Shawnie's POV

"Hey!" He says

"Shawnie, do you know this fool?" Joe asks

I couldn't get any words out. I was so shocked by who was standing in front of me.

"Are you gonna give me a hug or are you just gonna stand there?" He steps forward, but Joe pushes him back.

"Nah, back the fuck back." Joe says pushing him away from me.

"No—No Joe, it's okay." I just stand there looking at him. Shocked.

Joe takes a step back.

"Can we talk? I'd love to catch up." He says

I look at Joe. I honestly don't know why I'm looking at Joe. My mind has completely gone blank. I literally have no thoughts in my head right now.

"Shawnie?" The guy says

"Do you know him?" Joe asks

"..... yeah. Yes, I know him..." I managed to get out.

"So what do you wanna do? Are you gonna talk to him or do you want me to get you outta here?"

"Damn, it's like that?" He looks at me as if he's amused but in disbelief as well.

I finally kind of snap out of shock and really focus on who is standing in front of me. I cannot believe I am standing face-to-face with Christian Middlebrooks.

"No. It's not. I'm sorry, you have to excuse me. I'm just in complete shock. Christiaaannn?"

He laughs, "I knooo!" Holding his arms out.

I run over and jump into his arms. He hugged me so tight while swinging me from side to side. We stayed like that for a long few seconds and then he put me down. I glance at Joe and he's looking Christian up and down.

"What are you doing in San Diego?" He asks

"Just on a little vacation, what about you? Why are you here?"

"I stuck with the plan." He says and I kind of feel like that's a jab.

"Oh... I see."

"Were you guys on your way out? Can you stay a couple minutes longer and talk to me?" He asks

"Of course, but not too much longer because Aubrey is bringing my son over."

"Ten minutes?" He asks

"Yeah." I look over at Joe, and he looks at me like he didn't want to escort me anywhere.

"Come on." He says

We follow him to the truck. He unlocks the doors and we get into the back. Joe closes my door and stands outside while Christian and I talk.

"I'm sorry Joe gave you such a hard time earlier. It's just that I get very anxious around a lot of people and he knows to keep them somewhat of a distance away from me. He didn't know who you are."

"It's all good. I just wanna know why we gotta get in the car and talk." He says

"Privacy. I don't want anyone taking any pictures of us."

"Okay. I understand."

"So what's been up? I see you're living in San Diego. When did you move here?" I ask

"I've been here for about six years. I moved here shortly after graduation. I took all of my tests and exams here and this is pretty much where I started my career."

"That's so nice. I'm happy you were able to stick to your plan. I know you were very focused and driven to fulfill your goals and I'm happy you were able to." I say

"Yes, it was a struggle but I was able to pull through. What about you? How did you end up in San Diego? Last thing I heard from mutual friends, was you were whisked off to LA with Chris Brown. How did that happen?" He asks

"That is another story for another day." I laugh

"Oh, I know the story."

"You do?"

"Of course. Do you think I'll just let you get away from me and you become this genius person and I don't follow you? I know some shit, what they say in the media. They've said a lot of shit. I feel like I should've been around, maybe helping you out. I mean you were one of my best friends."

"That's true we were really good friends." I ask

"Before we get too deep into this conversation, I just want you to know that I have been trying to get in contact with you for years. I've sent you messages on your social media. I've even tried to get in contact with you through your law office in Calabasas, but you're always out."

"I believe the part about the firm, because I was there and I saw your name on a post-it and I didn't understand why but it makes sense now. They never relayed the message to me. Well, on second thought, they probably gave the information to Aubrey and I never got it." I say laughing.

"I believe that. I'm sure if they would've told you you would've returned my calls. No worries. I just gotta say one more thing, I know we haven't spoken in years but I want you to know that I still think about you."

"That's sweet. Well, I have to get going." I'm not touching that conversation.

"Oh, Aight. Let me put my number in your phone."

I handed it over to him. He takes it and puts his phone number into my phone then he looks at me. "Can I text my phone from yours, so I can have your number too?"

"Yeah." I say and he takes a couple seconds to do that.

"It was so nice seeing you. I hope we can catch up soon." He says

"I'm going to have my son for a few hours today but after he leaves I'll text you and see what you're doing."

"Perfect. I don't have any plans tonight. I look forward to your call." He smiles and gets out of the car.

A few seconds later Joe gets into the driver seat and looks back at me.

"What?" I say

He smiles, "Who was that?"

"Probably the reason I'm so fucked up now."

"That doesn't sound good. Maybe I should've broken his face."

I laugh, "No, it's not like that. I pretty much left him to be with my ex, Marcel. Marcel and I had a horrible relationship and I believe it was karma for me doing him so wrong." I explain

"Ahhh the Christian guy. You've spoken briefly about him." Joe says

"Yes, that was Christian."

"So you guys grew up in Chicago and you ran into him here?" He asks, looking confused.

"I know. That's so crazy right? We had this plan to move to San Diego after we graduated. We wanted to start a family and our careers here...God I hope no one took pictures of us talking because if Aubrey sees that he's going to automatically know who that is. And you can bet your ass he's not gonna leave then."

"Well let's hope I got you guys into the car quick enough." He says. "Let's go see little man."

About an hour later, Aubrey came with Atlas and I was able to spend a few hours with him. Joe thought it would be a good idea for him to leave so we can have privacy and just spend some quality family time together. I thought it was really nice of him because he didn't have to do that and I know how he feels about Aubrey and let's be truthful, Aubrey is liable to do anything at this point.

I missed my son so much and I contemplated having Aubrey keep him here with me but Aubrey did not want that. That upset me because I'm starting to feel a little pushback from him when it comes to our son. I don't quite know how to take it or what to do. The only thing I can do is let this play out. I hope it doesn't turn into anything serious. He wanted Atlas to come back with him and I could've fought him on it but I didn't want to cause any more friction between us. As long as he brings Atlas when I ask and when he's available, that's all I can ask for. I'm not gonna be here forever.

Aubrey and I talked a little more, nothing too serious. He didn't wanna argue in front of our son, which I'm okay with. He stays true to that. Aubrey wanted me to come back home with them but I told him that I felt like I needed more time here. Of course he didn't agree with me and he gave me an attitude but he didn't say too much about it. He just told me to take as much time as I needed. He told me he would be back when he was able to. I can only hope he is as understanding as he says he is, but I really don't think that's the case.

I texted Christian my address and he came over, and brought Joe and I dinner from Oceanaire restaurant. That definitely won me over because everyone knows I love a good lobster tail. Overall, I thought it was just a nice gesture. He's probably just as nervous as I am.

We had just got done eating. We had small talk, pretty much telling Joe stories about our college years, keeping it light, as far as Christian goes. He doesn't know what Joe knows. We both knew we needed to talk because there was an awkwardness in the air and it was annoying. Joe went upstairs for us to talk. We grabbed a couple of glasses, a bottle of wine and a couple of blunts and we went outside on the patio.

"Sooo, what's been up? Haven't seen you since the funeral. I know that was hard for you, how are you doing?" He asks, lighting one. He take a couple of hits and then passes it to me.

"I've been okay. I struggle with it still. The anniversary rolls around and I literally become a crazy person. I can't function because it's still hard to cope with. It feels like it just happened. I took your advice and I started going to therapy and you know how that goes, that opened up a million more issues that's wrong with my life."

"I hear you. Let my therapist tell it, I have commitment issues."

"I see that." We both laugh.

"I see it now. But back then I thought I was just career driven. I wanted to meet my goals and that's all that mattered to me. But when I got older, I started to see the pattern. I wasn't committing to anyone. And you played a big part in that as well but that's for another conversation, another day."

"Yeah, that's interesting. I'll change the subject though. How's your mom and dad?" I ask, avoiding that subject.

"They're good. Traveling the world, enjoying their retirement."

"I miss your mom." I say, taking the bottle of wine and opening it.

"She still talks about you. Every Christmas, she talks about your Mac and cheese and peach cobbler."

We both laugh.

"Maybe I can get those to her this year." I pour myself a full glass, then I pour Christian a glass.

"She would love that. She would love to see you. You know you're her daughter she never had but wanted."

"I know." I smile. Mrs. Middlebrooks was so sweet. Just like my mom, she wanted Christian and I to be together forever.

"Even if this doesn't work out, I have to get you back home to see her." I take a huge gulp of my wine, trying to avoid more awkwardness.

"Yeah..." I say. If this doesn't work out. Wtf is he talking about.

"What's going on with your dad? How has he been?"

"I guess he's okay. I haven't really talked to him." I say

"What do you mean you haven't talked to him. That's your only living parent. You guys were so close. What happened?"

"My relationship with Aubrey happened. He doesn't like him." I admit

"So you don't talk to him?" He looks at me confused.

"I haven't." I say

"Just because he doesn't like him? Has he met his grandkids?" He asks

"He's met my daughter, but not my son."

"That's horrible. I don't care what happened, you need to fix that." He says

"I know. Joe says the same thing."

"He's right. Anything can happen, and you haven't talked to him in however long...you'd be devastated if something happened to him. You're his only child."

"I've thought about that." I say feeling guilty.

"So call him first thing in the morning. If you don't, I'm going to call him for you. Just because they don't get along doesn't mean you end communication with him as well."

"It wasn't like that. I'm just so busy that communication with everyone started to lack." I say

"That line should've been open. And he hasn't met his grandson yet? Oh, you trippin, Shawnie." He was serious but joking with me at the same time.

I know I was wrong for how I've been treating my dad but I've just been so busy with my life and kids, time just got away from me. It really wasn't intentional.

"I'll be better at communicating with him." I say, taking a hit.

"Good. So... I remember when you first started dating Chris Brown, I saw that Marcel was trying to sue him?"

I laugh, "Damn I forgot all about that. Yeah, He tried to sue Chris because one day Chris and I were out in Chicago and Marcel was being Marcel, he just pulled up on us and he was being disrespectful to me and to Chris, and Chris basically just snatched him up. He had been harassing me and stalking me for months and the judge just threw it out because of that."

"Something is wrong with that man." He says, shaking his head.

"It was hard but I got rid of him. I believe the reason why I was able to get rid of him was because I moved out here to California. If I would've stayed in Chicago, I believe he would have still been stalking me." I say

"So thanks to Chris Brown." He smiles. "I'm glad you did. Because if your life didn't go that way, you wouldn't be in San Diego and you wouldn't have run into me." He laughs.

"True." I say, I take another hit and pass it back to him.

"So, on to the hard part...We gotta get this out of the way." He says and I instantly get nervous.

"Noooo. Why now?" I whine.

He chuckles a little, then he takes a hit and he just sits there for a second, then he takes another one.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out. "Yeah...now.

"Ugh, okay. Fine." I lay back on the lounge chair.

"So...When I left Mercedes' house that morning after the funeral, I was heartbroken because I knew I wouldn't see you again. My pride wouldn't let me just give in and tell you I wanted a relationship with you. I let you go and it's fucked me up ever since..."

"The way I handled our situation was wrong. I know I should've stayed with you. I made wrong decision too. I've always told myself I would jump at the opportunity to try again, if it was given to me." I say

"Don't tell me that...because we can...I'm definitely open to it. We have unfinished business and I've missed you so much...I know we could last." He says

"No. We can't, Christian. I'm married and it's a complicated situation I'm in. I don't want to add you to that. You deserve more than what I can offer you right now."

"I like complicated, I'm a doctor." He smiles, then touches my hand.

"Nah, you don't want these problems." I sip my wine.

"Truth is, I feel you're the one that got away. I knew this would happen eventually, and I also told myself I would act on it too. I don't care what our situations were I was going to do it. I'm not letting you walk out of my life again. I am the reason we are not together now and I think about that every day." He says

"But I'm married, Christian." I say

"Nigga, I know." He laughs, "You're married to THEE Aubrey Drake Graham." He laughs. "I know what's going on with you. But I'm willing to try to figure this out if you want to. As respectfully as I can. I know you're married. I'm not trying to mess up anything you have going on...unless otherwise." He smiles.

"You don't even know me. You have to learn the person I am all over again. We are not kids anymore." I say

"I bet I know more about you than you think." He says

"Like what?" I challenge him.

"I know your love language. That hasn't changed. I know yours and you know mine." He smiles

"I wasn't talking about romantically, I just meant in general, you don't know me." I say

"Okay, I get that. And we can get to know each other again. I'm down for whatever...but like I just said, I'm not letting you walk away again." He looks around for a minute. "...And I know shit ain't that sweet if you're living here and he's somewhere else. Y'all do a great job of hiding it. You're perfect to the world."

"Yeah, but behind closed doors it's a mess. I can admit that. I'm just trying to ride this out."

"So I'm right." He says

"Yes, you're right but to be completely honest with you, I thought it would be totally different when and if we finally ran into each other."

"How so?" He asks

"All I feel is resentment towards you. I've been holding onto the love that I've had for you for years and now that the shock has worn off, and you're sitting in front of me, I'm actually pretty upset." I confess

"I mean...I get that. I feel it too. I've been following you for years and trying to contact you through social media because all I wanted to do was apologize for the way things went with us. I regretted it and I've been regretting it for years, ever since it happened. I've been living with that guilt but I also have resentment towards you because I feel like you screwed us up. You shouldn't have let anyone come between us. I know what our circumstances were and I know I wasn't trying to work with you at all but I still feel like you were wrong." Christian says

"And I feel like you were wrong as well. If you loved me like you said you did, and you did tell me you loved me, multiple times. I felt like you should've done more. Even if I did decide that I wanted to be in a relationship with someone, you didn't even try to fight for me. You just let me leave. I understand your pride might've gotten in the way but I don't care, you should've fought. I swear if you would've changed just a tiny bit, things with it turned out much more differently than it had."

"I believe that too. That's why I need to make this right. I want to make it up to you." He says

"All I wanted for you to do is to acknowledge what we were doing. But you didn't do that. You just let me go on and I was in a horrible relationship." I say holding back tears. "I'm mad as hell. And it's not your fault. You had every right to do what you did but I'm still upset about it. I was literally fighting for my life in that relationship and it was a couple of times that he could've killed me. But I went back to him when I shouldn't have. I can't blame that part on anyone but myself. I just feel like you should've done more for me to stay."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. I should've been there. When I saw you at the funeral it didn't seem like anything was wrong." He says

"There was a lot wrong. And I couldn't say anything about it because I was embarrassed. I literally left you for this man and he was putting his hands on me." I say. "After I saw you that night, I tried to break up with him because what you said really did resonate with me. I tried to talk to him like an adult but he punched me in the face and broke my nose. Then he just left me there bleeding all over the kitchen floor."

"I'm so sorry." He grabs me and holds me tight.

I start to cry, "I was so alone in that relationship. My dad didn't want to talk to me because he knew the things that were going on and he told me to leave him alone but I didn't. My mom had just passed away. He was literally the only person that I had, and he wasn't even there for me. It was a horrible time for me."

"If I would've known you know I would've stepped in and protected you, but I had no idea. You should've told me." He says

"I was scared he would hurt you. He was always threatening to hurt you or your life, if I ever got back in contact with you. I was doing it to save you because I didn't know what he was capable of."

"I understand that but you still should've told me. You know I could handle myself. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I really thought you were happy, kinda seemed that way." He says.

"I was at one point. I was for a long time but things changed. I found out a lot of information about him and he just wasn't the same person after that." I say. "But the relationship is over and I was able to get out. I was able to move away, and basically start a new life."

"Yeah, I see. Chris brown, huh?"

"Yeah." I nervously laugh, while taking another hit off my blunt.

"How the hell did you pull that off? He was your favorite singer and then the next time I hear anything about you, you guys are dating. How did that happen?"

"Cassidy and I went to his concert."

"Cassidy... how is her crazy ass doing?" He asks, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know, I haven't talked to her in some years. She was jealous that Chris and I got together and that was pretty much the start of our relationship going downhill and then she made up this huge lie about them sleeping together and I haven't talked to her since."

"That's crazy. I wouldn't expect for her to be that type of person, especially not towards you."

"Well let's put things into perspective here. Cassidy is someone who was always at all of the parties, and after parties. She is always trying to find some rich man to take care of her. I kind of feel like it was bound to happen. She was the one who wanted to go to the after party in the first place and Chris showed interest in me and I think that did something to her."

"Damn. I thought y'all would be friends forever. You guys were like sisters." He says

"Yeah, well, anyway...I met him after the show. Somehow we ended up talking to one of his friends, Trey, who is like a brother to me now, he just walked up and we all started talking. He asked us to come to his after party and we went. Chris asked for my number and I remember asking him why he wanted it." I laugh, reminiscing on what happened that night. "I was such a goofball and had absolutely no idea that he liked me. I was so fucked up from that relationship that I didn't notice he was literally falling in love with me that night."

"Falling in love with you..." He smiles

"Those are his words, not mine. Although I do know it's true." I laugh

"So the rest is history huh?"

"Yes."

"So then you moved on to a bigger, and better me?" He laughs

"Huh?"

"Yeah, you used to joke about how much we looked alike, even though I don't see it."

"First of all, it's pretty obvious that I have a type." I laugh at myself, "Light skin, fade, beard, nice smile. I think we all know that a nice smile is my weakness. So don't flatter yourself Christian." I smile and he laughs.

"I mean, it's true."

"I will say that Aubrey has a lot of characteristics that remind me of you. I don't think you guys necessarily look alike now, but after I got to know him, I fell in love with him even more because he reminded me of you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Your work ethic, which is something that I somewhat despise now. You're both very particular about things. Very organized—."

"You don't have to go on. That's crazy. It was even crazier that you married him." He says

"I love me some Aubrey. But just like my other two relationships, love doesn't always keep a relationship together." I say

"True." He says, "Damn. That sucks. Like I said earlier, I've been following you for years and I know what went on. Obviously I don't know the full extent of everything. I only know what was put in the media but I always hoped everything would work out for you because I know how good of a person you are. I know you just want love."

"I do but it seems like it's such a hard thing to accomplish. I know Aubrey loves me. He will probably take a bullet for me... well, throw one of his security guards in front of me. But there's just other things that overshadow my love for him and wanting to stay with him. Obviously Christian, don't repeat any of this. I don't need this shit getting out. But, you are someone that I've known literally since childhood so I'm opening up to you and you've always been easy to talk to."

"You don't have to worry about any of that. Since we're kind of laying it all out here, everything hasn't been perfect for me either. I've dated around here and there, but I had to take a step back for a while because I realized that I was looking for you in every woman. Our break up, or whatever you wanna call it, really got to me as well and I didn't realize how much of an effect it had on me until a couple years ago. I know it was somewhat traumatic for me but I was just in go mode and it really didn't hit me until I chilled out. Like that shit really hit me. I had to reevaluate everything that I was thinking and the shit that I was doing. I was hurting women left and right. But, about a year ago, I met someone and she was completely opposite of what I was looking for. Opposite of you. And, we'll, we fell in love and got engaged....."

What you think about this chapter?