Shawnie's POV 

I was only asleep for about 40 minutes before Aubrey walked into the bedroom. My blood started boiling all over again seeing him walk into the room. I acted as if I was asleep so he wouldn't say anything to me. Didn't work.

He kneeled down on my side of the bed and kissed my forehead.

"I know you aren't sleeping." He runs his hand over my hair.

"What do you want now?" I say

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. I lost my patience." He says, calmly.

"Right. And you're not sorry, you're going to do it again the next time I piss you off."

"I'm not. I've had some time to think while I was out and we need some kind of resolution because I can't keep living this way. I'm scaring myself." He says. "I tried to drown you..."

I just roll my eyes. I'm so sick of him doing awful things to me and then turns around and apologizes and my dumbass just says okay. I'm not doing it this time.

"Whatever you say." I mumble, closing my eyes.

"You've been drinking?" He asks

"Yes and so have you. Don't talk to me until you take a shower and you wash off all of your little stripper bitches glitter." I try to roll over and turn my back to him but he stops me.

He smiles, "Do you really want to go there with me right now? I'm trying to be nice and let you know that I'm home and that I wanted to try to talk but if you're going to be a bitch..."

I sat up and swung my legs over as if I'm about to stand up. I took my hand and slapped the shit out of him.

"Call me a bitch again." I say looking down at him.

He stood up and grabbed me by my face, with both of his hands and looked at me with those intense eyes I thought only Chris had. "I said I was fucking sorry."

I instantly calm down. Aubrey had this hold on me. I might've said this about Chris, but with Aubrey, it's 100 times worse. Aubrey can just look at me and I fold. I don't know what it is in his eyes but it's just something that just connects to me and I listen.

"I know this is something else to make you hate me. I hurt you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. The bathtub, bleach, holding you underwater. I'm so sorry." He breaks down into tears. "I never want to do anything to make you feel like that again...."

He starts just ugly crying and I'm like what the fuck is happening. I'm so confused.

He falls to his knees, wrapping his arms around my lap, crying into my stomach.

Whoa!

"Babe!" I try to remove his arms from around me and he won't move. I just wrap my arms around him.

He keeps crying into my stomach. I didn't know what to do because Aubrey has never done this before. I was kind of just frozen because I didn't quite know how to react. I just sat there with my arms around him until he calmed down.

He was mumbling something about being sorry, he doesn't know what's going on with him, he hates being like this, and that his mother would be so upset with him. I felt horrible because I know he has a lot going on but this is making me feel like all of his anger towards me is stemming from other issues that he's dealing with in his life right now that clearly I know nothing about.

"I'm not letting you leave, I'll do better." He says, wiping his face and sitting up to look at me.

I just nod my head.

"I'll be a better husband. I'll be a better father, and  I'll be a better friend." He says, "Shawnie. I need you."

I sigh. I can't believe I'm about to give in again. "You can't do anything like that again, Aubrey."

"I know, Mami. I'm sorry. But about Chris—."

I cut him off, "I won't talk to him again. I will only speak to him through text and only about our daughter."

I was completely fine with cutting Chris off in that way because I didn't want anything like that to happen again, nor did I want to put myself in a situation like that again. I am doing this for my marriage. Chris and I have to get back on the cordial track but right now things are just too hot and we need to cool off. I'll call him in a few days and see how everything is.

He nods his head, then he stands up and grabs my face again, but this time he kisses me.

This kiss was intense and hungry. I melted under his spell. I swear none of what happened mattered in that moment.

When we came up for air, we were trying to catch our breath. He looked at me and smiled.

"I swear if you—."

He cuts me off. "You have my word. I will never do it again." He says

"I'm trusting you." I say

I know this could potentially be a stupid decision, forgiving him again but he's my husband and I will always give him chances.

"But for real, go take a shower."

"Can you join me?" He asks

"No..."

"I don't care if you were with him. I'm your husband..."

"Not tonight. My skin hurts, Aubrey." I hold my arms out so he can see the red patches of skin on my arms. They weren't burns but they were sensitive to the touch and it hurt.

"I'm so sorry baby." He kisses multiple places on my arms.

"Just...go shower and come get in bed."

"I'll take a quick one." He says, then hurries into the bathroom, but he pops his head out. "I love you."

I flash a weak smile, "I know."

This is a mistake. I just know it. I shake my head at myself. I know I'm going to regret this.

************

The next day, I woke up, picked up my phone and saw that there were pictures from our trip to Disneyland. Of course the pictures of Chris and I were there, the ones where I was holding his face. I just shook my head. I got on the phone with Amanda as soon as possible. I cannot have those pictures floating around on the Internet. I needed her to kill these stories right now. I refuse to have a round two of what went down last night Aubrey.

After I was done with that, I went to get my son and brought him back to our bedroom. I wasn't really feeling too well. My skin was still sensitive, my body hurt, and overall I was just drained. I could literally feel the stress in my body and I just wanted to do nothing and stay in bed all day, so that's what we did. I gave Joe the day off so he didn't have to sit around and do nothing with me.

Aubrey was supposed to fly out to go to Houston for an appearance at some festival but he canceled to stay home with me. I wanna say he was worried about me and wanted to take care of me but I know it was because of everything that had happened the day before. He was only trying to make up for that.

It wasn't until around five that I gave Atlas to Christina and let her take over. I had given her most of the day off to do whatever she wanted to do. Lexi has been on a vacation ever since Chris had Genesis. I like to give my employees breaks because they have families too and it will be selfish of me to hog all of their time.

Aubrey's mom suggested I take an oatmeal bath to help soothe the sensitivity and itchiness of my skin. Of course I didn't tell her exactly what happened, she probably wouldn't believe me anyway, this is her son we're talking about. In her eyes, her little Aubrey can do no wrong.

Aubrey decided to take the bath with me. We haven't done it in a while and it's safe to say he liked it. I think he was just trying to reconnect because he felt bad for what he did. As he should. I was still a little upset about the whole thing but at least he was trying to make it right. I just added that to the list of things that I will never forget that he has done to me.

I sat down and relaxed against Aubrey's chest. He kissed my neck and wrapped his arms around me.

"You can't keep forgiving me, I don't deserve it." He says, smelling my hair. I only knew he was doing it because I could hear him sniffing.

"You don't and I'm starting to see that." I sigh because I feel like I'm settling. I know I deserve more but I also feel like he's giving me everything I've ever asked for, minus the bullshit.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, then he spoke.

"I can be everything you need." He says

"You are, you just have to be that all the time, not some of the time." I say

"You're right. I have a lot of things going on that I don't tell you about because I don't want you to worry. I want you to be happy all the time and not have anything to worry about, including me."

"But I'm gonna worry about you regardless because I'm married to you. You're my husband, your well-being means a lot to me. Just like it bothers me when you don't sleep. I hate that. Just like you don't want me to stress out about things, I want the same thing for you. I know you have a lot going on in all areas of your life. I just want to make you feel okay."

"I can take it. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with it." He says

"We definitely have to figure out a way for you to deal with it because some of the things you've been doing to me are inexcusable. I accept your apology and I forgive you for doing it because if you just stop, everything would be fine. But I can't continue to deal with this and if you don't stop then I'm gonna be forced to make some changes."

"Do you want to leave me?"

"I've thought about it." I answer quickly. "But believe it or not, Joe said something to me that really resonated with me."

"And what did Joe say?" He asks me but I don't think he really wants to know.

"He asked me if living a normal life is what I really wanted. I told him yes, and then he asked, would I really be able to go back to that lifestyle. He said it's not just something that you want, it's a mental state as well. Would I really be able to handle a normal life." I remembered

"And what did you say?" He asks

"I said I don't know."

"I know getting used to all of the things that I have in place and living with me is not easy. I have security, staff, people in and out of the house but you know I need those things to make my day-to-day life easier for me. If I didn't have those staff members that's just something else for me to worry about so I can understand that someone is not used to having those things, how that can affect you and it's only here to make our lives easier. That's it. I see how you treat them, you're always trying to do things on your own and you're constantly giving them days off and still giving them their regular pay, tipping them like crazy, I appreciate all of that and I know they do as well. I love that you're so hands-on with the kids and I think a normal life for you would be acceptable. And I only say that because you're still struggling with all of the things that you have. It's not like you spend money and I definitely know you're not with me for the money. But I feel like if I let you go that would be my biggest mistake." He confesses

"So that conversation he and I had gave me something to think about." I say, purposely not addressing what he said.

He tightens his hold around me. "I'm gonna try to make some adjustments to make things better for you." He says.

"I think I might need a break, babe. Like, just go somewhere by myself and just reflect on everything. I really just need a break for a while."

"How long?" He asks

"I don't know. You know I can't be away from Atlas for too long but I was thinking maybe a week. Maybe I can go somewhere and just relax and just take time for myself. I've actually been thinking about this for a while. I think after everything that happened with us yesterday and just really within the last couple of months, I think it might be better for me just to do that. You continue to work and do your thing and I'll just go away for a little bit." I explain

"Can I come see you?"

"A break from everything means a break from you as well." I say

"But I need you." He says

"I'm okay with you calling and texting me." I look back at him, over my shoulder.

"So you're really doing this to me, and your son?" He says trying to guilt trip me.

"It's not like I'm abandoning you, I'm just taking a break."

"I feel like you are." He says

"Well that's just a concern you're gonna have to deal with on your own."

He laughs, then kisses me. "I'll do whatever you need me to do. I'll allow whatever you feel you need to do. If you feel this will make us stronger then I'm down."

"I need you to start being open with me again. Talk to me how you used to. Handle me how you used to before I had Atlas. You were vulnerable and not saying you aren't now but you're kinda close off."

"I know. I'll change that." He says. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I say

After we got out of the bathtub, we went over to the shower and rinsed off. That lead to us having sex then he rubbed cocoa butter all over me and we had sex again but we were interrupted by Mercedes basically banging on the door.

"What?" Aubrey yells

"Let me see her face. I haven't talk to her in days and from what I'm being told, she's been locked up in here with you all this fucking time. I don't give a damn what you're doing, I'm coming in."

She opens the door and walks in. Aubrey was on top of me. Good thing we had a blanket over us because she would've seen everything.

"Mercedes, what do you want?" I say

"No one has talked to you in days..."

"I'm okay, Mercedes. As you can see, I'm a little busy right now." I say

"Well, that Joe guy told me you were upset yesterday and now you've been locked up in here all day, so I'm just making sure everything's okay and I don't have to hurt anybody."

"She's fine." Aubrey says, "And why is he talking to you? He doesn't even know who you are."

"I told him I was her cousin and if I could just walk in here and demand to see you then he should know I'm telling the truth. Plus he asked one of the other guys. That's not the issue." She says

"Okay, Mercedes, I'll call you in the morning, maybe we can have brunch." I say. She just rolls her eyes and closes the door behind her as she leaves.

"Can we make another baby tonight?" He asks

"No. I need more time. We have to get right before we can have another baby. I messed up like this before, I'm not doing it again."

He smiles, "Practice it is."

************

I woke up in the middle of the night because I was feeling uncomfortable. I looked over at Aubrey and was knocked out. I shifted a bit and I felt wet.

Confused, I went to get up and flung the cover off of me. I saw blood all over me and the sheets.

"AUBREY!" I scream

He jumps up. "What? What's wrong?"

"I'm bleeding."

As soon as he saw the blood he panicked. He picked up his phone and dialed 911.

"What happened?" He asks

"I don't know. Aubrey do something." I start to panic. What the hell is happening.

He started talking to the dispatcher and I just blacked out.

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