Chris' POV

It was about 530 AM and the sun was rising. The boat had docked a few hours ago and we were just stationed there. Shawnie was laying on my chest and we were just laying in bed enjoying the moment. We both were half asleep, but she's such a light sleeper and I barely sleep, so we both were still alert. She had drifted off to actual sleep for a minute, I could tell because her grip was loosening around me. I picked up my phone and looked at my calendar.

"Shit." I say

Shawnie pops her eyes open and she sees me sitting my phone down on the bed.

"What's wrong?" She asks

"I thought I didn't have rehearsal today but I do. We have to do a whole run through of the show."

"So you're not staying two days?"

"Nah. I gotta get back to LA." I say somewhat disappointed.

"Oh... okay. I was kinda hoping you would." She says

"I know, me too." I say

"When are you going to leave?"

"In a couple of hours."

She sighs, "Okay." She wraps her arms around me tighter. "I don't want this to end."

"I don't either." I tightened my grip too. "How are you feeling about last night?

"It was so sweet of you to do that for me. Everything was perfect and I had fun, even the extracurricular activities."

I laugh, "We haven't spent this much unbothered time together in years. We spent the night together. This is nice. I'm feeling a way though...you laying on me naked, walking up next to you... giving me flashbacks of when we were together. I miss this."

She rolls on her back, releasing her grip from me. She put her hand on her head and just stared up at the ceiling. She looked as if she was really thinking about the situation.

"Me too." She sighs, "You know we can't stay like this forever."

"I know. I want to but I know we can't. But, as long as you're out here if you did want to see me things will go a lot smoother. A lot of people won't know..." I say

"I know I'm going through issues right now but I'm not trying to be in a full on affair with you. This is nice and I don't want it to end but it has to." She looks at me.

"I'm not trying to have an affair with you either, and have you cheating on your husband and all of that but this just feels right and you can't get mad at me for wanting this. I know you gotta do what you gotta do and take care of business and then I'm not even sure when you do get divorce from him you're gonna come back to me but I'm loving this and I don't want it to end either so why don't you come back with me."

"To LA?"

"Yeah. It's only for the day. You come to rehearsal with me, and you and Gen can see what I'm working on, and then we can fly back here. I can stay for a couple hours and then I'll go back home."

"I mean, I wouldn't mind seeing all of the girls." She says referring to my dancers.

"They asked about you all the time, especially Lindsay. I think you should come and show your face. I'll make it a closed set so no random people can be there, it'll just be the people who need to be and I'll make sure you're kept out of whatever videos or photos are taken by anyone. I know the last thing you want is to have a story come out that we're hanging out."

"If you can do all of that, then okay." She agrees.

I smile. "Okay?"

She nods her head up and down. "Yeah."

I pull her closer to me. Not that there was much distance between us. "So you want to go again for the fourth time before we get out of here?"

"Of course." She says, then climbs on top of me.

"Next time ima bring a bitch for you." I say

"I forget you be feeling left out." She laughs. "But who says there's going to be a next time?" She kisses me on the lips. We made out heavily for a few seconds, then I pulled away and looked at her. My hand was still around her neck.

"I said it's gonna be a next time." I say

She just smiled at me and nodded her head. "Okay." She says

"I got you." I pulled her back to me and we started making out again. I just can't get enough of her.

**********

After we went at it for the fourth time, we got our clothes on and headed back to her house, showered, and she grabbed a couple of things. We had small talk with Joe and I kind of felt like he was looking at me sideways but I just put it out of my head because I haven't done anything to him, so I don't know why he would have any animosity towards me. I thought I was just trippin and I ignored it. After we picked up Genesis from Lexi we took our flight to LA.

We were on our way over to the dance complex. I had to break the news to her that before my tour started I was gonna go over to Europe because I had a few dates there. I told her that I was going to be spending time with my son while I was over there and him and Ammika would be traveling with me for those 4 dates. She didn't really say anything about it. She was happy that I was spending time with my son but she wasn't happy that I was going to be spending time with his mother. I assured her that she had absolutely nothing to worry about because there is and never will be anything going on between Ammika and I ever again.

Just like I figured, when we walked in everyone was happy to see her and they ran over to her. Sometimes I forget how big of a role she had in my life. Like, she was a huge part of my life and she basically knows everyone that I know, coworkers included. Lindsay has been asking about her and I told her it was okay to contact her but she thought it was best that she stayed out of the situation. I'm not mad at her for that because I wouldn't want to be in the middle of us either.

After she caught up with everybody we started rehearsal. We were gonna run through the entire show from the beginning, to the end. Chaunny and Gen sat on the side watching us.

Shawnie's POV

I was sitting down watching everybody perform as if they would be performing at the show and I was really enjoying it. I looked at Chris and he kind of had a nervous look on his face but I really didn't think anything of it. He started singing a song that I had never heard. Clearly it was one of his new songs on that album. The only songs I've heard on that album were Iffy, Call Me Everyday and Warm Embrace so far. For some reason when this song started I automatically just focused on him. The first couple of lines had me locked in. So I started really listening to the lyrics.

It wasn't long after that I realized this was written about our situation. Not so much based on what happened when we broke up it was more based on what happened after we broke up.

I watched him sing the song and it was seemingly emotional for him, Like he was really feeling it. I actually was kind of feeling the song too. Hearing this song made me really look at our situation. Like, really look at her situation. There's been plenty of songs that he's written about me and about our situation, even the whole Drake situation as well and not one has been able to penetrate my soul the way this song did.

When he started the second verse and he sang those lyrics I felt his hurt. I know he was upset with me about everything and as much as he tried not to express it and spare my feelings. These couple of lines in the song pretty much sums everything up. We made eye contact when he sang certain lines and I felt kind of attacked. Yes I still wanna be a part of his life because he's my daughters father but I also don't want to let go because I still love him so much. But I guess me loving him so much is really holding him back from living his life. I know he loves me too but like I've been telling myself but not believing, maybe it is best that we leave each other alone.

He held eye contact with me as he sang through the pre-chorus, and chorus as well and I know for sure that this song is 100% how he feels. Chris really has let so much shit slide. I know I've done a lot to him and he is still on my side. He has taken a lot of shit from me, from his fans, and from the media all because of the situation between him and I. I feel so bad. I felt absolute sorrow fall over me. I felt horrible. To the point where I actually got emotional and had to leave. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the first time that I actually felt what he had probably been feeling all of this time.

I stood outside the door but I could hear the remainder of the song. I couldn't take it. The guilt was too much. I was trying to keep my cool but I was fighting back tears.

About a minute after this song ends, the door opens and I see Chris. He walks over to me and embraces me.

"Why would you let me hear that song?" I say finally breaking down in his arms.

"I didn't know it would affect you like this. I just wanted you to see what the show was gonna look like. I'm sorry." he says, holding me tight.

"I think this was a mistake and I think I should go home." I say, pulling away.

"Don't go. I want you to watch the rest of the run through."

"No. You're right. We're still heavily involved in each other's lives. I think it's best that we start to make the separation. It's long overdue."

"But I like how things are." He smiles

"But it's not healthy for either one of us. We had a lot of sex last night, that was a line that we shouldn't have crossed again. I have to deal with my issues on my own and I can't keep running to you every time I want some validation that I'm a good person or that I deserve better or even you. We can't keep doing this and I don't want our relationship to affect your relationship with Jasmine and my marriage, our daughter. Chris, our decisions affect a lot of people. My marriage is over but I don't want you to help sway that decision. You have someone who wants to be with you and someone that takes a lot of shit from  you. You should explore that." I say

"It's just a song." He says. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me but it was the truth.

"But it's not just a song Chris. You wrote those lyrics because that's how you felt and that is okay. I felt your hurt and I feel horrible for it. I knew I hurt you but hearing that makes me feel it and I'm fucked up for doing that to you. I don't deserve you....and you're still hurting and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I think it's best that we end this before it gets worse than it already is."

"You're the only one who deserves my love."

"I don't agree with that." I say

He sighs, "I don't know how to live without you being a part of my life."

"I don't either, but we need to try it because neither one of us should have to live like this. Neither one of us are healed from our situation and we're still holding on to each other when we should be letting go. You're my safe place. I always go back to you because I know you'll accept me." I say

"Always. We had a daughter together. You were my fiancé. I've never wanted to marry anyone but you. I know we're going to have problems. I accept all of you. I just needed you to accept all of me. I was upset about bullshit that I should've been over because you were with me. I can't get over what happened between us. I can't get over how I treated you either. I pushed you away on purpose and I regret it everyday we're not together."

"I'm sorry. I need to be selfish and heal. We both do. I'm piling my issues on top of each other and I need to sort them out. We need to chill out. Let's work on our problems so our problems don't affect our daughter in the long run."

He sighs, "Okay...but if we're going to do this we need to do it for real. I can't do the back and forth thing again. It takes too much out of me."

"I agree." I say

"But you felt so good on my dick last night." He smiles. I laugh, and he grabs my hips. "I can't let that go."

"I'm serious about this. Stop."

"Look," he pulls me closer to him and whispers. "I made love to you what, four or five times last night?"

I nod my head yes.

"I pulled out like, once?"

I nod my head again.

"Do you really wanna let me go like this?" He asks

"I'm on birth control."

He kinda looks at me for a second like what the fuck but he doesn't say anything. "You know that shit fails too often."

"Chris..... stop it." I say firmly.

He removes his hands from my hips. ".........Aight."

"I'm gonna go get Gen and we're gonna go back to San Diego. I know you're going to have a great tour and when you come to town, we will be there to support you. I'll always support you."

"Okay." He rests his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too, Chris."

He cups my face with both of his hands and kisses me on the lips.

"Hurry up and leave before I change my mind." He says

I laugh and step out of his arms.

"I'll have Johnny take you to the airport, and I'll text Joe to meet you there."

"I'll contact Joe but thank you."

"Aight. Get home safe."

I walk back in and grab the rest of my things and I pick Genesis up when we leave to head to the airport. We took the private jet back to San Diego and Joe met us there.

He smiled when he saw us. He didn't say anything, he just put our bags in the car and we went home.

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