The downfall of the high

The wedding attendees were all sent home with more questions than answers. Joe's speech was very vague and purely informed them the wedding had been called off by a member of the wedding party. It was up to Hazel how she chose to explain the recall of her wedding day.

Standing outside the church, looking at the deserted parking lot, my stomach turned. I stood at the top of the stairs as Joe and Mr. Gold rallied at the bottom. People were hurt here today. Hearts broken, love lost, lies revealed. Events like these weren't supposed to happen to real people. We forget how cold the world can be, turning a blind eye.
"It's a shame we have to waste these outfits." Bryson nudged me. Gold watched us.
"We can go to Taco Bell?" He chuckled.
"Yeah, not feeling in the wedding mode?" He teased.
"It's weird. We just broke up a wedding. I thought that stuff only happened in movies."
"We were just doing our job." Bryson was focused on me, clearly oblivious to Gold's stare. I hardly noticed it myself.
"People got hurt." My voice cracked. "I thought we were supposed to help people." His arm snaked around me, pulling me to his side, I leaned closer.
"We do, Rene. People we're always going to get hurt one way or another. We saved them from a mistake and that pain. Unfortunately, pain happens regardless. We still stopped a wedding, but they will never do this to any other person again." Hearing him, I take a deep breath. The air was warm. Nodding, I turned to enter the church. Few people were left and cleared up the chapel. Wandering a few pews, I sat down.

The decorations were packed in tubs and trash bags. They had carried out the back. Within a few minutes, the chapel was empty and back to its original state. The silence was deafening. I wasn't a religious person but the urge to pray came over me. Lacing my fingers together, I sat there.
"I think I'm lost, but I'm found," I said out loud. "I'm where I'm should be but I don't have everything I need. We need water to live but the desert doesn't have any. We need oxygen to breathe, but only in the air. We need somewhere to be protected but home robberies happen all the time. Does that make sense to you?" I sighed. "I know the wind doesn't ask why it blows and the sun doesn't ask why it shines. But I don't think they are lost, they are what they are. I feel lost in the place I want to be. Does that mean I'm in the wrong place?"
"I hope this is your way of trying to leave Forestons." I jumped at the sound of Mr. Golds' voice.
"No." He sat down beside me.
"How can I help?" I looked at the statue of Jesus perched at the head of the church.
"I feel like the wrong version of myself," I said after a moment.
"Why do you say that?"
"I feel like I fit but not quite right. I don't know how to explain it."
"Like someone else has been wearing your shoes?"
"Yes." A silence fell between us.

The chapel was beautiful. When Bryson and I toured churches, I was so focused on doing a job I didn't actually take in what I was seeing. The walls were lined with stained glass and the ceilings were tall, covered in paintings.
"This church is beautiful." I broke the silence.
"Would you get married here?" I smiled slightly.
"I don't think I'll ever get married."
"Why not?" Taking in a deep breath, I answered.
"I'm married to the job. I'm too invested. I think Joe and I will just grow old together."
"You think Bryson will get married?"
"Yeah. He is good at being a partner. I mean, I watched him with Delilah but he also takes care of me. Sometimes he makes me coffee in the mornings or he lets me crawl into bed with him when I have a nightmare. We have sleepovers and he lets me watch whatever I movies I want without complaint. He always drives everywhere, despite my offering. He-" I caught myself rambling. "Bryson is going to make someone so very happy someday." My throat squeezed.
"He is a good man, much like his father." Gold agreed. I took in a sharp breath as I blinked back tears.

Dropping my head to the side, I leaned on Gold. He didn't flinch, stiffen or move. We sat there for a long time.
"When someone else wears our shoes, the best way to make them fit again is to re-lace them."
"How?"
"Find the parts that don't fit right. Where do you feel out of place?"
"That's the problem, I don't know. It's like wearing your shirt backward. It doesn't look off but it feels off." I felt his head turn towards me.
"Lawrence," he said slowly. "You are right where you're supposed to be. You've been through a lot. That changes a person." Lifting my head, I looked at him with wet eyes. "We are not designed to stay stagnant. For us to stay as we are, life would have to stop happening to us." Sighing, I nodded. I understood what he was saying but it didn't make it any easier. "They're called growing pains for a reason.

On the car ride back to home base I was in a different dimension. At a stop sign not too far from the church, we sat.
"You know, it's a stop sign, not a stop light, these don't change color." He smiled at me before turning his attention back to his phone. We sat for a moment before the car flooded with music. Instantly, I smiled. My favorite song, Forever in Blue Jeans by Neil Diamond blasted. Looking at him, I smiled before singing along.

We went back to Forestons to meet with the rest of the team. They had Jan, Greg, and Peter in holding rooms. We met in our normal meeting room. Bryson and I were the last two to arrive. He went over the information we had so far. Joe sat in the corner, nose needs into his laptop.
"Well, warrants out for them, we should have them by the morning. Be here at 7." Gold nodded to the room and dismissed us.

I walked behind Bryson to the car. Everything felt like it was spinning in a different rotation. Six people. We have to interrogate six people. I was exhausted just thinking about it. My heart was still heavy from the church, but Gold's talk helped.
"You're quiet." Bryson pointed out, the car still in park.
"You are right," awkwardly, I cleared my throat. "I am just thinking about how grueling tomorrow will be." A hint of a smile played on his lips.
"Tomorrow really will be something."

On the car ride home, I rested my head on his shoulder. My eyes closed as I pictured the church. I pictured it filled with people I loved; family and friends. I pictured simple aisle runners and no bridal party, just me and Bryson. I know I shouldn't be but it was the only thought holding me together right now. Bryson. He was the glue and the day he finds someone else will be the day I completely fall apart.

Kicking my shoes off at the door, I headed for my room, raking my fingers through my hair. I just wanted to take a hot shower.
"You kissed me." I turned to face him in horror.
"What? No, I didn't."
"Yeah, you did. You were drunk and you kissed me. That's why Delilah and I broke up." Guilt flooded me.
"You broke up because I kissed you?"
"Well no." He shifted on his feet. "I mean yes, but we broke up because I realized we both felt the same way."
"I don't know what you're talking about." I pushed away my feelings. We can't date. No matter how much I felt for him it didn't matter, it was against the rules. Mr. Golds rules, I would never break those.
"But," his word hung lonely in the air. Any moment it would drop and shatter, my heart seemed to be attached to that word. "Rene, you are the person who gets on my nerves the most, but you understand me the best. The weirdest thing is, I've seen you every day since we got here and I want to keep seeing you every day until we die." His words acted like balloons on my heart, pulling it higher with hope. Looking up, I saw my reflection in the mirror with his behind me. We had always been a unit, a team. What is one more band to hold us together? But is he really in love with me or is this how we stay a team?
"Face the music, Bryce. You don't love me, no one ever has, no one ever will. You're just contempt being with me. You're lonely. It's the wedding planning that has the lines crossed for you." I finally said, dropping my gaze before I could fully see the heartbreak in his face. "I need fresh air." I grabbed my jacket off the hanger.

The night wasn't freezing but the cool air started to roll in at about 5:30 every night. Not paying attention to where I was walking, I let my feet carry me. My brain was too occupied with the bomb that had just gone off.

I walked down to the grocery store through some sketchy roads. Aimlessly I stalked the aisles. I kissed him. I don't remember anything, but I kissed him. Why can't I remember kissing him? Why did I kiss him? What happened before or after? Oh my god! Did we sleep together? My heart felt like it was going to explode. Part of me wanted to ask for the full story but I don't think I could live with the pain. Was that the change in Bryson a while ago, he finally let his guard down on his feelings?

Mindlessly, I set the cold coffee on the conveyor belt.
"Anything else?" I shook my head. "Coffee at this hour? Interesting." I glanced at the clock on the register. When did I get to be so late? It was nearly 8:30.
"Yeah, I'm a coffee addict." I attempted to joke, but my voice fell flat. He awkwardly handed me my receipt. "Thanks." I crumpled it in my hand and threw it in the trash can outside. It bounced off the metal top and fell to the ground. Of course. Grumbling, I picked it up and properly threw it away.

The walk back seemed to be twice as long. My feet were exhausted and I hadn't changed since we got back. I was in a pair of boots, the dress I wore to break up a wedding, and a jacket that ended up being Brysons. Of course, it was.

Quietly I opened the front door. The apartment was dark, the living room and kitchen empty. Bryson's door was closed, not even the light on. My feet carried me to the middle of the hallway between our doors. I raised my hand to knock but stopped. As much as what I said hurt, it was for the better. We could never work out. No matter how hard either of us wanted it, this was Romeo and Juliet, doomed from the start. Sighing, I went into my room. Falling into bed, I didn't bother to change my clothes. A shower was calling my name but I lacked the energy to do so. I tucked myself into my chin and closed my eyes. They burned with tears.