Song: I Would- Connie Talbot 

Meet

Nanatili ang tingin ko kay Archer habang nag-lalakad siya palayo. I noticed that he's with his crewmates now. I wonder what they're doing here?

O baka, naimbitahan sila pero... para saan naman? Hindi ko lang maintindihan dahil nagulat ako nang isa siya sa mga unang dumalo sa akin nang makita ang nanyari.

Everything went back to normal ever since the rude and angry patient was forced to leave. Si Lucas, sa halip na bumalik na sa trabaho, nanatili pa sa tabi ko.

"Are you sure you're not hurt? It seems like-"

"I said I'm okay." Pag-putol ko sa sinasabi niya.

Marahas ko siyang binalingan ng tingin. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya, tila ba nagulohan sa biglaan kong pag-putol sa sinasabi niya.

Seryoso ko siyang tiningnan.

"But I just want to ask if you're okay. Is that bad?" tanong niya.

At dahil nanatili kaming dalawa sa pwesto kung saan nangyari ang biglaang pag-aamok ng isang pasyente, may iilang mga doktor na nakatingin parin sa gawi namin. Isa na si Demi doon.

Kahit na sabihin na abala siya sa kausap na pasyente, pansin na pansin sa kanya ang ilang beses niyang pag-sulyap sa aming dalawa ni Lucas. I clenched my jaw. I took a deep breath before I look at Lucas even more seriously this time.

"You have to stop this."

His forehead continued to crease. Sinubukan niyang itawa ang tensyon sa pagitan namin ngayon. He cocked his head to the side.

"I don't get what you're trying to say, Fel. Ano ang kailangan kong itigil?"

"You're confusing me." I said frustratingly.

I pursed my mouth to hide my trembling lips. I can't believe that I'm suddenly getting so emotional about this.

I mean... I already planned on confronting him about me getting confused thoughts about his true feelings about me. At some point, I realized that I need to tell him about it.

Hindi pupwedeng palagi nalang ganito. Na sa konting galaw at ngiti niya lang sa akin, iba na agad ang tinatakbo ng isip ko.

But I never planned to confront him in a crowded place like this! Hindi ko kailanman inisip na gawin ang bagay na iyon sa harap ng mga kilala naming tao.

I imagined us being alone in a room and me trying to keep it all together. I imagined myself staying calm as I try to ask him things that I've been meaning to ask.

"What?"

"You can't keep on acting around me like this." sabi ko para mas malinawan na siya.

"Like what?"

"Like you care for me!"

Mabigat na ang bawat pag-hinga ko ngayon. I imagined us talking about this but I never imagined that I would get this emotional so easily.

Maybe I really did loved him so much that confronting him-so I wouldn't keep my hopes up-is already so painful for me. Pumatak ang isang luha sa aking mata at agad ko namang pinalis iyon.

Lucas tried to scoff. Bakas parin sa mukha niya na nagugulohan siya.

"But I care for you."

"Yeah. But not in the same way that you care for Demi."

Nang mabanggit agad ang pangalan ni Demi, agad na nag-iba ang itsura niya. Bumagsak ang balikat niya dahil siguro alam na niya agad ang ibig sabihin ng pagkompronta ko sa kanya ngayon.

Bumuka ang bibig niya pero naunahan ko na siyang mag-salita.

"Lucas, I want you to be honest with me. I know I'm in no position to demand an answer for you but I just want to know. May gusto ka ba kay Demi?"

Nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa akin. My breathing is so heavy right now. Ang luha ko, patuloy na rin sa pag-agos sa mukha ko. Everyone's so busy that they suddenly forgot that Lucas and I never went back to work.

"Kasi kung oo. Then you have to stop this. I keep on having this confused thoughts whenever you do something that makes my heart flutter. Alam mong may gusto ako sa'yo. Kaya isang hawak mo lang sa akin, umaasa na agad ako. Pero hindi ko kaya na ganoon nalang palagi."

Marahas kong pinalis ang mga luha sa mata ko. Sinubukan kong tumawa. Mahirap ba iyong tanong ko? Bakit parang hirap na hirap siyang sagutin iyon?

I know that there's a chance that he'll say yes to that question that's why I'm already trying to brace myself for it. Pero hindi ko naman inakala na mas masakit pala kung nananatili siyang tahimik at ayaw sagutin ang tanong ko.

Sa tingin ko kaya niya lang 'di sinasagot iyon dahil ayaw na niyang mas masaktan pa ako. Pero... kahit ano naman atang gawin ko, masasaktan parin ako, e.

Kung 'di ko siya kokomprontahin tungkol sa bagay na ito, patuloy akong aasa sa mga kilos niya. At kung kokomprontahin ko naman siya, masasaktan ako.

Pero mas pinili ko na iyong pang-huli dahil tapos na ako sa kakahabol sa kanya. I'm just so tired of trying to do anything for him to be looking at me. Napagtanto ko na kung talagang gusto ka ng isang tao, hindi ka mahihirapan na kunin ang loob niya.

I've been looking like a complete fool for him for the last four years. I know he's nice but was it fun for him to see me crawling back to him over and over again?

Kaya ba 'di niya ako magawang i-reject dahil masarap ba sa pakiramdam kapag alam mong may taong habol ng habol sa'yo?

But I'm not a same fool anymore. This year had made me realize that I am worth more than just a question mark in his life. I shouldn't be running towards a person who can't commit to me, but rather run for the person who can give the same amount of effort and love that I'm been pouring all through these years.

My question isn't even that hard... what's taking him so long to answer it?

Kung wala siyang gusto kay Demi, pupwede niyang i-deny agad-agad iyon. But I guess... silence really means yes.

"You're confusing me, Lucas. One minute, I feel like you want me. And then the next, I also feel like you don't. I'm..." I sighed. "I'm not something that you can just dispose when you want to. And I'm not something that you can just pick up when you feel like it. I have feelings, too. And this... is hurting me."

"Felicity... I..."

Kunot na ang noo niya ngayon at mukhang naubusan na ng salitang pupwedeng sabihin.

"I saw you. With her,"

I covered my mouth to stop my hiccups because just by remembering what happened between him and Demi at the storage room is already enough for me to feel pain.

"You were both inside the storage room. Demi was crying and you were comforting her. I didn't mean to eavesdrop and I was about to leave but then... I saw crouched down to kiss her," my voice broke.

Napansin kong kumunot ang noo niya. He shifted a bit. Mukhang may gusto na rin siyang sabihin pero hinihintay niya lang akong matapos.

"I mean it's okay. It hurts but it's okay. So, just tell me now. So that I would also stop hoping. It's obvious that you're happier when you're with her. And I can stop... just for the sake of your happiness. Because that's all I ever wanted for you... to always see you happy."

Suminghap ako. Magpapatuloy pa sana ako sa sasabihin ko pero agad rin naman siyang nag-salita.

"Well, you're right. We were inside the storage room but you're wrong though. I didn't kiss her."

Umangat ang kilay ko at unti-unting bumuka ang bibig dahil hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinasabi niya. Though Demi's back was on me that time, I'm sure they kissed! I couldn't be more wrong. I know what I saw.

"But you were-"

"She was emotional and I tried to comfort her. Okay, maybe you thought I kissed her but... I promise I didn't."

Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko. Well, maybe... I was wrong. He probably really didn't kiss her. Ganyan din ang sabi ng mga kapatid ko. Na baka nagkamali lang ako ng nakita dahil nasasaktan na ako ng mga oras na iyon kaya hindi ko na rin alam kung alin ang totoo sa hindi.

But even if it all got cleared up now. I still don't think I'll change my mind.

I'm... done.

Tumango-tango ako. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago magpatuloy.

"Okay, maybe I was really wrong and I'm sorry if I thought about it that way. But why can't you just tell me how you feel?" I sounded so desperate now. "Because I can't keep on being confused with your actions. I'm not making you choose between me and her because I'm willing to give up the fight for the both of you, Lucas."

"O baka... ako lang talaga 'tong nagkakamali ng iniisip. Maybe you were just being nice and I... misinterpreted everything for something that wasn't even there. I love you... Lucas. And I-"

"Is there... something wrong?"

Natigilan ako nang biglang tumambad sa gilid ko si Demi. She was looking questionably at us, obviously confused of what's happening. Bumuka ang bibig niya nang makita niya akong umiiyak.

"Oh! I... what happened? Did the patient-"

"I'm fine." Pag-putol ko sa sinabi niya. I clenched my fist and wiped my tears away harshly. "I-I'm fine."

I bit my lip when I felt it trembling terribly again. Sinulyapan kong muli si Lucas at nakitang nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Eto rin ang mahirap sa kanya, e. Sa mga tingin niyang 'yan... hindi ko alam o mabasa kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman niya.

But I knew then... I knew that I had to let him go.

Bago pa tumulo ang panibagong luha ay inilubay ko na ang tingin sa kanya at iniwan na silang dalawa doon. I shut my eyes and let the tears fall as I walk away from them. Sinalubong ako ni Ate Margaux at agad na niyakap.

She probably felt what was about to happen. Nang yakapin niya ako ay doon ko na nailabas ang lahat. I cried out the tears that I've been keeping inside.

I wanted him. And it would be so selfish of me if I say that I don't want him to be with Demi. Hindi ko naman siya pag-mamayari at wala akong karapatan na pangunahan siya sa mga desisyon niya. This is why I choose to stop running after him.

I know love doesn't die with a simple heartbreak. I know there will be a time where I'll meet someone who will give me the same amount of love that I deserve. Hindi ko na kailangan pang lumaban para magkaroon ng parte sa buhay ng taong iyon.

Lucas is happy with Demi. I can see that even if he didn't admit it to me. And even though I loved him, I will never stop him from going after his happiness for the sake of my own.

"It's okay... you're going to be fine." Bulong ni Ate Margaux habang marahan na hinahaplos ang buhok ko.

I am not mad at him. In fact, I was grateful. Because if it wasn't for what happened, I wouldn't realize what I'm worth. I wouldn't realize that it's going to be foolish of me to keep on waiting for someone who is obviously in love with someone else.

One day... I'll forget what it felt loving him. I'll forget this pain. Because I know... someday... God would reward me of something even more beautiful than this.

"Saan ka?" tanong ni Carmela matapos ang shift namin.

It's been months since the medical mission happened. I stayed true with my words and kept a casual relationship with Lucas every time we'll work on a case together. Sa tingin ko mas naging maingat siya sa mga kinikilos niya simula nang komprontahin ko siya.

I just don't let it affect me anymore. I'd like to live my life and finish this internship as peacefully.

"Sa break?" tanong ko kay Carmela habang tinatanggal ang sapatos ko.

Tumango siya. "Oo. Ayain sana kita, group study tayo!"

Bahagya naman akong tumawa. Group study for 2 weeks? Sipag naman!

Before we start our last rotation for our internship, the hospital gave us a 2-week vacation. Surgery ang last rotation namin at mabigat-bigat ring responsibilidad at trabaho sa department na iyon kaya siguro hahayaan muna nila kami mag-pahinga saglit.

"Ah, aalis ako, e."

"Huh? San ka punta? Sama!"

I scratched the back of my head. How will I explain to her that I booked a trip in Vienna? Napagdesisyonan ko na magbakasyon ng isang linggo doon dahil hindi naman pupwedeng puro aral lang din ang gawin ko sa dalawang linggong pahinga. I also need to unwind.

At isa pa, nandoon rin ang pinsan namin sa side nila Mommy. She offered that I could stay with her and her husband. Kinuha ko na ang oportunidad dahil nagpupumilit siya.

"Uh... I actually booked a trip in Vienna." I smiled apologetically at her.

Bumukha naman ang bibig niya at napasinghap. "Wow! Talagang bakasyon galore ang gagawin mo sa 2 weeks rest natin ah? Ilang araw ka doon?"

"Isang linggo. Pag-balik ko nalang ako sasama sa group study. Teka... group study ba talaga ang gagawin? For 2 weeks? Seryoso kayo diyan?"

"Syempre, hang out din paminsan-minsan. Pero sige, after ng bakasyon mo sama ka! Kaunting panahon nalang din at matatapos na ang internship at umpisa na ng review month. Alam mo na... kailangan na ulit natin hasain ang mga utak natin."

She smiled cheekily at me. Nagpatuloy naman ako sa pag-aayos. Habang si Carmela naman ay sinusuot na ang sandals ngayon.

"Oh! And by the way, nakita ko pala si Archer kanina dito. Chemotherapy cycle ng kapatid niya ngayon?"

I immediately turned towards her direction. It was Aya's chemotherapy treatment today? I didn't know that. If I only knew, I would've come and join them.

"I didn't know... wala namang nasabi sa akin."

Carmela nods her head. Ngumuso siya at nagkibit ng balikat bago ipagpatuloy ang pag-susuot ng kanyang sandals.

I haven't seen the both of them for months. Bukod sa maraming ginagawa, hindi ko na rin na-uupdate ang sarili sa case ni Aya. Nitong mga nakaraang buwan rin ay hindi na kami masyadong nag-uusap ni Archer.

Every time Aya has a scheduled treatment, Archer would always update me beforehand. Ewan ko lang kung bakit hindi niya ako sinabihan nitong mga nakaraang buwan.

It's not like it's a big deal though. It just felt... weird.

Nagkibit nalang din ako ng balikat at nagpatuloy na sa pag-aayos.

Over the past months, I've gotten used to talking to him about non-sensical or interesting things. It's just weird that we suddenly lost connection for whatever reason. But it's okay. We're both busy. Alangan naman unahin namin iyon 'di ba?

I went home to my parents who are already having their dinner. Tumayo si Mommy sa kalagitnaan ng pag-kain niya upang salubungin ako. Kahit hindi naman na kailangan, ginawa niya parin.

Si Daddy naman ay nanatiling nakaupo sa kanyang pwesto habang sinusundan ako ng tingin. I smiled at him. Hinalikan ko siya sa kanyang pisngi nang makalapit ako sa kanya.

"Siya nga pala, Fel. Tumawag ang Tita Bernadette mo sa akin kanina at pinapasabing nag-offer si Stella na sunduin ka sa airport pag-dating mo ng Vienna." Sabi ni Mommy.

"Talaga po? Sige po, sabihan ko agad si Ate Stella sa flight details ko para aware din po siya."

"Oo. Sigurado ka bang okay lang sa'yo na mag-isa ka? Pupwede mo namang pakiusapan ang mga Kuya mo o ang Ate Margaux mo na samahan ka. Isang linggo lang naman..."

I chuckled lightly. Si Mommy naman akala ata teenager pa ako na hindi pa kaya ang sarili kapag babyahe mag-isa. It's a good thing that I have Ate Stella with me all throughout my stay in Vienna. At least may kasama akong maglilibot at hindi ako maliligaw.

It's my first time travelling overseas alone that's why I understand why my mother is a bit worried.

"'Di na po, Mommy. Mga abala po ang mga 'yun. At tsaka... kaya ko po. It's only going to be for a week. It's not like I'll live there forever."

Ngumuso si Mommy at tumango.

Naalala ko ganitong-ganito rin siya kay Kuya Dom noong nalalapit na ang pag-lipat niya sa New York kasama si Serena. Kung ano-anong paalala ang ibinilin niya at nag-request pa na ipakita daw sa kanya ang titirahan niya para panatag siya na komportable si Kuya.

"Kahit isang linggo lang 'yan, 'wag mong kalimutan na tumawag sa amin, Fel," sabi ni Daddy pagkatapos niyang ibaba ang baso niya ng tubig.

I smiled again. "Opo. Baka naman, Daddy, gusto mo sabihin ko pa sa'yo kung sino ang kasama ko? I told you. I don't have a boyfriend. Wala rin pong nanliligaw sa akin. Kaya kung nagdududa ka na naman po na baka iba ang pakay ko doon-"

"Wala naman akong sinasabi, Fely. Why do you sound so defensive?" he cut me off.

I look at him unbelievably. I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous my father is. Look at him! Trying to save face even though it's obvious that he's been keeping an eye on me for the past months.

"Tss," I sneered at him. "Kunwari ka pa. Don't worry, I will only be with Ate Stella and no other okay?'

Umangat ang gilid ng labi ni Daddy at uminom muli ng tubig.

"Ano ka ba, Ferdinand! Hayaan mon ang mag-enjoy ang anak mo. Si Stella lang naman ang kasama. Ikaw naman!" pag-alu ni Mommy.

Napangisi ako dahil pinagtanggol ako ni Mommy. Wala tuloy nagawa si Daddy at nanahimik nalang.

I'm bound to live for Vienna in two days. Habang wala ako sa bahay ay si Mommy ang nag-iimpake ng gamit ko para hindi na daw ako mahirapan. I also informed my siblings about my trip at pare-parehas lang din sila ng request. Pasalubong!

Si Kuya Dom agad na nag-send ng size niya at nagpapabili pa ata ng sapatos! Akala naman ng isang 'to ang laki ng stipend na nakukuha ko ngayong internship. Iyon na nga lang ang ginamit ko na pocket money pati na rin ang ipon ko, e.

My parents are still the one who paid for this trip. Nag-dagdag lang ng kaunting pocket money dahil nagpupumilit sila.

When the day of my departure came, I received a text from Carmela.

Carmela:

Pasalubong! Char. Ingat ka! Message me when you land😊 enjoy! Love u!

I smiled at her message.

Me:

Thank you, Carms! See you after a week! Love you! ❤

My parents are the ones who drove me to the airport. Habang binababa ni Daddy ang mga bagahe ko ay pinaalalahanan naman ako ni Mommy.

"This is your first out of the country trip alone, Fel. Please be careful. Balita ko marami daw pick pocketing na nagaganap doon. Be vigilant, okay?"

I smiled and assured her that I'll be fine and that she doesn't need to worry about me anymore. I can take care of myself.

My parents both waved at me once I finished checking in for my flight. Masaya akong kumaway sa kanila at nag-flying kiss pa bago tuluyang mag-tungo sa immigration. My time in immigration was a bit slow. Marami kasi ang paalis kaya marami ring pasahero ngayon.

Nang matapos ako, agad akong dumiretso sa lounge. While waiting for my flight, I decided to take a quick snap of my passport and ticket. I posted it on my Instagram story and captioned it with 'en route to Vienna ✈️'

And Kuya Dominic―being the tambay of Instagram―immediately replied to my story.

@domsdonovan: size 11 ako ah?

I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

Some of my friends in high school, college, and medical school all wished me to have a safe trip. Sinikap ko na replyan sila isa-isa habang hinihintay ang flight ko.

Another hour has passed until I heard my flight being called. Agad akong tumayo at lumapit doon sa attendant na nakaabang sa may gate. I don't have a connecting flight for this trip since I saw that the airline I booked offers a straight trip to Vienna.

It's going to be a long ass flight and I have to brace myself for it.

"Thank you." I said to the flight attendant when she guided me towards my seat. Ngumiti siya at agad na nag-offer ng inumin. I ended up ordering a lemon juice.

They informed us that our flight is going to be delayed for a few minutes so I tried to entertain myself by reading some magazines provided by the airlines. Nang marinig ko ang announcement, agad akong napaayos ng upo at binitawan ang magazine.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome aboard to Skyjet Pacific flight 492 bound for Vienna. We are sorry for the delay in our departure. Please fasten your seat belt and refrain from smoking while the no smoking sign is on. From Captain Olivarez and the crew..."

Natigilan agad ako nang marinig ko kung sino ang pilot ng flight na ito. Talagang sakto na siya pa ang naging piloto ah?

"... it is our pleasure to serve you today. If there is anything we can do to make your flight more enjoyable, please let us know. Thank you. In a few moments we'll be screening a safety video about this aircraft. You'll also find a safety briefing card in the seat pocket in front of you. we require that you give us your careful attention."

I scoffed right after the announcement has finished. Hindi parin talaga ako makapaniwala na si Archer ang piloto ng flight na ito. It wasn't even planned at all. He also has no idea that I'm going somewhere so... it's just weird that out of all the pilots, si Archer pa talaga ang natapat sa flight na 'to.

It's been hours since the plane took off. The estimated time of arrival according to the announcement is 6:45 PM and I already informed Ate Stella about it so they could prepare early.

I reclined my seat so that I would be more comfortable. Sinikap kong matulog habang nasa byahe pero pa minsan-minsan din akong nagigising.

There was one time where I had to go to the lavatory but I immediately turned my back when I saw Archer going out of the cockpit. I glanced back to see where he went but he was already gone!

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga. Why would I turn my back when I could've gone straight to the lavatory like I planned! Ano naman kung makita niya ako 'di ba? Kung 'di ko pa ata nilaksan ang loob ko na dumiretso na ng lavatory, baka tuluyan nang sumabog ang pantog ko!

I was able to sleep during the remaining duration of my flight. Hindi ko masyadong nagustohan ang pag-kain kaya nagising ako na kumakalam ang sikmura. Hindi na ako nakatulog pa pagkatapos noon kaya nag-order nalang ako ng pag-kain kahit labag sa kalooban ko.

Mukhang kaunting oras nalang din ay makakarating na kami sa Vienna. I played a movie on the screen in front of me and that was able to entertain me as I wait for this plane to land.

Sakto at tapos na ang movie nang marinig ko ang announcement. We prepared for the plane to land so I wore my seat belts again. I looked outside and was immediately mesmerized by the scenery. I guess we already arrived in Vienna.

Vienna was one of my dream destinations and I'm really glad that I was able to go here now despite my very busy schedule. Mabuti nalang talaga at binigyan kami ng dalawang linggong pahinga kaya nakapag bakasyon galore ako gaya ng sabi ni Carmela.

Once we've landed, another announcement was made. This time it was from Archer.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain Olivarez speaking. Welcome to Vienna International Airport. The local time is 6:47 PM and the temperature is 6 degree Celsius. It's partly cloudy today and I do hope you have your jackets with you to prepare you for the cold. On behalf of Skyjet Pacific Airlines and the entire crew, I'd like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice stay!"

After we were given the permission to descend, I immediately took my hand carry out of the overhead compartment. Tinulungan ako ng isang flight attendant at agad ko naman siyang nginitian matapos.

"Thank you." I said and strapped my bag unto my shoulder.

The flight attendant smiled back at me. "Welcome to Vienna, Ma'am. Please enjoy your stay!"

Isang ngiti pa ang iginawad ko sa kanya bago ako tuluyang lumabas ng eroplano. Once I've passed through the immigration and after taking getting my bags, I tried to connect to the airport's Wi-Fi so I could message Ate Stella.

I'm contemplating if I should buy a sim card or not. I heard na may public Wi-Fi naman dito kaya siguro makaka-connect at makakausap ko ang pamilya ko kahit saan man ako magpunta.

While waiting for my phone to connect, I decided to seat on the bench in front of a boutique store. I looked around and see a lot of tourists. Nang mapansin kong naka-connect na ako, agad akong binuksan ang Messenger upang i-message agad si Ate Stella.

Me:

I already got my bags. Nandito na ba kayo, Ate? Message me once you receive this. See you!

Ilang minuto lang ang hinintay ko bago siya nakapagreply sa message ko. I smiled because they're already here! Hinihintay na daw nila ako sa arrival area.

Agad akong tumayo at hinila ang maleta ko. I smiled because of so much excitement. My eyes remained on my phone as I type another reply to Ate Stella to tell her that I'm on my way out now.

And because my attention is on my phone, I was surprised when I bumped into someone when I took a step. Napatigil ako at agad na nag-angat ng tingin para humingi ng tawad sa kung sino man itong nabunggo ko.

"I'm sor-"

Hindi ko na natapos pa ang sasabihin ko dahil mas nagulat na ako sa kung hindi ang nasa harap ko ngayon. He's with his crew and he's carrying a small black luggage with him. Kahit iyong mga kasama niya ay natigilan din nang dahil sa nangyari.

My mouth parted in surprise. Bakit sa lahat ng pupwedeng makabunggo dito sa Vienna, siya pa talaga?

Gaya ko, mukhang nabigla rin si Archer na makita ako dito. Hindi pa ata mag-poproseso sa kanya ang nakikita kung hindi ko pa siya binati.

"Hey." Sabi ko at sinubukang ngumiti. Archer cocked his head to the side.

"Felicity Marie Jane..." he said and shakes his head. He sounded amused. Later on, a ghost smile appeared on his lips. "We meet again."