Words curl around my skull
Inside and out, void and null
A mixture of meaning, chaotic mess
Conflicting opinions inside my head
Lay in lines on paper, somehow less
Why does order cause distress?
They say seek redemption and grant it too
But I don't have the right and those who do
Are too far above for me to pursue
I dance in the starlight of those that are dead
Ignoring the language that swarms round my head
I've never once fell asleep in my bed
Dreaming's for those who are splattered with red
Attention all, what your passions seek
Sleep is most certainly not for the weak
It's for those who had the courage to speak
To make peace with their pasts
To exude light, not to cast
A shadow of doubt like my people do
Those who sleep easy are very few
And the strength of conviction within their mind
Is what gives them the courage to seek and find
A way to write on paper that isn't lined
To step outside the boundaries we set
To scribble in margins, we get what we get
To spiral the mantra, it's okay to forget
To seek in the mirror what was there from the outset
Rather than tainting our image with shadows of the past
Highlighting our flesh with times that don't last
Dwelling and dwelling on the stars
That are already dead, though their light remains
Streaks us as we dance with shining stains
And in the end who really gains?
We sit blankly staring at a dead sky
Insomnia it's called, and we don't question why
We think it's our cause to lie
Awake in bed and in our hearts
About where sleeplessness really starts
Because if I tell myself it's strong to stay awake
That sleep is just a choice I make
Then maybe I'll believe it still
There's nothing wrong, I have the will
To watch the starry sky from my window sill
I could sleep if I only closed my eyes
Except every word is a twisted lie
Sleep is for the strong
The ones who can get past the things they did wrong
The ones who see that nights are long
And face the nightmares where they don't belong
And they come out the other side
While I roll up a dead sky
Tuck it under my arm, and question why
Why does order cause distress?
Why does sleeping make you less?
When it's a sign of mental progress
I'm wearing last night's yellow dress
And I haven't slept
I'm not strong
Watched as others wept
And acknowledged that somewhere I may have misstepped
Because I'm within the lines I couldn't accept

***

Pet peeve: those that claim sleep is for the weak.

No, it's not, it's for those strong enough to face their own minds.

On the rare occasions I get what might be deemed as a normal amount of rest or even just make the step of closing my eyes, it makes me feel proud. It takes so much effort to even dare to reach that point that it's unreal.

It's difficult.

And I know, throwaway saying, but one that upsets me. I admire those who manage to sleep so regularly and to hear this sort of encouragement towards unhealthy sleep patterns (by those that often don't even struggle with sleeping) it annoys me.

Okay, mini rant over, I hope everyone's having a great day.

Alex xxx