How I'm feeling, it doesn't matter
'Cause you know I'm okay
Instead, I ask myself, "Why do you worry?"
When you know, you know I'm the same
I know, I know you don't love me, baby
They're trying to take you away from me
Only over my dead body
_________________________

Shawnie's POV

After Joe and I got back to the house, Aubrey was already there. Joe and I got back around 8 pm. After lunch with Chris, we stayed out most of the day just running errands and shopping. I had him go to In And Out Burger for dinner and we sat in the parking lot and ate our food. It was actually pretty nice.

It's so weird because it seems like Joe is just like a paid friend. We have a working relationship and everything is nice but we just get along and it seems like ever since Mercedes and Dori have been spending time with Trey, it's literally just me. It's been really nice getting to know Joe and he's so easy to talk to. I feel like I can talk to him about all of my problems and he doesn't judge me, although I do feel judged sometimes he makes me feel very comfortable.

To be honest, I was only trying to stay out as long as possible because I didn't wanna go back home and have to deal with Aubrey. I didn't know what he wanted to talk to me about. I'm sure it has something to do with the text messages that he sent me but I just wanted a break. So I didn't say anything to him all day and I know it killed him but I really needed that break from him and I'm happy I took it.

As soon as we got into the house Aubrey was already making a beeline towards me. They were all sitting in the living room drinking and I guess talking. 

Aubrey gave me a hug and then he looked at Joe. Joe was carrying my bags into the house and he took my bags from Joe.

"Thanks." He takes the bags. "Come on. Let's talk in the bedroom."

I walk over and grab an opened bottle of 1942 off of the bar. Joe laughs as he sits down on the sofa with the other guys.

I sigh as I walk towards the room. Here we go...

Aubrey sits my bags down on the bed and I take a seat next to them. I unscrew the top off of the bottle and drink from the bottle.

He smiles, "You had fun today?" He walks towards me and stands between my legs.

"I had a break today, and yes, I had fun." I answer, before taking another sip.

"Drink more." He says, gripping my chin.

He takes the bottle and tips my head back. I open my mouth and he pours the tequila into my mouth. I take another long sip from the bottle. Then he leans down and kisses me, shoving his tongue into my mouth. We engaged in a sloppy makeout session for a few minutes, then he started tugging on my shorts, so I had to stop him.

"What? Are you still mad at me?" He asks

"Yes." I say

"Why?" He says

"Aubrey—you know why."

"I don't know shit." He says nonchalantly

"Everything that's been going on, the miscarriage, your behavior—"

He cuts me off. "What did you do today?" He takes a step back. I noticed his dick was hard.

I just shake my head. There's no use in going there with him. "I went to the office and shut everything down."

"No firm?" He says

"No. Maybe in a couple years, after the kids get a little older, I'll get back into that but right now, I just have so much going on."

"Okay..." he sarcastically laughs, "So what do you plan on doing?" He asks

"I don't know. Honestly, I just want to take care of the kids and probably be a stay home mom for now. You don't want me to do anything anyway. Thought you would like me staying home. But I guess you want me to do all these influencer and modeling gigs just to make you look good."

"Is that a problem?" He asks. "I got you endorsed by your favorite jewelry company, like, ever. Tiffany & Co. is not easy to get. You've been doing campaigns with high end companies and labels. Are you seriously sitting here trying to tell me that you don't like it?"

"It's not that I don't like it, I love it, and thank you for the whole Tiffany's thing but it's just a lot for me. As long as I've known you, you know I struggled with being in the public eye, cameras being shoved in my face just because I'm married to you. I understand I dated Chris as well and I understand that I have a lot of things going on that doesn't help my case, but if I can help it, I would like to live a normal life. As normal as being married to you can get."

"Baby how is that even possible?" He asks

"I don't know but I wanna try it. Babe, I'm miserable and it's like you refuse to see it. I don't wanna argue with you. I'm trying to be as honest with you as I can. You're a workaholic. I understand that because I used to be that way. I hate that you work so much. But on the other hand, I also know that's who are and who the fuck am I to ask you to stay home."

"You know I'll do anything for you...but are you asking me to slow down, or walk away?" He asks for clarity.

"I have been holding onto resentment towards you a million times over since you left me after we had the miscarriage. I've had issues with you from the beginning. From how much you work, to how you conduct things around here. I have issues with how you treat me when you're upset, and I have issues with the way you treat Chris. We have a lot of issues, but I feel if I talk to you and you make the necessary changes to fix them then we can work this out. I want you to take time out to work on and fix your marriage. I want you to walk away for a couple of years. To focus on your family."

"You know how many people I'm taking care of. You're complaining about me taking a fucking meeting or appearance? I have to make money, Shawnie." He snaps

"Babe, you literally have money coming in from every direction. Is it so much to ask for you to take some time off? I tried to be okay with this because I fell into this but I'm not." I whine, taking another swig off the tequila.

"You wanna bitch and complain about a motherfucker being up under your ass." He snaps. "Don't get me wrong baby, I love to be up under you, but like I said, I got too many people depending on me. I cannot fumble shit. I got shit poppin off everywhere. And with me being the type of guy that I am, I don't see anything wrong with you being a little lonely when I'm working. I always come back as soon as I can. I tell you all the time to come with me but you choose not to."

"Because there are too many moving parts when it comes to going down the fucking street with you. And when you're working..." I say using air quotes, "...are you working 100% of the time when you're not home?" I ask

"Yes." He says and I know he's lying.

"Bullshit. I wouldn't mind if that was the case but it isn't. You come with too much bullshit, too many secrets. I'm tired of putting out all of your little fires to save this."

"Little fires like what?" He takes the bottle from me and takes a swig.

"I paid bitches off to keep them away from you."

He stands there just looking at me. He knows he's busted, but he's trying to act like he's not.

"You didn't know I knew about that, did you? I know all about you messing the one bitch at the gym, sliding her money every month. I had to pay all those bitches to keep them away from us. When were you going to tell me you were supporting other women?"

"I—I...thought you knew..." He drinks more tequila, and pulls out his phone, acting like he's not trying to hide his face.

"Oh please. You did a good job keeping them away from me but I think you forget how smart I really am. Did you really think I would see all that money going out? Five bitches, thirty thousand dollars each,  at the top of the month. You've been fucking fans. I know the bitches were there for you in Vegas. I know about the stripper bitch here in LA, Kelly is Memphis, Misha in Houston... All of your shit has been presenting itself to me and I haven't said anything because you're smart about it. You're not out in public flaunting it around in my face to make me look stupid. You keep these bitches in line. I know you love me. But I'm married to you and I said I would protect and fight for my marriage, that's why I've done so much. But I'm tired of running behind you, secretly cleaning up your shit..."

"Shawnie, I wasn't in love with none of them anyway. They didn't mean anything to me."

"I know they didn't." I took the bottle from him. "That's why they're gone. No more side bitches." I say.

The only reason I let this go on without me saying anything is because I shut it down. The difference between Chris and Aubrey is, I know if I tell Aubrey not to do it anymore, he will stop. That doesn't make it okay, but I don't know if Chris would've stopped. I think he would've stopped for a while and then went back to his ways. I honestly wish Chris would've listened to me. When I thought we were straight, we weren't. He was cheating. All I have to do is threaten to leave Aubrey and he will straighten up.

"I'm the only one that matters and you're letting us fall apart." I say, "I've made sure your little side deals stick. Legal and illegal. You always give me credit for the hockey team, I'm the reason it happened. I put my relationship at risk for you. I've been risking shit for you ever since I met you. So me asking for a little extra time isn't too much to ask for. I deserve that." I pleaded with him. I take another drink from the bottle, hoping I get through to him.

"I can't do that mami. You mean a lot to me and I swear to God I'm trying to do everything to make you happy but this is asking a lot of me."

"I figured you would say something like that but I also thought that you would at least take some time to think about it instead of just shooting me down on the spot. I don't know what has changed for you since when we first got together and got married, up until now but you're not the same person. I don't think you take us seriously and I think you think that I won't leave you."

"I know you will. I've been trying to get you like this to talk to you because are we're falling apart. I do take us seriously and nothing has changed. My feelings for you are stronger and I will do anything to keep you. We have a family now. I have to support two kids and you along with everyone else. I have a lot of pressure on me and I'm stressed out. I'm sorry if things may seem like they're different but my mindset has changed just a little bit because I have a wife and kids depending on me now. I'm doing everything to keep everybody moving and I think I'm doing a damn good job of that."

"You think you are but you're not. Your marriage is crumbling and you don't even see it."

"I SEE IT!" He yells. "I'M TRYING TO AVOID IT. IF WE WERE HOME, NONE OF THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING. I WANT US TO GO HOME."

"You want us to go home but I don't wanna go back there. I've expressed to you how uncomfortable I am being there and how isolated I feel, you don't seem to care about any of that. You only care about what you want and how you want this ship to be stirred. I don't have a say in a lot of things that go on. You expect everyone to fall in line with how you have things set and most of your minions do, but as I expressed before, there's somethings that I just can't roll with." I say calmly

"Baby, I'm trying..." he says, almost crying. "You have to understand that. I'm trying to keep everyone happy."

"You're not trying hard enough with me." I say

"I've made so many adjustments to make you happy." He says

"You have, but it's not enough..." I pause for a few seconds to read him. He was nervous. He was scared of what I was going to say next.

"Shawnie..."

"I'm going to take some time away—."

He cuts me off, "Nah, we're not separating. I'm willing to work with you and do anything to make this comfortable for you but that's just something that I will not do."

"I just need a week or two." I say

"So you're abandoning your son? What kind of fucking mother are you to walk out on your husband and son?" He yells

"I was gonna take the break regardless of how this conversation went. I need some time to take care of myself and recharge. I am not leaving you, I am not abandoning my son, I just need a break. I just need a week or two, Aubrey. Don't try to manipulate me into feeling like I'm doing something wrong." I say

"Do this is why you closed the firm. You're planning a break. Nah, your moves ain't adding up. Today its a break, tomorrow is gonna be a separation and then a divorce after that. I see what you're trying to do and I'm not gonna let you do it."

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but you can't change my mind. I'm going." I say

"Ima just give it to you straight like this, if you leave, you cannot come back." He says and I'm kinda shocked.

"Really? Woooow, Aubrey. You'll regret those words before I do." I say, "If I leave, I'm taking my son with me." I say sternly

"You're not taking him." He says

"We'll see about that." I get up and I try to walk out but he stops me by stepping in my way.

"Mami, just calm down." He says calmly, placing his hands on my hips.

"You told me not to come back. So I won't. Don't tell me to leave but get in the way of leaving, Aubrey."

"You're only doing this to hurt me. You always do this." I remove his hands from my hips.

"Move." I say

He wanted to do something. He was so mad at me. I just knew something was about to happen.

He took his hand and brought it up to my neck and I quickly stepped out of the way before he could grab me.

"No! We're not going to do this. You can't scare me into staying." I say, trying to remain calm.

This motherfucker just tried to choke me out.

He pushes me against the door and grabs my throat. I tried breaking out of his grip, but I couldn't. He had a tight hold around my neck. He was really choking me.

"Listen to me. You ain't leaving me, not now, not ever. So I suggest you take your pretty ass over to the bed, get your bags, and go put away your clothes."

I nodded my head as if I was going to obey him. I had to get him to let me go. He squeezed a few seconds more then released his hold, and stepped back. I stared at him for a few seconds.

"Aubrey, I'm leaving." I say calmly.

"Shawnie...do not open that door." He says, stepping towards me.

"I'm leaving and I'm taking my son." I quickly open the door and he doesn't move, he just stands there.

"You're going to regret leaving. I'm the best thing you'll ever have." He says and I laugh as I push him out of my way and walk out of the bedroom.

They were all sitting in the living room, talking and just having a good ol time, completely oblivious to what was going on in the bedroom. Joe has gotten to know the guys and they all seem to be getting along. Good for him but I'm about to shut all of his bullshit down.

"Joe, let's go!" I say trying to remain calm, walking into the living room, right past him.

"What's wrong?" He asks

"I'm getting Atlas and we're leaving." I didn't hear him say anything else.

"Baby, no you're not. Stop and talk to me." Aubrey says calmly, stopping me in my tracks.

I turn around and I walk up to him. "I'm beginning to question why I'm here."

"What?" He laughs it off.

"Do you really love me?" I ask

"Of course I do. Don't do this in front of everyone. Come back to the bedroom. You know I love you." He says

"Really? Because I can't see someone who loves someone so much do the shit that you do to me, then turn around and tell me not to come back if I leave."

"I don't do anything to you. What are you talking about?" He says looks at me amused. Like I'm making up shit.

"What am I talking about?" I repeat. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Shall I say it out loud for all of your minions to hear?"

"Shawnie, you've been drinking, let's just get you in bed." He says and I look over at Joe.

"Oh now I'm drunk? I'm completely functioning, but I'm drunk?" I laugh but the situation is not funny. I'm in disbelief. He is literally trying to manipulate the situation right now.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

"You'll do anything to make yourself look like a fucking saint. You're not, you're the fucking devil." I yell

"Okay. That's enough..." he grabs my wrist and looks at the guys. "Sorry guys. We just had a little disagreement and now she's in her feelings."

"Disagreement?" I break out of his grip, "He is lying to your faces. He wants you guys to think he's this nice, well-mannered, guy who can do no wrong, but he is the opposite. He's a weak, manipulative, little bitch, that likes to take his anger out on me." I yell

The guys don't say anything.

"Shawnie. That. Is. Enough." He says in a warning tone.

"Nate was there when he locked me in the closet because he didn't want me to go out." I say

"You locked yourself in the closet because you didn't know it was locked from the outside."

My mouth hit the floor. "What?" I say in disbelief. "I locked myself in the closet? Are you seriously lying about that?"

I was in complete shock. He really just flipped this around on me, making me look like a liar.

I turn around and look at Nate. "Nate?"

He doesn't say anything. I look at all of the guys and they're just staring at me. Joe was looking directly at me. He has a look in his eyes that I couldn't read. He looks like he's ready to jump up off that sofa.

"Wow." I look back at Aubrey.

"Let's just go back into the bedroom..."

I slap him across the face. I see three of the guys stand up out of the corner of my eye.

He looks past me. "Don't touch her." He focuses back on me. "Baby," He says looking directly into my eyes, "I think it's time for you to go to bed. You're drunk."

This shit ain't working with me anymore.

"Does your minions know you tried to kill me a couple of weeks ago—."

"Nah, nah. We're not going to do this." He waves me off. "You're flat out lying now."

"I'm lying? You poured bleach all over me. My skin burned for days." I slap him again. I see the guys move closer but Aubrey yells at them.

"DONT FUCKING TOUCH HER!" He yells at them. "SIT THE FUCK DOWN!"

They all take a seat. Joe looks like he's holding back and trying not to get involved but it's getting the best of him. He looks amused.

"Why can't they touch me? Huh?" I ask testing him. "You don't want them to be tempted to fuck me?" I walk over to Eric and sit on his lap and put my breasts in his face and rub his hands over my thighs. Aubrey snaps.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!!" He yells and Eric takes his hands back.

He storms over and grabs me by my arms, snatches me up, literally yanking me off of him. He flings me on the other side of him, almost throwing me. I see Joe step towards us. I didn't even know he was standing.

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?" He yells at me.

"Aubrey, let go of me." I say as I see Joe reach for my hand but Aubrey moves me away.

"Let her go." Joe says, stepping closer to us.

"Aw, here comes captain save-a-hoe." Aubrey says

"Shawnie, come here." Joe said to me.

I try to get out of Aubrey's grip but he's holding on tight to me.

"I can't, Joe." I try to peel his hand off of me.

Joe steps closer to Aubrey and Aubrey pushes him back with his free hand. Joe just smiles.

"Let her go. You're hurting her." He says calmly.

"Back the fuck up! What you gon do?" Aubrey spits at him.

I'm trying to get out of Aubrey's grip and pulling him back at the same time. I don't want them to get into it. I don't want Joe to get hurt because all of them will try to restrain Joe.

"Joe, it's okay." I say

"No, it's not." He says stepping towards Aubrey. Joe is calm and not taking his eyes off of Aubrey. I'm a little nervous.

"Aubrey just let me go. I won't leave." He looked back at me. I was starting to panic. This man is really not about to let me go. He was squeezing so tight.

"You're lying." He says and I look at Joe.

"I got you."Joe says, "Relax..."

I try to listen to Joe and relax, but I can't.  Aubrey's grip is getting tighter and tighter and he's digging his nails into my skin.

After a few minutes, a couple of his security came over trying to get him to let me go as well. He just wouldn't do it. I don't know what his problem was. I started crying. His grip was so tight around my wrist it was cutting off circulation. He was yelling at everyone, and they were yelling at him. It was him against everyone at this point. I don't know what's gotten into him but this is scary. I've never seen him act this way.

After arguing with him for a while, Joe grabbed him, and peeled his hand from me. He finally let go of me. I made a beeline to my son's room, grabbed him and his diaper bag and I walked directly out of the house.

I glanced over at the guys and Aubrey was arguing with Joe. Joe was in Aubrey's face and the other guys were just standing around watching. I couldn't make out what was being said and I wasn't trying to. My main focus supposed to get out of the house.

I was a mess, my anxiety level was through the roof, my wrist was in horrible pain and I was panicking. I had to get away quickly. Once I got outside, I got into the back of Joe's suv and locked the doors.

What did you think about this chapter??
How do you think is going to play out??