Shawnie's POV

After I got off of FaceTime with my therapist, I decided to stay at my friend's house. Not because I was still avoiding anything, but because I just wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet because it's something that I needed.

I stayed over for a couple hours and I finally decided to go home. I didn't plan on staying for the rest of the night. I just wanted to have this conversation with Joe because I didn't realize if he was as upset as Mercedes said, I have him sitting in limbo right now and I don't want that.

It didn't seem like anyone was home. It was quiet. I don't know where Joe and Mercedes are, the kids are with their dads of course and Ben was off today. It may be a good idea to talk to Joe if he's here but I'm going to wait a while. I just want to give it time.

I walk into my bedroom and see a huge bouquet of red roses laying in the middle of my bed. I smile as I close the door behind me. He's so sweet. I sit on the bed and see there's a note.

I'm choosing to make my situation work.

Gotta be honest, I don't get it. What is he talking about? I feel like there's a meaning to this that I should know. I'll make sure I bring that up when I talk to him.

After sitting there for a while reflecting on the relationship Joe and I have had over the last year and some change, I realized I owe him a lot more than I gave him. He deserves more from me and I'm sure he expects more as well. I messed up with this one. I'll be glad if he even lets me explain myself.

******

It had been at least an hour since I come home and still no sign of anyone. I was completely fine with that because I was enjoying my time alone in my comfortable bed with my thoughts. I got up to get a snack from the kitchen and noticed there were two glasses in my sink.

"Why would they leave these dishes in my sink? They know how I feel about this. Nobody but Mercedes." I say as I start to wash them.

Not even a minute later, I see Joe's tattooed arm wrap around my body from behind. He hugged me tight and I just stopped what I was doing.

"I'm sorry." He says in my ear. "I was an asshole. I wasn't trying to be but I see how you could get upset about—."

I turn around and hug him. "Can you meet me in the guest house so we can talk?"

"Yeah." He pulls away and looks at me for a second. "...I had more to say..."

"I smile and nod. "Okay. I'll be over there in a minute."

He steps back holding his gaze. ".... aight." He walks away.

I'm not trying to be mean, I just want to get my words together before we speak and I need to get in the right mindset. I know I'm going to apologize but I need to be able to explain myself as well. I know he thinks I'm still upset with him.

I finished washing the two glasses and dried my hands off. I took a deep breath and went to the guest house. Why I wanted to talk there, I don't know. That's just what came out.

When I got inside, he was sitting on the sofa with no facial expression. I take a seat on the other end of the sofa. It was a little awkward, but I know we could get through it, we always do.

I sat there for a few seconds wondering if he was going to say something. He didn't, so I spoke.

"Thank you for the roses." I say, with a smile.

"You're very welcome. That was a way of apologizing. I know you want to  hear it from me. So, Shawnie I want to apologize for how I acted this morning. The way I was dismiss—."

I cut him off. "I appreciate your apology, and we can get into all of that in a second, but I wanted to know what the note meant."

"You don't remember saying that to me?" He asks

"No, I don't. I'm sorry. What were we talking about?"

"It doesn't really matter what we were talking about, or who, but you said that to me on one of the first jobs I had with you when I got to LA and it stuck with me. You chose to stick with your situation, and I think we choose to deal with a lot of things in life, good or bad. In this case, I'm choosing to make this work." He says. "...and we're in a situation where neither one of us wants a title to ruin anything, but we're in relationship regardless of how we look at it.... but the relationship is open on your end. That's how I see this. I choose you and I know if I gave you that option, you would choose me....but you know why I won't let you choose me. This doesn't change anything. If anything about this is upsetting you or you feel like this is just a one sided thing, it's not. The feelings we have for one another are mutual. It's just going to take me some time to fully get where you are." He explains

"I understand that and I know I overreacted. I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have kicked you out of my room. I shouldn't have reacted that way at all." I say. "I should be more understanding when it comes to other people and their feelings."

He smiles. "Your feelings are valid. You were upset and that's okay. I had to put myself in your shoes for me to understand why you got so upset. I could've said more but I didn't. I do know you love me, but I wasn't saying it in an arrogant way, I meant I already knew without you saying it. I should've had a follow up response but I didn't. I didn't make you feel good or reassured and being the man I am, I should have." He says. "I take accountability for that."

Whew! The communication!!!!

"Joe, I appreciate that. Thank you." I say. "I just wanted you to say more. Give me something."

"I know and I understand that. I'm there but it's hard for me to verbalize it. You know me, I just need more time." He says. "And I understand why you told me to leave."

"But I shouldn't have told you that because I didn't want you to." I say

"I left because I genuinely felt you did not want me to be there, but I didn't wanna leave either. I left because you simply asked me to and I understand why you're upset about that part too. You felt like I didn't care again." He says

"That's exactly right but still I shouldn't have done that." I sigh. "...I know I'm a lot, Joe. I'm trying to work on it. I'm doing the work. I swear I am but I just..."

"Hey, it's okay." He scoots over to me. "I know you're going through a lot of emotions right now. It's fine."

"But it's not fine. You didn't deserve that." I say. "You're always so patient and gentle with me." I put my hand on his. "I love that about you."

He chuckled a little. "I've noticed that myself....I care about you and I know people make mistakes sometimes and I try not to hold that against you all the time. I just want the best for you and with how I am with you, I guess you're my sweet spot. Patient and gentle is how I'm going to continue to be with you."

"I know I'm hard to please sometimes...." I look at him and he's locked in. I look down at my hands. I'm nervous all of a sudden.

"Just say whatever it is." He says.

"....I think I need to take a step back and reevaluate everything."

"Huh?" He looks at me confused.

"Joe, I love everything about you and I know you expected more out of me and I feel like I need to really see if this is what I want..."

He took his eyes off of me and he looked down. He seemed to be taking this in, thinking about what he was going to say next. I know he's confused but I feel this is what I might need to do to get some clarity.

"...I respect that...but...Shawnie, I can be everything you need and more. I know I can love you the right way. I just need you to be a little patient with me. I can't just jump into this—"

"I know that....and this is me being patient and giving you a little more time." I say

"But—l..."

"Joe, I know what you're thinking. I'm not mad and nothing is going to change. This is all on me and how I see things. I just don't wanna put pressure on you and make you feel uncomfortable."

"Oh...okay?" He seems a little upset, but he's not saying anything.

"Why do you seem upset?" I ask

"I'm not upset, I'm confused. I feel like this is almost like a break up. I feel like you're telling me you don't wanna see me anymore."

I laugh, "I get what you mean, but it's not. I'm just going to try to date more and not focus so much on you because it's obviously making me feel a way and putting pressure on you." I explain

"Oh...okay. Got it." He says

"Are you good with that?" I ask

"I have to be good with it. Not saying I was doing a complete 180 but I was going to try to come in here and really hold a conversation about what we have to do. But if you want to keep things how they are and don't put too much into me, that's fine too." He says. "Whatever you want I'm okay with."

"You sound like me."

"I didn't know this was gonna be such a complicated situation. I thought it was just gonna be us spending time together and it's way more than that and maybe I've been a little bit oblivious to all of this. I knew exactly what we were doing, and I thought we could avoid the serious talks, but we can't. I knew this would happen, but I still thought it wouldn't and so when you asked me, I kind of reverted back to my old self. I apologize for that."

"But is that really what you thought?" I ask. "I don't mean to throw anyone under the bus but Jey told Dori you were hoping this works out because you liked me a lot."

"I do.... And I'm going to kill Jey." He chuckles. "He asked about what was going on and I told him you were my girl. But not like my girlfriend, like my girl." He shrugs. "Maybe I misread—."

"No. Not at all. I just want to make sure this is what I want." I say

"I know this is a punishment. I can take it." He says

"It's not a punishment, it's just me seeing exactly what this is and not what I want it to be. Let's just try this out the way it should've been in the beginning and see what happens." I say, seriously.

"I give you a week." We both laugh. "You're not even the type to date around like that."

"I'm not but we're going to try something new." I say. "I already have a couple guys lined up."

He laughs. "I can't wait to see this." He says, amused.

"Anyway.... So your birthday is coming up..."

"So is yours..." he says

"Yeah, but yours is first so let's focus on that. What do you want to do for your birthday?" I ask

"Nothing. I'm not like you. I don't make a big deal about it. It's just another day for me."

"Well, I want to throw you a party. I want to have it in Vegas so your mom doesn't have to fly or drive in and that's where the majority of your family and friends are, so I'm just letting you know that I'm going to start planning for that."

"That's very nice of you to want to do something like this for me. I don't necessarily care for it but I know you really want to do this so I'm just gonna let you do your thing. But when your birthday rolls around 25 days later, gotta let me plan something for you."

"I don't know about that." I say

"I know what you like." He says. "Something small and private, not a lot of attention on you."

"Exactly."

"I got you." He says with a smile. "Maybe something just for us to do."

"That's even better." I say, standing up but he grabs my waist and pulls me into his lap.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, I just watched as his eyes roamed my face. His hands wrapped around me and caressed my back and up to my shoulders.

"Joe—."

"Shhhh..." his hand ventures around my neck and he pulls me toward him, kissing me on the lips.

We make out for a few minutes then I feel his hands going into my panties. I know I should but I don't bother stopping him. I let him play with me for a couple of minutes. It was feeling good but I kinda see that I might have the upper hand in this.

Let me backup a little... I don't want to say I have the upper hand. I think that title alternates between the both of us depending on the situation. I crumble when Joe throws his weight around but right now, I believe I have it. I don't want to play these games with him because Joe ain't the one but I have some evaluating to do.

I rest my head against his. "Fuck Joe..." I moan. "Take it out." I say

He quickly sucks my juices off of his fingers before taking his dick out. I grip it and start stroking it. He was getting pretty into it. He wanted it.

"Fuck this. Sit on it." He says

"Do you feel after your actions today you deserve my pussy?"

He smiles. "Oh shit! That's a turn on..." he says. "You're already punishing me by taking my time away from me now you wanna keep my pussy from me?"

I laugh. "Your pussy?"

"Yes. You know it's mine." He smirks. "You not giving it to OBJ are you?"

I look at him shocked. "How did you know I was talking to him."

He shrugs, "....I got tired of staring at your location, so I looked into that address and got the home owners information....Odell Cornelious Beckham Jr."

I laugh, "Stalker..."

"Maybe a little bit." He laughs. "I couldn't help myself." He grips my hips.

"You know I kinda like that crazy shit. You going through all that to find the owner of the house and calling my pussy yours...That's a turn on..." I say

"So give it to me...we ain't gonna have too many more days like that with your dad coming in town."

"I know."

"You're dripping wet and I'm hard as concrete. Don't let this go to waste."

I laugh. He picks me up and lays me down on the sofa. He stands up and pulls his pants off then he pulls my panties and skirt off. He turned me over and he fucked the shit out of me. Something I always ask him to do but he never does. I love that shit.

**************

A couple nights later, I went out to dinner with NFL player, Jalen Hurts. I kept insisting that Joe not come with me, but he said he wanted to make sure I was safe and if anything went wrong, he would feel better if he was there to handle it. I feel it was a little awkward, because I'm on a date and he's there but I guess that's what I get for getting involved with my bodyguard. If Joe can handle it, I can too. So Joe followed us in his car to give us privacy.

We went to this nice little restaurant called Culina. I've never been there before, but he said he comes all the time when he's in LA. It was nice and casual. Not super expensive, it was a little fancy but most Italian restaurants are. It was a chill atmosphere. We sat outside by an outdoor fireplace and they had the hanging lights and everything. It was a nice place for a casual and light date. Honestly, it didn't really feel like a date. It felt like we were just two friends going out to dinner.

I'm not gonna lie, sitting here with another NFL player is kind of weird because I felt like I was talking to Odell the whole time. Their conversations were very similar, but they're both cool people but it was weird. He's down to earth, but you can tell he thinks highly of himself. But as he should, he's a Super Bowl winner. So that's strike one, because he reminds me of OBJ.

"I like that you brought me here." I say, looking around.

"An average Italian restaurant?"

"Yeah. I like it here." I say

"I don't do all that extra stuff. I like to kick it every now and then but I like to stay low key. I found this place by accident. I was walking around one day about 5 years ago and noticed this place, been coming ever since."

"That's cool. So what's good here?" I ask, looking over the menu. Everything is written in Italian.

"I've had pretty much everything here. Haven't had anything not worth trying." He says

"Interesting." I'm really trying to read this and I'm struggling. I feel dumb.

"Is it okay if I order for you?" He asks

Oh my god, yes.

I smile and put my menu down. "Yeah, sure." I try to play it cool.

"I promise you'll love what I choose for you." He says

The waiter comes back over and Jalen speaks up.

"We're ready to order." He says. He signals for him to go ahead. "We would like the Caviale. We'll also take the Tagliatelle al tartufo and Diavola." 

What the fuck did he just say?

"And a bottle of Cabernet." He says and the waiter walks away.

"You speak Italian?" I ask

"A little."

"Okay. So what did you order?"

"Caviar, Truffle Fettuccine, and spicy pizza."

"Spicy pizza?"

"I promise it'll be the best pizza you've had in a while." He says

I kinda look at him sideways because he ordered pizza on a date but quickly shut up because I'm getting boujie. Pizza dates used to be my favorite, now I'm turning my nose up to it. Maybe the money is getting to me. I need to chill.

The conversation and food was great. I think he's cool.

After dinner, we were waiting for them to bring his car around and he did something that completely turned me off. He started talking to the paparazzi. I was low-key disgusted because I don't give them any of my time. I've never been with someone who willingly held a conversation with them. He was laughing and smiling, and let them take pictures of him. I just stood there. They were trying to get pictures with us, all hugged up, telling us how to pose and thankfully he wasn't on that. The fact that he is who he is lets me know that these photos are going to be everywhere and now I have to get ready to deal with Aubrey. I'm not worried about Chris, he doesn't really meddle in my business like that anymore which is a good thing, but Aubrey definitely meddles and he's probably gonna have a bitch fit because I am openly dating now.

They finally brought his car around and he held my door open and I got into the car. He said a couple of more things to them before he got in himself. To be honest, it wasn't a bad interaction with the paparazzi this time. I guess everyone doesn't deal with them like I do. I've got those habits from my ex fiancé and my ex-husband. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't depending on who the photographer is, but it was actually nice that I didn't have to deal with their invasiveness this time.

We had small conversations all the way to my house. The ride was only about 20 minutes. We pulled into my driveway and I see Joe pull in behind us.

"This was nice. I enjoyed getting to know you. You seem like you're a really cool girl." He says

"Thank you, you too. Do you always talk to paparazzi like that?" I ask

"Not really. I don't really have these problems back in Philly, but ever since we won the Super Bowl it's been like that here."

"I never talk to them. I've have nothing but bad experiences with them."

"Have you had bad experiences because of them, or because of what you were experiencing in life at that time?" He asks

"Number two. I guess it's not really an issue with the photographers because I know they're just trying to do their job but I don't like when they ask questions. I feel like just take your pictures and go, but they don't do that. They're popping up in my bushes, hanging out outside of my house." I explain

"I can't relate to your problems and I'm sure if I was put in your shoes I probably would feel the same but I don't have those interactions with them, so it's not gonna be the same for me. I feel like if they want to take a picture and ask questions, it's cool. Mine are never about my personal life so I don't have a problem with that." He says

"Mine are only about my personal life."

"Right so. That's why." He says. "I can tell you like your privacy and I'm sure everyone else knows that as well but that's what makes you so much more interesting. That's their way of knowing. I'm sure we're going to get talked about tomorrow. Being seen out with you, I'm about to get asked personal questions now."

"Not looking forward to that." I say then feel my car door open. I look up and see Joe motioning for me to get out of the car.

"Joe, give me a minute...I'll get out in a second."

He didn't say anything, he just walked to the front door and stood there facing our direction. He is so over this.

"He ain't having it, huh?" He laughs.

"Nah..." I watch as he folds his arms and just looks at us.

"So since I'm here for the week, how about we do something tomorrow?"

"What are you here for anyway?" I ask

"ESPN is doing a documentary on me. We're filming for a few days then I'm going to go back to Philly and get ready for the season." He says. "You should come by the studio. After I'm done we can hit another restaurant then see where the night takes us."

"Yeah, we can do that." I say

"Aight. I can't wait to see you already." He smiles

I get out of the car and go into the house. Joe watches as Jalen leaves the property.

"Joe, get your ass inside already," I chuckle.

He strolls in and slams the door shut.

"That can't happen again." He says. "I don't appreciate you being alone in the car with him, and I'm left in the dark about what's going on." he says.

"I specifically asked you not to go. I was perfectly fine." I say

"I had to go to ensure everything was okay."

"But Ben was allowed to come along. You were the one who insisted on it."

"I've already told you, I feel more at ease when I can keep an eye on you." he says.

"But it's obvious that it makes you uncomfortable to see me with another guy. That's exactly why I bring Ben along with me. I don't want to put you through this."

"I'm fine." he insists.

"No, you're not." I reply. "You actually seem a little jealous." I playfully tease him. "I thought you don't get jealous?"

"I don't..." he trails off.

I walk towards him, wrapping my arms around his torso and look up at him.

"You're jealous... but it's okay because I'm here with you."

I hold him close, feeling the tension melt away. With a gentle smile, I reassure him that his feelings are valid and that I understand.

"You don't have to hide it, Joe." I whisper softly. "Jealousy is a natural emotion, especially when it comes to someone we care about. But remember, you're the one I chose to be with."

"I know." He says

"So like I said, I'm here with you. Why don't you take me upstairs..."

He looks down at me and smiles.

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