Shawnie's POV

"SHAWNIE, WHAT THE FUCK!!" Chris yells from the other side of the door.

"What are you doing here?" I yell covering up like her can still see me.

"I came to talk to you. Put some clothes on and come to the living room." he says, and I hear him saying something else, but he was walking away.

"Welp, that was awkward." Joe says, laughing. This motherfucker didn't even flinch when he saw Chris.

"I can't believe that just happened. I can't believe he saw this." I say, facepalming.

"It's not like he doesn't know." He says

"I don't know what he knows... It's still awkward. I don't know what I'm gonna say to him."

"Just tell him the truth. You don't even have to address it, all you have to say is I'm sorry you saw that and keep it pushing." He says with a shrug.

"Yeah."

"While you're talking to him I'm gonna go for a run and give you guys some privacy." He says

"Shower when I get back?"

"Yep!" He says then we get out of the bed. He goes into the bathroom and I put on some underwear, put my T-shirt back on and throw on a robe and I met Chris in the living room.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" I say walking into the living room. Chris was sitting on my sofa. I already knew he was mad.

"We need to talk." He says sternly.

"Okay... I didn't know you were here. I thought you were Mercedes." I say

"No, I'm not Mercedes. I saw her leaving when I was coming in. She told me you were upstairs in your room and to just knock on your door. I didn't know you were in there fucking somebody."

"I wasn't. We were talking."

"Yeah, talking with no clothes on. So if you weren't in the act, you were either about to do it or just got done doing it." He says

"I'm sorry you had to see that. You know if I would've known it was you, I would not have told you to come in."

"I know...." He shakes his head staring at the ground. "I don't wanna see that shit."

"I know, Chris...I'm sorry." I say genuinely.

"You with him now? I saw the pictures."

"Pictures? You shouldn't have seen anything. I paid to get that shit deaded." I say

"So, it's true?"

"No, it's not true. And that's exactly why I wanted to have the photos removed. Joe and I are not together..."

"But I saw the pictures—."

I cut him off. "I'm talking to somebody else."

"But you're still fucking Joe?" He says

"Chris... I don't want to talk about this. When there is something that I feel you need to know, I will let you know."

"So you're cheating on the guy you're talking to with Joe?" He says

"No, I'm not—We're not—Chris—." I get twisted in trying to answer his question without really answering the question. I don't necessarily feel he needs to know all the details of what's going on with me right now and I can't come up with the exact words that I want to say.

"No, she's not." I heard Joe say from behind me. "She's dating and she has the right to do whatever she pleases. She's not sleeping around. She's only sleeping with me." Joe says, confidently.

Not sure that's going to go over well with Chris, but as always, Joe to the rescue.

"Man, get the fuck outta here. Anybody talking to you." Chris says

"Well, it's the truth, Chris. I know you may not want to hear it, but she's a single woman."

"Joe, don't talk to me." Chris says

Joe smiles at Chris. "My bad." he looks at me. "I'll be back."

I nod my head, "Okay."

"See you later, Chris." Joe says nicely.

"Fuck you." Chris says with so much disrespect.

Joe laughs. "Yeah....I know, I know." He says, cockily.

Chris is so disrespectful. If I was Joe I'd pop him in the mouth. It's so nice Joe can control himself in situations like this. I would be rolling on the floor, fighting.

We both watched him walk out of the front door.

"Why do you have to be mean to Joe? He didn't do anything to you." I say

"Nobody was talking to him, and I'm not being mean to him, I actually like the motherfucker. I just don't like what's going on here and I know I don't have a say. He's getting my shit." He explains

I shrug my shoulders, "Welp, I can't do anything about that. So what's up?"

"What I came to talk about is basically the same thing, so I guess I'm just in my fucking feelings again." He seems disgusted, which I understand, given the situation.

"What did you come to talk about?" I ask

"I guess it ain't no point in letting me bang that out." He jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

"No. What do you want?" I laugh. "What exactly is it about? Is it serious? Is everything okay?" I ask

"Everything is fine. I just wanted to question you about the text message you sent me a couple days ago." He says

"Yeah?" I ask. I'm not going to tell him about Aubrey blocking him from my phone.

"Nothing is going on with me." He says. "I just didn't know how to respond to that text message. I felt that it was a little passive aggressive. Telling me to basically watch my back because you saw a picture of me and ammika?"

"Well, I didn't technically say watch your back. I just said you should remember how she treated you." I say

"Okay, so now you're trying to tell me how to move? I'm confused because you are doing your own thing but when I do my own thing, I gotta watch my back."

"Chris that is not what was said nor was that how I was saying it to you. I just think you should think about what you're doing."

"Maybe you should think about what you're doing. Going around fucking random men."

"Joe is not random and that's not what's going on." I say. "You're just mad because I'm not fucking you ....." I say with an attitude.

He doesn't say anything.

"What I'm trying to say is I think you should think about what you're doing because you know she's a little crazy and she's been wanting to get you back for years now. You're breaking down and giving that to her after everything she's done to you?"

"What about all the shit you did to me? I gave you a second chance."

"First of all, your situation has nothing to do with me. Secondly, you gave me a second chance?" I say in disbelief. "I don't remember it that way. I remember you actually going crazy a couple of times and damn near forcing me to give you another chance. Don't try to turn this around. I wasn't saying anything to be malicious towards you, I just wanted you to be careful. That's all. Don't come into my house and try to attack me because I'm doing something you don't like. Well, fucking someone you don't like. I care about you and I just don't want anything to go wrong as far as that situation goes. That's it. I'm sorry if the text message came off another way, but to be honest, I was a little hurt that you were out with her. But that doesn't matter anyway because I'm seeing now that I don't have to give a fuck or care about anything that you do." I snap.

"Aight. Chill." He says. "My bad. I actually wasn't out with her. I was at a restaurant with a few of my friends and she just happened to be there. I don't think it was a coincidence, but I still went over and I spoke to her. I didn't even know she was in town with my son. I pulled up a chair and I sat down for five minutes and I guess someone took a picture of us. I don't want to get back with her."

"Okay." Is all I say.

"That's all you have to say?"

"I don't know what else to say. You said you don't wanna get back with her so the conversation is pretty much over."

"If I wanted to get back with her, that's my business. I don't want you trying to dictate things that go on with my relationships. You did it with Jasmine and I understand that you think you were coming from a good place, but it didn't come off like that. I just took the situation with a grain of salt and I just let it go."

"Okay, I shouldn't have done that. But I just want you to be happy Chris. I don't want you sleeping with all these different women. I want you to find love, and I want you to be happy."

"With you."

"No... I don't want to get into this conversation. Seriously." I say

"So what, you're gonna go be with Joe and you're gonna take my child and live happily ever after?"

"No, nothing like that. You have it all wrong."

"Next thing I know, you're going to move away again and make me an absentee father again." He says.

"You're doing too much. I'm not trying to remove you  from your daughter's life. I would never do that. I just don't want us to be seen. I would like to go back to my normal life and it's gonna be hard but we're going to try to do that." I say

"We?" He says

"Yes, we."

"I understand everything that you're telling me but I don't like it. You're right if you had never met me a lot of this shit would've never happened and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I am who I am and I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I just can't let that shit go. It's like I just want to redeem myself and I want us to be together, but you keep me at a distance, and I don't like that. All I wanna do is love you, but you won't let me."

"I know this is hard to accept and I'm sorry, but I don't want to go backwards."

"So being with me is going backwards? You know how much you love me." He says

"I do and I also knew that it wasn't good for me. We've had this conversation multiple times and I told you I just don't feel like we were meant to be together in that way. I believe we're supposed to be really good friends. Chris we have a really good friendship and if we remove all the complicated shit out of it, we can make a friendship work but you just have to be willing to keep it at that level." I say

"That's easier said than done. I can sit up here all day and tell you okay but I don't know if it's gonna work. I don't think you understand how much I love you."

"No, I understand. But that's not gonna change my mind about anything and making this decision for me because I know that this will be good for me. I know this will help me and Joe has helped me a lot. I know you don't like him and I thank you for putting up with him. Especially ever since you guys got into it but if you love me, I need for you to understand that and be happy for that."

"And how exactly has he helped you other than him giving you dick?" He says disrespectfully.

I don't even say anything, I just look at him. I'm not responding to that comment. He knows exactly how Joe has been helping me ever since I moved out of Aubrey's house but I understand he's hurt and he walked in on some fucked up shit today so I'm gonna give him some slack.

"Aight... Baby— I mean Shawnie, I understand that and I am so happy for you but what about me?"

"You act like I am cutting you out of my life completely. If I decide to be with you then what about me? I won't be 100% happy with you. You're saying you're not gonna be 100% happy without me so it sounds like it's a lose lose situation." I say

"That's fucked up."

"But I have to be selfish with myself, because I never really have been. You should understand that I am choosing my happiness over everything."

"And he is what makes you happy." He asks

"Oh my god. This isn't about him though. You're making it about him because in your mind, I just don't wanna be with you, but it has nothing to do with him. It has to do with me and my sanity. He's there, but we're not together."

"But you have feelings for him."

"I actually love him if we're being honest...."

He looks at me like I'm crazy. "What?"

"I mean I like him." I say correcting myself.

"Wow." he says, in a disappointed tone, looking away from me. "I don't believe you just said that shit to me."

Why the hell would I say that? I instantly feel horrible. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. I haven't even expressed that to Joe and I just told my fucking ex-fiancé that I love someone else. I mean LIKE someone else. Great job Shawnie.....but maybe this is good. Maybe I should stop hiding my feelings from Chris and just be straight with him. Maybe that's why I'm in this situation, because I hide my true feelings from him. I can't keep doing this. Maybe me hiding my feelings is leading him on to think we'll be together. Okay, I guess this is a good thing that I said that.

"He is allowing me to get myself together because that's what I need to do. He doesn't want to be with me because he knows I have things that I need to deal with right now and he doesn't want to pressure me into anything. He's letting me work on me. That's the difference between you and him. You're worried about yourself and he's worried about me."

"So now you trying to compare us." He says. "He's better than me, just like Drake was?" He says getting mad.

"Truth be told, he's better than both of you. I'm sorry to hurt your feelings." I say

I'm so sick of this. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm starting to get fed up with this entitled act Chris has been putting off for years.

"I'm just saying, these a difference between Joe wanting to be with someone, but not making a selfish decision by getting with them, versus you making a selfish decision because you want to be with them and not really considering their feelings." I say

"Aight." He stands up. "I'm selfish. I'm the problem. I got issues. I get it. I'm not supposed to be with nobody. I'm just supposed to be alone and miserable because that's the life that I created for myself. Got it." He says. "Where's my daughter? You up there fucking niggas and you got my daughter unattended someplace."

"Okay, so this is what you're going to do. I'm not gonna fight with you. If you wanna take Genesis, I will let you, but I need you to calm down first because you will not take her anywhere if you're gonna act like this." I say calmly. "I don't wanna be that person, but you need to calm down."

"Where is she?" He asks again,

"Chris, she's not here."

"What the fuck you mean she's not here?"

"Lexi took her and Atlas to the park. They've been gone for a while. They should be back at any time, but if you don't calm down, I'm not gonna let you take her."

"GET MY DAUGHTER HERE RIGHT NOW!!" He yells

I was about to say something, but then I saw my front door open. We both look at the door and see Joe walking in. He has a serious look on his face that he gives to people who try him.

He closes the door, and he just stands there with his arms folded, looking at Chris.

Oh shit.

"Oh here his ass come." he says sarcastically, throwing his arms up.

"Joe, it's fine." I say

"No it's not. I decided I would just stand outside in case things got a little loud in here and I'm happy I did." He says. "Do you want him to leave?"

I take my eyes off of Joe and I look at Chris. He was fuming. I understand why he's upset but I don't understand why he's this upset.

"If he can just calm down, everything will be fine."

"You gon get him to beat my ass like you did to Drake?"

"Wow." I say in disbelief. "Aubrey did that to himself. I would like to think you have a little bit more sense than him..."

"Oh, so this is his fault? He got his own ass beat?"

"Chris.....Stop." I say. I'm over this.

"Now you don't know anything." He says sarcastically.

"Between you and Aubrey, I don't know what the fuck to think or do. You both have gone crazy. I just can't deal with y'all. And you get mad when I throw Joe at you. He's my only option." I say

"So you are going to get him to beat my ass." He looks at Joe. "What's up?"

Joe just smiles at him.

"Chris, stop it." I say. He's doing way too much. "I'm not gonna do this. I've asked you multiple times to calm down and you're not so I don't think it's a good idea for Genesis to go with you."

"You're gonna keep my daughter for me? Didn't you just get done saying that you wouldn't keep her away from me? You doing it right now."

"I'm doing it because you're acting crazy right now."

"HOW AM I ACTING CRAZY??" He yells and I jump.

"Aight." Joe says walking towards Chris. "Let's go."

"No—Joe." I try to interject.

"I don't care what you have to say, Shawnie. He's not gonna yell at you like this. I'm not going to allow that shit to happen while I'm standing here."

"WELL GET THE FUCK OUT THEN.." Chris yells and I tense up.

I see this going so bad. So much worse than what happened in San Francisco, worse than Aubrey.

Joe keeps walking towards Chris and I literally see him switch. Joe tries to grab Chris but I jump in front of Chris. Joe looks at me with a look I've never seen from him before.

"Shawnie..." he says in a warning tone, but I can sense he's irritated with me as well.

"I know..." I say frustrated with myself. "Bu—."

"NO!" He says firmly, then he grabs Chris with both of his hands, by his coat. Surprisingly, Chris doesn't do much. I think he's more interested in how things are playing out than reacting.

"Please, Joe. Stop!" I say

"You know I'm not doing THAT." he says

"I know, just let him go." I'm genuinely afraid he's going to hurt Chris.

He lets go. "I'll go back to Vegas RIGHT NOW..." He takes a step back and lets me handle it.

"Joe...." I just look at him. I know he's disappointed in me right now and I'm a little disappointed in myself but I cannot let him do anything to Chris. Chris is different. He's Chris. I know Joe means well and he's only looking out for me so I feel bad that I'm going against him right now but I feel like I have to step in.

I turn to Chris. "Please, leave." I say. "I will call you later when I feel you're calmed down and I will bring her to you. Don't make this worse." I warn him.

"....this again. I don't fucking matter to you. Another nigga coming between us. Shawnie you can't let these people come between us like this."

"No one is coming between us. This is what I want. We can't do this anymore. I want to end this because it is affecting other relationships in my life. We obviously need to coparent but other than Genesis, I would appreciate if we could keep it at that. I'm sorry about the comments I made about your personal life."

"I get it you wanna be with him and he's making you do this, but you also need to tell him that I'm gonna be here regardless, I was here before him and I'm always gonna be here." He looks at Joe, Joe doesn't say anything.

"All of that may be true, and he knows that but sometimes you lead with that and you don't check yourself when it comes to me and my situation. You still feel that I'm still yours and you can't tell me that you don't because you say it all the time. I'm not yours anymore. I'm not gonna continue to allow you to treat me as if I am and if you do not listen to what I'm saying I'm gonna be forced to have to do other things to fix this issue."

"You're serious?" He says looking a little confused.

"Yes..."

He looks at Joe and he looks back at me. "You're letting him come between us. Look, he's ready to attack me."

"He's not. He's just trying to de-escalate—."

"Don't wanna hear it.....This time ain't no way back." He says, then walks towards the door with Joe following him. Once he's out the door, Joe closes and locks it, then looks at me.

"Aight, so we need to get something straight right now." He says. Oh shit, he's mad. "When it comes to him, I'm not taking NO SHIT. His temper bothers me... The fact that I know he's put hands on you multiple times before, that puts me on edge. I may overreact a little bit, but I just jump into protection mode. I can't see him yelling at you and all of those quick motions and gestures and shit that makes me want to protect you and that's what just happened. He's NOT going to yell at you and I'm serious about that. That motherfucker can't do that shit around me. So get that motherfucker together." He says pissed off, walking away from me.

"Okay." Is all I say. I feel like that's all I can say right now. He's upset, I am upset and Chris is upset. I'm just happy that it is over.

He stops and turns around. "....And don't jump in front of nobody to try to save them from me again. Just let they ass die." He says then walks away.

Joe was really upset and I'm not necessarily sure if he's upset because of the Chris situation or at me, probably both. I'm going to give it a few minutes then I'm going to go find him so we can talk because I don't want him to be mad at me. I guess it's really just a habit for me to want to protect Chris and I've always had that problem. I have always wanted to protect him from everything. I didn't realize that I was still doing it. This stops now.

What did you think about this chapter?