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Shawnie's POV

"Be with him..." he doesn't even wait for me to say anything, he just walks away.

"Joe?" I call out to him but he doesn't stop. I call him again and he continues to ignore me, walking away. I see him walking towards Jon and we make eye contact. "Jon, stop him!"

Jon tries to grab Joe's arm but Joe pushes him off of him. Jon looked confused at Joe as he kept walking.

Panic starts to set in. He's leaving. He's about to leave.

I couldn't bring my body to go after him. I couldn't even speak. I know when Joe is done, he's done for good. I know there's nothing I can say or do. I was in disbelief. He's leaving me. Again.

I slowly walk back into the room and take a seat at the desk. I prop my elbow up on it and cover my mouth. I can't believe this shit.

"What happened?" Mercedes asks

"We're done." I say calmly. I'm shocked and trying to process what just happened. It happened in the split second.

"What do you mean you're done?" She asks

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I try again and I literally have no words. I take a second to gather what little thoughts I do have and then I try to speak again.

"...I—I don't. I don't know." I say, confused.

What the fuck just happened?

"He made the decision for you." Christian says. "I'm sorry to cause so much shit but I'm doing what I should've done the first time wh—."

I cut him off. "Christian can you go?"

He stops and looks at me. "Go?" He says, confused.

"Yes. Can you leave?" I ask

"Leave?" He repeats. "Shawnie—."

"Please." I say

"Come on." Mercedes tries to escort him out.

"You can't do this again. You picking another nigga over me AGAIN?"

That comment kinda sets me off.

"Why would you wait until right now to say something?" I ask. "You could've reached out months ago, after the divorce was finalized, anytime but now, Christian. What the fuck was your thought process?"

"I didn't know when it was the right time. I didn't know anything about you and him." He defends himself.

"EVERYONE knows about us." I say. "Our business is all over the place. Everyone knows we're together. That's just an excuse." I snap. "Okay, I'll humor you for a second. Even if that was the case, you walked in here and you saw it for yourself because you asked me what was going on with us and I told you....and you still followed through with this shit. I can't believe you did this...I just need you to go, Christian."

"You can't be serious right now." He says. "You gonna do this again?" He asks

I really hate that this is going on, and I hate that things are going this way, but I can't accept this type of behavior. He needs to go. This is disrespectful to Joe and not that he cares but today is my birthday and he did this at my birthday party. This is actually pretty disrespectful to me as well.

"Just get the fuck out!" Mercedes says

"Aight...I'll leave but we need to talk..." he says. "I love you, Shawnie." He leaves

Mercedes follows him out and I just sit there going over what happened with Joe. I can't believe this happened and there's nothing I can do. I sat there for about 5 minutes by myself before Mercedes came back.

"Mercedes send everyone home." I say

"No. We don't want to cause a scene. Let the party continue." She says. "No one knows there's anything going on. Christian is just sitting out there feeling sorry for himself."

" I asked him to leave. Why is he still here?"

She doesn't say anything.

"I don't understand why he would do this." I just sat there dumbfounded.

"Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with what he did. It's just the fact that he did it today, during your birthday party. A party that your boyfriend threw you and out the kindness of his heart invited him. Joe knew you would probably want him here and he invited him for that reason, then he pulled this shit. I'm very disappointed in him." She says. "I think the conversation was okay to have but this wasn't the time or place."

"Yes, all of that." I say

"What are you gonna do about Joe?" She asks

"I just have to let him do what he feels is best for him. If that's leaving me, then that's his choice." I say. "I don't like it but I know Joe, he isn't going to listen to anyone but himself."

"But I don't think that's right, I don't know what happened but all I know is you were gone for literally 30 seconds and you came back in talking about you guys are done. I don't understand and you're so calm about it. It's scary."

"Well, I know Joe. There's nothing I can do."

"Go after him. Do something." She says. "I know how much he means to you and I'm not understanding how you can just let him leave like this, during a time like this."

"He's upset with me." I sigh at the very thought of him being mad at me. I hate it. It hurts my heart so much, but I can fix it.

"We have to do something." She says.

"The only person who can change his mind is him. There's literally nothing I can do. It'll be a waste of effort. All it'll do it piss him off more because he knows I know I should've left him alone."

"Well you know your man..." she says

"Ex..." I lay my head down on the desk. "I didn't do anything...I was on my way to tell him what happened. He must've overheard what he said."

"But why would he get upset with you?"

"He told me not to talk to him." I say

"So as a grown woman, you're letting him tell you who you can and can't talk to? I think that's bullshit but whatever." She says, rolling her eyes. "You kinda didn't talk to him though. He pulled you aside and he told you how he felt. You didn't say anything."

"I know." I say

"So he shouldn't be mad." She scuffs. "Men are so fucking sensitive."

"He has his reasons for why he acts the way he does. I can't fault him for this. I know you don't understand but there's a lot of things that no one really knows about Joe. I know I just have to let him do what he feels is right for him."

"The fact that you're sitting here saying this shows how much you've changed and I'm happy for you, but I think you're wrong. I think you should fight for what you want and I know you want him and I know you would fight for your relationship."

"That's true, but this is a different relationship..." As soon as I said that, it hit me. It really hit me. "He broke up with me on my birthday...."

She looks at me as if she can feel my emotions. "Shawnie...?"

"I'm fine..."

We sat in silence for a while, while she rubbed my back. I know I was trying my hardest to hold it together but as the seconds rolled by I started to feel more and more like I was unraveling.

"Mercedes...."

"Yes?"

"I'm feeling like I might need some hel—."

I was cut off by Dori walking in with a confused look on her face. "Um, do you know Joe punched Christian in the face?"

"WHAT?" We both say.

"Yeah...the EMT's are checking him out."

"I thought Joe was gone." I stand up. "Let me go see what's going on."

"No, you stay here. I'll go see." Mercedes says

I sit back down in my seat and just sulk. Everything is so messed up right now. I know I keep saying it but I really cannot believe this shit happened.

"What's going on?" Jey asks as he walks into the room. "What's up with Joe?"

I could tell him the truth but I'm not going to say anything. I shrug my shoulders.

"You know. You just don't want to tell me. It's cool." He says. "But whatever it is, I hope you guys work it out.

"Me too."

"Is it that bad?" He asks. I nod my head up and down. "Damn...." He sighs. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No..."

"You sure? I can try to holla at him. Shit can't go sound today. You went all out, looking extra good for today. You shouldn't be upset on your birthday." He smiles

"Thank you, Jey." I smile at him but I still feel horrible. "I didn't want to say anything but I feel closer to you more than your brother. You've always made me feel accepted and always made sure I was okay. Thank you for that."

"We family now. You can always come to me about anything, especially knucklehead Joe." He laughs. It was funny but I'm just not in the laughing mood.

"I appreciate that."

"Aight, I'll let you chill. Let me know if you need anything." He hugs me and kisses the top of my head then leaves.

I was sitting by myself when I heard someone walk in. I didn't bother looking up because I knew it had to be Mercedes or Dori.

The person stood there for a second without saying anything. Then, after a few seconds, it dawned on me, that's clearly not Mercedes or Dori.

"Look at me." I hear Joe say with anger in his voice.

Surprised, I snapped my head in his direction and locked eyes with him. His hair and clothes were a little disheveled. That could be due to the little scuffle he just has with Christian, if there was one. Knowing Joe he just hit him and that was it. But I knew he didn't want me to look at his appearance. The person standing in front of me was someone who was battling with his emotions. I think he knows he jumped the gun by telling me to be with Christian and I can see that it hurts him a lot. At least I hope that's what I see. It was impulsive, which isn't a trait Joe owns. I think he regrets it and I understand that but I could tell he was upset as well.

"Is this you coming back to explain yourself like you did last time?" I didn't really mean to but my tone had a little attitude because why would he do this on my birthday. Why would he do this at all?

"I asked you to give me some time." He says. "That's all I needed. You said you could do that for me. I told you I could be everything that you need, and I could give you everything, I just needed time. We agreed on that. You told me you would." He says

"I thought that is what we were doing. You fucked that up, Joe. You blindsided me with your temper tantrum. I didn't do anything." I defend myself.

"How do you think I feel?" He asks. "I feel betrayed."

"HOW?" I yell. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"Why were you talking to him?" He says

"You feel betrayed because I was holding a conversation with him?"

At that moment I realized something. Something I actually could've believed. I thought we were better than this.

"...you don't trust me." I say. "Wow. Joe, I've never done anything since we've been together for you not to trust me. I've gone above and beyond to make sure that stayed true." I say

He just looks at me and doesn't say anything. He knows my statement is true. Why would he think I would ever betray him like that? We've had countless conversations about this exact situation, and I know he knows I would never do anything to betray him. I think it's actually crazy that he's upset about it.

He sighs, then speaks with low tone. "I have no desire to be with anyone else."

"Neither do I, Joe."

"So why would you sit there and listen to that?" He asks. "You let him explain himself. You let him get comfortable enough to say those things to you."

"Mercedes asked me to come with her. I didn't think it was that. I thought it was just a casual conversation, especially when he said Mercedes could stay. I didn't think it was something that was gonna be as serious as it was. Joe I was just as shocked to hear what he had to say. I didn't even react. I didn't know how to. I couldn't say words. The only thing that did come out of my mouth is that I loved you." I explain. "I left to find you and that is what I got, you told me to be with him."

"I'm sorry." He says. "That was stupid. I let my feelings take over and that was the result. You know that's not me."

"That's why I'm so shocked it happened. I thought we would've been able to talk about it. That's why I was coming to you. I needed you to help me through that. I didn't know what to do. But you just left me."

Joe looks at me with pleading eyes. "I can't leave you. I love you too fucking much to walk away from this. You're a piece of me now and my soul wouldn't let me do it." He explains

Wow. That says a lot about but it still bothers me that he did this to me again.

"Joe, you've done this to me twice." I say

"I'm scared." He admits. "This shit is new to me. I ain't never been here or had these feelings before. I feel like I'm too open with you but my heart says otherwise. My heart wants you."

"Joe, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm scared of this too but I'm going with it. I have been in horrible relationships and this one is going right on so many levels and I'm literally waiting to get some kind of bad news. It's not just you and this it's not only you feeling like this and to be quite honest, I've never had this either. I just keep telling myself my love for you will get me through this."

"You're right. I gotta stop being a bitch and stop trying to talk myself out of it because it's new to me. I just feel like since he was your first, that you will automatically go back to him."

"I understand that completely. When Christian and I got back in contact with each other, I told him that he needed to let us go and focus on what he had, which was his engagement to Shelby. While I was married to Aubrey, I found myself telling myself to stay exact. So I let that idea of Christian go a while ago, I don't think he ever did. I don't want to go backwards and I know you've heard me say that many times. Dealing with Christian would be backwards. It sounds good but I'm not in a situation where I can do that. I'm happy where I am with you and I wouldn't fuck up what we have for anyone. I wouldn't leave you for anyone. I know I won't find anything better." I smile.

"I'm sorry." He sits down on the bed next to me. He grabs my hand. "Come here." I stand on my feet and he sits me on his lap. "I promise this will never happen again. I understand where things are now and I won't question it again. I love you so much."

"I love you too Joe. Don't ever think anyone will come between us again. Please. It'll never happen."

"No one?"

I shake my head. "No. Well, now Jason Momoa, I might leave for him." I joke

He laughs. "Oh, you're gonna leave me for him?" He smiles and I nod my head. "I'll kill him."

"I'm just joking with you, baby. Jason probably couldn't handle me."

"You remember that when you're sitting across the conference table, giving him googly eyes."

I laugh. "I will."

He lays his head on my chest and hugs me tight. "Thank you for being so patient when it comes to this."

"Anything for you baby."

"I don't want you to but you need to talk to Christian and I need to apologize." He says

"We can talk to him together because I don't want you to feel any kind of way towards his situation." I say

"Happy to see you two made up!" Mercedes says, poking her head inside the room.

"Is Christian still here? I should talk to him."

She smiles. "I'll send him in." She says then disappears.

Joe looks at me, but doesn't say anything.

"What?" I ask and he just smiles.

"Nothing." He kisses my neck then hugs me again.

A couple minutes pass and Christian walks in. He stands at the door and looks at us. His nose was bandaged up and he was holding ice over it.

"Look, I'm leaving. I just got done with medical." He says

"No. Christian, please have a seat."

"I don't know what kinda game you're playing but I get why I was attacked. My bad, aight."

He has the biggest attitude right now and he has a reason but he better calm that shit down.

Joe taps my hip for me to stand up. He stands up as well and walks over to Christian.

"Ayy man, I'm sorry I punched you in the face but don't try that shit again." Joe warns. "I don't play about her. That's mine. Do you understand?"

Christian nods his head. "It won't happen again. I see where I stand now. She don't give a fuck about me."

"Christian that's not true." I cut in. "I care about you as a friend, nothing else. As I stated a long time ago, we can't keep living in the past. We were kids. Yes, our relationship wasn't what we felt it should've been but that was because of both of us. You know why I ended things, I've always felt you should've done more and you realized it later on. But when you had the opportunity after my mom died, you didn't step up. Not that I was looking for you to do so, but you know what happened between us when we spent that time together."

"Are you fucking serious? You wanted me far away from you because of Marcel."

"I wanted you around. Don't do that to me." I argue

"You said, "I want you around, it's just Marcel...he's so controlling. I can't do anything and he doesn't want me talking to you." That's EXACTLY what you told me." He says. "And now, years later, you're telling me Joe is telling you the same thing he said." He looks at me like I'm dumb. "RED FLAG!" he yells.

"He's right." Joe speaks up. "I apologize and I take that back. I know it wasn't right for me to say that and you're allowed to speak to whomever you want. The way I feel about that is something I have to work on." Joe says

I nod my head in acknowledgment.

"Uh huh! Same shit, different package." Christian says. "You know I'm not like them. All I wanted to do was help. That's all I've ever wanted to do for you is put you in a better position, especially after your mother passed. And I got beat up by Marcel. Today, I got punched in the face by Joe." He says. "I was there for you when your mother died, that's something none of these motherfuckers can say. I held you all fucking night because I loved and cared for you, even after all that Marcel bullshit. I'M the one who suggested therapy for you. All of that was my idea. The life you set up all those years ago was because of me. So don't downplay my existence." He says

"All that is true but our issues were still the same. Our lives were taking us in different directions." I say

"Keep telling yourself that lie. I was trying to do more for you, for us. I was already making arrangements for us to move in together. I was trying to get my schedule together for us because I knew it was an issue that we didn't spend much time together. You didn't give me the time to make that happen. After the funeral, all you had to do was call me. I was ready to step in. All of that just for you to tell me you didn't want to create anymore issues because yall were already rocky. You wanted to stay with him. I even put my number in your new phone and told you to call me, but you told me you weren't going to call me. You wanted that life. That's what you chose. So I let you go with that. But I still hoped you'd come back to me because I was ready." He explains

I never knew all of that. Damn. I feel horrible. Why didn't he say this when we were talking about it before? We had a really good conversation about all of this. There was so much left out. I don't want to think about this right now....but I feel horrible about this.

"Christian, I'm sorry. That's all I can say." I shake my head trying to come up with words. "I'M SORRY!" I yell. Now I'm starting to get emotional. I didn't think this would come up. I don't mean to yell at him but I'm frustrated with him right now.

"But that doesn't change anything, right? You're still sorry and I'm still sorry I couldn't do right by you." He says

"You want me to leave my boyfriend for you."

"I do." He says, boldly.

"I'm happy with Joe. Okay?"

He stands there for a few seconds, then he speaks. "Yup. You don't have to ever worry about me again."

"Christian that's not what I want. You don't have to be like that." I say

"You want me to sit around and be your friend while you're with someone else?"

"......"

"That's what you want but I can't do that." He says. "Shawnie, I want to be with you. I love you, and you want me to just deal with what I got? No."

Joe rubs my back. "You can't have both, babe."

"I want us to be friends..."

"That ain't gonna happen." Joe says.

"And I don't want that." Christian says, then he turns around and leaves.

I break down. "He can't just leave like that."

Joe wraps his arms around me. "This is exactly what I knew would happen."

I cry into his chest. I didn't want things to go down like this with Christian. I always thought he would understand my point of view. Damn, man. I don't want him to just walk out of my life again and I know he doesn't want that either but he just walked out.

"You can't be friends with someone who is in love with you, babe. I know how you pictured things but I saw the reality and it wasn't going to work. It never was." Joe says. I pull away from Joe, wiping my face. "Ever since he first saw you at the beach, he had a relationship in mind. He wanted to redeem himself. I know that for a fact. I was there."

"I thought he would understand my position."

"And do what? Turn his feelings off."

"I just thought it would go another way." I say

"So now that you know you can't be friends with him, what do you wanna do? Do you want to be with him? Because I'll step back and let you go get him." He says

"No."

"This is something you're going to have to live with. Do you want to continue this life with me or do you want to start a new one with him?" He asks with a serious face.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" I say in disbelief. "Really, Joe?"

"Yes. After hearing this conversation I think I have to ask. So?"

He just looks at me waiting for my response.

To be continued....

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