Song: Close To You- Rihanna 

Vulnerable

Hindi ko ibinaba ang tawag habang naglalakad ako patungo sa plague column kung saan kami magkikita ni Archer.

"I'm really sorry if I have to disturb you. It's just that I got an extra ticket and I don't want it to go to waste." sabi ko.

Paulit-ulit na akong nanghihingi ng paumanhin sa kanya simula nang pumayag siyang samahan ako. I just felt embarrassed that I had to take his time off with his crew because of me.

Archer chuckled on the other line. "It's really fine, Felicity. You don't have to be sorry about it. Are you already there? Malapit na ako."

"Uh, yes. I'm wearing a tale blue two piece suit though."

"Okay, I see you."

My forehead creased a bit because I couldn't see him anywhere. If he can see me then that means he's already neaby. I looked around again.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"Here."

Nagulat ako dahil bahagyang naging malakas iyong naging pag-sagot niya. Hindi ko naman tinaasan ang volume ng phone ko kanina ah?

I tried to look around to see if I'm seeing anyone familiar now. But I couldn't.

"Where?" ulit ko at inikot muli ang paningin.

"Here," I heard him chuckle a bit.

Sa pagtalikod ko, siya agad ang sumalubong sa akin.

"Hi." He greeted.

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang makita ko siya sa likuran ko. Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib. Pinatay ko na ang tawag.

"You startled me!"

"You look lost. Are you okay?"

Sinara niya na rin ang telepono niya at nilagay ito sa loob ng bulsa niya. He inserted his hand inside his coat.

Pinasadahan ko naman ng tingin ang suot niya. He's wearing a white turtleneck sweater, a gray trench coat, a black chelsea boota and a black pants.

I blinked so he wouldn't think that I was checking him out. Humugot ako ng hininga at tiningnan siyang muli.

"Thank you so much for coming immediately. I don't know what I'll do if it wasn't for you."

Archer smiled a bit. "You're lucky we're in the same city or else that extra ticket is going to waste."

I nod my head in agreement. Umalis na kami sa plague column at nag-simula nang mag-lakad. Marami kaming nadadaanan na restaurants ni Archer at doon ko lang rin na naalala na kahit ang plano namin ni Ate Stella na dinner ay hindi rin natuloy!

She's such a busy woman! I wonder if she can still tour me around?

"Did you have your dinner already?" tanong niya habang nag-lalakad kami sa hilera ng mga cafés at restaurants.

Napansin niya sigurong panay ang tingin ko doon kaya niya napansin.

"Uh, not yet. You?"

"Same. I know a good restaurant. You want to eat there?"

"Sure!" Agad ko namang pag-payag.

Archer and I entered an expensive looking restaurant. I was surprised that he could speak German when he asked the waitress to get us a table.

Habang naglalakad sa lamesa namin, nilingon niya naman ako.

"Don't worry. I got this." aniya.

Kumunot ang noo ko at nagtataka siyang tiningnan. "Huh?"

When we reached our table, Archer immediately pulled out a chair for me. Nginitian ko siya at nagpasalamat. Umikot naman siya upang makaupo na sa katapat kong upuan.

"I'll pay for our dinner. You got me a ticket at the State Opera so consider this as my payment for that."

My mouth parted. "Oh! But it's okay, really. You didn't have to."

Archer smirked. "No, it's fine. So, what do you want?"

We both looked at the menu. Pinanood ko naman siya habang pinapasadahan ang hawak na menu na para bang hinahanap niya iyong alam niyang putahe.

I looked around and noticed how beautiful this restaurant is. Kahit restaurant, mala Victorian style parin ang vibe!

"You see to know a lot about this place." sabi ko at tumingin na sa sariling menu.

I felt him raise his gaze at me.

"I always dine in here every time we have a lay over. This place serves really good food."

"I see. Marami ka na rin sigurong dinala na babae dito."

I stopped reading when I realized what I just said. Bahagyang namilog ang mga mata ko.

What the hell, Felicity?

From my peripheral vision, I saw Archer smirked. Tinagilid niya pa ang kanyang ulo, na para bang gusto niyang mas malinawan sa sinabi ko.

"I don't bring anyone with me. It's my first time to dine in with someone here today. What are you talking about?" natatawa niyang tanong.

Inangat ko ang tingin sa kanya upang subukan isalba ang sarili sa kahihiyan.

"Oh! I just thought that you probably brought your previous girlfriends here since it's a nice place to date."

Sige ha, Felicity? Pahiya mo pa lalo sarili mo.

Archer put his menu down to look straight at me. Humilig siya sa lamesa upang mas matingnan ako nang mas maayos.

"I don't do girlfriends, Felicity."

Bumuka ang bibig ko. That one was surprising! I've always thought of him as someone who had a number of girlfriends before based on his calibre. Hindi rin naman imposible dahil sa trabaho niya. I noticed some smoking hot flight attendants during our flight. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to hit on one of those.

I creased my forehead at him. "Why not?"

"I'm not really into commitments. I mean, given my line of work, I don't think I'll ever get to spend a lot of time with the person I love even if I wanted to. Why?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat at nag-iwas ng tingin. Mas itinuon ko ang atensyon sa menu na hawak ko.

"Wala. Mag-kaiba kasi tayo. I'm the kind of person who always wanted to commit whenever I like someone. It's rare to find someone you feel deeply connected with. And you'll also feel more secure when you commit."

"So... does that mean you didn't feel secure with your Korean guy? Because he doesn't commit to you."

I immediately glared at him. Nakita ko naman ang mapaglarong ngisi na gumuhit sa kanyang labi.

Wow! May pag-atake Archer ha?

"Why need to bring him into this conversation? And stop calling him Korean guy. He has a name!" I rolled my eyes at him.

Archer scoffs. "Okay, fine. Lucas is it? What happened to the both of you? The last time I saw you both, he looks completely worried when patient tried to harass you during your medical mission."

Oh, right! He was there so he probably witnessed Lucas running up to me to help me. I wonder if he also saw my confrontation with him? Kasi kung nakita niya 'yun, baka 'di na niya isipin na maaaring may namamagitan sa amin ni Lucas.

"Well, there is no us. Let's begin with that." I said bitterly.

His forehead creased. "What happened?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe it wasn't really meant to be."

"I thought you were sure that he's the right man for you?" may halong pang-aasar ang tono niya.

Inirapan ko siyang muli. Damn him! Naalala niya pa 'yun? Sigurado rin naman ako na kahit hindi ko na idetalye pa ang nangyari, may pakiramdam na 'tong si Archer kung ano ang dahilan. He's the first one who noticed that Lucas might have feelings for Demi before I even do.

I mean, nakakaramdam na ako. But I just don't want to acknowledge it because I was still hopeful back then. But now that I realize that I'm worth more than running after a person who doesn't want to commit or feel the same for me.

"It was stupid of me to say that."

"So, you regret saying it?"

"A bit. Because I probably sounded so desperate. I should've realized sooner that he likes someone else so I wouldn't hope so bad."

I sighed. Hindi ko na siya tiningnan pa at mas itinuon nalang ang atensyon sa menu na hawak. Ganoon rin naman siya. Mamaya maya pa ay nag-aya na siyang mag-order kami.

I asked him what's the best dish he already tasted here at this restaurant and he was kind enough to suggest some.

"I thought there was something going on between you two." Archer said once our food arrived.

Pagkatapos kong magpasalamat sa waiter, tiningnan ko naman si Archer habang nakakunot ang noo. I raised a brow.

"What makes you think that? Ikaw nga ang mas unang nakapansin na may gusto siyang iba tapos iisipin mo na may namamagitan sa amin ni Lucas?"

"I thought I was wrong. When I saw what happened during the medical mission, I thought that Lucas probably realized that he feels the same towards you. I can see in his eyes how much he's worried about you."

Ngumiti ako at bahagyang tumawa. "Who wouldn't get worried when you see someone almost getting harassed? You also ran towards me when you saw what happened. So, it's normal."

"Well, it was different that time that's why I thought that maybe you were both together now. Kaya hindi na rin ako tumulong dahil tingin ko... mas kailangan mo siya."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Unti-unti kong inangat ang tingin sa kanya. Archer's attention is on his food, like he's refusing to look at me. Naningkit naman ang mga mata ko.

"Is that the reason why you didn't update me about Aya for months?"

Nang dahil sa tanong kong iyon ay agad naman siyang napaangat ng tingin sa akin. I smirked when I saw how innocent he looks now.

"What? I was busy and you were to so I didn't have the time to update you." sabi niya.

I continue to look at him suspiciously. Ngumuso ako at nagkibit nalang ng balikat. Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-kain.

"But I confronted him after that though. And since then, we... became casual with each other."

"What happened?"

I was hesitant to tell him at first. Hindi ko kasi sigurado kung ito ba ang dapat naming pag-usapan. But then, he was eager to know so I gave in. Iyon ang naging usapan namin hanggang sa natapos kami sa dinner.

Even if we're already walking towards the Vienna State Opera, we kept talking about Lucas. It feels good that I suddenly got rid of this feeling just by talking about it. Ilang buwan ko rin isinantabi ito at pilit kong sinasabi sa sarili na makakalimutan ko rin ito sa mga susunod na araw.

I would be lying if I say that what happened didn't affect me at all. Maybe I was just good at concealing my feelings now so it looks like that I'm all over it now. But then life is all about moving on and learning to accept things that are not really meant for us.

"I'm afraid that I probably just misinterpreted his actions towards me. Lucas doesn't really want me. I guess he was just... being nice," I paused for a while. "Hindi niya naman ako pinaasa, e. Ako lang naman 'tong umasa. It wasn't him who gave me false hopes, my mind did."

Bahagya kong tiningala si Archer at nakita na diretso lang ang tingin niya, mukhang nag-iisip ng sasabihin.

"It's natural for you to feel that way so don't feel bad about it, Felicity. Of course, you like him so everything he does for you would probably mean something for you."

I nod my head. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess that's what really happened. Gustong-gusto ko si Lucas kaya siguro lahat ng ginagawa niya sa akin, binibigyan ko agad ng meaning kahit na ang totoo ay gusto niya lang makatulong.

Nang makarating kami sa tapat ng Vienna State Opera, pinauna niya akong pumasok. I presented our ticket and they immediately let us enter. Inilibot ko naman ang tingin ko sa buong lugar at hindi ko maiwasang mamangha.

"And yes, you probably misinterpreted his actions but it's not your fault," Archer continued. "You like him so it's natural to feel hopeful."

Bahagya akong ngumiti. Nauna naman akong umakyat kaysa sa kanya, nanatili lang siya sa likod ko habang inililibot ko ang mata sa paligid.

Nang magkasabay kami sa pag-lalakad, doon ko tinuloy ang usapan.

"I just loved him so much, you know?" I sighed. "But he doesn't love me back. I just wanted to get rid of this feeling. I want to get over him and find someone who can reciprocate the same feeling towards me. I just... want to move on."

"Is that true?"

I raised a brow.

"Yes." Walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot.

Hindi na ako magpapaligoy-ligoy pa dahil iyon din naman ang gusto kong mangyari. I want to get over it and forget everything that happened. If I could keep a casual relationship between Lucas after everything, then that's better. I'm not mad or anything. I just realized my worth.

I am no longer the girl who keeps on waiting for someone who is looking at a different direction anymore. Tapos na akong umasa na magustohan rin pabalik ng taong apat na taon kong hinihintay.

The conversation I had with my siblings was an eye opener. Tama ang sinabi nila na sa halip na makilala ko na ang taong para sa akin, mawawala pa ang pagkakataon na iyon dahil abala ako sa paghahabol sa taong hindi naman talaga para sa akin.

"It's good that you made your decision now. I'm glad that you realized that you shouldn't fight for a love that can't meet you halfway. Don't worry... you will be everything to the right someone."

Nakapasok na kami sa box na nireserve ni Ate Stella nang nakangisi ko siyang nilingon.

"You speak like you had a lot of experiences ah? I thought you don't do girlfriends?" pang-aasar ko.

He scoffs and let me sit first. Mataas at maganda itong pwesto na nakuha ni Ate Stella. Tanaw namin ang orchestra.

"But that doesn't mean those experiences didn't teach me a lesson." kibit balikat niyang sagot.

I rolled my eyes playfully at him. Tinanaw ko naman ang mga tao sa baba na kagaya namin, nag-hihintay nalang rin na mag-umpisa ang show.

"I just want you to know that you'll also have your chance in love, Felicity. You'll eventually stumble upon a guy who commit and give everything to you."

"I just want to be somebody's first choice." I blurted out without looking at him.

"Maybe you already are." he said nonchalantly.

"What?"

Napabaling ako ng tingin sa kanya nang dahil doon. Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa akin habang ako naman ay nakakunot ang noo sa kanya. Kung hindi pa siguro kami nakarinig ng palakpakan, baka nanatili na kaming nakatitig sa isa't isa doon.

When I looked away from him, that's where my heart started to beat faster again. Patago kong pinakiramdaman ang dibdib ko at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga.

Why is my reaction like this towards him all of a sudden? This is just nothing, right?

I tried to relax as we wait for the orchestra to start playing. They're going to be playing Mozart's classical pieces and it's amazing how these performers are all dressed up like the 18th century style. Pakiramdam ko talaga bumalik ako sa sinaunang panahon.

I started to relax when the orchestra started to play one of Mozart's famous pieces, Eine kleine Nachtmusik. It's amazing how I get to listen to this as if it was Mozart who is playing this song for us. Hindi maalis ang ngiti sa labi ko habang pinapanood ang orchestra na tumugtog.

They played a lot of famous Mozart's song like The Marriage of Figaro, Symphony No. 40, and Turkish March. Then the orchestra suddenly switched to playing Mozart's calmer pieces like Gran Partita and Adagio.

Mas lalo akong napapangiti habang pinapakinggan silang tumugtog. It's just so relaxing and peaceful. I feel like these songs suddenly made me forget how messy and unfair the world is.

It was during Ave verum corpus when I felt Archer shifted from his seat. Hindi na kami nag-usap pa simula nang mag-umpisa ang show. Nang dahil sa pag-ayos niya ng upo, mas lalo siyang napalapit sa akin.

My heart started to pound like crazy again. Ramdam na ramdam ko na malapit si Archer sa akin. I continued to look straight and tried to act like I didn't notice anything. Sa gilid ng aking mga mata, nakita kong ganoon rin naman siya.

He's looking straight but I could feel his hand moving closer to mine. Napalunok ako at napahugot ng malalim na hininga. Ni hindi ko na maappreciate ang tinutugtog ng orchestra ngayon dahil mas inaantisipa ko ang susunod na gagawin ni Archer.

And for some reason, I didn't hold myself back. Hinayaan kong unti-unting lumapit ang kamay niya sa akin hanggang sa tuluyan na niyang naabot ito. I gulped and tried to keep a straight face after I felt his hand holding mine.

I didn't know what was happening. I just know that a part of me wants to... hold his hand as well. Naramdaman ko pang nanginginig ang mga kamay niya habang inaabot ang akin, para bang kinakabahan siya sa ginagawa.

Nang maabot na ng isang daliri ko ang kamay niya, tsaka pa tumigil ang orchestra sa pag-tugtog. Agad na nagsipalakpakan ang mga manonood. Sa gulat ko ay mabilis kong binawi ang kamay ko at nakipalakpak na rin.

Doon nalang ako muling nakapagkawala ng malalim na hininga. Hindi ko na nilingon pa si Archer kahit na naramdaman kong tumayo na rin siya at pumalakpak. I tried to calm myself down as I watch the orchestra members bow their heads down.

The air between us was silent when the show finished. Tahimik lang kaming bumaba at wala ni isa sa amin ang nagtangkang mag-salita. I already messaged Ate Stella that the show just finished. Ang sabi niya on the way na daw si Kuya Mark para sunduin ako.

Nasa labas na kami ng Vienna State Opera nang magkaroon kaming dalawa ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang isa't isa. Sinubukan kong ngitian siya at umarte na para bang walang nangyari kanina.

"So," I started. "Uh... dito nalang ako. My cousin's husband is going to fetch me here. He's just a few minutes away. Ikaw saan ka?"

"I'll go back to my hotel and rest."

"Ah... okay. Thank you... Archer. For accompanying to today even if I had to take your time off with your crew."

Archer stifled a smile. "It's fine. I had a great time today, Felicity."

I smiled back at him. "Me, too..."

Akala ko doon na magtatapos ang usapan namin. Akala ko didiretso na siya sa kanyang hotel dahil malapit lang iyon dito gaya ng sabi niya. Pero bahagya akong nagulat nang magpatuloy siya.

"Uh... can I ask you something?"

I raised a brow and cocked my head to the side.

"What is it?"

"Before I leave for Germany on Friday... can we like... see each other again?"

I stared at him in amusement, hindi inaasahan na bigla niya akong aayain. I tried to fight off the urge to smile but I can't. Umangat ang gilid ng labi ko habang tinitingnan siya.

"Like... tour around again? And just the two of us?" I asked.

Archer nods his head. He licked his lower lip before he let out a small smile.

"Yeah."

"Sure." Walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot.

He looks taken a back with my answer. He probably wasn't expecting me to agree so quickly. Bakit pa ako tatanggi kung gusto ko rin naman?

Nang pumarada si Kuya Mark sa tapat ng opera house, agad niyang kinuha ang atensyon ko. I glanced at him before I move my gaze back to Archer. Sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi.

"Sounds like a plan. So, I'll see you again in two days, Felicity."

"Okay. Message me the details so I can prepare."

"Okay..."

Nanatili pa kaming nakatingin sa isa't isa hanggang sa tuluyan na akong nag-paalam sa kanya. I waved at him and he waved at me back. I look back at him before I enter Kuya Mark's car. Nanatili lang siyang nakatayo doon na para bang hinihintay niyang makaalis ang sasakyan bago rin siya tuluyang bumalik sa hotel na kanilang tinutuluyan.

I scoff and entered the car. Binati ko naman si Kuya Mark pag-pasok at agad niya akong tinanong kung sino iyong kasama ko. I told him it was a friend so he didn't ask me any further.

Nang makabalik kami sa bahay nila, walang humpay na nanghingi ng paumanhin si Ate Stella sa akin.

"Naku, Fel! Pasensya na talaga! May emergency lang talaga sa trabaho kanina kaya kailangan kong umalis. Mabuti at tumuloy ka!"

"Okay lang talaga, Ate. At isa pa, nasasayangan din ako sa ticket kung hindi rin ako dadalo. Good thing I asked a friend to join me. He's in the same city as me."

Ate Stella sighed in relief. Napahawak pa siya sa kanyang dibdib sa sobrang ginhawa.

"Ah... thank God! Baka mapagalitan ako ni Tita Cecilia kapag malaman niyang iniwan kita!"

I smiled to reassure her. I held her shoulder.

"'Di 'yan, Ate. Nag-enjoy naman ako, e."

Tumango siya. Pagkatapos naman noon ay hinayaan na nila akong pumanik sa guest room para makapagpahinga na. I sat down on the bed. Habang tinatanggal ang boots na suot, biglang umulit sa isipan ko ang nangyari kanina sa opera house.

I just felt smiling for no reason while relieving those moments. Now I came to realize that this isn't just a weird feeling anymore. It was something familiar. Like I already experienced this before but this time... deeper and more intense.

I know because I felt this when I realize that I have feelings for Lucas way, way back. And now... I'm suddenly feeling it towards Archer.

Maaaring masyadong mabilis o 'di kaya baka hindi rin naman ako sigurado kung totoo ba ito. But it's weird that it's giving me the same feeling. I didn't expect to feel it again after having my heart broken two months ago.

Siguro ito na 'yung sinasabi nilang deep connection. I don't even get why out of all the people I could be having that connection with, kay Archer pa talaga! It was so unexpected!

Wow! Ang bilis ko atang mag-move on ah? Parang kanina lang, sabi ko pa kay Archer na gusto ko nang maka-move on at makalimot. Ngayon, posible nang mangyari iyon agad-agad dahil may... gusto na akong bago.

Narinig ko namang tumunog ang telepono ko sa loob ng bag ko kaya agad kong kinuha iyon. Agad na sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi nang makita ko na galing kay Archer iyong notification. I opened my phone to read his message.

Archer Emmanuel Olivarez:

Good night, Felicity.

I sighed. I bit my lower lip.

"Nah, this time I'm sure. This is not me getting all confused or something. But I'm sure..." I told myself.

Kinuha kong muli ang aking telepono upang magtipa ng mensahe sa kanya.

Felicity Marie Jane Donovan:

Good night, Archer.

And on that night... I slept happily and with a smile on my face.

Wala na ata akong hinintay pa sa mga sumunod na araw kung hindi ang muli naming pagkikita ni Archer sa Friday. Sinabihan ko na rin si Ate Stella na maaaring hindi na ako magpasama sa kanya sa araw na iyon dahil may kikitain ako.

Hindi na rin naman siya nag-tanong pa at pumayag nalang. Sa tingin ko abala rin siya sa trabaho kaya pabor din sa kanya iyon.

Habang hindi pa dumadating ang araw ng pagkikita namin ni Archer, nag-punta naman kami ni Ate Stella sa Schönbrunn Palace, Belvedere Palace, at iba't iba pang museums. Marami rin akong nasubukan na restaurants at cafés dahil panay ang aya ni Ate Stella sa akin sa kung saan-saan.

I really enjoyed my tour with her but I was just really looking forward to the day Archer and I are going to see each other again.

Kaya naman nang dumating ang araw na iyon, maaga akong gumising para maaga ring makapag-ayos. Archer already told me last night where he's going to bring me and it's going to be at the Prater Amusement Park.

I thought we're going to see more museums and palace. Hindi ko naman inakala na doon niya ako dadalhin. But I'm glad, though. He planned something even more enjoyable.

After I took a bath, I immediately started to dress up. I wore a white tie neck puff sleeve blouse and partnered it with a yellow tweed overall dress. Pagkatapos ayusin ang buhok, nag-suot naman akong muli ng itim na Breton hat.

Medyo nahirapan pa akong suotin ang black over the knee boots ko kaya laking kaginhawaan nang matapos ako at lumabas na ng kwarto. I sling my bag over my shoulder. Si Kuya Mark naman agad na tumayo upang ihatid ako doon sa pagkikitaan namin ni Archer.

"Breakfast, Fel?" aya ni Ate Stella.

"'Di na, Ate. Mag-breakfast na kami ng kasama ko." Sabi ko at ngumiti sa kanya.

Pagkatapos magpaalam ay lumabas na kami ni Kuya Mark at hinatid niya naman ako sa Leopoldstadt. Agad akong bumaba nang matanaw ko si Archer. Mabilis akong nag-paalam kay Kuya Mark at bumaba ng sasakyan niya.

Hindi naman obvious na excited ka, Felicity, 'no?

"Hi!" I greeted happily once I reached him.

Agad na sumilay ang ngiti sa kanyang labi nang makita ako.

"Hi." He greeted back.

He's wearing an all black outfit this time. Black sweater, black pants, and black trench coat. Ang naiiba lang ata sa suot niya ay ang suot niyang white sneakers.

Hindi na kami nagpaligoy-ligoy pa at agad na nag-tungo sa isang café kung saan daw siya madalas tuwing napupunta siya dito.

"Wow! Kahit café ang ganda parin ng interiors nila." I said amusedly as I roam my eyes around.

We immediately ordered once we've reached the counter. I ordered a croissant and a hot latte while Archer ordered a bagel and dark coffee. May nakita kaming bakanteng upuan sa tabi ng glass window kaya doon kami pumwesto.

"So, you're off to Germany tomorrow, right? To visit your mother?" I asked as I stir my coffee.

"Yes. Her nurse told me that she wanted to see me so I'm going."

I nod my head. "How is she though? Is she getting any better?"

"I hope so. She's been forcing me to let her come home so I guess... she's starting to get better now."

My forehead creased a bit because of the tone of his voice. He sounded disappointed. I mean, he should be happy, right? Umo-okay na ang kondisyon ng nanay niya kaya gusto na niyang makauwi. At hindi ba siya masaya na maaaring makasama niya na ulit ito? Nang sa ganoon, hindi na siya pabalik-balik dito sa Europe.

"That's good to hear, right?" sinubukan kong paaganin ang loob niya dahil pakiramdam ko hindi madali para sa kanya na pag-usapan ito. "Her coming home would mean that you could spend more time together. Hindi ka na rin magpapabalik-balik dito sa Europe para bisitahin siya."

"It's different, Felicity. I don't want my mother to come home."

Bumuka ang bibig ko nang dahil sa pagkabigla. "B-But why?"

Sumulyap lang siya sa akin bago ibinalik muli ang tingin sa pag-kain niya. Napaayos naman ako ng upo.

"It's okay if you can't tell me. It must be hard for you."

"No," he said. "I don't want her to come home not because I don't want her back. I just don't want that place to trigger my mother's painful memories again. Ayaw ko lang na maalala niya kung bakit siya nagka-ganoon. I also don't want her to come home because I know she's just going to look for my father again. I don't want her to see him again."

I look at him gently. "Oh... I understand. I know you're just thinking about her. Alam kong ayaw mo lang siyang masaktan kaya mo naiisip 'yan. You're a good son, Archer."

He scoffed. "I'm not."

Nagugulohan ko naman siyang tiningnan. "Why do you think so?"

"Because a good son will let his mother do what she wants. At hindi ako ganoong klaseng anak. Mas pinipili kong sundin ang desisyon ko kaysa sa kagustuhan niya."

"But you have your reasons, Archer. Alam kong ginagawa mo lang 'yan sa ikabubuti ng kondisyon niya."

"I hope she thinks the same. She thinks I'm being selfish because I'm not letting her see my father again. She doesn't know that he got remarried though that's why I don't want her to come home. I'm afraid that once she learns about my father's second marriage, she would lose it."

Yumuko ako at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga. I didn't know he was going through something like this. Inside his cold and serious exterior, he was carrying a big responsibility inside.

"I'd rather have her think that I'm a selfish son than see her in pain again."

Doon nalang akong muli napaangat ng tingin sa kanya. He keeps on stirring his coffee as he looks outside the café. Hindi niya siguro nararamdaman na tumatapon na ito sa kamay niya dahil okyupado siya sa iniisip.

Kaya naman ako na ang nag-iwas ng kape niya at kinuha ang table napkin at pinunas ito sa kamay niya. Nagulat siya sa ginawa ko kaya siya napabaling muli ng tingin sa akin.

"This is why I never let people see the good in me. I don't want to experience the same thing my mother experienced with my father. She was too good for him that he took advantage of that. He knows that my mother will do anything for him that's why he didn't hesitate to ask for a divorce when he learned that my mother has been diagnosed with a mental illness."

"Why don't you let people see the good in you?" I asked.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at seryoso akong tiningnan.

"Because when they see good, they expect good. And I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations," he paused for a while. "My mother wants me to be the better man between me and my father. But I can't. Because that means... I can't be who I am."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong nagiging emosyonal sa sinasabi niya. This is the vulnerable part of him that he refuses to let anyone see. And I'm glad... that he's letting me see this part of him.

Even though it must've been hard for him to have these burdens and grudges inside, I'm still so proud of him that he's able to keep himself together. He thinks he's not the better man but for me he is.

He is still able to control himself despite the anger that he probably has for his father. He's a better than because despite everything he's going through, he still chose to be a good person and think about his mother's welfare other than his own.

He said that he's not letting him see the good in him. But I do. I see it...

"I don't want to become what other people wants me to be. I don't want to become what she wants me to be." He continued.

Hindi ko labis na naranasan ang pinagdadaanan niya dahil wala namang gulo na nangyayari sa pamilya namin. Even though I don't know how it feels what he's been going through, I know that this is the best time, he needed someone's comfort.

I reached out for his hand and held it tight. Nabigla siya sa ginawa ko kaya agad rin siyang napaangat ng tingin. I smiled at him.

"It's okay. You don't live in this world to become somebody that you're not. It's okay to choose yourself sometimes, Archer. You think that no one sees the good in you, but I do. You're a better man than you think you are. I'm so proud of you... for keeping yourself together despite everything you're going through. It must've have been hard for you to go through this alone. That's why if you need help, do not hesitate to look for me."

We continued to stare at each other. Habang tumatagal na nakatitig kami sa isa't isa, mas lalo kong napapansin na unti-unti na ring sumisilay ang isang ngiti sa kanyang labi. That made me smile, too.

"Thank you." he said and held my hand even tighter.