I have to say goodbye

In the car back to Forestons I just stared out the window. I could feel Bryson's gaze on me but I couldn't bring myself to try and engage.
"Lawrence, you're quiet." Instead of speaking, I just nodded. "Is everything okay?" No. But I don't let people in. Eventually, in my absence, he would find out. Might as well get it over with now.
"My mom's being deployed." My voice was horse.
"For how long?" I shrugged my shoulders. That was the shit thing about deployment, seldom had an end date. "When does she leave?"
"Next week."
"Are you going-"
"Yes." I cut him off. There was no question, no hesitation; I was going to see my mom before she leaves. I would even rival Mr. Gold on that.

When I was a kid, about 8, my mom was given a two-day notice for deployment. We couldn't have fun for two days or even really see much of each other. She was at work and I was going to school. Then at home, she had to pack so Grandma Campbell cooked for us and I helped. I'll never forget that deployment. I prayed every day whether I believe in God or not and asked that my mom could come home on this one. I hadn't gotten enough time or a proper goodbye. By luck or a higher power, she came home early. I was glued to her side for a week.

When we got back to the bunker I wasted no time finding Mr. Gold. He, of course, was in his office. Like always, she was doing the newspaper's crossword or sudoku.
"I need to speak to you." I didn't even knock.
"Hello Lawrence, did you have a nice time?"
"Yes, but I need to speak with you."
"Come in." He gestured to the chair across from him. For good measure, I closed the door behind me.

My nerves were eating me alive. In theory, it was a lot easier to tell him I was going, but now it's real. I wasn't sure what was worse, the having to tell him or the fact that my mom is being deployed again. Our eye contact made me want to explode, and I just might.
"My mom is being deployed." I blurted out, not nearly as diplomatic as I'd hoped for. "I am going home to say goodbye, it's nonnegotiable." He simply nodded.
"I understand. You and Bryson can leave Saturday morning and return Sunday evening. Does that work?" He was so calm about it. He acted as if this wasn't such a huge request at all.
"Well, yes, but I'd like to go alone."
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's not safe." He said simply.
"I'm just going to see my family, Mr. G."
"Lawrence, things are not the same as when you arrived here. You're on a case now. You're an agent. I can't subject you to any harm or potential harm."
"But-"
"Are you embarrassed by your family?" He cut me off.
"No."
"Are you embarrassed by your partner?"
"No."
"Then I don't understand the problem." Of course, he didn't.
"I'm embarrassed by who I used to be in that house." Which was greatly true. A small part wanted it to be just me and my mom but it hadn't been like that in years. Tenderly, Mr. Gold smiled. He had a very fatherly ora about him.
"Lawrence, we all grow up and change. You are a great agent and our first female one at that. You should wear your past as a pin, not as a cape. A pin reminds you where you came from, a cape weighs you down. Remember that."

Walking back to my room in the bunker I thought about what he said. Wear my past as a pin and not a cape. The past was a badge of honor, showing I made it through, and look how great I turned out. A cape weighs you down and can suffocate you. People can step all over your cape and cause you not to fly.

Bryson's door was open and he was laying on his bed. I didn't want to tell him, but I had to.
"We leave Saturday morning for my mom's then come back Sunday."
"We?" He sat up, surprised.
"Yes, it's non-negotiable." I knew he wanted to ask more questions, but he didn't. I was never one for lying, he would have found out it was at Mr. Gold's request, not mine.

Crawling into my bed with swirling thoughts, I curled up into a ball. I had no need to pack but a small bag of the essentials, I still had everything else at home. This was going to be weird, a sleepover at my own house.

A knock at my door jolted me awake. My room was stale and my body hurt from sleeping in a ball. Looking at the door, I was surprised to find Joe instead of Bryson standing there.
"Want to go for a walk?" He smiled, I nodded and got up.

We were out on the shooting range, the sun had nearly set and a small glimpse of purple was all that was left in the sky.
"So how was meeting Bryson's mom?"
"I like her. She's nice. She reminds me a lot of my grandma." I smiled. "Her house is beautiful. I think I could rave about Mrs. Patton forever." Joe chuckled.
"And how is Bryson?"
"Fine? Why do you ask?"
"Oh come on." He nudged me playfully.
"What?"
"Lawrence, they may buy it but I'm no fool." I stopped in my tracks.
"What are you talking about?"
"Seriously?" He chuckled. "I see you two together and how you joke and simply even look at each other."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I proclaimed.
"Right, and pigs fly."
"They do, on planes," Joe smirked.
"That's what I thought."
"It's merely an infatuation, it will fade."
"Right, right." He nodded but said nothing more on the topic.

We might not have said another word about it during our walk but I couldn't think of anything else. He caught me, which forced me to admit it to myself too. I had a crush on Bryson.

Joe walked me back to my room like he always does. Glancing into his room, we both could see Bryson was still awake and playing on the laptop.
"Don't stay up too late." He said to me. "You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow then a long weekend." He winked and left. Rolling my eyes at him, I walked into my room.

It wasn't long until Bryson came over and plopped down.
"Have a good nap and walk with Joe?" He asked still looking at the laptop.
"I didn't even know I fell asleep, Joe scared the shit out of me, but yeah I suppose so." I scooted over to see what he was doing. "Jeez, you leveled up quick."
"Yeah, I have been playing this more than I care to admit it." I laughed and leaned into him.

After a few hours of playing RuneScape, Bryson went back to his room and I curled up in bed. Due to my improvised nap, I wasn't tired now. My mind seemed to be racing 100 miles an hour. Being the neurotic person I am, I got up and wrote a small list of things for Bryson to pack. I'm sure he could figure out most of it like underwear, shirts, toothbrush, and pants. I had nothing else to do and I was anxious about him meeting my family.