Shawnie's POV

The next morning, Dorian and Mercedes were out doing a little shopping before our flight to Vegas. I was sitting outside on the patio smoking. Lexi had just come to pick up the babies, Joe was out on his morning run and I was just trying to relax before everyone came back but it was kind of hard because people kept looking at me. I was a little irritated.

I haven't talked to Chris in a couple of days and I kinda wanted to. After they left San Francisco, he went back on tour. I felt like everyone was upset with me for leaving the trip. They all were basically there because of me and I just left. But I feel like if I'm protecting myself then they shouldn't be mad. I was doing what I had to do. I still felt like Chris was upset with me though. I want to just say he was busy, but he hasn't even called to speak to Genesis.

I thought it would be a good idea to give him a quick call before everyone got back. It was a little early, but I called his number anyway and he answered almost right away.

"What's up, Baby?" He answers. He answers how he normally does so maybe nothing is wrong.

"I haven't talked to you in a couple of days so I was just calling to check on you. How is everything going?"

"Busy as hell. My bad. After that trip I was just trying to clear my mind and get back in the mindset of touring. Normally when I take a break I sleep most of the time."

"Well, I want you to know that I appreciate you for coming during your off days. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right with us because I know I left the trip early but I feel like everyone is upset with me." I say

"Nah, it's all good over here. I know why you did it, and if you felt like you couldn't take it anymore, then you had to go. I understand everything. You don't have to explain it to me. I would've rather you left then just stay there and be miserable. Because if I later found out that that was what happened I would've told you you should've left anyway." He says

"I get that. But you sent Trey over here to try to get information out of me. Why was that? You could've just called me."

"First of all, Shawnie, I didn't send him over there to get information out of you. He did that shit all on his own. Him and I had a conversation about what happened with Joe and I said I felt like that shit was personal. So he said that he was going to talk to you and see what you said."

"Well, in case you were wondering, there's nothing going on between Joe and I. I'll tell you just like I told everyone else, Joe did what he was supposed to do. Chris, you can't try to attack somebody, my security, and think it's okay. I was there, I know what happened. But I just don't feel that you were right."

"You're right. I shouldn't have reacted that way, and I should've just went in the house like he told me to but I was worried about you. I know you know what my thought process was. I know I don't have to explain anything to you. But I just felt like he was given a little bit more than he should have. When I come over, I feel like he's looking at me funny and leaving the room when I come in. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a little paranoid but I just wasn't feeling the situation and I haven't really been feeling him for a while now. I've been trying to keep my cool, and I've been friendly. I'm not trying to create more drama or bring any stress to you as far as the situation goes so I'm gonna just let it go. I feel how I feel about it but I also know that you ain't getting rid of him."

I laugh. "I'm not."

"Exactly, so the best thing for me to do is to let the situation cool down and when I get another free couple of days, I'll be there to get Genesis."

"Okay. Sounds good." I say

Joe walks out and sits next to me.

"Hey Joe just walked out, I'll talk to you later Chris."

Joe holds his hand out, asking for my phone.

"Oh, he wants to talk to you. Hold on."

I put the phone on mute. "Why?"

"I want to apologize to him."

"Oh...okay..." I handed him my phone. He takes it off of mute, puts it on speaker then speaks.

"Hey Chris! What's up?"

"What's up?"

"I just wanted to talk to you for a second and apologize for what transpired a couple of days ago. I want you to know why I reacted how I did. I felt that you were making the situation worse and you were going to make the situation worse if she would've gone in the house with you. I don't have any ill feelings toward you. I was just trying to defuse the situation."

"Nah, it's all good. I'm sorry too." He says

"Aight. I just wanted to make sure everything was cool. I didn't want any lingering feelings about that night. I felt bad so I wanted to apologize to try to make everything right."

"It's all good." Chris says

"Okay."

"Okay, Chris, so I'll talk to you later." I say, "Just let me know when you're coming home to get her. By the way, I'm going to Vegas tonight for a couple of days.

"Who's all going?"

"Me, Mercedes, and Dorian."

"Y'all be safe. Call me later." He says

"Okay, bye." I end the call.

"That was big of you." I smile

"I thought about it. I thought it was easier for me to let the situation go. This is your daughter's father. I don't want any issues between us or that could possibly hinder your relationship with him. I just felt I needed to make the situation right."

"Thank you for that."

"I did kind of wanna talk to you about something though... and I want to do it before the girls get back."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong..." he takes a deep breath and lets it go. "I just have to get something off of my chest."

"Go ahead." I say concerned. This looks like it's bothering him. 

"I don't want anything to change between us but this is really bothering me and I just feel like I have to say something just so I can clear my conscience."

"Tell me." I say growing more concerned by the second.

"............Look, I'm not one to do shit like this and I know what we talked about yesterday, but I feel like I have to let you know, I care about you. A lot.." he says

"Awww, don't tell me that, Joe..." I put my hands over my face. I'm sorry, but this is the last thing I need to be hearing right now. Bad timing.

"Fugetaboutit then." He says, then he stands up to leave.

"Wait! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that. I just meant—."

He cuts me off. "It's cool." He says nonchalantly. 

"I'm not saying it like that. Please, sit down." I say

I'm wrong right now and I should at least hear him out. I've never really seen Joe act like this, and he is very bothered that I said that. I hope he's not saying he cares about me in that way because if he is, oh my gosh. What? And where did this happen?

He didn't want to sit back down. He looked as if he was kicking himself for even saying anything and my response didn't make it any better. But to my surprise, he sat back down in the chair.

I sigh in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm about to say this out loud, but I care about you too, Joe. Things are very complicated right now. I'm about to go through a divorce. I don't need to be distracted. I need to focus on that."

"I know." He says, clearly frustrated. "I wasn't trying to fall for you, that shit just fucking happened. I tried to keep that shit in check but when we got here...it was just us and I got to see you with your guard down, and I just—I didn't mean for this shit to happen. That night at the beach, I knew and I was sure of my feelings but I told myself I wouldn't say anything and I wouldn't act on them. I struggled a bit because it's so unprofessional and I don't get wrapped up in shit like this so I thought it would be needed if I kept this shit to myself. And I've been doing it for months."

"You were talking about me that night?" I ask

"I was. I'm always talking about you. Whenever we have a conversation about your future person I'm talking about me." He sighs, "I'm not trying to force anything on you, my feelings are my feelings and I don't expect you to feel the same way but we had that kiss, I thought the feeling was mutual. Especially when you kissed me back."

"I mean...I guess it's mutual. I haven't really put much thought into. It's just—my marriage... the divorce. I just can't afford to entertain someone else right now. I think you're great, and people thinks we're messing around anyway but I never really put much thought into it. I'm focused on Aubrey right now. Having feelings for someone and being responsible for caring for someone other than myself or my kids, sounds like a lot for me. The fact that this news is about to be public, I can't be accused of cheating on my husband. He will turn all of this around and make it seem like I was the problem. I can't afford those setbacks."

"I get that. I'm not trying to confused you or take you from him. Believe me, relationships take time and I'm very slow to move. I feel what you're saying. Caring about someone and adding them into your life is a lot. The divorce isn't final, and that's why I haven't said anything. Don't worry about me. I just needed to tell you. I'm not looking for anything because I want you to figure that out and do what's best for you. I want you to heal from that relationship. I know you went through a lot with him and I want you to move on from that. I want you to be happy because you deserve that. If it's mutual, cool, but I'm not doing anything until that is taken care of."

"That's sweet...." I say

"Just like you said, I don't want you to make the same mistake either. If things go in that direction between us, then I want it to be pure, not spiteful, or trying to seek revenge. I'm not trying to make anyone jealous, playing all those stupid games." He says

"I agree.... I don't want you to feel any kind of way about this conversation. It's a little weird but in a funny way I feel like you are helping me heal. You've made me see things in a different light. I don't want you to feel like I'm using you for anything and I don't want you to think that I don't care about you or your feelings. I am going to heal and I don't plan on being with anybody. I just want you to know that."

"Okay. I got it. The feeling is mutual. We're on the same page. I think we're good. I understand where you're coming from and you understand where I'm coming from. Just keep the communication open."

"Of course." I say.

"But....can you do one thing?" He asks

"What's that?" I say

"Kiss me again." He says

"I shouldn't do this but since no one is here..."

I stand up and walk over to him. I sit on his lap, put my hand on his face and I kiss him. We made out for a few seconds, then I pulled away.

"Damn." He says, smiling. "I've been wanting to do this since last night. I liked that."

"I know." I smile back at him.

"Let's entertain one more?" He picks me up and turns me to face him. My legs automatically position to his sides. He tilts his head up to me and goes in for another kiss. With me straddling him, I kiss him again. But this time things get pretty intense.

Joe didn't hold back this time. He shoved his tongue down my throat. I was not expecting that. He was rubbing his big hands all over my back and squeezing my thighs. I felt like he was avoiding my butt, but whatever. I'm not even trying to go there with him but damn. And I know Joe, we ain't going there with me anyway. Finally, someone with some self-control.

We're outside, people know where I live now. They may see us and take a picture. We were just talking about this. We can't do this. I had to stop.

As I pulled away from Joe and opened my eyes, he looked at me.

He smiles, "You feel it, don't you."

I nod my head up and down. I do feel the energy between us. It's strong. And it's been this way. I've felt this for a while but I chose to ignore it. Not so much today. I can't lose sight of what I'm trying to do. I have to get this divorce finalized. I just hope I got through to Aubrey, and he is actually going to sign, and file the divorce papers.

He pecked me on my lips one more time and when I looked up at the patio door. I froze, in shock but mostly fear. I saw Aubrey standing inside the house, looking directly at me through the glass.

Thoughts??