Shawnie's POV

The next morning, I woke up to Aubrey moving my hair from my forehead and kissing me on it. I fell asleep on the sofa in Atlas's room. As much as I try to stay upset with him I can't because everytime he does something, I bitch about it, and he makes it right. But I also feel like this is something that I can't ignore. Most of the things happening recently, I can't ignore. We lost our baby and he left to go do an appearance, and let's not forget about him trying to drown me in our bathtub. I can't forgive that. I honestly feel like this is the beginning of the end for us...

"Mami, I'm heading out." He says softly, stroking my hair.

"Okay..." I say without opening my eyes.

"Go get in bed." He says

"No, I'm fine in here with my baby."

"Baby, please." He says, "Come on."

"I'll go in later. He's going to be waking up in a little bit." I roll over on my side, turning my back to him. "Have a good day."

He sighs, "Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can. I just have to be at this meeting..."

"No worries." I say, nonchalantly.

"We need to talk when I get back..."

"If I'm here."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asks

"If I am in the house when you get back, we might be able to talk but other than that I might not be."

"Where are you going?"

"Out." I say

"Again?" He asks

I turn over and look at him. "Why would I sit in the house and be by myself?"

"I'm sorry, baby. I have to work. I have meetings. I have shit I have to do. I'm trying to be here as much as I can, but you know how this goes."

"Goodbye, Aubrey." I lay back down and close my eyes. I could feel that he was still staring at me.

"I'm really trying here...." He says

"Mmmhmm."

"I think you're being extremely selfish right now, but I understand your frustration. We're connected, and it's hard for you to be away from me. I feel the same way. I would love for you to come with me." He says and I just look at him and roll my eyes.

He's so clueless.

"I don't give a fuck about you being here... I actually prefer—...you know what, bye Aubrey. Have a great fucking day!" I say, now irritated as hell.

"Mami—."

I cut him off, "Goodbye."

He sighs, then stands up. "I love you."

He stands there for a few seconds before he walks out of the bedroom.

I laid there for at least another hour, until I heard my son waking up. Instead of calling for Christina, I got him myself. I played with him for a little. Then I made him breakfast. I fed him, gave him a bath, put clothes on him and I went into the bedroom to get ready for my day. I have to get used to doing this alone anyway.

When I got into the closet, there was a huge bouquet of blue roses sitting on the island. It looks to be about four dozen of them. At first, I thought they were the roses that Chris brought me when I was in the hospital a few days ago, but I remembered Aubrey threw them away. There was a note propped up on the vase with a box next to it. I picked up the note and read it.

Mami,

I know things haven't been going how we've planned, but I assure you that I will fix everything and get us back to normal. You know you're my heart and I will do anything to make you happy. I know we weren't able to go to the beach when we got back from Vegas, but you did ask for something else. I was able to work out a deal with Tiffany & Co. and you will be featured in their new campaign.

P. S. I'm still working on getting you to the beach.

-Aubrey

After I was done reading the note, I set it down and opened the Tiffany blue box. I set the lid to the side and I pulled out a black necklace box. I opened the flaps and it revealed the 128 carat Tiffany Yellow Diamond.

I gasp, "He actually did it." I say out loud. "I can't believe it."

I smile looking at the Diamond, but I don't take it out of the box. I close it and leave it right where it is.

I see that he is trying but buying material things isn't what I want from him. I need the Aubrey when I was pregnant. The Aubrey that took care of me, and was attentive, and made sure he did everything in his power to protect me. The one who took care of my feelings. I don't know who this man is anymore.

*******

Later that afternoon, I was sitting at home minding my business, playing with Atlas and my phone rang. I saw it was Mercedes so of course I answered to talk to my cousin.

"Hello?" I answer

"Hey girl!"

"What's up?" I ask

"I overheard Trey and Chris talking, and Trey was trying to talk Chris out of buying some type of drugs. Do you know anything about this? Has he talked to you about that at all?" She asks

"I haven't talked to Chris since a couple of days after I was in the hospital. He isn't talking to me right now. He's very upset with me."

"Well, maybe you should call him and talk to him because it seems like he's kind of going through it a little bit. I don't wanna jump to conclusions or anything but it seems like he is in a bad place right now."

"That's not my problem Mercedes." I say

"I know it's not. But you care about him and maybe you can talk to him and see where his head is." She says

"It's not my job to find out where his head is at. If he doesn't seem like he's on any type of drugs then you're good. Maybe tell Trey to talk to his mom or something. I'm not getting involved. I'm not getting sucked into that again."

"But you have every right to get involved. This man is your daughter's father. Do you want your daughter over there with a drug addict? And if there is anyone who can bring him out of whatever he's dealing with it is you."

I'm sad because I know she's right but I just don't wanna get involved. Of course I don't want my daughter over there if he is high or if he is having some type of breakdown, or episode, but if that's the case Mercedes will take her for me.

"He has a girlfriend. He's her problem now. Call her." I say

"I don't want to talk to that bitch."

"Well don't then. I don't know what to tell you. I am not getting involved in that. He's not talking to me, he's probably not gonna answer my call and even if he does, talking about his health or drug addiction he's definitely not gonna talk to me."

"You know you guys are ridiculous. I am so sick of trying to get you guys to see the bigger picture. You guys are so selfish and stubborn. Both of you. You're not even willing to help him and he's your daughter's father. Both of you need help."

"Mercedes I'm sorry and all of what you said may be true but I don't care. I'm dealing with my own shit. I don't have time to mother a grown ass man again. I'm not playing the role of his mother anymore. He has one. I've been there, done that, I'm not doing it again."

She didn't say anything else, she just hung up the phone.

I won't let that conversation phase me. I got dressed for the day, grabbed Joe, and headed out.

"Where are we going?" Joe asks, while driving.

"To my office." I answer

"Your office?"

"Yes. I have a law firm. I took some time off because I was pregnant but I haven't had time to get back to taking everything back over... even though I haven't really been doing much."

"What's keeping you out so long?" He asks

"Well like I said, I got pregnant with Genesis, and then I got pregnant again with Atlas, then Aubrey and I planned on having another baby but we decided to put that on hold. Now all of this bullshit is going on, including this miscarriage and I think I'm pretty much over it. I'm going to the office to send referrals to my clients and let Billy know that I'm shutting everything down."

"Is that what you really want to do?"

"Yes." I say firmly.

"Sounds like you're planning..." Joe says

"I'm not planning anything." I look over at him and he smiles.

"...Okay." he keeps his eyes on the road as he drives he doesn't look over at me, but I could tell by the way he said okay that he doesn't believe me.

We didn't say anything else to each other other than me giving him directions to my office.

******

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Brooke says happily, watching Joe and I walk through the front door. "And who is he?"

"This is Joe, my security...and I'm closing up shop."

"I figured." She says

"This is a check for your salary for the rest of the month and next month." I lay it on her desk. "Thank you for keeping everything going while I've been out."

"No problem. Billy has been great." She says

"Yeah, I love Billy. I have to send out referrals. I'm sorry to rush this conversation but I'm kind of in a hurry."

"It's all good. Should I finish all the rest of the day?" She asks

"Nope. You're free to go. Keep your phone by you, I'm gonna call you so we can catch up." I say

"Okay." She says and I go into my office.

Joe sat across from me as I sent out emails to my remaining clients who decided to stay with me after my first pregnancy. It took me about 30 minutes to compose the email and send it out to everyone. I also changed all passwords, just in case to avoid any potential issues. Billy wasn't there so it was super easy to shut everything down and lock up.

We were walking out of the door and I stopped. "Oh wait! I forgot something."

I walk back into my office and I go into my file cabinet. I reach all the way in the back and I pull out a sealed white envelope. I glanced over on my desk and for some reason my eyes fell on the post-it's.

Christian Middlebrooks.

"Christian Middlebrooks?" I said out loud, shocked seeing this name on a paper in my office. "What?" I sat in disbelief. "Huh?"

I got closer and picked up the post-it to make sure I was reading right. There were 19 tallies under his name. No phone number.

"This has to be some kind of joke." I stuck the post-it to the envelope and placed it in my purse.

I walked out and locked the doors. I got into the truck with Joe.

"Where to next?" He asks

"I have to meet with Chris..." I reach in my bag and take out my phone. "But I have to see if he's even available." I call Chris and he answers on the fourth or fifth ring.

"Hello." He sounded upset.

"Took you long enough." I say joking.

"I was debating if I should answer or not." He says

"Wow."

"I'm just saying, this isn't a text message and I'm still not fucking with you." He says

"Yeah, I know, but it's kinda important."

"What?" He asks dryly

"Can you meet me for lunch today? We have some things we need to discuss."

"Tell me about it." He jokes, but it's not meant to be funny. "Is that bitch going to be there?"

"Aubrey isn't going to be there, it's just me...and Joe." I answer

"When and where?" He asks

"What's the restaurant that we used to get take out from all the time? It's up the street from you, off of Ventura?"

"Cloud?"

"Yes. Can you meet me there in an hour?"

"Bet. Do you want me to bring Gen?" He asks

"Not today. I have some serious business I want to discuss with you."

"Aight. I'll be there. Is everything okay?"

I smile, "Everything is great. I'll see you soon."

I ended the call without waiting for his response. As soon as I put the phone down, it dinged in my hand.

Aubrey: I should be home in a couple of hours. Just finishing up some business. I miss you and I love you.

I just look at the text. My heart hurts for him. He has no idea about how I'm feeling or what I'm about to do. He thinks I'm having a bad case of separation anxiety and that is just not it. I know I shouldn't hold in my feelings because eventually I just shut down. That's how I've been the last couple of days. I know we need to talk but it's hard when he's done so much to hurt me. I want to just be with him and love him but so much has happened and I don't know if I can let it go.

My phone dings again.

Aubrey: I know you don't want to but I think we should go back home. We need to have a serious conversation about this. We need to talk when I get home.

I didn't respond, I just sat the phone on my lap.

Joe looks over at me. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Huh?"

"What are you up to?" He asks

"Nothing."

"Would you tell me if you were?" He asks

"I might."

"I'm just saying, give me a heads up if you can."

"I got you." I say

"So are we going to the restaurant?"

"Of course, I'm hungry." I laugh

********

Joe and I had lunch and Chris met us there. I got to know Joe a little more. Of course paps were bugging outside, asking me about Joe but they know he's security. Just asking stupid questions.

Once Chris got there, Joe left the table for us to talk in private. Chris gives me a kiss on the cheek and a hug and walks over to the other side of the table.

"I'm still mad at you, but it sounds like this is important." He says

"Yeah." I say

"So what's up?" Chris asks, sitting across from me.

"Well..." I go into my purse and pull out the envelope. I take the post-it off and put that back in my purse. "I think this is long overdue." I slid the white envelope to him.

"What's this?"

"Signed power of attorney documents." I say

"Oh," He takes it and sits it in front of him. He doesn't even look at them. "...Thanks."

"You don't seem happy." I say

"I am...it's just that I'm still pissed off with you. You've let days go by... Days...and you haven't spoken to me." He says.

I'm not about to do this with him. I am not gonna have an argument with him in the middle of this restaurant.

"First of all, I'm not about to argue with you. Why would I wanna talk to someone when all they're gonna do is be disrespectful and feed me smart comments the whole time. When I tried to talk to you, that's all you did. Why would I subject myself to that? When you are in your feelings, and being stubborn, you are mean as hell. I don't wanna deal with that Chris so I avoid him." I say

"I will admit that I was mean and I'm sorry. But you're right, I was in my feelings and I still am. Ain't nothing changed." He says

"Listen, if I could change all of his bullshit going on around us I would because you and I actually get along now. I know you did a lot of shit that made me leave you but since I've been back in LA and even some of the times you were in Toronto I missed that. I don't know if we could've worked through our issues but we're here now and we have no choice. We have to get through this because we have to raise our daughter together. I will not accept any other way. So get your shit together."

He smiles, "You know I love you. It doesn't matter how mad I am at you, the shit doesn't go away. You were right about everything and you handled it the right way too. You have to do what you have to do to make your husband happy. With these power of attorney papers though, it's just the last thing holding us together." He says. "I wasn't tripping because I know you got me."

"We have a daughter together. I'm always connected to you. You should be happy with that. I don't have anything to hold over your head. Chris, I'm not your wife. I shouldn't have that type of power."

"Yeah, but I knew you weren't going to do anything to hurt me with that power. Shit was crazy when I did that. I knew what I was doing. I didn't say anything about it because..." He pauses for a few seconds, then starts again. "Shawnie..." He sighs, "I know you're tired of hearing this but—."

I cut him off because I know where he's going to go with this. I have to change the subject.

"Chris, is everything okay with you? Mercedes overheard a conversation between you and Trey and she said Trey was trying to talk you out of buying drugs. Is that true?"

He sits back in his chair and rubs his head. His face read busted.

"Yeah. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to everything. I'm not talking about our relationship although that is a part of it but I just got a lot going on and I got a lot of people coming at me in every direction and it's getting a little hard to deal with. But he talked me out of it and I'm not gonna go down that road again. I'm good."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He says. "You believe me?"

"Chris, I have no choice but to believe you. I know you're mad at me but I still care about you. And you have my daughter over there with you, so I just wanna make sure you are fine. You can be upset with me, and you can stop loving me, that's fine, but I don't want you to do anything stupid while she's there."

I sat there thinking for a little bit. What's crazy is both of them are going through similar things at the same time and they're both lashing out on people that they love. It's so crazy how they are the same person.

".... Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Give me some time. I need it. Move on, do what you have to do and if you find someone, go with it, but don't wait for me. I have to see what's going on with my marriage."

"Are you saying—."

I cut him off, "Yes."

"Really?"

"I'm open to it but I need you to know, I'm married to Aubrey right now...I don't know..." I cut myself off because I don't want to give too much information when I don't even know what my plan is yet .

"Just say it." He says, knowing I'm trying to find the words.

"I'm thinking about putting some things in place to..." I stop myself again.

"What?" He says leaning in.

"I'm married. I have shit to work out on that end before I make any moves."

"Okay...." He says, waiting for me to give more info, but he gives up after a few seconds.

He takes my hand.

"Look, you know me, ima wait...but you know ima do me. I just want to see you smiling, and for you to be happy, Mama."

"Me too." I smile

"You happy?" He asks, sliding his hand back, looking around.

"You know I'm not fully satisfied with things. Why do you always want me to say it?"

"Because I want you to comprehend. Stop giving me that fake smile."

"It's not fake." I say laughing.

"It's fake as Fuck."

"But more importantly," I change the subject. "I'm going away for a while to take that much needed break we talked about."

"I got you. You were there for me when I was in rehab, you know I'm going to take care of us. I owe you. Take as much time as you need." He says

"Thank you."

"What did Drake say?"

"I haven't talked to him yet, but I will. I don't plan on leaving tomorrow or anything, I still have some time."

"I want you in a healthy mental state. I can see you slowly unraveling and I need you to stop before it's too late."

"That's what I'm trying to do." I say

"How do you feel after the night we had?"

"I regret it...and I told Aubrey about it because I wanted to keep the honesty between us."

He rolls his eyes. "And what happened?" He asks

"I don't want to talk about it." I say and I take a sip of my water.

"Do you want to talk about the miscarriage?" He asks which takes me off guard.

"How do you know about that?"

"Mercedes told Trey, and Trey told me. I understand why you guys were so upset when I came to the hospital now. I was wrong but I didn't know the situation. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. At the time I didn't have any details."

"I know and thank you for that." I say

"But are you okay after that happened?" He says, softly.

I sigh, "No, but I will be. I'm getting through it."

"You know I love you and if I could change the past I would so you wouldn't be going through something like this right now. I wish I wasn't so stupid when I had you because you wouldn't have left me. I want you back, and I want everything that comes with that. I just wish I could take all the pain away from you. I hate to see you like this." He says

"Thank you, Chris. I know you wish you could fix everything, but this isn't your problem. It's mine."

"True, but my feelings remain the same." I know he cares deeply for me and I really believe that if he could he would take my pain away. But I would never ask that of him.

"I know...but I need you to stay away from Aubrey. He's been going through some things too and been on some crazy shit lately and I don't want you on the other end of it."

"But it's okay for you to be there?" He says

"No, but I'm his wife. I need to be there for him, to help him through it." I say

"You shouldn't have to."

"I did it for you when he didn't want me to. You and I weren't together when you dragged me out of your car, he thought I was crazy for chasing after you too, but I knew something was wrong. I couldn't ignore that. And I'm happy I did because that's when I found out you were using again. I know it's hard to accept but I'm going to go a little bit harder for him, than I did with you. We're married, Chris."

"But you're sitting up here telling me to give you time and promising a future with you. You telling me you're going to leave this nigga."

"I'm not promising you a future...I don't know exactly what I'm going to do, that's just where I'm at right now." I reach across the table and I grab his hand. "I really do still love you."

"I know that. That's why I'm waiting. I'm waiting for you to realize it."

"I have, and my love for you will always threaten anyone I'm with...but we can't be together right now. I know you want us to be together but it's something that keeps telling me we're not meant for each other in that way anymore. And don't get me wrong, I want to but I just have that feeling."

"Man, I don't want to hear that." He says snatching his hand away.

"Maybe not but think about it. We're great friends when we want to be, the relationship was rocky as hell. Maybe we're meant to be what we are right now and maybe that's co-parents and really good friends."

"I hear you. It does make sense. My girl—Jasmine." He corrects himself, "really wants to meet you because she says she wants to respect you by meeting you before I have her around Gen. And I feel that."

"I respect that. But on my time." I smile, but Chris looks unsure. "Let's just properly move on from each other. Give her a chance and I'll try to work on my marriage, even if Aubrey and I separate, let's just give our current situations a try. And—."

He cuts me off, "Yeah, and if it doesn't work out and we eventually end up together, months or years later, then it is what it is." He finishes my sentence.

"Exactly. But you have to really try Chris."

"I care about her...maybe I should really give it a honest try." He sighs, "But you know no one comes before you. That's not ever going to change."

"Chris, if you're in a committed relationship with someone, they're not going to accept that. I'm here and clearly I'm not going anywhere. It's okay to put someone before me to make them happy."

He sighs, "I'll think about it."

"Okay...so that's that. I don't know when, but soon, I will be going down to San Diego to take that much needed break."

"I got you. I'm here if you need anything. I'll keep Gen as long as you need me to."

"Thank you. I'll FaceTime you later so I can talk to her..oh another thing..."

"What's up?"

"What do you think about me going back to Toronto and you keeping her here with you for a while? IF things go well."

"It's cool. I'd love that. Me keep her for a few weeks, and then you. Alternating after a couple of weeks would actually be perfect if you wanted to do that." He says

"Okay. It's just a thought.."

"Let me know." He stands up and walks over to my side of the table. He hugs me, then leaves.

I'm happy to get that out of the way. Maybe Chris would actually try to move on and be happy. Maybe he gets it now and only time will tell but we're going to be in each other's lives, literally for the rest of our lives so we don't need a relationship. It probably would end up the same way anyway.

What did you think about this chapter?
What do you think about what happened with Chris and what do you think is gonna happen now?