Boys play video games and talk about Rene

After a week of wedding everything, I thought my head would explode. I lay on the couch after work staring mindlessly at the tv. Honestly, I don't think I was watching what was on tv I was just disassociating.
"You look like you're suffering from an existential crisis."
"I might be." Bryson chuckled as he sat on my feet, I didn't bother to move them.
"Care if Lee and Dustin come over?"
"Yeah. I miss them." I pulled the blanket hard, tucking the corner under my chin.
"Cool, they will be here in like ten with dinner." I laughed.
"And what if I said no?"
"I beg you to reconsider."
"Oh, I'd like to see that." Grinning, he stood up.
"Lucky for me, you said yes." Smiling to myself, I nestled further into the couch. His words continued to ring in the back of my head. "Lucky for me, you said yes." It fit in so well for our mission, it felt like it fit in our lives too.

The guys came over, greeting Bryson like they hadn't seen him in years. Male friendships are bizarre, they all slowly morph into each other. The guys greeted me of course, just after their bromance.
"Rene." Lee tussled my hair.
"Oh, Rene!" Dustin crawled on top of my lap and cuddled up like a dog.
"Oh, is this what we are doing?" I laughed awkwardly.
"It is." He nestled into the pillow in my lap.
"Oh, wait!" Lee climbed on my other side, using my shoulder as his pillow. I looked up at Bryson with pleading eyes.
"These are your friends." He hummed in agreement, a smile plastered on his face.
"But they look like your problem now." Pinching my lips, I tried to stop from smiling. Normally I'd backhand him for a snarky comment, but my arms seemed a little occupied.

Their burst of affection lasted a whopping 30 seconds before they remembered they brought wings and they were gone. We sat at the table, shoulder to shoulder, fingers covered in sauce. That was the best thing about being friends with guys, you're supposed to be messy. 

Bryson offered to clean up the mess, so the rest of us were on the living room floor joking and laughing. The conversation flow turned slightly. They were making fun of Dustin about a girl he was talking to. Dustin didn't seem to find it nearly as funny. Lee's gray eyes turned and weighed heavy on me. I could feel his gaze without even looking at him. It was a cape of doubt. Eventually, we made eye contact again. Now it was my turn for the heat, but what could he possibly say?
"I heard you had a meltdown over planning a fake wedding." Lee gave a crooked smile.
"What?" It felt like my ears betrayed to me, lying about what they heard, tingling with fire.
"Bryce said you lost it over having to plan a fake wedding." He chuckled. My attention snapped to Bryson. He stood awkwardly, staring at me, deer in headlights, beers in hand. I didn't know whether to lose my cool or let it go. Embarrassment filled my nervous system. Losing my cool won.
"Why?" I snapped, standing up. Staring at him with dark eyes, my gaze begged for him to speak. His mouth hung open as his jaw moved but not a sound was made. The pot boiled over and I lost it. "I could throw my shoe at you!" I barked the first thing that came to mind.
"Don't forget Lee, might knock some sense into them," Dustin mumbled behind me. Lee toppled over in laughter. My eyes were trained on  Bryson. His mouth continued to hang open. Feeling crowded I headed for the door.
"Rene, I'm sorry." He finally said.
"Good." I swung the front door open and marched out. In my triumphant rage exit, I forgot my keys, wallet, and ironically, my shoes. Deciding a nearby bench would do, I sat down.

The air was warm from the day's sun but the night's breeze was rolling in. A neighbor passed by, being polite, I nodded and gave a court smile that matched theirs. My mind was reeling.

I don't know which thought to process first. I was a topic of conversation for them. They talked about me on the regular. Bryson told them about my meltdown over a fake wedding. Do they know my feelings for him? Does Bryson know? All the thoughts slamming in my head were causing me a headache. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back trying to think of nothing but the wind.

I heard shoes on the pavement, taking a quick glance I saw a familiar face. Dustin sat down next to me. We didn't talk for a long moment. Silence nested between us like a fast-growing tree.
"He didn't mean it in a malicious way. We have known each other forever, we talk about everything. He talks about you a lot. You are the closest person to him, the most involved in his life." My heart slammed in my chest. It was a mix between hurt and anxiety. "Lee tends to be a bit dense. He always takes his jokes too far but he doesn't mean them that way." Sighing, I turned to look at Dustin. The breeze played with his blond hair as the sun caught his eyes making them look like melted pools of bronze. My heart skipped a beat back to when I had a crush on him. The feeling faded quickly.
"It's a secret about me that I trusted him with." He nodded with understanding. Dustin was the peacemaker of the group, he was level-headed and always observing.
"I'm not saying I agree with what he did, but I can understand it. You're one of the most important people to him and he was worried about you." I tucked my hair behind my ears. Then again.
"Why can't I be fully mad at him? I want to be but I'm not."
"Because you agree with me. You can hate what he did but can understand why he did it." Sighing, I nodded. He was right. "Rene, I don't know what you go through daily, even Bryce can't fathom that. What I do know is all three of us love you and would do anything for you." Bits of anger melted from my heart like snow. When we care about people, it gets messy. Feelings sometimes overpower logic, one of the many cons to being a human. Reaching my arm out, I hugged Dustin. "You know, I'm glad he met you, and I'm glad we got to too." I squeezed him tighter.
"You guys aren't half bad," I whispered, my voice felt so vulnerable that anything over a whisper might break.
"When we're not being buttheads." We laughed.

After a few moments of silence and me just resting my head on Dustin's shoulders, he gave me a squeeze.
"I think there are a few other people you need to talk to." Groaning, I sank down. Sometimes I forget there are more problems after I fixed one. Out of sight, out of mind.
"Do I have to?"
"Well no, but I feel like your apartment will be really awkward for a while." Laughing, I nodded.
"Alright, alright. I hear you." Giving me another squeeze, he stood up.

The next person who came out was not who I thought it would be. Bryson sat in the middle of the bench so our knees were touching. My heart hammered in my chest, not from anger but from the electricity between us. Lately, it seemed to be a stronger pulse.
"Rene, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. We just talk about everything you are a huge part of my personal and work life." He rambled. Understanding, I nodded.
"Bryce, if there is anyone to be mad at, it's Lee. He's the one who was being a dick." I admitted.
"No, I sh-"
"Bryce, please. I think we both can understand the others side and will be more concision about it in the future." We sat in silence for a moment.
"Sometimes I think you're so much wiser than I could ever be. How we even get along sometimes baffles me." Smiling slightly, I rested my head on his shoulder. I had done the same with Dustin but this felt different. It was charged with emotion, one simple touch.
"My mom always says, opposites attract but they still have things in common. Yin and Yang share a circle." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the wind on my face and in my hair and the connection between us. "We can be so different at times, yet so very similar." Bryson laid his head on mine.
"Always proving my point." Faintly, I chuckled.

After Bryson went inside, Lee came and sat next to me on the bench. My anger had already slipped through and was a melted puddle beneath me but I didn't bother to look at him.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I remained silent. "I'm jealous of him. He used to hang around us so much and we still hang out when we game but it's not the same. He has you to hang out with all the time. You guys live together and you're beautiful and fun and smart and funny." My head turned to Lee, fearing he had a crush on me. A faint smile flickered on his face. "He talks about you all the time. He told me you guys are having to plan a wedding for your mission and he thinks it's cute how riled up you are about it. He talks about you more than he talks about himself. Sometimes I forget you two are just friends." Finally, his eyes met mine. "I didn't mean to upset you or hurt you. I sometimes get spiteful when I'm jealous." Putting my arm out, I pulled Lee into a hug. He nestled in. "I'm really sorry."
"I know," I whispered into the dark curls. "We're okay." He squeezed me tight, just like the other two had.

For a moment my mind flashed back to when Bryson was shot. The first hugs Lee and Dustin gave me after it happened we nearly suffocated. We all leaned on each other like wobbly dominos and sometimes we fall. I love these three, through the good and the bad, I love them.

"You coming?" Asked Lee as he stood from the bench. I racked my fingers through my hair.
"Not yet. In a minute."
"Are you okay?" A somber smile tugged at my lips.
"Yeah." Nodding, he left. Placing my palm over where my heart resides in my chest, I could feel it banging around inside. No matter the time that passed the anxious feeling never went away when I thought of it. The nightmares, for the most part, had stopped but sometimes I do still find myself in Bryson's room. With all the fake wedding planning and just pure exhaustion, most nights u fell asleep without an issue.

When I walked in the door they all huddled together. Looks of guilt speckled their faces.
"What did you do?" I asked with caution.
"Well, nothing." Bryson stood at a peak between them. "We felt bad, so we wanted to make it better?" They all held our trays of steaming muffins with oven mitts on. Laughing, I came in closer. They were a medium brown, darker than normal.
"Why did you make me muffins?"
"Well, actually, they are muffins and cupcakes. We had a box of chocolate cake." Looking up I made eye contact with Bryson.
"Can you help frost them? You know how to do the bag thing and I don't." Smiling widely, I nodded.
"Of course. Thank you."