Song: Life Goes On- BTS

Bear

"Stop hitting yourself with that damn teddy bear and just give it to the kid!" Carmela said frustratingly while watching me hit my head with the teddy bear I promised to give Aya.

She continued munching her food and rolled her eyes at me.

I still feel so ashamed about what happened! Ilang beses ko nang sinasabi sa sarili na wala akong dapat ikahiya dahil natural lang na magkamali pero hindi ako mapanatag! Tuwing maaalala ko, gusto ko nalang magtago at magpakain sa lupa.

"How?! I'm too ashamed to come back to that room!"

"Well, it's not your fault that you thought about it that way. Gaya nga ng sabi mo, he's already thirty. Natural na iisipin mong anak niya iyon dahil bata pa! Lighten up! 'Wag ka nang magpaapekto masyado."

"Because it was so embarrassing, Carmela! Can't you imagine the look on his face when I addressed his step-sister as his daughter? Kulang nalang tumawa siya nang malakas! Siguro pinigilan niya lang ang sarili niya dahil ayaw niya akong mapahiya pero sigurado akong 'yun ang gusto niyang gawin!"

Umismid si Carmela sa akin at umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi. Pinalo ko ulit ang ulo ko gamit ang teddy bear.

I groaned and uttered a curse. Ngumuso ako at pinatong nalang ang baba sa tiyan ng teddy bear na hawak ko. I sighed.

I know it's natural to make a mistake. Hindi naman ako aware kaya nasabi ko iyon. Malaki din ang age gap niya kay Aya kaya napagkamalan ko talagang anak na niya ito. But why do I feel so damn embarassed about it?

Ilang beses na akong nagkamali. Pero hindi ako nahiya nang ganito!

"Well... was he cute though?" Carmela asked after a moment of silence.

I creased my forehead at her and looked at her ridiculously.

"What?!"

"I mean, you wouldn't be embarassed like this if he wasn't cute. I know you, Fel. You act shy whenever you-"

"Oh, please! I don't! Kung ikaw ang nasa pwesto ko, sigurado akong mahihiya ka rin!" I cut her off.

She shakes her head after she took a bite of her french fries. I sneered at her.

"Actually, no. I'll flirt with him. Napahiya ka na, e. Edi lubusin mo na."

I rolled my eyes. Kahit kailan talaga ang isang 'to. Kaya ang hirap din nitong kasama sa party, e. Bigla-bigla nalang nawawala! Malalaman ko nalang may kasayaw nang lalaki sa dancefloor!

Carmela probably already mastered the art of seducing men with her guts.

"But seriously, Fel. Was he cute?"

"Gosh! You're so annoying! Why are you asking me that?"

"Because you already saw him!? I'm stucked in the OPD, you know! I've got cases that I'm busy with kaya 'di ko din masusulyapan kung sino man 'yang tinutukoy mo. Unless... you want to endorse the patient-"

"Stop it. I'm not doing that. This is my first case with Lucas. 'Di ko papakawalan para sa'yo 'to noh!"

She made a face to mock at me. Inubos ko na ang natitira kong pagkain at pagkatapos ay ipinatong ko nang muli ang baba ko sa teddy bear.

Maybe I'll just let my embarrassed self cool down for a while before I go back to that room. I'll just pretend that nothing happened.

Easy!

"What now, Fel? Answer me. Was he cute?"

"Compared with Lucas, he's-"

"Oh, shut it! I don't care about your Korean guy. The hell with him? What I want to know is about that mysterious man."

Plastik akong tumawa at umirap muli. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at inisip ang sagot sa tanong ni Carmela.

Was he cute? I don't think so.

"He's not." Simple kong sagot.

Namilog ang mga mata niya at bumagsak ang panga. Umusog pa siya palapit sa akin na para bang hot issue itong naging sagot ko.

"But why did you make it sound like he is!?"

"Because he's very manly, Carmela! He's far from cute!" I almost shouted.

I toned it down because we weren't the only ones here. I can't believe that Carmela and I are actually spending our break time talking about that guy!

Pero totoo din naman ang sinasabi ko. That Archer guy isn't cute. He's too manly to be described as one.

Iba kasi ang definition ko ng cute. Say Lucas for example. Angelic face, gentle eyes, not too muscular but just enough to look healthy. Iyon bang walang halong bad news sa aura niya.

In Archer's case, he doesn't even look angelic! He's like... uhm... anyway, why am I thinking about him? All I know is that his features are too rough for me. I kinda don't like it.

Maybe that's also the reason why I'm so embarrassed. I'm not used to be surrounded by men like him. Nasanay nalang siguro nang kaunti nang mapasama sa pamilya namin si Kuya Jaxon at Kuya Kiel. My brothers—especially them because they probably got it from Dad—and my cousins have a bit of rough features but it's not too intimidating like Archer's.

"Oh... manly. I like it. Sige. Ano pa?"

"Anong binabalak mo ha?"

Sa tono palang niya alam ko nang may kakaiba na itong naiisip, e.

"Wala! Come on, I'm curious," she denied. "Was he attractive?"

I pouted and shrugged my shoulders. "Kind of."

Carmela squealed excitedly. Nag-isip pa siya ng panibagong tanong.

"Was he big?"

My jaw dropped. What the hell?! Bakit parang di ko na ata nagugustohan kung saan patungo 'tong usapan na 'to?

"Bakit ba ganyan ang mga tanong mo?" I asked irritably.

Umirap siya at pinalitan nalang ang tanong.

"Was he hot?"

Instead of answering right away, I got lost for words. Was he? I couldn't really say because I didn't pay much attention to him. Maliban nalang noong bumalik ako para sa cross matching nila ni Aya.

But looking back... I tried to remember how good he looks on his pilot uniform. Naalala ko na sumugod nga pala sila dito sa ospital nang ganoon ang suot niya.

"Uh... I guess so?" I answered halfheartedly.

Mas lalo atang natuwa si Carmela at pinaghahampas ako sa tuwa. She keeps on squealing like her lifelong dream just came true. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at hinawi ang kamay niya sa akin.

"Tell me if he's-" hindi na niya naituloy pa ang sasabihin niya dahil dumating na ang mga co-interns namin at nakisalo sa lamesa namin.

"Hey!" Bati ni Alex sabay lapag ng kanyang tray sa lamesa. Naupo siya sa tabi ni Carmela.

I watch as Carmela suddenly transformed into a quiet and modest woman. She pursed her lips and shifted from her seat then tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Napairap ako at natawa nalang sakanya. Look at this girl! Parang kanina lang kilig na kilig pa siya habang nagtatanong tungkol kay Archer tapos ngayong dumating si Alex, bilang umayos siya?!

I smirked and shake my head at her when she turns to me. Sumandal ako sa aking upuan at inayos ang pagkakatayo ng teddy bear na hawak ko.

"Para kanino 'yan?" kuryosong tanong ni Alex nang mapansin ang hawak ko.

"Ah, I promised a kid to give her a toy if she'll let us draw her blood."

"And you manage to fool her with that?"

I nod my head and raised a brow. "Of course, she's still a kid. She'll believe anything."

I glanced at Carmela who is still so quiet. Parang kanina lang ang ingay niya pa sa kakatanong sa akin tungkol kay Archer ah? Tumabi lang 'tong si Alex sakanya, natahimik na siya? Hmm... something must be going on with these two.

We talked for a little while―asked how our day was, what kind of patients we already encountered this day―until I remember that Lucas asked me to meet him after my lunch break because we've got another pediatric case.

Hindi ko nga maiwasang mapangiti nang sabihin niya sa akin na ako ulit ang makakasama niya sa isang case na mayroon siya. Maybe he's starting to like my company now huh?

I spotted Lucas leaning against the nurses' station's counter. He probably noticed that somebody's approaching so he raised his gaze and immediately found mine. I smiled at him.

"There you are." Aniya. May kinuha siyang chart at inabot sa akin iyon. "Let's go. Your sister is already waiting for us."

My forehead creased.

"My sister?" hindi na siya nakasagot pa dahil lumakad na agad siya palayo sa akin. I immediately opened the chart to check what kind of case we have today.

It's a pediatric cardiology case, arrhythmia to be more specific. It's not really that severe and I'm certain that my sister can still do something about this. As far as I remember, she already handled a case like this before.

Sinabayan ko si Lucas sa paglalakad habang finafamiliarize ko ang sarili sa case. It's a hassle that I have to bring this teddy bear along with me while I got some work to do. Sana talaga binigay ko na 'to kanina.

"What's that?" Lucas asked curiously.

Hindi ko naman napansin na nakatingin na  pala siya sa akin habang binabasa ko ang chart. Nakita kong nakatuon ang tingin niya sa teddy bear na hawak ko.

"Oh, it's for one of our patients. I'll give it to her once we're... finished with this case." Nahihiya kong sinabi at tinago at hawak na laruan sa ilalim ng chart.

Bahagya siyang tumango. Lucas lead the way towards our patient's room. Once we've reached the right room, he opened the door for me.

"Thank you." I said.

"You're welcome." He replied.

Ang maliit na bagay na iyon ay agad na naging dahilan para uminit ang pisngi ko. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling. Agad kaming nagkatinginan ni Ate Margaux nang pumasok kami.

"Mr. and Mrs. Joaquin, I'd like you to meet Dr. Lucas Kim and Dr. Felicity Donovan, they're going to be joining us for Rica's case today."

Lucas was the first one who offered his hand to the couple. Sumunod naman ako.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. Dr. Donovan."

"Uhm... is Rica's case that bad? Bakit kailangan pa nang maraming doktor?" the mother asked curiously.

"No, Ma'am. They're actually going to be the one who will oversee Rica's case from time to time especially when I'm not around. There is really nothing to worry about, Ma'am." Ate Margaux assured her.

The mother sighed heavily, looking so relieved. Ate Margaux started to inform them about the treatment plan and waited for them to decide so we can work through this case already. We gave them time to decide.

When we came back, they told us about their decision. In the end, both parents decided to have a pacemaker implanted on their child. This will help Rica's heart to beat back to a normal rate.

"I'm going to be fine, right?" the kid asked.

"Of course. It's a good thing that your parents immediately brought you here. At least we can immediately do something about it."

After that brief meeting, Ate Margaux instructed Lucas to prepare all the medications that Rica will need before her minor surgery. Meanwhile, she instructed me to book an OR for her. I was about to walk pass her at the nurses' station when she called for my attention.

"'Di ko inexpect na ikaw ang isasama ni Lucas ah?"

Agad akong napabaling ng tingin sakanya. After she finished signing something from the chart, she turns to me. Sinabit niya pabalik ang kanyang ballpen sa bulsa  g kanyang coat bago patagilid na sumandal sa counter.

I smiled a bit. "What do you mean?"

"I asked him to bring an intern with him so they could learn something from this case. I was surprised that he brought you along with him."

Mayabang akong ngumisi at sinabi sakanya na pangalawang case ko na 'to na kasama si Lucas.

"Maybe he sees how passionate you are with this field that's why he did not hesitate to bring you along with him."

"Or maybe... he just likes my company." Sabi ko at bahagyang tumawa.

Ate Margaux rolled her eyes on me.

"You're getting your hopes up again," she said. "Anyway, what's with that teddy bear?"

Nang dahil sa pagpasin niyang iyon ay tsaka ko nalang ulit naalala na may pagbibigyan pa nga pala ako nito. Lahat na ata ay napapansin at nagiging kuryoso kung bakit hawak ko ito kahit saan ako magpunta. I seriously need to give this to Aya now.

"Oh! It's for one of my patients."

"Look at you! Second day as an intern and you're already giving gifts to your patients! Wala pang pasko pero baka naman palitan mo na si Santa Claus niyan."

I made a face. Plastik akong tumawa bago ako magpaalam sakanya. She has the time to gossip around when she should already be preparing for her surgery! Haaay!

After I booked her an OR, I went straight to Aya's room so I can give her the toy that I promised her.

I knocked lightly and peeked my head before I enter.

Gising si Aya nang pumasok ako. I figured that she must be waiting for this toy for quite some time now because she quickly plastered an excited smile as I walk towards her.

As usual, the one that's left here with her is Archer. Nagkatinginan kami saglit at ako na mismo ang unang nag-iwas ng tingin.

"I'm just here to drop this off," sabi ko at pinakita na ang teddy bear kay Aya. "I hope you like it."

Ang ngiti niya kanina ay mas lumaki na ngayon. She excitedly reached out for the teddy bear. I smiled.

"Thank you, doctor!"

"You're welcome." I said and caressed her head. "How are you? Are you feeling a bit better?"

"A bit. I hope this teddy will help me recover, doctor."

"Of course, it will. That's why you should take care of him. He's the first ever bear I ever gave to one my patients. He's a special one." I winked at her.

Aya giggled and glanced at her brother. Yes, brother. Hindi na nagkamali ang pag-address ko sa relasyon nila ngayon dahil alam ko na!

Sinubukan kong 'wag din siyang sulyapan pero parang may kung anong humila sa akin na naging dahilan kung bakit ako napatingin sa kanya. I saw him smiling at his sister. His rough feature suddenly turns gentle as he looks at her.

Gano'n siguro talaga 'noh? Kapag nakatingin ka sa taong mahal mo, bigla ka nalang nanlalambot...

Ganyan din ako kay Lucas, e!

"What would you name that bear?" Archer asked.

Napakurap ako at inalis ang tingin sakanya. Ibinaling kong muli ang atensyon kay Aya at hinintay ang magiging sagot niya.

"Hmm..." she looked up and massaged her chin using her index finger as she thought of an answer. "Aha! I'll name her after you, doctor!"

Nabigla ako. "Oh! Me? Why?"

"Because you're the one who gave me this and I wanted to remember it."

"So, you'll name her Felicity huh?" Si Archer.

He was already looking at me when I glanced at him again. May maliit na ngisi na gumuhit sa kanyang labi. Pairap kong iniwas ang tingin sakanya at bumaling muli kay Aya.

"Yes. This is Felicity from now on."

Nginitian ko siyang muli.

"Aww! Thank you for naming that bear after me. I really appreciate it... however, as much as I wanted to spend more time with you, I need to go. Doctor still has a lot of things to do but I'll still make sure to visit you from time to time."

"Okay..."

"Please take care of Felicity for me, okay?"

Aya nod her head a bit. I pinched her cheek lightly.

"I'll leave you with your brother now."

Pagkatayo ko mula sa pagkakaupo sa hospital bed ni Aya ay narinig ko ang bahagyang paghalakhak ni Archer. Dahil sa kuryosidad ay napabaling ako muli ng tingin sa kanya. I raised a brow.

"Brother huh? Buti hindi na tatay. That really hurt my feelings to be honest." pang-aasar niya. 

Tamad ko siyang tiningnan. I took a deep breath to calm myself. At talagang nang-asar pa! Alam siguro nito na nailang ako nang dahil sa pangyayaring 'yun!

I sneered at him before I turned to look Aya again. I smiled at her for the last time before leaving the room.