Shawnie's POV

After my date, Ben dropped me off and came in and showered. It's not like I really need it to. Didn't do anything but it was just relaxing. Even though I had fun, I was a little drained. The situation with Chris being blocked from my phone and him wanting to have sex with me was a lot. But I can say that overall, it went well.

I like him a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I wouldn't mind making things serious between us but not right now, I'm still kind of maneuvering the whole Joe situation and I'm actually very content with that right now. As I've been saying, I just don't wanna be tied down right now, so dating it is. Although I don't know if I'm doing this whole dating thing right. It's stressful. Maybe I shouldn't attract guys who always want serious relationships with me. Maybe I should go out.

After my shower, get comfortable in bed. Joe must be asleep. He wasn't anywhere to be seen when I got home. I thought he would at least speak but I guess not. It's all good.

So, I'm trying this single life but I don't like to go out. I guess I should start, huh. I get on IG and start scrolling. I click on my profile and look at some of the pieces I've posted. I still have a lot of photos of Aubrey on here, some photos of Chris, some of myself. I don't have any of the kids because I don't post them. I start deleting pictures, the ones of Aubrey first, then the ones of Chris. I'm dating now. I can't have the exes still on here. I deleted every photo other than the ones of myself and the one from earlier. Let's start fresh.

I click on the pictures posted earlier and look at the comments. I have over a couple thousand already. I only posted this a couple of hours ago. I see that people are trying to guess who the guy is. I just laugh to myself. They will never guess who he is by just his shoes. I'm getting all kinds of names. This is funny.

I start thinking...this can become a little game. Guess who I'm dating. I laugh to myself. That will piss Aubrey off the most because he wouldn't even know who it is either. That would literally drive him crazy. I'm not gonna do it though, it's just a funny thought. He would hire a PI just to try to figure it out.

I go to my DM's and it's nothing abnormal, I have millions of messages. I start scrolling and I'm seeing a few blue checks. I scroll back to the top and click on the first one. It was from a couple of hours ago...and it was from Jayson Tatum, he plays for the Boston Celtics. He sent me a message asking if I wanted to hang out. Saying he was in town for a while and wanted to chill. Interesting.

I click on another one from Jalen Hurts, the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. I get a little excited opening this one. He's a big deal. What does he want with little ol me.

"Oh, I know him. He's super cute." I said aloud to myself.

He said we share a publicist. What? Amanda never told me this. He said that he asked her for my info and she gave it to him. He wanted to make sure it was okay to text my phone. That's nice of him. Never had that happen before. Some guys get the number and just randomly text, then play games and shit. I think this is very respectful of him. He definitely earned some points with that one.

There were two others, one being Klay Thompson, he plays for the Golden State Warriors. I know who he is. I think he's cute. Don't know a lot about him but I've seen him play a few times. The other blue check was  named Alex Len. I don't know too much about him so I went to his profile. Looking at his page, he plays for the Sacramento Kings, and looks really big, and he's cute as hell. Different from what I'm used to but that's good. I need to stay away from the usual. And a bonus is that both of them live in California. At least we wouldn't have to travel far to see one another if we went on a date.

I replied to the four guys basically starting conversation.  Nothing serious. It's just wasting time while I'm bored right not. I checked out a couple of other messages. Most of them were from fans and I nicely responded to them, but there were some other guys in there that were, I guess, shooting their shots. There were a couple of guys that were known, I'll just keep them there in case I need something to do. I was shocked though, these guys are really reaching out to me. It's still crazy to me that some of them know who I am.

Let's really try this dating life...

After I spent over an hour responding to DMs, I finally put my phone down to try to get some sleep. I laid there for a while thinking about my day. I feel good about tonight. I didn't do anything I'm ashamed of. I'm definitely going to talk to Aubrey tomorrow though because why are you blocking people on my phone? He has no right. And where's Joe? I thought he would at least come speak to me when I got back. He has to be asleep. I'll leave him alone tonight.

I had to shut my brain off because my mind was wandering and I eventually fell asleep.

*******

The next morning, I feel someone trying to quietly slide themselves into my bed without trying to wake me. But anyone who knows me, especially those who slept next to me, knows I'm a light sleeper. So I basically woke up when they opened my bedroom door.

I feel a big arm pull me over to their bare chest. That can only be one person. I turned over and kissed his chest a couple of times and got comfortable.

"Why you got so many clothes on?" He asks

I laugh, "A t-shirt?"

"Put them tiddys on me." He says

I pull my shirt off and lay back down on him. "I was looking for you last night."

"Not hard enough." He says. "I thought I'd let you enjoy your night."

"I did...then I came home and thought you'd be waiting for me. I guess that was foolish of me to think that. I should've known you would be asleep."

"I didn't come to your room but you better believe I waited until you were back home before I went to bed. I was in contact with Ben the whole time." He says

"Really?"

"Yes. I contemplated on whether I should've followed you guys or not." He says

"So you knew where I was?"

"No. I didn't look at the location and I purposely didn't ask Ben where you were but I asked everything else. You didn't want me to go so I tried to honor your wishes, but I needed to make sure you were alright."

"I knew you couldn't just let me go."

"Absolutely not." We both laugh. "So how was it?"

"...it was okay. I had fun." I say

"Okay...and...?"

"Annnd? What exactly were you wanting me to say?"

"How did it go?" He asks

"Again, it was okay. I had fun." I repeat. "Sharing details is a bit much."

"I get it. Are you going to tell me who you were with?"

"I would like to keep that private, Joe. You understand how awkward this is right?"

"I get it." He says. "You don't have to feel awkward. I just want to know how your night went. It's not going to change anything."

"It just feels weird." I say. "I'm laying in bed with you basically naked, and you're asking about the date I had with someone else."

"Okay. I won't ask, but you can tell me who he is."

"When I need to, I promise I will....but what I will tell you is he's nice and I didn't have any problems." I say

He smiles, "And if you do have any problems, you'll let me know?"

"Of course." I say. "He did try to have sex with me though." I say

"What happened?"

"I told him that spot was already taken."    

His mouth slowly forms into a smile. "If you want him, just let me know. I don't want to mess up anything you have going for you. I told you, I want you to have experiences. If I'm in the way, let me know."

"You're not in the way." I say, relaxing in his chest.

"Hey....the girls wanted me to talk to you."

"About?"

"They're concerned about your drinking." He says

I roll my eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." He says. "I know you drink a lot and I know you smoke a lot and I know it was at its height when I left, so I understand what they mean. Has it gotten worse?" He asks

"I don't think it's gotten worse. Just like I told Mercedes, I'm fine. I'm well aware of my alcohol intake." It's sat

"Are you sure cause they seem to think otherwise..."

"Have you seen me drink since you've been here?" I ask

"No."

"Exactly. I was super stressed out and I was just trying to not feel, and I didn't want to think about anything."

"But you know that's not healthy either.." he says

"Yes, I know that. And that's why I haven't been drinking."

"..... okay. I'll take your word for it. I haven't seen it with my own eyes since I've been here, so I'm gonna lead with that. I'll let them know that."

"Do you think I have a problem?" I ask

"I don't know. But from what I've seen I do know you drink excessively but you're responsible with it the majority of the time. I see you don't drink when you have the kids and you don't black out. So I'm not gonna say you have a problem, but I don't know the extent of what went on while I wasn't here. They're concerned for a reason it's not just out of thin air." He says

"I know drinking is not a good way to cope with everything. I know my drinking had been a little more than normal. I told her that I was fine. It's just stress and the fact that you left added to it because I was hurt. I'm not saying any of this is your fault, or even Aubrey's fault. It's just how I decided I wanted to cope at the time, but everything's okay now....." I smile. "Now take off your shorts. They're in the way for what I'm trying to do." I say tugging at his waistband, then I reach under the sheets and slide my panties off.

He laughs at me and takes his shorts off and throws them on the floor. He slowly starts stroking himself. I reach to grab it but he stops me.

"What are you trying to do?" He asks

"I want your dick in my mouth."

"Hol up." He says. "Why should I let you have it?" He asks and I know he's messing with me but I also know he wants to hear an answer.

"Because I want it." I laugh at the question.

"That's not a good enough reason for me. Try again." He says

"Because I want you. And I'm in the mood now that you're in my bed."

"What else?" He says

"You have good dick." I say and we both laugh. "And I love it."

"Why didn't you get it from ya new man?" He asks. I laugh because I know he's only fucking with me. Joe doesn't get jealous. This "new man" doesn't get to him one bit. But I'll go along with this because this is obviously what he wants.

"I don't want his. I only want yours. That's why I told him about you. I don't want anyone else."

"Did you think about me last night while you were with him?" He asks running his fingers through my hair.

"I was thinking about you the whole time. I just wanted to be here with you." I lay next to him.

I watch his eyes scan my face, they last on my lips. He smiles. "I don't wanna touch anybody else either." He says, then sighs. "I love having you on me like this and I love touching you." He says, and I'm actually shocked at his honesty. He doesn't like to get too much into detail when it comes to conversations like this. He almost kills upset with himself.

"Really?" I softly smile, but I'm trying to hold in the excitement and not show it. This is huge for Joe to say something like this. I know he likes me, duh, but for him to really express it this way says literally a lot.

"Yeah." He pulls me on top of him. "What was the word we used? Content?"

"Yes. You're still content with this?" He nodded his head up and down then I leaned down and kissed him. "I don't want to mess anything up between us but you know my feelings I have for you." I say

He nods his head again and smiles at me. "I know those feelings...I feel them too..."

"Let's....stop this conversation." I know where this is going and it could turn us off. What we feel emotionally doesn't need to be said right now, especially when he doesn't want things to go a certain way. "It's hard to have this conversation then your big dick is standing straight up between my thighs."

"Touch it." He says.

I wrap both of my hands around it and slowly stroke it. His mouth falls open and his eyes close. Clearly he's enjoying it. I'm completely turned on by this. I wanna suck it but I'm just going to do what he says......nah, I want to taste him.

I continue stroking him but reposition myself to give him head. His eyes pop open. "Just sit on it." He says pulling me back up to him. He grabs my face and pulls it to his, kissing me. He doesn't give me much space to do much, since he's holding my face. He wouldn't let me pull away from him. I pull my body on top of him and slide him into me.

I winced, but welcomed the pain. I loved it. We smiled at each other as I sat up to ride him. His hands roamed all over my body and I loved feeling him touching me this way. I don't know what it is but I love when his hands are on me.

We had sex that way the majority of the time. He wanted me on top and I was cool with that. I like being on top. He held me on top of him while he came inside of me again. He didn't even flinch. He looked in my eyes as he released. I love feeling him throb inside of me. But, it's so weird. For someone who doesn't want to make future plans, or doesn't want a commitment with a woman, why would he continuously come inside of me? I'm so happy I've consistently been using birth control. I almost stopped but I'm happy I didn't because I had that slip up with Aubrey a while ago when I went to his house that night he was having a party.

"That was amazing Joe."

"It was." He says in agreement.

"I'm happy I'm on birth control." I climb off and lay next to him. "If you keep cumming in me like this, I'll know something."

"You'll know what?" He smirks, as he pulls me closer to him.

"That you want a future with me." I smile at him.

"Pregnancy? Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I can't have kids. I thought I told you that." He said nonchalantly.

"Um, no." I say, surprised. "You've never said anything remotely close to you can't have kids. Why not?" I ask

"I got a vasectomy like seven years ago. After I lost my daughter."

"A vasectomy? A daughter? What?" What the hell is he talking about? He has never said anything like this before. This is news to me. One more of the many mysteries of Joseph Anoa'i.

He sighs, "I guess you didn't know...

"No. You've never said anything about a daughter... Do you have a daughter?"

"Didn't know I would be talking about this when I woke up this morning." He sits up and leans against the headboard. "You better be happy you've shared so much with me, because I don't talk about this."

"I appreciate your sharing." I softly smile at him.

"So I guess you wanna know the full story?"

"Yes, but whatever you want to share, it's fine."

"No...I'll tell you everything. It's just a little hard for me to talk about." He says

"Well, just take your time."

"So, to make a long story short, a few years ago, I got a woman pregnant. She was my girlfriend and we were somewhat in a serious situation. She basically had complications during the labor process and they decided to save her and not the baby. I wasn't married to her so her parents had to make the decision. They asked me about it, but I really didn't have a say in what happened that day."

"That's horrible. I'm so sorry." I place my hand on his chest and he lays his on top of mine.

"I'm okay with everything that happened with the situation now, but I was a mess for a while. I know I told you about me getting into some stuff and some drugs in that was the situation that lead me down that path. I told myself I don't wanna go through that again because I had it in my mind that I'm not supposed to have kids. So I got a vasectomy."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Is she okay?" I ask

"Yeah, she's fine. She's actually married with two kids now."

"Did you talk to her after that?"

"Briefly. I stayed with her while she was in the hospital, but I really didn't have too much to say. I was pretty much only there to support her to make it seem like I cared. I was dealing with my own hurt from losing my daughter. I didn't want to be there. When she got out things fell apart even more. I think she was out of the hospital a total of three days and we officially broke up. Looking back, she was hurt because of the obvious, but she also knew I wanted to save my daughter and not her. Actually, I don't think that, I know it. But she was a selfish person and I honestly believe that we weren't gonna last anyway and maybe that's why things happened the way they did. We weren't supposed to have that kid together." He explains

"That could very well be why. How do you feel today about the vasectomy?"

"I don't feel any way about it. I know I can't get women pregnant. I've never been in any situation to second-guess my decision."

"If things took a turn, and you were in a serious situation where you were with someone who wanted a kid, would you get it reversed?"

"I would. I love kids. I've just never been in a situation where I wanted to do that. But it's a possibility. Never put too much thought into it."

"It makes so much more sense now. Some of the things that you've been through has hurt you and you've been through some pretty heavy stuff. The decisions that you make as far as commitment and how you feel about dating and getting to know someone...It all makes sense now. You don't want to get in a relationship with someone because it will get serious and you don't want that situation to become a marriage or serious enough to where you guys have kids and you're scared that situation will happen again. I get it. And I understand."

I go quiet just thinking about that whole situation. I feel so bad for him. But I'm starting to understand him a lot more.

"Pretty much." He says. "Before you, I hadn't really dated on a consistent basis and you know how I am with sex, I just don't do it, until you." A look of concern grows on his face. "What do you need from me?" He asks.

What do I need?

What does he mean by this question? This can go for a lot of things and I don't want to jump to any conclusions and go for the obvious. It would be nice, but Joe doesn't want anything serious and I agreed to us not having a serious relationship. What we have it's just convenient for us right now and we both have already said that we're content with this..... but if he was asking the question in that context, then I would gladly answer and tell him exactly what I need from him. But I'm not gonna do that cause I don't think that's what he wants.

"Shawnie......" he says my name but he isn't necessarily calling me, for my attention, he has more to say, so I listen. ".... I'm warming up to—."

We hear a knock at the door.

"I know that's Mercedes, you want me to tell her to get lost?" I ask

"Nah... see what she needs. I'm sure she knows something is going on between us anyway." He says

"What Mercedes? Come in." I yell

The door opens and I see Chris' face. I panic and throw the sheets over my head. I hear Chris yell, what the fuck and slam the door.

Thoughts??