya. "Anong nangyari? Bakit ngayon ka lang?"

"I overslept." I bit my lower lip, slightly embarrassed.

Dismayado niya akong tiningnan sabay umiling. She poked me to the side.

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tama na kasi kaka late night talks para 'di ka napupuyat."

"Anong late night talks? Nag-aaral ako sa gabi!" I said defensively.

She made a made. "Sus. Nag-aaral pero nakikipag chat parin."

I widened my eyes at her. Where did she even get that idea? Hindi naman ako madalas mag-cellphone tuwing nag-aaral ako. Once I set my eyes unto my book, it will never leave. It will stay there dahil ganoon ako ka-focus!

"I wasn't! Ikaw ginagawan mo na naman ako ng issue ah?"

Carmela mocked me. Inirapan ko nalang siya at lumingon na sa harap. My eyes widened a bit when I realized that the resident orienting us is Demi.

"As a resident, my goal is for you to learn and enjoy at the same time. Alam kong naging masaya ang rotation niyo sa ibang department kaya umaasa ako na sana ma-enjoy niyo rin itong rotation niyo sa OB-Gyne department." Demi smiled.

Narinig ko namang naghagikhikan ang iilang lalaki sa amin. Malamang dahil kay Demi iyon. Nakita ko silang nakatitig sa kanya na para bang isa siyang anghel na bumagsak mula sa langit.

Demi assigned our tasks for today. Magkaiba kami ng task ni Carmela. Pansin ko nga na hindi kami masyadong nagkakasama sa mga task. Kung magkakasama man, swerte na. Kaya minsan hanggang referral nalang kami sa isa't isa.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Demi bago kami maghiwalay para gawin ang mga dapat na gawin. She smiled at me and bowed her head a bit. Ganoon rin ang ginawa ko.

Carmela's talking to our other co-intern about something. Hindi kasi ako nakikinig sa kung ano man ang usapan nila kaya hindi ko rin alam. Kinakalabit niya ako pero 'di ko magawang ibaling ang tingin sakanya dahil abala ako sa pag-sunod ng tingin kay Demi.

She seems really nice. Kahit na 'di pa kami nagkakasama sa iisang case, palangiti na talaga siya sa akin. Sobrang pala kaibigan niya kaya hindi na nakakagulat na maganda ang pakikitungo sakanya ng ibang staff.

Maybe she's really like that. She's such a bubbly person. Just like me. 'Yun nga lang mas gusto ni Lucas ang pagiging bubbly niya kaysa sa akin.

Dahil nakasunod parin ang tingin ko sa kanya, napansin kong tumigil siya sa paglalakad nang may sumalubong sa kanya. Umangat naman ang kilay ko nang makita ko kung sino iyon. My mouth parted when a smile immediately formed on Lucas' lips when he saw his... friend.

I think they're working on a case today. Sa halip na ituon na ni Lucas ang tingin doon sa chart na hawak ni Demi, nanatili itong nakatitig sa kaibigan. May kung ano pa siyang sinasabi at sa tingin ko inaasar niya pa ito.

I felt my stomach churned at the sight. I'm not being bitter or anything but it just hurts seeing him so carefree while he's with her. Like he's not afraid of being himself whenever she's with him. Sobrang komportable na siguro nila sa isa't isa.

Unlike when he's with me. He seems reserved. Parang lagi siyang nag-iingat sa mga kilos o sinasabi niya. It's like he's holding himself back because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Lalo na't alam niyang... may gusto ako sa kanya.

But I also wanted him to be himself as when he's around me. Mas magugustohan ko pa iyon dahil pakiramdam ko, komportable at masaya rin siya kapag kasama ako.

Napansin ata ni Demi na nakatingin lang si Lucas sakanya kaya niya pabirong hinampas ng kaibigan sa braso. Mas lumaki ang ngiti ni Lucas dahil sa kanyang pag-tawa.

I gulped. I wanted to look away but I can't.

I know that sometimes fate isn't always on our side. We get to be part of each other's lives, but that doesn't mean that we're already destined to be together.

Maybe that's what Lucas and I are always going to be―just a phase.

Wow! Umagang-umaga sinasaktan agad ang puso ko ah?

"Fel, sabi-" naputol ang sinasabi ni Carmela nang mapansin na wala ang atensyon ko sa kanya.

Pakiramdam ko nakita niya rin kung saan ako nakatingin kaya sinubukan niyang kunin ang atensyon ko. She grabbed both of my cheeks and made me turn to her forcefully.

"Tara na. 'Wag mo nang pansinin 'yan." aniya na para bang ang dali-daling gawin noon para sa akin.

She also must've noticed the sadness in my eyes that's why she tried her best to lighten up the mood by bringing Archer up!

"Ano ba 'yan! May piloto ka na, e. Give up ka na dun sa doktor, dun ka nalang sa piloto. Dadalhin ka pa sa langit!" biro niya.

I sneered and glared at her. Nang dahil doon ay nagawa niya akong magpadala sa hila niya. Sa tuwing sinusubukan kong lingunin muli ang banda nila Lucas, pinipigilan niya ako at pinipilit na humarap sakanya.

"Masakit na nga, Fel. 'Wag mo nang saktan pa ang sarili mo." bulong niya.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga. She's right. Hindi ko rin naman pag-mamay ari si Lucas para masaktan ng ganito.

It's just a silly first love but it hurts like hell. Pakiramdam ko kasi, hinding-hindi niya makikita sa akin ang kung ano man ang nakikita niya kay Demi. I thought I already have everything. Turns out I still don't. May mga kulang parin pala sa akin.

Maybe... all this time... I was reading his intentions and nice gestures the wrong way. I'm afraid that I might only be misinterpreting his actions.

I wish I could tell myself to stop fighting for someone who doesn't love me. I wish I could just move on so easily and forget all these things the next day. I wish I could have some dignity to start walking away from him and just accept things the way it is.

Pagkatapos kong mag-ayos at magpalit sa loob ng locker room ay dumiretso ako ng ER. May nirerefer kasing patient sa akin ang isang clerk na nasa ER daw kaya pinuntahan ko siya.

Tinanong ko sa clerk kung ano ba iyong concern ng pasyente pero ang sabi niya mas mabuti na daw na alamin ko kapag nandoon na kami.

I put my stethoscope around my neck as I approach my patient. Nginitian ko agad siya nang makalapit. She really looks uneasy. Parang hindi siya mapakali sa kinauupuan niya. I tried to tell her to calm down and stay put pero parang hindi talaga siya mapakali.

"Good morning po. Ano po ang concern natin?" tanong ko.

Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga bago tumingin sa clerk na kasama ko at sa mga tao sa paligid. Humakbang siya palapit sa akin upang may ibulong. I crouched a bit so I can hear that clearly.

"I have a cucumber stuck in my..." she vaguely said the last word. My forehead creased a bit so I asked her to repeat it again.

"Saan po?"

"Dito sa... ano." Sabi niya sabay tingin sa baba.

Napatingin din tuloy ako doon. I gasp and tried to keep a straight face when I realized what she's referring to. I honestly don't know what to say when I realized that she's referring to her womanhood.

There's a cucumber stuck in her... vagina. I don't know how the hell is that possible. What did she even do for that to happen?

First day in the OB-Gyne department and I already got this case.

"Oh..." that was the only thing I was able to say after a minute of silence.

Napakurap ako at nag-isip ng maaaring idugtong doon. Napabaling din tuloy ako sa kasamang clerk pero maski siya ay napapaiwas nalang din ng tingin.

It was hard keeping a straight face to be honest. It was such an unexpected encounter with a patient. I thought the case was something challenging but it turns out that it was sort of... weird.

The patient chuckled embarrassingly. I gulped and tried so smile back at her.

"I'll see what I can do. Follow me po." sabi ko bago magtungo sa nurses' station.

I asked the clerk to assist and guide our patient. Medyo hirap din kasi mag-lakad kaya nakisuyo na akong alalayan siya. The nurse was busy taking a call when I approached her. Kahit na may kausap ay sinubukan niya paring tanungin ang concern ko.

"Please page an OB-Gyne resident or attending on call po. We kind of need their assistance for our case."

Tumango siya kaya nilingon ko nang muli ang pasyente namin.

"Tara na po."

I offered her to seat on a wheelchair. Pagkaupo niya doon ay nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga. She looks uneasy but it's better than her walking around the hospital with a cucumber on her vajayjay.

We went to the OB-Gyne unit. I tried to get some of our patient's information as we wait for the resident or attending to arrive. Pinaasikaso ko sa clerk ang iba pang paper works habang tinatanong ko ang pasyente namin kung paano ba nangyari iyong nangyayari sakanya ngayon.

She told me that she is a very sexual person and she got horny early in the morning. She tried looking for her sex toys but she ended up using a cucumber to pleasure herself to try "something new". But what she didn't realize is that it would get stuck up on her vagina.

"Masyado ata akong naging aggressive, doc." Sabi niya.

I almost choked on my own saliva before of that. Kahit iyong clerk na kasama ko napatalikod nalang dahil mukhang 'di na ata kinakaya ang pangyayari.

Damn it! This is not the time to be unprofessional! We both need to keep ourselves together so that our patient will get that thing out of her private organ. Baka isipin niya pang pinagkakatuwaan namin siya.

But no, Ma'am. It was just so weird to encounter someone who uses cucumber as her dildo.

"No, no. It's fine. Hintayin nalang po natin dumating 'yung doktor na makakaalis... nung... cucumber." I said awkwardly.

Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga at humiga. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko bago sumulat sa medical record niya.

Later on, Ate Brittany arrived inside the room together with Demi.

"What do we have in here?" tanong ni Ate Brittany.

Gumilid ang clerk para hayaan akong magpresent noong case. I told them her name before I started on telling them about what happened.

"A 28-year-old patient who comes in the emergency room looking uneasy and restless. She was having a hard sitting so I asked what was wrong and she told me that... there's a cucumber stuck up on her vagina."

I pursed my lips once I finished. Nakita kong nabigla ang dalawa sa case na mayroon kami ngayong araw. Si Ate Brittany napatagilid pa ng ulo nang malaman ang concern ng pasyente.

Ate Brittany immediately went through with her procedure. Kumuha siya ng stool chair at ipinuwesto iyon sa dulo ng kama kung saan nakahiga ang pasyente.

Nakatakip siya ng blanket habang ineexamine ni Ate Brittany ang situation ng kanyang pagkababae.

"Matatanggal pa ba 'yan, Doc?" tanong ng pasyente namin.

Tinungkod niya ang kanyang mga kamay upang silipin si Ate Brittany. My cousin tried to smile at her.

"Don't worry. We'll try our best to take this thing out of you immediately, Ma'am."

Tumingin siya sa amin nila Demi. She instructed us to move closer so we could take a look about our patient's cucumber situation. My eyes widened a bit when I noticed how our patient went all the way with the cucumber.

I was honestly lost for words. I couldn't process anything. I mean, I've already been exposed to a human's reproductive system ever since med school. But I've never seen a case like this before that's why it was really a big surprise!

Napansin ata ni Ate Brittany ang reaksyon ko kaya siya napangisi.

"Welcome to OB-Gyne, Fel." Aniya.

I laughed nervously because I feel like this won't be the last time I'll encounter a case like this in my entire 2 months rotation in this department. Kahit si Demi ay nahihiyang napangiti nalang sa akin.

Ate Brittany instructed us to get a suction device that would help us in getting that thing out of her. We tried pushing the object lower but it doesn't work. The patient was in pain the whole time we're trying to do that so we stopped.

Our last resort was the suction device and thankfully... that helped us to get our patient out of her pain.

Nang matapos ay pinaalalahan siya ni Ate Brittany.

"It's not bad that you're sexually active but next time... please be careful with the things you use. Cucumber is a food, Ma'am. We don't use it to insert it in our vagina. If you want, you can use sex toys or such. Delikado din po kasi kapag hindi pangkaraniwang bagay ang gagamitin. This might cause an infection so please be careful with the things you're trying to deal with."

Dahan dahang tumango ang pasyente namin. Naintindihan niya naman ang nais na iparating ni Ate Brittany at nangakog 'di na niya ulit gagawin iyon.

We let her take a rest for a while before we advised her to go home.

Mabilis lang ang naging pagtakbo ng oras sa OB-Gyne rotation namin. I dealt with even more weird cases as the days goes by. May mga panahon din na nakakasama ko ulit si Lucas sa isang case. We interact casually from time to time.

Sa totoo lang, ilang beses ko nang sinasabihan ang sarili ko na kalimutan o mag-move on na. Na dapat mas abalahin ko nalang ang sarili ko dito sa trabaho. Pero... parang niloloko ko lang rin ang sarili ko.

Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, doon ko labis napapatunayan na hindi lang basta biro itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. I love him for years. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko na kayang magmahal pa ulit gaya ng pagmamahal ko kay Lucas dahil naibigay ko na lahat sakanya.

It would be impossible for me to love someone again as much as I love Lucas.

Bakit kasi gano'n... kung sino pa iyong taong gusto natin... sila pa 'yung hindi pwedeng mapasa atin?

I was busy walking along the hallway with a chart on my hand when a sound caught my attention. Abala ako sa binabasa ko doon nang makarinig ako ng hikbi. Agad akong napabaling sa pinaggalingan ng tunong na iyon.

It must be a co-intern crying. These past few months a lot of us went through a mental breakdown because we all feel so restless and burnt out. Kahit si Carmela na akala mo'y ang lakas lakas palagi ay hindi rin kinaya ang pagod.

I tried to be there for everyone. Gusto kong umayos ang pakiramdam naming lahat dahil alam kong pare-parehas rin naming malalampasan ang pinagdadaanan naming ito. It's normal to go through this especially when you're in the healthcare system.

Handa kang isugal ang lahat para lang sa ikabubuti ng pasyente mo. There will be a time where we'll prioritize our patients' health before our own.

Sinubukan kong hanapin ang pinaggalingan ng tunog na iyon. Pakiramdam ko kasi mag-isa lang siya at baka kailangan niya ng kadamay.

It's hard to deal with breakdowns on your own because I've been through that. It's good that we have someone to talk to whenever we go through this because it helps. Trust me.

"Sobrang pagod na pagod na ako..." narinig kong sinabi. Suminghap siya.

My forehead creased a little because the voice sounded familiar. I realized that the sound was coming from the supplies room. I tried to take a peek of who's inside but I immediately stopped when another voice spoke.

"It's okay, Demi... you're having another mental breakdown. Just stay calm. I'm here, okay? I will never leave you."

Para akong naestatwa sa kinatatayuan ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Lucas. Sumilip ako at nakitang nakayakap si Lucas kay Demi. He's gently caressing her back. Parang may tumusok sa puso ko nang dahil sa nakikita ko.

Nakatalikod si Demi kaya si Lucas lang ang mas natatanaw ko. I can see how gentle he's looking at her. He's looking at her like she's the most fragile thing in the world that he's not allowed to break. 

"I don't know if I'm just tired or maybe I am just so affected with everything my attending said. I don't know, Lucas... maybe I'm just too weak o-or maybe... I'm not really meant to be a doctor like I've always believed."

"Shh... don't say that. This is where you're supposed to be, Dems. You're a great doctor. A lot of us know that. We will really come to the point where we question ourselves. But there are a lot of us who believes in you..."

"I just don't want to disappoint my parents... and you."

"You're not." He tried to chuckle to probably make her feel better.

Sa halip na umalis na ako doon ay nanatili parin akong nakikinig at nanonood sakanila. Ang tanga tanga mo din, Felicity, 'no? Nasasaktan ka na pero 'di ka parin umaalis.

I know it was selfish of me to think that Lucas shouldn't be with another girl. I don't even own him but I feel like I'm treating him like my most prized possession with the way I'm thinking.

At mali ako sa part na iyon. Wala naman akong karapatan sa buhay niya para pigilan ko siya sa kung sino ang gusto niyang gustohin. Kahit anong gawin ko, kung wala talaga siyang nakikita sa akin, wala parin.

Ang hirap lumaban nang mag-isa. Kahit na ipilit ko pa nang ipilit, ako lang ang nagmumukhang desperada. I don't want to become a fool who will keep on chasing after him.

At the back of my head, there is always a voice saying that I should stop. Hindi naman ako aso para humabol nang humabol. It's not good that I keep on chasing him because I was hoping for us to happen in the future.

He probably doesn't hope for the same thing that's why nothing is ever changing between us. Kasi... kung ganoon lang din pala ang hinihiling niya, edi sana matagal na kami. Hindi na sana ako naghahabol pa hanggang ngayon.

Hindi sana ako gumagawa ng mga bagay na sa tingin ko magugustohan niya. I need to stop thinking how badly I want him but rather, I need to start thinking about how badly I want someone to feel the same towards me. How badly I want to feel loved, appreciated, and accepted by the person who feels the same way.

I felt a tear stream down my face as I continue to watch them hug each other tightly. Something inside me is screaming to stop torturing myself and get the hell out of here but I can't. It's like my feet is glued on the ground and I couldn't move a muscle.

I put my hand over my trembling mouth when I saw Lucas crouched a bit to press a kiss on Demi's lips. Namilog ang mga mata ko at nagulat sa nakikita.

Nagpatuloy ang pag-agos ng luha ko at hindi na napigilan pa ang sarili na mapasinghap dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman. Mukhang narinig nila ako kaya agad din silang tumigil. Mabuti nalang at nakaalis na ako sa tapat ng supplies room.

Lumakad ako ng mabilis paalis ng lugar na iyon dahil ayaw kong maabutan nila ako o malaman nilang nandoon ako, nanonood.

It just hurts so much. It's like that kiss was a slap to my face. Para akong sinampal ng katotohanan na may mga bagay parin na hindi kayang ilaban sa tadhana.

I kept my head down as I walk faster and faster away from that room. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ang tungo ko. All I know right now is that my heart is in pain. My heart is breaking for me.

Kasalanan ko rin naman. Ako itong umaasa, e.

Sa sobrang pagmamadali ko ay hindi ko namalayan na may makakabunggo na pala ako. Thankfully that person was able to caught me before I could crash into him.

"Hey..."

Nakahawak siya sa pagkabilang braso ko para tuluyan akong matigil sa pagmamadali. Agad akong napaangat ng tingin nang mapagtanto kong si Archer pala ito.

"Are you-" he stopped when he noticed my very wet eyes. Agad na napakunot ang noo niya. "What happened?"

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya. Hindi na siya nagkaroon pa ng pagkakataon na malaman ang sagot ko dahil mabilis akong kumawala sa kanya.

"It's nothing..." I muttered and wiped away my tears.

I quickly took a step back and start walking away. Pinalis ko ang luhang lumalandas sa mga mata ko.

I'm seriously not in the mood to deal with anything right now. Ang tanging nasa isip ko nalang ngayon ay ang makaalis sa lugar na ito dahil ayaw ko nang masaktan pa.