Shawnie's POV

I was standing in the mirror, trying to fix my clothes. I kept readjusting the skirt because it just wasn't fitting properly. Was I gaining weight? What the fuck. I guess that could be an explanation. Another reason could be the fact that Joe has been fucking me so good and spreading my hips so wide that they are expanding. But knowing that it's been scientifically proven that there's no connection between spreading hips and sex, I settled on the conclusion that I'm just gaining weight.

All of this doesn't help that I was super nervous about this interview. I don't know why it's just like two friends talking. Jason, he's my friend. We know each other personally and we talk and text back-and-forth. I don't know why I'm nervous. I was also having flashbacks of when I was on the Wendy Williams show, and did the interview with her, which was a complete disaster and had a lot of backlash afterwards. I know this isn't the same situation and it's definitely not the same interview.

I told myself that I was going to be as real as possible, but try to keep the drama to a minimum. I'm not even gonna say my ex husband's name because I simply don't want to. What I don't want to do is upset him for him to start a whole other media frenzy with me. I've been trying to lay low and keep my privacy and most of all keep my peace.

I hear Joe walk into the room and close the door behind him. I didn't look at him, but I could see he was watching me fiddle with this skirt.

"Are you okay?" He asks

"No, this skirt is really working my nerves." I turn my body to face him. "Am I gaining weight?"

"Doesn't seem like it." He says

"This isn't fitting properly and I'm so frustrated because I know my size. So I'm clearly gaining weight, you're just being nice."

"Even if you were, you're still beautiful, Love." He says

"But not in this skirt..." I take it off and I slip on some pants that match with the blouse as well. "How does this look?"

"I don't think I'm the person to ask because I think you look good in everything, Shawnie. I probably won't be much help." He smirks

"I appreciate the compliment but I need to find something to wear." I turn around to start going through more clothes on the rack.

"Styling yourself?"

"Yes. Olivia had them send over clothes that I could pick from..." He steps closer to me and puts his hands on my hips and turns me around. "Stop stressing. You're fine and you look fine."

Amanda walked in.

"I guess I'm just nervous because I don't want it to turn out like the other interview." I say

"It won't because I'm here." Amanda says, putting her things down on the table.

"Right. You're also in a completely different mindset from back then. It's not gonna turn out that way because you're not in the same space. You were still hurting and you wanted to hurt people. But you're not there anymore, am I right or am I wrong?"

"You're right." I say

"You're going to be honest, but you're going to protect your image as well." He says

"And anything that's not meant to be shared, I will stop you." Amanda says. "Ill also stop any questions that shouldn't be allowed." She says

"...and you're not gonna badmouth anyone. Just listen to your publicist." Joe says

I take a deep breath and I let it out. I do have to stop stressing. He's right, I am not there anymore.

I put my arms around his neck. "Thank you." I go in to kiss him, but he pulls back.

"You're gonna ruin your makeup." He says with a smile.

"I don't care. Kiss me."

He laughs and kisses me on the lips.

"I'm still nervous though."

"That's normal." He says

"Think of it as having a conversation. Don't think of this as an interview. It's Jason. He's been helping you in the media for a while now." Amanda says

"True but I'm nervous because it's never a camera around. I have to remember that the public doesn't know everything that actually went on. I have to try to keep this interview to only what they know." I say

"I believe you can do it, but maybe you should've had more time to prepare for this." Joe says

"That's true." I say

"I'm here to make sure everything goes as planned. You've decided to talk about everything you've previously talked about. Most of this is public knowledge. You won't talk about any physical abuse, Chris and the doctor's situation, any of his kids' mothers, and as far as I know, you and Joseph." She looks at both of us. "Has anything changed?"

I look at Joe and he looks at me. "No." We sat in unison.

"We're not exactly hiding it but we're not going to just confirm anything." I say

"Okay, so nothing to worry about." She says, then there's a knock on the door. She steps away and opens it revealing it's Jason.

"Hey!" I say as I walk over and hug him.

"So ima try not to get too messy but you know how I do." He says

"Yeah I do." I laugh.

He looks at Joe. "It's nice to officially meet you. You're always off lurking somewhere." Joe laughs and they shake hands. Jason speaks to Amanda, then he turns to back me. "Please tell me this is your man now."

"I'm not." Joe laughs.

"Uh huh..." he says giving side eye. "I'm just saying, you should give me the exclusive. Everyone already knows."

"No, everyone speculates." Amanda corrects him.

"I don't think you know how many pics and tips I get about the two of you. Amanda blocks me from reporting everything." He says

"And I'm going to continue to do so..."

"Yeah, I know she works overtime." I kinda laugh. Joe and I did have a public make out session a few days ago and was holding hands in Vegas.

"No exclusive?" Jason asks

I shake my head no.

"I'm not gonna give up." He says. "Anyway, just to let you know, this isn't live so if you make a mistake, we can just edit it out. There's no set time for us to get this finished. I'm basically just gonna throw a bunch of stuff at you. I know you said nothing is off-limits but Amanda provided a few things. If there's anything you don't want to answer that's completely fine. We'll send you the finished interview when we're done. After you watch it, if there's anything you want to be taken out I will do that for you."

"I appreciate that." I say

"I know this is you trying to redeem yourself from the last interview and I know you want to clear the air with a lot of shit so whatever you want to get into we can do that."

"Thank you. I'm just going to be as real as possible without hurting or bashing anybody."

"And I'm cool with that.... I have a question though, did you tell Drake about this interview?" He asks

"I have not spoken to him. He knows?"

"Yeah. He asked me if he could show up."

"What did you tell him?" I ask. It's so crazy to me how this man finds out information about me. I hope he doesn't ruin this.

"I told him no. I said this is a closed set and nobody is allowed on. I was surprised he even reached out to me. He hates me." He says

"Thank you. He was being nice because he was trying to get his way. I don't know who told him, I haven't even told many people about it."

"I'll discuss that with my staff because I'm not sure if I told them to be tightlipped about it or not." He says. "So anyway, that's gonna be a good interview... What are you drinking?"

"Whatever you're drinking." I say

"Alright, how much longer do you need?"

"Give me another 15 minutes and I'll be out." I say and he leaves.

I took the next 15 minutes to mentally prepare myself for the interview. Sipping on my drink, I tried to calm my nerves with deep breaths. Joe stood by my side, offering words of encouragement and support. Amanda had her iPad of dos and don'ts ready and standing by the door ready to walk out.

Joe kissed me on the forehead, then on the lips and the three of us walked onto the set. Jason was getting his makeup touched up while sitting in his chair. I look at Joe and he winks his eye. We can't be too affectionate with all these people around. I walk over and sit on the sofa as they finish up.

I glance over at Joe again and he's just looking at me with this look that I don't think I've even seen. I can't even begin to try to explain. It wasn't bad, it actually gave me comfort and I felt calm.

Olivia and my hairstylist came over to fix my clothes and hair. While my makeup touched me up under the lighting. I was nervous about this but seeing that look in Joe's eyes made me feel better.

"You ready?" Jason asked

I nodded my head.

"No reason to be nervous. Remember this isn't live. We can stop any time you get ready."

"Okay."

They start rolling and Jason starts his show, introducing me.

"My guest tonight ignored me for almost a year before I had to pull up on her at an event and literally put my number in her hand."

I laugh because it's true.

"She's in the top 20 of most expensive divorces in the world. This woman could sneeze and send everybody into a frenzy, but judging by her bank account, she doesn't care....Ms. Shawnie Roberts...or is it still Graham?"

"Roberts."

"Okay. Roberts." He reiterates.

"Jason, I am so happy to be on your show." I say

"I can't believe you actually came. You know you'll blow me off in a second."

"I do but that's only because I just be so busy..." I say

"It's all good. So what have you been up to? When I talked to you a couple days ago you were in Vegas."

"Yeah, we were in Vegas celebrating Joe's birthday. I planned a big party and all of his family and friends came out. It was nice."

"You plan parties too?"

"No, but I've always liked party planning. Just didn't take it too seriously."

"Why wasn't I invited?"

"It was all off Joe's people, my family wasn't there."

"I'm just joking." He says. "So we're cool and all and we talk every now and then, but I feel like I don't know that much about your life before Chris Brown and Drake. Is it okay if we talk about that?"

"Yeah. There's not much to know. I'm just a girl from Chicago. I grew up with both of my parents, but they were separated the majority of my childhood. I lived with my mom the majority of the time. She passed away when I was 25, and it's been just my dad and I. Aubrey already bragged enough about my law degree, but I'm a lawyer." I smile. I don't know why talking about my past makes me uncomfortable. "There's not much to me. No crazy life story or anything."

"That's good. That means you're a regular person."

"Right."

"Your father doesn't speak to the media that much, which I think is great, but what he has said as he's proud of you and the decisions that you make, he's pretty much got your back in all the negative things that have been going on. What about your mom? How do you think your mom would feel?" He asks

"Damn, okay. I didn't know where you were going with that." I nervously smile. "I love having my dad around for the simple fact that I don't have a mom. I had him move in with me recently." I say. "I miss my mom. When she was here, I didn't necessarily take all of the advice that she gave me and I wish I would've. I wish she was still here to help me because at one point I was very lost and I just needed my mom." I take a deep breath.

"Do you need to stop?" Jason asks.

"No I'm okay..."

"Okay." He says. "Do you think she would be proud of you?"

"I know she would be proud of me overall. She would have been ecstatic when I opened my first practice, and she probably would've worked there." I laugh

"First practice?"

"Yes, I had an office in Calabasas. When I officially moved here I started my own law firm, but when I got pregnant I had to slow it down and I had someone else take over for me. Then I got pregnant again, I thought it would be best to shut things down." Yeah I'm screwing up the timeline a bit but they don't need to know all of that. "I've been thinking about restarting everything."

"I support that." He says

"But, even though I believe she would be proud of me, I think she would be a little upset with me because I'm not practicing anymore. When I had passed the bar and graduated from college, she said this is ours. She had me when she was very young so she didn't really get to experience life how I did. I waited till I was older to have kids and she didn't really get that. So when I graduated from college, my degree was her degree too. I was fine with that. I would've taken her everywhere with me if she was here. That's something I still struggle with."

"She'd be happy with the woman you've become." He smiles at me. "Okay...let's get messy."

I laugh. "Oh gosh, I hope not."

"So it was rumored, and it has never been cleared up, he hasn't made a statement and I want to know if you have something to say about it."

"He, meaning?" I ask for clarification.

"Drake."

"Oh..." Okay we're getting right into the Drake talk right away.

"So it was rumored, the "SG" tattoo that he got on his face is your initials. Is that true?"

I laugh. "Um... I believe it's just a coincidence. I'm not Shawnie Graham anymore. The SG is for his mom." I say. "Those are her initials."

"Is that what he just told you or are you sure?" He asks

"I'm positive."

"Have you ever gotten a man's name tattooed on you?"

"No. I got matching tattoos with my ex fiancé."

"But isn't that the same thing?"

"I believe tattoos, when done right, tell a story. But the fact that we got matching tattoos and we're not together, it just reminds me of that time in my life. When I was married, I was thinking about getting a little owl on me, because he was my husband but I don't think I'm gonna do that anymore. I have enough bad memories. I don't need it tattooed on me."

He laughs, "Bad." He repeats. "I have another question for you. Did he get his body done?"

"If he did, I don't know anything about it. He was in the gym a lot, but the time that we were together he never had any surgeries or anything like that as far as I know."

"Would that have changed how you looked at him?" He asks

"Of course not. I loved him for the person he was to me.... But honestly that doesn't bother me. I feel like if you have the money to do whatever you wanna do, then fucking do it. If he wants to get his body done, do that. I don't see anything wrong with it. Men or women."

"You would go under the knife?"

"I would, but I don't know what I would get... maybe a breast augmentation."

I hear Joe clear his throat and I burst out laughing and look over at him. Joe is pretty fond of my breasts how they are. I'm sure that throat clearing meant he disagrees.

"What? Did I miss something?" Jason says

"No..... I've actually had my nose done, but it was kind of a situation where I had to get it done."

"What happened?"

"When I was 23, I was in an abusive relationship, and he broke my nose. So I had to get a nose reconstruction."

"Oh damn. So can we talk about that?"

I look over at Amanda and she nods. "Sure. I've come to peace with it."

"What happened?" He asks

"I was in a relationship with someone who had anger problems, and sometimes, not all the time, he would get upset and jealous, and he would lash out. There were a couple of incidents that got physical between us. He stalked me after we broke up, and he literally tried to kill me."

"......... was this the guy that tried to sue Chris Brown?"

"It is. He tried to say Chris assaulted him, but like I said, he was stalking me. Chris and I were out and he popped up on us. He was talking crazy and being very disrespectful to me and to Chris." I explain

"But he ended up going to jail."

"Yup. I countersued him. After I presented evidence that he had been stalking and harassing me. They saw that it was an altercation, but it was protection for me. So they dropped the charges and he pleaded guilty, and he had to serve some time."

"But then you get with Chris Brown and there was a physical altercation there too?"

Amanda clears her throat. Jason and I both look at her and she shakes her head.

"I don't want to rehash that situation. Chris and I have both moved on from that. I have forgiven him, he has forgiven himself and we don't bring it up." I hope he doesn't say anything else about that. That's something I'm not conversing about.

"That's good that you can move past that especially because you have a daughter together...but you went on TV and talked about it." He says

"I did, and I retracted most of what I said because it was a lie. When I did that interview I was pissed off at him, and to be honest, I was on the other side of our relationship, and in a new one. I feel that I was somewhat pushed in a certain direction to exaggerate things. Not all of that was true, that's why Chris and I came out and said it was a lie. I was in a very bad place back then."

"So you're saying Drake made you do it."

"I'm not necessarily saying he made me do it because no one can make me do anything. I take responsibility for that and I have apologized to Chris for it because we had a lot of shit to clean up. I have a mind of my own and I made the decision to do that, no one made that decision for me." I explain. "I hope I'm saying that right because I don't want things to be turned around. I know they're always gonna screw up what I say, I'm sure it's on purpose, but I want to make it clear, he did not make me do anything."

"You're just saying you were very vulnerable and it was a very persuasive time for you....So let's talk about it. How did you and Drake become a thing?"

I sigh, "I feel like I've told the story a million and one times but I get why everyone wants to know. Long story short, I was starting my firm and I was approached by one of his lawyers and we had a meeting. He wanted me to become part of his legal team and that's basically what happened." I say. "But, the very first time I met him was at a restaurant in Miami. I literally ran into him because I was focused on my phone and I'm super clumsy sometimes and we had a very brief convo."

"What was said?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't watching where I was going. He was like, you're beautiful and trying to talk to me and get my number but I told him that I was there with someone, that someone being Chris. That was it. It wasn't until probably like a year later that we were back in contact, but that was for business." I explain

"Okay gotcha. Do you think he wanted to do business with you because you were Chris's girlfriend and he liked you?"

"Of course. Although, I think if I was Chris's girlfriend or not, he would've still wanted me."

"Period." He says and I laugh. "So when did you two become romantically involved?"

"The first time Chris and I broke up for what I thought was for good. People don't know that we had been off and on for a while, but when I finally broke up with him for real, that was when Aubrey and I started entertaining it. Well, that's when I started entertaining it. He was entertaining it the whole time."

"So how did business work out? Was flirting with you all the time?" He asks leaning in. He's hilarious.

"Business actually worked. I had to kind of put him in his place and tell him to only contact me when it was regarding business and he stuck with that until I broke up with Chris."

"Okay. So what about when the rumor started flying and Drake started acting up in the media talking about you were dating both of them?"

"I wasn't dating both of them. I think it was because I was just linked to both of them. The first time I broke up with Chris and moved out of his house, Aubrey and I were spending time together. Chris and I were still in communication."

"But you were still spending time with Drake." He says.

"Yes. So, to everyone else it looks like I never officially broke up with Chris but we were very broken up. I don't feel that I have to share that with everyone because I don't have to explain anything to anybody, so I didn't. Therefore people were thinking that Chris and I were still together."

"So when you and Chris got back together you stopped communicating with Drake?"

"That's exactly what happened." I say. "That's when all that BS started happening."

"Yeah, I reported it. Drake was trolling hard. Trying to get both of you to react, getting the media involved. I know you hated it but I loved it."

"It was just unnecessary to me. We didn't necessarily have open communication but I feel like he could've just talked to me about it. He could've texted and voiced his opinions, he had my number. I don't think he was blocked at the time either, so it was easy. He chose to put everything out in the media, put our business out like that and all that did was put a bigger wedge between us, than it already was."

"Was any of it true?"

"I don't really remember everything he was saying because he said a lot. Maybe some little things here and there, I can't really speak on all of the songs that were put out but it was how he felt about it. That's how he told his side of things and I'm not mad about it. What pisses me off about it was I was in a relationship and it hurt our relationship. He made it seem like I was cheating on Chris with him and I wasn't. I wasn't even communication with him. That was all I was worried about. I would literally be in bed with Chris and he would release some bullshit song and then post some bullshit, and then Chris and I would argue. It was really starting to get to Chris. I think Chris knew that it was bullshit but he was just tired of it, which I understand."

"So basically, you're saying Drake ended your relationship with Chris?"

"No.... what I'm saying is during that time it was creating a lot of friction between Chris and I." I laugh. "I see what you're doing, it's not gonna work."

He smiles. "I'm not doing anything. It sounds like Drake ended your relational. He did all of that to break you guys up and it eventually worked."

He's right. I didn't even think about it like that. He wasn't starting shit because his little feelings were hurt, he was doing it to constantly keep us arguing so we could break up. Interesting. I never put into perspective that way before.

"Whew, that man is crazy." He says. "So skip to Chicago when you had the baby and Drake was there."

"Before we get to that I want to say when I got back with Chris and we got pregnant I completely cut off communication to Drake. We did not text and he was blocked. We did not talk at all when Chris went away to rehab. I did not talk to Aubrey at all. That also went through the time that I had Genesis and months after that. In Chicago, it was a rumor that I had been talking to him my whole pregnancy, and Chris could even tell you that that isn't true. I was on tour with Chris when I was seven months pregnant. How the hell am I cheating on Chris when I'm literally up under his ass that whole time. That shit pissed me off because I'm pregnant as hell and you're trying to say that I'm cheating with Drake when I hadn't talked to him in forever." I kinda snap. Jason's company tried to run with that narrative along with everyone else. That was completely false.

"Yeah I remember that being a thing and I have to applaud you for that because you just let people talk and didn't say anything about it."

"I was focused on being pregnant and trying not to have my baby on a tour bus." I laugh. "So this is something that no one knows...."

To be continued....