Shawnie's POV

I watched Joe head upstairs and I just sat there smoking. I know I probably shouldn't but I've really been avoiding the urge to call Chris for a while now and now that I have a little privacy I think I should call.

I pull my phone out and touch his contact.

"What's up, baby?" He answers.

I laugh. "I'm sure Jasmine will have a problem with you answering the phone like that when I call."

"She'll get over it. What's up? Oh! Diamond had the baby."

"She did? What did you guys name her?"

"Love." He says and I smile.

"That's a pretty name. I've always liked that name for a little girl. It's cute! Congratulations!" I say

"Thank you. So what's up?" He asks

"Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice." I say

"Baby, what's going on? You want me to make my trip a little bit sooner than intended? If I can move some shit around tomorrow I can try to be there tomorrow night."

"No. I know you have a lot going on and I don't wanna interrupt that. I am just having a little bit of a mental breakdown."

"Tell me about it." He says

"I'm actively trying to separate myself from Aubrey and he won't let me."

"You just keep doing what you feel you need to do. If that is to get a divorce from him, then you do it. You should know by now that you are always going to be taken care of. I just mean that you're always going to have support in anything that you do and I'm always gonna have your back. If you don't feel like you're strong enough to take this shit on right now then let me know and I will try to make shit better for you."

"I just want him to stop making things so hard on me. He comes here and then he mindfucks me and I'm left feeling like this." I admit

"Don't let the motherfucker in." He says

"Chris, it's easier said than done. How can I not let my husband in? That doesn't even make sense to me." I say

"Your husband that you want to divorce. Don't worry about it, I'll talk to Joe about it." He says

"It's not Joe's fault. All Joe is doing is listening to what I'm telling him to do. He asked if I wanted him to kick him out and I told him no." I say

"You know, that's always been a thing with you. I don't know what type of mind control he has over you but that shit is what got you into this from the beginning. You do every little thing that he tells you to do and I just don't understand it."

"He doesn't have any mind control over me, it's just that we have an understanding and if he says something I simply feel like I should listen. The same goes for him. So many people talk so much shit about us because of how we are with each other but it's just how we are."

"I'm confused. You're defending the situation but you're complaining about it at the same time. Do you want to be with him or not?" He says

"I don't. All I was doing was calling you because I wanted to vent. I was feeling a little uneasy. I'm sorry I bothered you." I'm starting to get frustrated because he's taking what I'm saying the wrong way.

"It's not that you're bothering me, I'm just trying to grasp the situation. If you want to be with him, then be with him. Do whatever you feel is going to make you happy. If that's being alone or being with him, make that decision and stick with it. I'm sorry but I gotta cut this short. I gotta get back to the shoot. I'm shooting the video to your favorite song."

"Warm Embrace?" I say

"Yup. But just hit me tomorrow."

"Okay."

"Aight, love you." He says and I smile.

"I love you too, Chris."

*********

The next day, Joe and I went to the beach. The last time we went it was after 10 o'clock at night and there weren't a lot of people there but I just wanted to go during the day and experience it during the daytime. It was packed. There were people in the water swimming and surfing, a couple of people playing frisbee with their dogs, people just laying around sunbathing, some were drinking and some were just sitting around talking. I loved it.

There were a few people off in the distance playing volleyball. I sat and watched them for a few minutes. I wasn't really paying attention to the people but just watching the game. I kind of wanted to play. I haven't played volleyball since high school and I definitely never played it on the beach. I wasn't going to go over there though. Watching them was enough.

This light skin guy with blue shorts and a tan hat kind of caught my attention. It's funny because he reminded me of Aubrey. But I know Aubrey is not out here playing volleyball at the beach. I watched him play with everyone else. He was very athletic. He was diving all over the place for the ball and just laughing and having a good time. I wish my life could be like that.

"Hey." Joe nudges me with his shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"You wanna play? You've been watching them for the last 30 minutes."

"Absolutely not." We both laugh. "I am hungry though. Let's go to one of the restaurants."

"Okay." We both stand up and gather our things.

We went over to Draft South Mission restaurant. It was facing the beach and they had a pretty large outside area to sit at. We got our table and I sat where I could see the people playing volleyball again. I don't know what my obsession is right now with these people but they're very entertaining. The game that they were playing ended in a few of the guys walked off and other people stepped in and they started a new game. The guy with the blue shorts and about four other people walked towards the restaurant. I guess they worked up an appetite. I turned my attention to my food. 

Of course there were a few people who recognized me but they didn't bother me at all. I did catch a couple of people taking pictures of me but I know that something that I cannot control so I didn't say anything about it. Joe on the other hand, he was trying to get people to stop taking pictures. At one point he got up and had a conversation with a few of them. A couple of people tried to walk over to the table but he stopped them before they even got to me.

"Are you comfortable?" Joe says as he sits back down at the table.

"Yeah, I'm okay. What was that about?" I ask

"Some people wanted a pic, then there was some guy saying he knew you." He says cutting into his steak. "I told him everyone knows you, and to take a fucking hike before I break his legs." He says nonchalantly.

I laugh.

"So that's why I wanted to make sure that you are comfortable because if you're not, we can get out of here."

"You know, it's not that bad out here. I have to get used to being around people again. The vibe in San Diego is completely different from LA and it's just so laid-back. I like it."

"Sounds like you're thinking of staying." He says

"Maybe." I smile

"Whatever you decide to do, I support you." He says. "Shit, I might stay here myself. It's beautiful out here."

"That'll be nice. You'll be my only friend here." He laughs. "But just because I divorce him doesn't mean I'm gonna let you go. You're a really good friend to me and I would want to keep you around."

"The feeling is mutual." He smiles. "....Get me a place out here, run on the beach every morning. Gotta get you working out with me." He smiles at me.

"Workout? Doing what?" I joke with him.

"Do you know working out can help relieve stress. I wouldn't mind showing you a few things. Run a couple of miles with me..."

"Miles? Maybe I'll run up the block with you. I don't know anything about this crazy talk. Miles...you're funny."

He burst out laughing. "Okay, maybe not miles, but you should run with me."

"One day, maybe. You get up at the crack of dawn every morning. I love to sleep. I don't know if I can sacrifice that." I say

"I'll figure out something." He winks his eyes, then goes back to eating his steak.

"Aubrey would die if I moved out here." I take a bite out of my burger.

"Drop dead." Joe says and I laugh. "Have you listened to his album yet?"

"No. I'm sure I've heard all the songs though." I say, "I'm in no rush to listen to him crying over me."

"Damn, chill."

"I'm just saying. He didn't even tell me he was releasing something."

"Oh."

"So I'll get to it when I get to it." I say with an attitude.

"So... I know it's none of my business but we have gotten pretty close over the last few months so I'm going to ask, do you wanna talk about Drake just showing up last night? I know we didn't get too far into details last night."

"Honestly, no. I know he's going to do what he wants to do and he doesn't care what anyone has to say about it and he definitely doesn't consider anyone else's feelings but his. I know he cares about me and I know I'm probably the only other person's feelings he cares about besides his sons. I understand why he showed up. I understand why he does a lot of the shit that he does. He's trying because reality is setting in for him and he knows that I'm not playing around." I explain.

"It's no secret that I don't like the guy but I can agree with you when you say he's trying. I think he understands what's happening and he's trying to do the work to try to fix it. I think he's doing what his career will allow him to do. He's working on limited time. He can't just chase after you 24 hours out of his day. I'm pretty sure he would if he could but even though you're getting a little bit of a change, possibly starting to get a little bit of what you want, don't let up on his ass." Joe says

"I don't plan on it." I say

"Good."

"Joe, I don't want you to judge me when things like last night happen. We are in a very close situation now that it's just you and I in the house and—."

"No judgment. It's not my place to judge you. You do whatever you feel you need to do to continue to be attached or disconnect yourself from him. That is your relationship with your husband and if you decide to go against what I want, I can't say anything about that." He says

"What you want?" I repeat

"You know what I mean." He laughs it off.

"You don't want us to get back together, do you?"

"I don't. I just don't like the way that he treats you. But like I said, it's not my relationship and I'm going to voice my opinion if you ask, but I don't expect you to listen." He says

"With the conversations that we've had recently, I respect your opinion and I take a lot of what you say into consideration. I thought I could just walk away from him but I am learning how hard it is to stay away. It makes me think about when I was with Chris and he was doing everything in his power to keep Aubrey and I away from each other but we still ended up together somehow. Like, the connection is extremely strong between us."

"And if you feel your marriage is worth saving, then save it. There is no conversation to be had here." He says

I know I'm still on the fence about this but I am pretty set in wanting this divorce, so I have to start thinking that way.

"I'm getting a divorce." I say

"Aight." Joe says

I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me what to do. No matter what type of conversation I have with Joe, the bottom line is I want to walk away but I'm confused because I love him and I don't want to. I already know I had a serious decision to make so there's no need for me to keep going about this.

We finished up our food and we headed out of the restaurant.

We were walking to the car when I heard my name being called from a few feet behind me. Joe instantly jumped behind me, guarding me from the guy.

"Bro, didn't I tell your ass in the restaurant to leave her alone?" Joe says

"It's not like that. I know her—."

Joe cuts him off. "Yeah, yeah, fuck off!"

"No, just let me talk to her. I know her, like personally." The guy says

"Do you want me to break your pretty face?"

I stepped from behind Joe and when I laid eyes on the man, my stomach dropped. It was the guy in blue shorts and the tan hat.

He looked at me and smiled. I was in shock. Complete shock. I literally felt the breath leave my body.

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