Shawnie's POV

After we left Chris' house we went to the hotel. I put Atlas in bed and got ready for bed as well. I was super uneasy about the whole confrontation. I felt like Aubrey was following me or like he had a tracker on the car. Joe said there was no tracker but I'm so traumatized from some of the things that's gone on in this relationship, I was super paranoid now. I felt like I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Like he was going to pop up at any second.

Joe knocked on my door and I jumped. My heart was racing. He scared the shit out of me. I took a second to gather myself and speak.

"It's open." I say

He walks in. "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah..."

"Are you sure? Do you need anything?" He asks

"Can you double bolt the door, make sure it's locked just in case he gets a key."

"I did but I can double check. Are you sure you're okay?" He asks.

I sigh, "I feel like he knows where I am, which he probably does because I've had this room for a while now. I feel like he's going to pop up here and cause a lot of shit and honestly, I'm terrified. The fact that you two got into it and I just feel like things are going to be worse from now on."

"Everything is going to be fine as long as I'm here. Try to get some rest. I'll sleep on the sofa in the living room so if the door does open I'll hear it." He says

"Okay. Thank you."

He smiles as he closes the door.

After almost an hour of me trying to go to sleep with no luck, I grabbed my purse that was sitting on the nightstand and I pulled out a blunt I got from Chris. I grab my lighter and go into the living room.

"What's wrong?" Joe pops up from the sofa.

I laugh, "Nothing, I can't sleep, this helps. You want to sit out on the balcony with me?"

"Yeah." He follows me outside and we take a seat on the lounge chairs.

I light up and take a few hits, then try to pass it to him."

"Nah, I'm good. I don't smoke." He says

"Oh okay. My bad." I say

For some reason, my mind fell to when I was living in Chicago before I met Chris.

"Funny, I didn't either... not until I met Chris. He smoked all the time and every now and then I would take a hit but never like this. I will sit here and smoke a whole blunt by myself now." I laugh at myself.

"Do you do anything else?"

"No. Just weed. After seeing everything Chris has gone through with a different type of drugs that he's used, I'm pretty much turned off from anything else. I'm actually scared to do anything else. It was one time I took a couple of hits of a blunt that he had but it was laced with fentanyl and it was just a horrible experience."

"What happened?" He asks with concern on his face.

"It wasn't a horrible experience because anything happened, it's just that I don't know what happened. He gave it to me and I didn't know what it was, I thought it was just regular weed. He told me the next day that it had fentanyl but I had literally slept like 12 hours and I just didn't like the feeling."

"Did he do it on purpose?" He asks

"He did it on purpose and I was so pissed off about that because I later found out that when it happened I was pregnant, but of course I didn't know. He was under the influence of whatever but I forgave him because he wasn't in his right mind and Gen was healthy."

"You've been through a lot with him, huh?"

"I have." I say

"You broke up because of his cheating?"

"Yes. I stuck with him for so long, trying to look past it and just forgive him but I started looking so stupid. Aubrey was supposed to be just a distraction. He slowly but surely became more. When Chris and I broke up, we were in a very bad space and things were worse than they had ever been between us. He was being very disrespectful and I had enough. I was literally begging him to do certain things and to give me certain things and he didn't. Come to find out, it was because of another woman. I was lonely, and stupidly, and almost desperately, I called Aubrey. He flew out to Chicago that day. He dropped everything, and flew across the US for me and Chris couldn't even give me a fucking hug and we were in the same space. It meant a lot to me that Aubrey did that and I didn't plan on things going the way they did but that was pretty much the start of our relationship."

"What happened?"

"To make a long story short, within those few days Aubrey was there, we talked, and he was giving me everything I was needing at the time. We had another long talk and he expressed feelings for me, I then realized that I needed a change. I made a bad decision and I kissed Aubrey out in the open. At that point I just didn't care. Chris found out the next day and that was that."

"I heard you guys got physical too, is that true? He was arrested?"

"Yes. It was very messy. But I forgave him for that. The first couple of times he was high and the last time he was just extremely irate."

"Don't make excuses for him."

"I'm not—."

I was cut off by how Joe was looking at me. I was making excuses for him but I guess that's just what I was used to. I was so used to protecting Chris, I still am. I guess it's just a hard habit to break.

"So you forgave him, but he cheated multiple times."

"Yeah I know. I never put my hands on him. I tried to always be level headed with him. I tried to calm him down when he got angry with anyone and I pretty much didn't get that respect back...but I stayed because I loved him."

"I'm happy you got out of that. I can't stand that shit." He admits

"But here I am, with Aubrey, in almost the same situation."

"It's psychological with him. He likes to fuck with peoples heads and I noticed that from the beginning. I noticed all of this shit from the beginning and if I could pick up the vibe that you and Chris give off, I know he knows."

"Aubrey was patient with me. He knew how I felt about Chris and he didn't force things. It's only since we got married that he's been like this." I say

"Your relationship with Chris is fucking with him and I think he's tried to hold it in for so long that it's coming out and he's doing fucked up shit. I understand him...but there's still no reason to touch you." He says, "You think you could handle being single?"

"I agree and I love being in love." I say, "I've realized that about myself. I'm capable of being alone but I don't like it, and I don't want to. I love having someone to come home to."

"You think that's why you stay in a bad relationship?"

"Yes." I answer

"I'm only asking because you said you and Chris didn't work but you stayed. Same with Drake. You want to leave but you won't."

"Aubrey is different and we have a baby together." I say

"You had a baby with Chris too. Gen was two months old when you guys broke up." He says challenging me.

"It's different because I'm married and I kinda don't want to give up on my marriage." I confess

"There's nothing wrong with not wanting to give up on your marriage. I get that, and that's your decision if you want to stay...but do you ever think you made the wrong decision marrying him how you did?"

"To be honest with you, I don't think I made the wrong decision. Aubrey and I were in love, we still are...I guess. It's just a bad time for us right now. He's going through some things, and struggling with me not being there for him. I didn't do it out of spite, or to get back at Chris like everyone seems to think. I loved him and I wanted to start our life together. He had told me when we were in Chicago that if I wanted to get married at that moment, we could. I didn't want to then, but I took him up on the offer a short while later."

"But you're going through a lot too. You need someone there for you as well." He says

"Yeah, true, but we both..." I trail off, not wanting to say what I really want to say. "I don't know."

"You can't put your problems to the side, or flat out don't address them, they eventually get bigger."

"That's what's been happening." I say

"And now you're over everything and ready to leave."

"Right."

"Did you voice your concerns?"

"Yes."

"Well, give it some time."

"I am, but apart." I say

He doesn't say anything for a couple seconds, he just looks at me. He smiles and starts waving his finger at me.

"You're testing him."

"I am." I say

"I'm not mad at that but are you ready for whatever happens next?" He asks

"Yes and no. If it comes to divorce, I'm somewhat ready, I just need to put things in motion. I don't want to put that out into the universe just yet, but I'm mentally preparing myself."

"Business relationship aside, you know I got you right?" He says, making eye contact. I really believe him too. Joe has shown me he really has my back. The fact that he can choke Aubrey out with no problem, not scared of the consequences, lets me know it's real.

"Do you really?" I smile

"Yeah, I know it's my job but outside of that, if you ever need anything just tell me." He says

"That's nice of you but you don't have to do that."

"I do. I don't think we were put in the same place for no reason. I have regrets about my sister's abusive situation, you're in one, I feel I need to help you through this, maybe get you out of it." He says

"Oh, maybe....but Joe, I don't want you to compare situations..."

"So, as I stated, I got you. Whatever you need." he completely just disregards what I said. I'll let it go.

"You're so nice." I say

"It just seems like you don't have that many people around you. What's up with Mercedes?" He asks

"I definitely have Mercedes around. It's just that I like to keep her at a distance when it comes to Aubrey. She doesn't really care for him too much, so I'll try to avoid her talking shit to me about him."

"How does she feel about Chris?"

"She loves Chris. She was upset with how things ended between us and she was actually a part of it. She had to help me but we've all moved on from that situation and we've forgiven one another."

"What about Dori?"

"It's so crazy because she's like my only real friend. Mercedes is my best friend but she is my cousin and outside of family, Dori is my only friend. I actually had a best friend, her name was Cassidy, but we stopped talking because she got super jealous that Chris and I were dating."

"Wow. She wasn't happy for you?"

"No, and now that I think about it, I don't think she ever was. When I first met Chris, she was the one that wanted to go to the after party to meet him but he liked me and we started talking and we just fell apart and every time we talked, it was like she was giving me all of these underhanded compliments and making smart comments about my relationship with him. Chris warned me but I didn't listen and he was right."

"I'm sure he was. He deals with shit like that all the time. Have you tried to reach out to her or anything?"

"Absolutely not. I tried talking to her about it and she made up a lie about her sleeping with Chris."

"Are you sure he didn't sleep with her?" He says

"I'm positive. Let's change the subject." I say

"Okay...how do you think Drake would feel if he saw you like this?"

"Like what?"

"Us, just chilling out here like this. He's a jealous one, ain't he." He says

"Yes. He would freak out. He doesn't want me spending time with anyone but him. He even gets jealous when I'm around my family."

"Why do you think that is?" He asks

"I don't know. He's weird." We both laugh.

"You know that's a form of abuse, isolating you from friends and family." He says

"He doesn't isolate me, he just needs to know I'm safe." I say

"You're making excuses for him again... Once you get out of this you'll see the signs. Give it time."

"I see some already. I know if I remove myself everything will come to me. That's why I needed to get out of there. He doesn't like for me to do much. He doesn't even like when I smoke with anyone other than him."

"Why is that?" Joe asks

"Because I can get a little...wild sometimes."

"Wild, how? You seem fine to me." He says

"Yeah, I'm cool. I just... can get a little touchy." I look at him and he still looks confused. I sigh, "Weed makes me horny." I nervously laugh. I wasn't even thinking about that. Now I am. And now I'm thinking about fucking.

I watch Joe's eyes scan over me, then he looks away. He didn't say anything.

"How are you liking LA?" I ask

"It's cool. You?"

"I hate it...but I'm trying to make the best of it." I say

He smiles. "Finish that up miss 'weed makes me horny', so you can rest. It's been a long night."

I quietly laugh as I finish my blunt.

We go back into the suite and I turn to him.

"I know this may be asking a lot and it's okay if you don't want to but can you sleep in my room? I would feel so much better having someone there with me."

"Huh? Sleep with you?"

"Not in the bed with me, I mean in the room. There's a sofa in there." I laugh

"Oh..." he laughs. "I can do that."

"Thank you. If I ask you to do anything you're not comfortable with, just tell me. I'll get over it. It's just that I feel like we've gotten close and have had some pretty good conversations since you've been here and I am comfortable with you." I say

"Same here." He says, with a smile.

I got comfortable in the bed and he got comfortable on the sofa and we went to sleep.

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