Song: positions- Ariana Grande

Recording

A lot has happened during my first week as a post-graduate intern. I've already handled pediatric patients with difficult cases and I'm really glad that my seniors were so patient in helping us learn.

I tapped my ballpen on my table as I listen to Lucas' discussion about electrocardiogram. He even drew some waveforms in order for us to fully understand how ECG works.

I rest my chin over my palm and wrote some notes about his discussion. It's surprising that Carmela's also listening kahit na kanina pa sila nagkukulitan nitong si Alex sa tabi ko.

I truly believe that there must be something going on with them. Hindi palang siguro sinasabi ni Carmela sa akin dahil hindi pa siguro siya sigurado sa nararamdaman. She's quite confusing when it comes to guys.

One minute, she wants to date. Then the next, she hates men. Minsan may mga oras na gusto niya na daw ng boyfriend, pero pag-usapang commitment, biglang umaayaw.

Ngumuso ako at sinubukang makinig sa lecture ni Lucas. Kahit na sinusubukan kong tumingin sa board, bigla-bigla nalang napupunta ang tingin ko kay Lucas.

He's just so dreamy. Sobrang swerte talaga ng magiging girlfriend niya at sana ako na 'yun!

Inangat niya ang kanyang kamay upang may ituro sa waveform na iginuhit niya sa board. My mouth parted and titled my head a bit as I watch his arm flexed while he's pointing at something.

May pakiramdam ako na naisisingit niya pa ang pag-eexercise tuwing off-duty siya. It's very evident on his biceps. Hindi naman siya gaanong maskulado, tama lang. Just the way I like it.

Lucas fixed his eyeglasses as he tries to answer a co-intern's query. Actually, hindi ko alam kung tungkol saan ang tanong. Basta nalang ako napangiti habang sinasagot ni Lucas ang katanungan niya.

I watch as his lips moves in a slow manner. Dahan-dahan ang pagsasalita niya upang mabigay niya nang mas malinaw ang kanyang sagot.

His lips are so pink and it looks so soft. I wonder how it feels like to–

"Dr. Donovan?" Lucas called for my attention.

Agad akong napakurap at napaayos ng upo nang marinig kong tinawag niya ang pangalan ko. What is it again? What does he want?

He probably saw the way that I was looking at him! Gosh! Nakakahiya!

"Uhm... I'm sorry? What was it again, Luc–" I stopped and shake my head when I realized that I was about to address him informally. "I mean, Dr. Kim?"

He sighed heavily and shakes his head in disappointed. He bit his lower lip and tried to repeat his question for me.

Was he disappointed that he caught me not paying attention? Damn you, Fel! Why were you daydreaming about him while he's discussing?! Nakakahiya ka!

Lucas pointed at the projector to show me that there was an ECG waveform presented on it. Hinarap niyang muli ako.

"This is an ECG result of a 60 year old man that presents a tight central chest pain radiating to his left shoulder. Based on everything I've taught you for this day, can you present your findings and give a diagnosis based on his ECG result?"

I opened my mouth. There are a lot of answers going through my head. Minsan kinakausap ko pa ang sarili ko sa utak ko kung tama ba kung isasagot ko iyon o hindi?

I look at his presentation again. It shows there that the man's rate is 90. The rhythm was also regular. The axis, PR/P wave, QTc/other are all normal. QRS is narrow. And lastly, ST/T wave shows there is an elevation in the V2, V3, V4, V5, and V6. There is also a reciprocal depression in the II, III and aVF.

"I do believe that this patient has a ST elevation in the anterior and lateral leads which also leads me with the diagnosis of anterolateral ST elevation MI or STEMI."

"Okay. Given your diagnosis, Dr. Donovan, what would you do with the patient?"

"The patient should be assessed and treated urgently for a STEMI, ideally with a primary angioplasty. Immediate management of aspirin, clopidogrel, heparin, nitrites, morphine, and control oxygen must also be included."

Lucas' brows raised in amusement. Oh? Akala mo ha 'di ako nakikinig? I may be daydreaming about you, but I still listen to your discussions!

Lucas' lips protuded a bit before nodding his head lightly. He looks satisfied with my answer. I smirked.

"Very well, Dr. Donovan. Thank you."

Malaking ngiti ang iginawad ko sakanya bago yumuko kaya napansin ko rin ang pag-ngisi niya. I pursed my lips to try and hide my happy smile.

Saktong pag-upo ko ay agad akong binunggo ni Carmela gamit ang balikat niya. Nilingon ko siya.

"Ang galing ha? Pati si Lucas namangha! I'm so proud of you!"

We both squealed quietly on our seats. Mariin kong hinawakan ang kamay niya habang tahimik niyang dinadamaayan ang kilig na nadarama ko.

If I keep on impressing Lucas like this, baka ma-fall na sa akin 'to.

After our meeting, Sandy, our co-intern whose shift is at night, went to me to endorse a patient. Tapos na ang shift niya kaya sa akin niya naman ipinapasa ang pasyenteng hawak niya. She even told me that her shift last night was toxic. That's the reason why I also don't like night shifts... it's toxic!

I listen thoroughly to her as she endorses her patient to me. Tumango ako nang sabihin niya ang mga ginawa sa pasyente kagabi.

"Okay... I'll check on her later." I said. Sandy smiled.

"Yay! Thank you so much, Felicity!"

I smiled back at her. Hinawakan ko ang braso niya. "Go home and rest, Sandy. Get all the sleep you deserve. Ako na ang bahala dito."

She nods her head. "I will! Thank you, Fel!"

I waved at her and went to the nurses' station to check the charts that she gave me. I flipped through the page and saw that it is already updated. Sumandal ako sa may counter habang nagbabasa ng chart. Natigilan lang nang marinig ang nurse.

"Here you go, Dr. Kim." Sabi ng nurse sabay abot ng chart kay Lucas na nasa tabi ko na.

Agad akong napaayos ng tayo at gulat siyang nilingon. Nauna siyang lumabas ng room kanina at inisip ko agad na pupuntahan na niya ang mga pasyente niya. Kaya naman nabigla ako nang makita ko siyang nandito. At sa tabi ko pa talaga!

He glanced at me while he's reading through the charts. I pursed my lips. Binalik naman ni Lucas ang kanyang tingin sa charts.

"Good morning, Dr. Donovan." He greeted.

Parang nabuhayan ako sa pag-bati niya kaya mas lalo akong napaayos ng tayo ngayon. The nurse must've noticed how conscious I've become so she smirked.

I cleared my throat and decided to greet Lucas back.

"Good morning, Dr. Kim." I smiled at him.

He nods his head once before he closes the chart. Humarap siya sa akin at itinuko ang kanyang siko sa ibabaw ng counter. He titled his head a bit. Napahigpit ang paghawak ko sa chart.

Oh my god! Please... I'm not going to pass out because of this, right?

"You did well on our discussion today." Aniya.

My mouth parted a bit at his compliment. I just hope that my cheeks are not burning big time right now. At sana hindi halata na kinilig ako nang kaunti sa compliment niya!

"Oh... it's nothing really. But thanks." nahihiya kong sambit.

"I thought you weren't listening so I called your attention."

So, I was right! He caught me daydreaming! Mabuti nalang at hindi niya alam na siya ang iniisip ko habang nakatulala sa kawalan.

"I was listening," I said. "It only looked like I wasn't but my attention was on you."

Lucas scoffs. "Yeah. I've noticed that. You answered my question well and I was impressed."

I bit my lower lip to hide my smile. He... was... impressed! Kung pupwede lang i-record 'yang sinabi niya, talagang ginawa ko na!

Tumawa nalang ako para 'di ako masyadong halata. Ang mga nurse dito ay nagkukunwaring busy pero alam kong narinig nila 'yon! Nakita ko pa si Ms. Angelou, ang senior nurse, na ngumisi sa akin.

She's very close with my sister and my cousin. Kaya noong inilibot nila ako noon dito, pinakilala nila ako sakanya. Kaya kung sakaling alam niya ang tungkol sa nararamdaman ko para kay Lucas, hindi na ako magugulat. My sister must've told her.

Hindi rin naman ako nahihiyang ipaalam ang nararamdaman ko kay Lucas. Why would I hide or try to deny it when this is what I feel? I'm not even ashamed about it. Lahat naman tayo dumadaan sa phase na ito so it's understandable.

Nauna na si Lucas sa akin dahil may aasikasuhin pa siyang mga pasyente. Habang ako naman ay napagdesisyonan na bisitahin na rin iyong patient na inendorse ni Sandy sa akin kanina. The patient's room is beside Aya's kaya nagawa ko rin siyang silipin.

For the past few days, I didn't see her brother around. Sa tuwing nagpupunta ako sa kwarto niya, ang palagi kong naaabutan ay ang Mommy niya o 'di kaya ay ang nanny niya. He already probably went back to work.

My day went like the usual. I help other pediatric attendings and fellows with their cases and I try my best to be helpful. So far, wala pa naman akong naeencounter na extreme or rare cases ngayon kaya hindi rin gaano kabigat pa ang workload.

My co-interns are already waiting for me at the cafeteria. Pagkatapos kong bumili ng pagkain, agad akong dumiretso sa lamesa kung nasaan sila. Everyone seems engrossed with the conversation. My forehead creased.

"Anong meron?" I whispered to Carmela.

Saglit niyang inalis ang tingin sa mga kasama upang tingalain ako. I was surprised when she quickly pulled me to make me sit beside her.

"They're talking about an attractive guy! I'm curious!"

Ngumuso ako at mas lalong kumunot ang noo. Attractive guy? Dito sa ospital? The only attractive guy I know around is Lucas and my brother! Kaya sino naman 'yang pinag-uusapan nila?

"Yes, I saw him walking around the hallway on his pilot uniform! Grabe! Sobrang gwapo!" Si Kisha na masayang-masaya sa kuwento niya. Mukhang siya rin ang pasimuno ng usapan na ito.

Ang mga babaeng interns naman ay mas lalong nabuhayan sa usapan. Ang iba ay umusog pa para mas mapakinggan lalo si Kisha.

"Pilot? Hmm... yummy!" Carmela hissed.

I look at her ridiculously before taking a bite of my own food. So, they saw a pilot huh? That must be Archer. Or it must be another person but I'm certain that it's him.

"Akala ko sa airport lang ako makakakita ng ganoon! Kaya nagulat talaga ako nang may makasalubong ako ng gano'ng kagwapong nilalang dito sa ospital!" dagdag pa ni Kisha.

Our table is now filled with the girl's tiny squeals. Napailing nalang ako at tinuloy ang pag-ubos ng pagkain. Syempre, itong si Carmela active na active na naman dahil pag-usapang gwapo walang makakapigil sakanya.

"Omg! 'Yan ba ang tinutukoy mo, Kisha?" ani Yen sabay tinuro ang kung sino man ang nasa counter.

Sabay-sabay kaming napabaling doon. Hindi na ako nagulat pa nang makita ko si Archer. Kahit iyong cashier hindi rin mapigilan ang sarili na mapatitig sakanya.

I'll admit, he's attractive. No wonder why everyone's been acting like this. Parang nakakita sila ng Greek God straight from Mount Olympus!

Carmela leaned in to whisper something in my ear again. Pinisil niya pa ang braso ko para mas mapahiwatig niya talaga ang nararamdaman.

"Yummy!"

I scoffed and turn to her unbelievably again. Binalik ko ang tingin kay Archer at nakitang binabayaran niya na ang binili niyang bottled water. Saglit niyang nilagay sa bulsa ang hawak na telepono upang buksan ang binili.

The girls squealed again as they watch him open his bottled water. Tinulak pa ako ni Carmela nang mapansin niyang nag-flex ang braso ni Archer habang nagbubukas ng tubig. Napapikit nalang ako at napailing nang dahil sa mga kasama ko.

Puro shift na kasi ang inaatupag namin kaya ayan parang nakawala sa hawla nang makakita ng gwapo!

Tahimik silang nagtilian habang pinapanood nilang uminom si Archer. My jaw dropped and looked at everyone ridiculously. Oh my god! Why am I here?

Archer didn't notice the stares that were directed at him because his attention is on his water and the phone that he's holding. Naupo siya sa malapit na table kaya mas lalong nabaliw ang mga kasama ko.

"Hey! Hey! Calm down!" saway ni Carmela sa mga ka-fangirl niya.

"Oonga, guys! 'Wag tayo masyadong pahalata!" si Kisha.

Nang dahil doon ay nagkunwaring tahimik na kumain itong mga kasama ko pero paminsan-minsan paring sumusulyap kay Archer. I rolled my eyes.

Napansin ko naman na pumasok sila Ate Margaux at Ate Brittany sa loob ng cafeteria kasama ang mga kaibigan nila. Ate Margaux's eyes immediately darted towards me so she waved. I smiled.

And because she's the kind of person who notices everything, napansin niya sigurong may kung anong pinagkakagulohan itong mga kasama ko. Her brows rose and gave me a questioning look.

I only shrugged my shoulders and mouthed something to her so she won't worry about it. Inilubay niya nalang ang tingin sa akin at sinundan na ang mga kasama na bumili ng pagkain.

"Grabe! Ang ganda ng hugis ng panga niya! May girlfriend na kaya siya?" kuryosong tanong ni Yen.

"Sa gwapo niyang 'yan imposibleng wala! Baka nga dala-dalawa pa ang jowa niyan! Maybe the stewardess from their airlines or something." sabi ng isa pa naming co-intern sabay humalukipkip.

"Hey! Let's not conclude yet. Malay niyo naman single!" sabi naman ni Carmela para pagaanin ang loob ng mga kasama naming napanghinaan na ng loob.

Everyone nodded their head. Masaya silang nagpatuloy sa pag-kain at paminsan-minsan nalang na sumusulyap sa gawi ni Archer pero patuloy parin ang usapan tungkol sakanya.

Wala sa sarili akong napasulyap muli sa gawi niya. He's busy scrolling through his phone. Paminsan-minsang may tinatype pero mas madalas na nag-sscroll lang. Nabigla ang mga kasama ko nang makita nilang binati ni Alex si Archer.

The two looks like they know each other. Bahagyang ngumiti si Archer nang makita ang pamilyar na mukha ni Alex. Sinulyapan ko si Carmela na namilog na ang mata ngayon.

"Oh? Kumusta? Kakilala pala ng boyfriend mo ang bago mong crush ngayon." Pang-aasar ko sakanya.

"Alex is not my boyfriend!" Carmela denied. I made a face, refusing to believe her.

"Yeah, tell yourself that."

Her mouth parted. She bumped me using her shoulder. "Huy, Fel! Issue ka! Nasaang mundo ka ba at bakit may boyfriend ako diyan?"

Inirapan ko siya at ngumisi nalang. Alex pats Archer's shoulder before leaving him to join our table. Ang mga kasama ko ay hindi parin makapaniwala na kilala ni Alex ang kanina pa nila pinagkakagulohan.

Kaya naman nang maupo itong si Alex sa tabi ni Carmela, agad-agad na nagbato ng mga kuryosong tanong itong mga kasama ko sakanya.

I glanced back at Archer and saw him finishing up his bottle of water until its last drop. Hindi ko napansin na napatagal na pala ang pagtitig ko sakanya kaya nabigla nalang ako nang magawi ang tingin niya sa akin.

My eyes widened and I quickly remove my gaze away from him. I tried to act like I wasn't caught.

Uminom ako at muntikan pang mabulunan nang sikuhin ni Ate Margaux ang batok ko. Hindi naman malakas ang pagkakasiko niya. Siguro nang dahil sa taranta sa nangyari ay nagheighten ang adrenaline ko.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Inabot ko ang tissue upang punasan ang bibig ko. I nod my head to answer her question. Ang mga kasama ko naman ay agad na bumati sa mga attending na kararating lang.

"Good morning po, Doc."

"Good morning po!"

"This is why I love interns! Sobrang gagalang at ang babait!" ani Kuya Rico at binigyan kami ng thumbs up. Nagtawanan sila.

Ate Brittany ridiculously looked at him and smack the back of his head lightly.

"Sorry. Papansin 'to, e." sabi ni Ate Brittany sabay hila kay Kuya Rico patungo sa lamesa nila.

Ate Margaux went to check on me because according to her, I looked tensed! Sino ba namang hindi matetense kung nahuli akong nakatingin? Baka isipin pa ng isang 'yon, pinag-nanasaan ko siya?

Hello no! Si Lucas ka, girl?

I just did some rounds after we ate lunch until Lucas told me to check on Aya Olivarez again. Si Archer na ang nagbabantay kay Aya ngayon. He's still on his pilot uniform and I bet he's not going to go home anytime by now.

I knocked twice before opening the door. I pursed my lips before I proceeded to speak.

"Hi. Uhm... I'm just going to check on her fluids."

Archer only nods his head. Aya is sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed while hugging the bear that I gave her tightly.

Aya already had her blood transfusion that's why we check on her from time to time to see some improvement. She'll soon have her first cycle of chemotherapy and I really do hope that this will give us better results about her condition.

Her mother told me before that they're still convincing Aya to shave her head. Hindi pa kasi naiintindihan ni Aya ang maaaring mangyari kaya dinadahan-dahan nilang ipaliwanag sa bata.

Tahimik ko lang na chineck ang fluids niya at inupdate ang charts. Archer was also awfully quiet and didn't dare to speak up about what happened at the cafeteria. Which is good. It's just that he saw me staring so he has the right to start mocking me about it. I'm ready to defend myself in case that happens.

Once I closed the chart, I moved my feet so I could now leave the room. Ngunit bago ko pa mapihit ang door knob, narinig kong nagsalita si Archer.

"So, you find me hot and attractive huh?"

What the hell?! Where did that come from?

I turn to him again in confusion. Kunot noo ko siyang tiningnan habang siya naman ay nanatili ang ngisi sa labi.

"Excuse me, Sir? I don't remember saying such thing."

Ngumuso siya, mukhang hindi naniniwala. Totoo naman ang sinasabi ko. Wala naman talaga akong nabanggit na ganoong bagay. Kung siguro si Lucas ang nagtanong nito, magagawa ko pang umamin. Pero hindi!

Mukhang 'di lang ako ang nagdedaydream ah? Kulang ata siya sa tulog dahil sa trabaho niya kaya ganyan na ang mga iniisip niya.

Instead of answering my question, he only gently removed the bear away from his sister. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. Inangat niyang muli ang tingin sa akin at mas lumaki ang ngisi sa labi.

May kung ano siyang pinindot doon at agad na may nag-play na voice recording. My eyes widened when I realized that it was my voice and Carmela's! Narecord iyong oras na tinatanong niya ako tungkol kay Archer!

It was only a 20-second recording pero malinaw na malinaw ang naging usapan namin ni Carmela. Nasakto pa talaga sa mga nakakabaliw na tanong ng kaibigan ko!

"So..." Archer trailed off as he put the bear down again. He comfortably leaned against the chair and put his leg up over the other. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

I couldn't believe it! Bakit may voice recorder doon sa loob ng teddy bear?! Hindi ako na-inform! Walang sinabi iyong nagbenta sa akin na may ganoong feature ang teddy bear! What a scam!

If I only knew, sana binuksan ko na 'yang teddy bear at inalis 'yung device na 'yun!

"Uh..." I said as I try to come up with an excuse. "That wasn't me."

I scoffed at how ridiculous I sound! My voice was very clear and it's very hard to deny it! How the hell did this happen so fast!?

"Really? It sounds like you, Felicity."

Umangat ang kilay ko nang banggitin niya ang pangalan ko. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. You're dealing with a patient's relative, Fel... keep your cool...

"Wait. Paano mo naman nasabi, Sir Archer Olivarez," I said his name with so much emphasis. "Na ikaw ang pinag-uusapan namin? It could be another person or-"

"Talaga?" he cut me off. May halong panunutya sa tono niya na para bang alam niyang nagsisinungaling ako.

I grit my teeth. 

This man is testing me! He even cocked his head to the side to try and put me on the edge!

"Just delete it. It's no big deal." I said, slightly giving up because I seriously don't want to deal with him anymore.

"But how? It's inside! You want to perform a surgery on him? Aya wouldn't like it if you cut this bear in half just to take that recorder out." the jerk even pouted!

Bumagsak ang balikat ko at tamad na siyang tinignan.

"Then, do you have any other ways to take that damn recorder out, Sir?" I asked irritably.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Simple. Don't take it out. Let it stay there."

My jaw dropped. Is he freaking serious?

Hindi makapaniwala ko siyang tiningnan. A thought suddenly came through my mind when I glanced at the sleeping Aya. Mabuti nalang at 'di siya nagigising habang nang-iinis 'tong kapatid niya.

"Napakinggan ba ni Aya?"

Archer smirked. I glared at him.

"Yes, she was the one that told me."

What?!

I started to panic. I can't believe that a child has to hear that! She's way too young be exposed in that kind that of conversation!

"J-Just... just do something and take it out! It would be too awkward for Aya to hear it again if she pressed it accidentally! Hindi pambata ang usapan-"

"Then why was your topic like that when you know that there's a recorder inside?" he asked, still smirking.

"I didn't know! Hindi naman sinabi nung nagbenta sa akin!"

The room was suddenly filled with his laughter. Walang nakakatawa sa sinabi ko! I'm already panicking here and here he is laughing even if there's nothing funny about it!

"Paano pala kung walang recorder? Mas malala pa ang pag-uusapan niyo tungkol sa akin? I didn't know you have hots for me, Dr. Donovan."

My eyes widened again. Wow! This man keeps on surprising me with his confidence! Sinalo na niya ata lahat ng kakapalan ng mukha sa mundo para mag-feeling siya nang ganyan!

"Excuse me? I don't!"

Archer shrugged his shoulders like he's still having a hard time believing me. I tried to explain my side. I told him that it was a normal conversation between me and my best friend. I even told him not to let it go through his head because it wasn't a big deal!

I keep on blabbering until I realized that I already sounded so guilty. I stopped myself from explaining more.

"Bakit ba ko nag-eexplain sa'yo? Just give it back to me, Sir, and let me give Aya a new teddy bear."

He shakes his head. "No. My sister already loves this bear. Sa tingin mo hindi niya mapapansin na bago ang ipapalit mo? She'll cry! Do you want that to happen?"

I groaned. Nangonsensya pa! This man is really testing my limits! I can't believe him!

"Fine. Mukhang ikaw rin ang may ayaw ibigay pabalik ang teddy bear dahil masyado ka atang natuwa para sa simpleng recording na 'yon!"

"So, you admit it? You find me attractive?" 

I scoffed insultingly.

"No!" I answered quickly and rolled my eyes at him.