Shawnie's POV

The next morning, I woke up, took a shower and got dressed. When I came out of the bathroom, I saw Joe was still sleeping. I walked over to the sofa and sat down on the end, where his feet were. I watched him sleep for a minute or two, I tapped his leg.

He moved around a little as he woke up. When he popped his eyes open, he looked down at me.

"Wake up top flight security, we're heading south!" I say with a smile.

"South?" He says stretching.

"San Diego. I've been up for a while preparing for our visit. I rented this beautiful beach house. It's right on mission beach."

"Hold up." He pauses for a few seconds. I could tell he was trying to process. "What?"

"We're going down to San Diego. I'm taking a much needed break from everything. I've been planning this for a while now, I just didn't know when I could go. So since Aubrey has Atlas and Chris has Genesis, I figured now is the time. So I got a beach house. I also have a few meetings set up. I need to take care of some business too."

"Business?"

"My business..." I say, jokingly.

"Aight." He laughs, while laying there for a minute, then he sits up.

"Does this have anything to do with last night?" He asks

"Maybe..."

"Just let me know what to do and when to do it. I'll be ready in 30." He gets up and walks out of the bedroom.

Joe just might be a trained killer. I laugh to myself at the thought.

******

About an hour later, we were on the 5, on our way to San Diego, and eating In-N-Out.

"Random night, what do you do in your free time?" Joe says

I looked up from my phone at him. "Huh?" I kind a look at him like he was crazy. I was in my own little world enjoying my little cheeseburger, with extra onions, and pickles with thousand island dressing.

"On a random night, what do you do? Like when you have absolutely nothing to do and you're by yourself."

"Before, or after Chris? Because I'm never by myself nowadays." I say

"When it was just you." He says

"I wasn't a person who liked to go out often, I was a homebody. So on most Friday and Saturday nights I would just sit in front of TV with a glass or bottle of wine."

"What did you watch?"

"Lifetime. I used to sit there for hours doing absolutely nothing on Saturday's. I ordered in and just relaxed on the sofa or in bed. Those were the best nights." I smile.

"You didn't have company."

"My friends would come around every now and then but I loved to be by myself. I'm an only child. I was by myself my whole lift. It wasn't until after I got out of the bad relationship I was in, that I started to fear being alone. After him, I just always wanted people around. But when I had to physically be alone. I would lock all the doors and windows and turn on the alarm and try to enjoy the quiet. Honestly, I was my happiest by myself. Doing nothing and being alone was all I wanted back then."

"Nothing wrong with that. You stay out of trouble that way."

"Ain't that the truth. When I finally did leave the house to go out, I met Chris." I laugh. "After that, I wasn't alone much at all."

"I have to say, he is a cool guy. He hasn't done anything to make me dislike him. I guess some of the rumors were wrong." He says

"Yeah, he is. I had to learn for myself too. Once I got to know him, I realized how good of a person he actually is and that he had just made some bad decisions."

"We all have. Unfortunately people get to witness his bad decisions." He says

"Right."

"He seems to care about you a lot."

"He does." I say, I don't want get into this conversation.

"You don't care about him?"

"Of course I do. I love Chris to death, but that doesn't matter."

"Why not?" he asks

"Because my feelings don't matter. I'm married. I can't do anything about it." I say.

"I see you're trying to avoid getting too far into detail, so I'll leave it alone."

"Okay....."

We fell silent for a few minutes. I finished my cheeseburger and put the rest of the trash in the bag. I got comfortable and looked out of the window. My mind fell back on Chris. I was trying to avoid that while conversation about him because I'm not fully ready to open up to Joe about Chris. I know I have but we haven't got deep and I didn't want to.

I was just looking out of the window, lost in my thoughts until he interrupted.

"So are you gonna tell me why we're really going to San Diego?" He looks over at me.

"What I said was the truth. I need a break from all of that."

"But what am I here for?" He asks

"The obvious. You're my security, should I not have brought you?"

"I'm not saying that, and don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with going and doing my job but I really think there's something else." He says

"I just need a break." I say

"Okay." He says, continuing to drive.

I think it's a little creepy how well Joe knows me, but then again it's actually refreshing to have someone who knows you that well and is a friend.

A few seconds pass and I start to feel guilty that I'm holding a secret from him. I feel like he already knows there's something else to this trip so I might as well just tell him.

"...okay but you can't say anything to anybody because I don't want this information getting out."

"Who am I gonna tell?" He laughs

"True. Well, I do need a break, no lie there, but while I am there I'm going to get in contact with my old friend and coworker....who just happens to be a divorce attorney..."

"I knew it. You've been planning this."

"I didn't necessarily plan this but I have slowly been putting things together...and I'm not filing for divorce or anything. I just wanna talk to her and see what my options are. Maybe draw up some documents. We don't have a prenup so I think everything's gonna be pretty much cut and dry."

"Maybe it'll all go easy for you, but he has to sign the papers first. I don't think he's going to sign them." He says

"Like I said, I'm not filing for divorce or anything but if I was to get to that point, I don't think he's going to sign them either. That's why I need to talk to her to find out what my options are." I say

"Have your conversation, see what happens. That's all you can do and when you get to that bridge, sort things out then."

"I'm trying not to think about any of that. This could get ugly."

"But, he does love you. I see him trying to do whatever is going to make you happy. That might be the only reason that he signs the papers, to give you what you want because he wants you happy."

"And then he's going to give me hell after that. Aubrey is not going to go quietly. He just told me last night that he won't let me leave. He refuses to take a loss. In his eyes, me filing for divorce will be a loss to him."

"I see that." He says

"So I just wanna talk to her and see what my options are and how I should go about this. I chose her because I needed someone that I can trust, someone who won't leak the information."

"That was a good decision." He says

We were silent for a few minutes again, then he looked over at me. He didn't say anything he just observed as usual.

"So...what are you going to do after the divorce is final?"

I smile then I take a deep breath, thinking about what I really want to do after my divorce. That's a hard one. It's almost hard to process that I wouldn't be married. This year has been so crazy and I feel like I've been married to Aubrey for at least five years. What would I do?

"I don't know. Buy a house away from LA, and the paparazzi. I just wanna be somewhere people don't recognize me or my kids. I want a quiet life after this." I say

"I hope you're able to have that." He smiles over at me and I smile back.

"I hope so too..."

That forced me to really think about what I wanted after Aubrey. I really didn't know. All I know is that I didn't want to be married to him anymore if he was going to continue this behavior. I was tired of being this person on his arm and him trying to make everything seem perfect.

I pull down the visor and open the mirror to get a look at myself. My lipgloss has worn off. I start digging in my purse looking for my Fenty. After a few seconds, I found it attached to a post-it. I pull it off and look at the paper.

Speaking of perfect....Christian Middlebrooks.

I just stare at the paper for a few minutes. I was lost in deep thought, thinking about the old times. Damn I missed Christian. I wonder where he is and what he's doing. I am positive that he is a fantastic doctor, probably one of the top doctors. I'm pretty sure he's married with kids now and is living the perfect life that he wanted to live with me. But I was too stupid and impatient.

I sigh, and look out of the window, completely forgetting the fact that I'm not alone in this truck right now.

"What's that?" I hear Joe say.

I glance at him, then at the post-it in my hand. I ball it up and throw it back into my purse.

"Nothing... I was just thinking about life after Aubrey."

"And?" He says

"He wants to make me this huge model or influencer or whatever. I don't want that. I just wanna be normal again."

"So dating someone else in the industry is a no for you?" He jokes

"As of right now, yes. Unless Jason Momoa came knocking at me door, but I know that's not going to happen. I don't wanna date anybody. I don't want any more drama. My husband and my daughter's dad aren't having it anyway. I don't want all of this, and I never have. I had it and hated it, but now I'm over it." I explain

"I can only imagine that shit show." Joe says

I laugh, "Tell me about it... they're not gonna let me date anyone." I start, but I change the subject. "Joe, I've been through some things, even before this Chris and Drake shit."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks

"Yeah, we can. Um... I tend to date the same man over and over again." I say, while talking in code. I don't want to tell him about Marcel, but Joe is smart, he should catch on. "When I finally do start dating, whenever that is, I'm going to try to get out of that."

"Well, knowing what the issue is is the first part. At least you can acknowledge that you know the pattern you've fallen into."

"I want someone completely opposite of what I normally attract. And when I say completely opposite, I mean totally out of left field. And I can't stress it enough, I just want a drama free life. No headlines, no paparazzi. A normal person.... If I decide to date of course."

"I get that. So, instead of seeing someone's looks, why don't you just try to get to know someone. Throw the physical part out the window."

"True." I say. "....I just like to look at my man though." I laugh, "That's gonna be hard."

He laughs.

"You never really talk about your Dad. Do you guys have a good relationship?"

"And our relationship overall is okay. Ever since I started dating Aubrey, it has gone downhill, to almost nonexistent. The last time I saw my dad was when we flew everyone out to Toronto to celebrate Genesis' first birthday."

"Wow. I'm big on family. I talk to my mom everyday. I can't imagine not talking to her for that long. I think that now that you are phasing him out of your life romantically, maybe you should get in contact with your dad and fix that relationship." He says

"You're right. It's just a little embarrassing." I say

"And it's going to be embarrassing but he's your dad. He's going to forgive you no matter what you do. You're his little girl."

"I know he will. It's still embarrassing because I let this go on for so long."

"All you can do is call them and talk to him and see where that takes you. And I'm gonna stay on you about this because if something ever happened to him you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself for letting so much time pass you guys weren't talking." He says

"I'll give him a call... I kind of want to ask him about someone I used to know anyway. See if he still keeps in contact with the family."

"I hope you get answers..."

He didn't say anything else about the matter but I kind of felt like he knew what I wanted to talk to my dad about. I'm sure he didn't, but I still felt like he did. Just seems to know a lot about me and my personality. I kinda like it.

I pick up my phone and I call Chris.

"What up, baby?" He answers

"Hey, I'm going to text you an address."

"Okaaay?"

"It's the house I'm staying at in San Diego." I say

"You left?"

"Yes."

"Aight. That's the need to know information I be talking about. I need to know how to move in case your bitchass husband tries some shit."

"I'm on my way down there now."

"Does he know?" He asks

"No. I'm not telling him until I'm there."

"Will he know where you're staying?"

"Joe is here with me." I say

"Okay, will he know?"

"When he brings Atlas, yes. He's keeping him for a couple of days. Why so many questions?"

"Because I think I need to know these things. You can't just up and leave. You couldn't tell me when we were out yesterday?." He says

"I had to. It literally was the only way. Anyway, can you bring Gen in the next couple of days? I want to see her." I say

"I'm kind of busy right now and the next couple of days, I won't be able to shoot out there but after I shoot this video, I do have a free day."

"When is that?"

"Next week." He says

"Sounds cool."

"Everything okay?" He asks

"I'll let you know in a few days."

"Aight. Be careful. I know you have Joe there but keep an eye on him too. Call me if you need something. I can send one of my guys there to keep an eye on things."

"It's okay Chris. I trust Joe."

"I know you do." He says. "Too much."

"I'm okay. If anything happens, I'll let you know."

"I don't want you there by yourself..."

I laugh, "I'm not. You mean without you but I'm not your responsibility. I appreciate the concern but you have a girl, and you have Diamond. Worry about them."

"Diamond is doing her own thing. I'm always going to be worried about you though. You can't tell me not to worry about you, you're my heart. It doesn't matter if I have a girlfriend or not, I'm always going to be concerned." He says and that makes me smile.

"Okay, I'll give you that because I know how you are. But just keep me posted about when you're coming down." I say

"I will and stay low key. If that Nigga try to pull it, I ain't there and I don't knows what Joe is willing to do for you."

"Okay, but I think Joe got me." I smile looking over at him.

"....yeah. Okay. I'll call you later to check on you."

"Aight."

We end the call and I just smile. Chris is so protective over me.

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