Shawnie's POV 

"Baby..." I hear Chris' voice come through the phone and my heart drops. I hate when he calls and that's the first thing he says.

"What's wrong?" I ask, nervous as hell.

"Can we talk? Like...talk for real, baby?" He says

"Talk?"

"Yeah, come over." He says

"Are you drinking? Where's Gen?"

"She's fine. Just come over...now..."

"Chris, I don't think—."

He cuts me off. "Girl, we're good. If you don't bring your ass over here before I come over there."

I sigh, "I know you've been drinking and—It can't wait until tomorrow?" I ask

I really don't wanna go over there. I just want us to stay cool, just like things were when I was over his house earlier. Him calling me right now, I am not getting good friendly from it, I'm getting horny vibes.

"Nah, tonight." He says, then he pauses. There was about 30 seconds of silence and then he spoke again. "......Shawnie?" He calls my name and for some reason it took me back to when we first met.

The way he said my name was like mind control. I hated when he took that tone with me. He does it on purpose. It was such a huge red flag that I could've avoided but I couldn't help it. He was like a magnet, pulling me to him and in this moment I felt the same way I felt back then.

"Hmm?"

"Get yo ass over here." He says

"Okay...but I'm only giving you 30 minutes." I say

"Aight. Don't bring security, you don't need them." He says, then ends the call.

I slowly put my phone down on my lap. "Um...Dori, I'm going to run to Chris' house. I should be back within an hour."

"Okay...that's fine. Are you okay?" She asks

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just I'm a little uncertain about what he has to talk to me about."

"Do you think it's important?"

"I don't know. I know he's been drinking and he knows I get nervous when he does this. I'm just gonna check and make sure he's good, have a talk with him and then I'll be back."

"Okay. Just call me if you need anything. I'll let Christina know."

"Thanks." I grab my things, and I head over to Chris' house.

When I get there I sit my car, in the driveway for a few minutes. I know I shouldn't be here. This was a stupid decision I made to bring my ass over here. Every time he takes that tone with me, I run. Damn, I fell back into the trap. We were actually doing very good.

I look at the front door and I see him standing there waiting for me.

I take a few more seconds and I think about it. Yeah, I'm not doing this. I can't put myself in a situation where I have to explain myself to Aubrey. I don't want to hurt him. I promised him I wouldn't.

I put the car in reverse, and when I turned around to back out of the driveway, I saw Chris walking over to my side of the car.

"What's up mama? Where you going?" He leans into the window and smiles. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Shit.

"Chris...I think this is a mistake coming over here at 1130 at night. You're clearly drinking and this is highly inappropriate. If there's nothing wrong with Genesis, then I'm leaving. I'm married and my husband wouldn't like this at all. Daughter or not."

"True..." He reached over and put my car in park. "But you're here now." He pushes the button, turning the car off, then opens my door. "Security with you?"

"No." He took my hand and helped me out of the car.

He smiles, "Aight, let's go inside and talk then."

We walk inside and he closes the door behind us. I walk into the living room and sit on the sofa.

"Where's Gen?" I ask

"She's with my mom." He says

"Oh...what do you want to talk about?"

He walks over, sits next to me. "Why you seem uncomfortable?"

"Because I am."

"There's no need to be uncomfortable around me. You know that." He says

"Why am I here? What did you want to talk about?" I ask

He didn't say anything at first, I watched his eyes go from my eyes, to my nose, my mouth, then his eyes landed on my neck. He took his hand and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"The song..." He says. I know he's bullshitting.

I look at him like he's crazy. "Yeah right, you already got my opinion on it. What did you really call me here for?"

He looks away and sighs. "Now that you're here...I don't know if I should say anything..."

"What? Is it something about Aubrey?" I ask

"Nah...I just...Are we good?"

"Yes." I say

"Okay... I miss you having you around. It's been too long, and I just wanted to chill with you." He pulls the blunt from his ear and lights it. He takes a couple of puffs and passes it to me.

"I can't."

"Why not? Take a hit." He says

"Maybe another time." I say

"Why don't you wanna smoke with me?" He asks, looking somewhat offended. "Why do you seem different towards me?"

"Don't feel offended. It's just that smoking with you always leads to fucking you, Chris. I'm not trying to go there." I say

He laughs and takes another hit, "Aight. You right. Relax, let's talk. Tell me something I wanna know."

I laugh, "I guess the question is what do you want me to tell you?"

"Something to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." He pauses for a second, then speaks. "I wanted to tell you that I miss you and I love the shit out of your ass. I'm happy you're here." He smiles.

"I always run to you..." I say sarcastically and he laughs.

He kept staring deep into my eyes and it made me a little bit uncomfortable at how comfortable I was being here with him right now.

After he calmed down from laughing, he went back to having a serious face. "You know if you wanted me to run away with you right now, I would." He confesses.

"That's sweet." I say nervously. How did I just fall into this. "Chris..." I say a little irritated at myself. "You've been drinking..."

"I have, but I'm good. I don't want to fight anymore. I've had enough." He says looking, waiting for me to speak. "Say something?"

I don't know what I just walked into but I don't wanna make him feel like he's alone or that I'm being a complete bitch because and having a heart and responding to him. I have to.

"Okay... We're good. I keep telling you that. Things are complicated but, I'll tell you this...You're my weakness, Chris. I'm still in love with you but all I want to do is move on. I'm trying to stay away from you because it's the only way. I try to keep things super friendly for a reason. I moved as far away as I could but we still couldn't stay away from each other. I wanted to leave LA because this is your home.... But you made it mine and I hate LA because of you...but I wanted to come back home."

"All I'm hearing is I'm home for you." He smiles

"True. But I'm scared of you. I'm scared to be in this setting around you. I can't trust myself." I admit

"We haven't been alone like this in a long ass time." He says

"I know..."

"So I'm your weakness..." He asks scooting closer to me.

"See... this is why I can't do this." I start to get up but he stops me.

"Nah, talk to me." He says softly.

"Chris, you know I've always tried to be honest with you. I don't want it to be any different right now. I may be married to someone else, but I still want to have open communication with you. So yes, you are and you know that. You just want me to say it."

He smiles, "Full disclosure, you're mine too, baby. Everyone knows that. I miss you so much and it's so hard not being able to hold you. I want to wake up on your stomach like I used to but I can't. I wanna just chill with you when I want. I wanna smoke with you. I want you to have me like you used to. I'm still struggling with the breakup."

"Truth be told, I am too." I sigh because I know this might hurt him, "But my weakness for you is causing problems. Too many problems. I try push those feelings deep down and bury them like I do everything else. Aubrey distracts me. He's so good to me and he's so in love with me. I love him but... I just can't shake my feelings for you, and it's starting to take a toll on my marriage. He's so jealous of our friendship...our relationship. He's always been and I hate it. I wish things were different."

"I do too. Baby, I'm jealous of your relationship with him too. You seem like a different person with him and I want that. I want the Shawnie that he has."

"I don't know what to say about that. I'm sorry. This...weakness is what got me here. I didn't have to run over here. Aubrey didn't want me in LA for this exact reason." I start to tear up. "But that's because I keep putting myself in situations like this. Chris, I have to go. Aubrey is going to hill me. I can not be here."

"Wait! Please stay. Just for a few more minutes." He says

"I want to but I know it's wrong. I shouldn't be here, Chris. This is going to cause so many problems. You don't know Aubrey. He will find out about this if he doesn't know already."

"You scared of him?" He asks

"No. He wouldn't do anything, I just don't want to cause any problems between us. Chris, Aubrey and I have a really good relationship and I want to keep it that way." I say

"Okay, okay..." He sat on the sofa thinking.

"So can I go?" I ask. Not because I need permission but because I want to make sure he's alright and has nothing else to say. I should just leave.

"Shawnie, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to be completely honest with me. I swear your answers won't hurt my feelings. If they do, I'll deal with it. Just be honest." He says

I nod my head, "Okay."

"Are you still in love with me?" He asked and the question completely caught me off guard. I wasn't ready for that.

"Yes I am." I answer honestly.

"Are you in love with him?"

"I am."

"So you're in love with both of us?"

"Yes."

"If you had to pick—."

I cut him off, "I don't want to answer that."

"Answer me..." he says in that tone that I always have to obey.

I sigh, "I would pick him. I married him, Chris."

"But if you didn't marry him."

"I would pick him." I say truthfully.

He nods his head, "But your heart belongs to me."

"....He makes me happy." I say

"What is it about him? Why him?" He says out of frustration.

"I'm sorry but that's between Aubrey and I. I told you I would be truthful and that's what I did. Some things are not to be shared."

"Share." He repeats, "I wanna share you." He says

His comment took me by complete surprise. He wants to share me? What the hell is this man talking about?

"Huh?" I say confused.

"I've been thinking a lot and it's killing me not having you. It's killing me that you're not with me. I have tried so many times to get over you. I have tried to be with other women, I've tried to be by myself, I've tried throwing myself into work, everything I can think of but I still want you. I still think about you heavily."

"Chris—."

"I know it sounds crazy but no one has to know."

"I'm not starting an affair with you. I would know and I can't do that to Aubrey." I say

"Not so much of an affair, but like, I want to have you when I want."

"Hell no!" I laugh

"I mean it's the only thing I can come up with. I'm miserable without you and I can't settle for seeing you every now and then, or maybe when I pick up Gen. I can't settle for being with someone that I don't love like you."

"You're doing just fine. I understand what you mean but and I can't do that." I say

"But you want to, I see it in your eyes. You want me." He smiles, which makes me smile.

"But I can't. Let's not go backwards..."

He grabs me and kisses me, I quickly push him away and stand up to leave.

"Stop!" I say

"I don't want to stop." He stand up, puts his hand on my chin and pulls me back to him. "Let me kiss you."

I tried to fight him but I couldn't and I kissed him back. I miss him so much and the kiss was so good and as usual it was intense. Chris's kisses were always intense. They were so hungry, like he fiend for it. I missed that.

After a few minutes, we pulled away from each other. I was shocked at myself. I knew I should not have come here. Chris almost always breaks me down and I do stupid shit. He always makes me put my relationship in danger. I hate that I can't control myself with him. That's the part I hate most about Chris and I.

"Remember that." He says and I know exactly what he's talking about. We don't need words to say how we feel.

I put my hand over my mouth. "Aubrey is going to kill me."

He steps back, and looks at me for a second. "You love him, I get it." He says. "But what about me? I'm ya man."

I sigh, "I don't know. But why would you do that? I have to go..." I start to walk away.

He grabs my hand, "Okay, but I don't want things to be weird with us, so we'll just keep this between us and act like nothing happened."

I nod my head okay.

"If you change your mind about anything, just let me know." He says

"I will." I say

He kisses me on my cheek, then he walks away upstairs and I walk out of his house, locking the door behind me.

Once I got to my car, I sat there for a few minutes trying to process everything that just happened. I fucked up. I have to tell Aubrey Chris kissed me, and that I kissed him back. I instantly feel stressed. I don't want to do this. He's going to be so hurt.

I sigh, heavily thinking about it. "That was a lot." I said to myself out loud.

I heard my phone buzzing and I went in my purse and pulled it out. It was a text message from Aubrey. I cleared the text message notification, and then I saw that I had 10 missed calls and then I went into my messages. I had 7 texts from Aubrey.

"Shit!" I said as I went back into my call log to see who the 10 missed calls were from. "Aubrey."

I didn't bother to look at the text messages. I instantly touched his contact and the phone began to ring. He picked up on the second ring and he did not sound happy.

"It is midnight, why aren't you home?" He answers

"I had to run by Chris' house. He forgot to grab Gen's bag." I cannot believe I was lying to this man like this.

"I hear it in your voice, you're lying to me." He sounded so disappointed. This was exactly what he was talking about when we had the conversation about coming to LA.

"Aubrey—."

"DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME!!" He yells

"I swear that's why I'm here." I say almost in tears.

"Yeah right..."

"I'm leaving now. My phone was on silent and I didn't know."

"Super convenient.... Aight. Whatever, Mami." He goes silent for a few seconds.

"Baby, I'm sorry I missed your call." I say

"Nah, I've been calling for 20 minutes. That's how long you've been ignoring me."

"I wasn't ignoring you."

"So you just happen to answer me when you leave?" He says

"I didn't know my phone was on silent, baby. I'm sorry. I'm here now."

"Yeah, after you fucked him." He says

I sigh out of frustration. "We didn't have sex..." I say. "Aubrey, stop it!" I demand. I don't like insecure Aubrey. I hate when he does this shit.

We bickered back and forth until I got back to hidden hills. He was upset and I knew it but he didn't press the issue. He seemed like he had calmed down from when the call first started. I calmed him down enough to her him to get off the phone and go to sleep.

When I got inside the house, I sat my things down on the kitchen counter and grabbed my phone. I got a glass out of the cabinet and poured myself some processo. I put some ice in the wine glass. I got a few raspberries and blueberries out of the refrigerator, put them into the glass and went into the den.

I took a few gulps then I turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels for a few minutes, then I took a few more gulps. The visit to Chris' house was weighing heavily on me. I haven't been in a situation where it was just us like that in a long ass time and I wasn't prepared. I thought his feelings had changed since he's been with Diamond, but I guess not. I see that he was hiding them. We were doing so good.

I texted Chris.

Me: You know I can't go through this with you again. I spilled my heart out to you and I feel like you used it against me.

Chris: I didn't. I just wanted to come clean. We good. I just want you to know I love you and I still want you.

Me: Okay. But please don't do that anymore. We can't be like this. I'm married. Please stop.

Chris: I got you. You won't hear me say anything else about it. I know how you feel now. That's all I needed. 😉😏

I laid my phone down on the table, drank the rest of my drink and ended up falling asleep on the sofa.

*******

When I woke up the next morning, it was still dark in the room and the TV was off. The sun hadn't risen yet but it was close to. It was still dark in the den but I could see. I looked around and was about to reach for my phone to go into the bedroom, but I felt someone's hand on my thigh.

Thoughts on this chapter?
What do you think about what happened?