A stream of sunlight. Eyes shot wide open. Taehyung's legs pushed back against the soft bedsheets beneath him, flopped messy hair bouncing while he groggily scanned the bedroom he was laid in.

He was quick to sit up, his unfocused eyes gazed at the wall in front of him, and his hand mindlessly reached for the device situated over his nightstand. His jaw lowered in a yawn, eyes blinking slowly at his phone while he read texts from last night.

jeongguk
— hi hyung :)
— hoseok and I took jimin home. he really needs us right now
— you can head on home without me

taehyung
— okay baby
— i'll see u tomorrow?

delivered ⤸

jeongguk
— yes 🥺❤️
— i love you

read, 2:04 a.m

Taehyung, or rather V, tossed the phone toward the sheets, then rose from the mattress, brows lowering.

Last night he had messaged the boy back just as Taehyung would, but even then he couldn't bring himself to type out that four-lettered phrase in return.

Words he had only said to one person before.

And really, last night's events were a little fuzzy when he tried recalling it precisely. At the very least, he remembered dropping Yerin off at her place, then returning back home and drinking a few glasses of wine before bed. Something he was slowly regretting now that his fuzzy head had become much of a nuisance.

Nevertheless he went on with his morning routine, though his mind couldn't help but be occupied with trivial thoughts.

Thoughts, like the conversation he and Yerin had last night. A talk he had wanted to escape so badly that alcohol had been his only solution. And yet nothing had changed, and his head was throbbing with an excruciating feeling of helplessness.

If there was one thing V hated, it was feeling helpless.

He couldn't stand not being in control of a situation. Being helpless meant being weak. And he sure wasn't pathetic.

No, he was in charge of his own life. In command of it all. Whatever he desired, he'll have it. That was for sure.

But despite this resolve, he had found himself walking up to the school gates with his mind diverted—something that was quite unusual for him. V, of all alters, tended to be the most attentive. Always on the look out for danger, constantly observed the world around him. Yet today the alter reached campus with no proper recollection of how he had really gotten there. His body had been running on auto-pilot while his mind had been perpetually thinking of a certain boy.

The boy who, even now, he just couldn't figure out.

"Oppa!" An airy voice hollered, and Taehyung instinctively turned around to find the girl that had called for him. "Good morning!"

He looked down at the short girl jogging up to him, whom he recognized to be in the photography club, just as he was.

"Ah, hey. 'Morning." Was his simple response.

"Are you stopping by today? For the club meeting? We're going to be curating some photos from the members, so.. If you want to submit something, that would be great." Her chirpy voice continued while the man found himself looking around him, scanning the sea of students scattering here and there, in search of—

Well... What exactly was he looking for, really?

Or rather, who was he hoping to see?

"So what do you think?"

Taehyung blinked, snapped out of his daze. "Oh. Well, I'm busy today." His hands found solace inside his pockets. "Maybe some other time."

The girl's eager smile fell to a pout. "Mm. Fine~ Let me know when you do plan to go, then."

The man simply turned on his heel and disappeared down the gravel pathing, headed to the building where his first class would be held. Because as much as he dreaded sitting for hours attending class, he'd much rather use it as a distraction from the odd ache in his chest.

But class wasn't any different. It didn't offer him much aid when it came to forgetting the thoughts that had been haunting him all night, all morning. In fact, class had felt much shorter because, well—he had been much too distracted to notice if it had dragged on or not.

And just like that, he was walking back out the same building, towards the cafeteria. A sandwich for lunch, accompanied with hot tea, both of which he had sat down to consume outside just so he could have a smoke after. And when he had unwrapped his meal, held the piece of bread between his fingers, the crunch of a footstep nearby made him look up to see Jeon Jeongguk standing there, gazing down at him with his big eyes.

Taehyung blinked in silence, watched as the boy removed his bag from his shoulder and lowered himself to the seat across from him. "Hey," was Jeongguk's greeting word, a gentle smile lifted at the corner of his lips. "I was looking for you."

The older quietly propped his elbows to the table and bit down on the sandwich, not offering up a response.

A gentle breeze filled the lull between them. Jeongguk placed a drink he'd been holding over the tabletop and sighed quietly. "So.." He began, fingers brushing to grab his bag's zipper. "Are you done pretending to be Taehyung?"

When the words left his tongue, the man looked up, eyes scrutinizing the younger while he chewed leisurely on his food. If it were any other person, the alter was sure he would've been caught off guard by such a question. Truly.

But this was Jeon Jeongguk, after all. Of course he would have caught on.

Taehyung let out an inaudible breath, lowered his meal down and let his dark gaze fall directly on the younger. Jeongguk nearly gulped at the sudden stark eye contact. There was a silence that dragged on between the two, in which the younger found himself overly conscious of his own heartbeat, and then Taehyung finally spoke up.

"You are so fucking annoying."

The words rumbled from his throat, an irked look across the man's handsome features. Jeongguk let out the long breath he'd been holding in, his own hands reaching to clasp together underneath the table.

And when the boy didn't utter a response to the statement, Taehyung continued. "Everything you do is against how I predict. You have those moments when I think you'd respond a certain way, but as it turns out, you're too lenient. Too pure. Innocent. No one's got a heart of gold—that's how life works." He spoke, unsure of why he was even saying any of this to him. Unsure why he suddenly felt the need to ramble on. Perhaps his thoughts had gotten to the point where it was just unbearable.

A pause. Then came his quiet, concluding words.

"No one but you.."

Jeongguk looked at him attentively, watched how the man broke eye contact and avoided his gaze, instead redirecting his attention back to his sandwich. The boy sat there in silence, unsure of how to counter the words spoken to him. Except he didn't need to—the alter was completely right about him.

"I bother you so much, with the way I am, because I'm a boy. Isn't that it?"

Quiet chewing. Though Taehyung made no effort to look at the younger.

"If I was a girl, would you have loved me, too? The way Taehyung does?"

At these words, the man finally lifted his head. Jeongguk found himself engaged in those eyes again but as always he couldn't quite find means to read them. V had always been illegible—hard to figure out, lacking any sense. But that hasn't stopped the boy before. And it sure wouldn't stop him now, despite how fragile he felt under his gaze.

To be honest, he wasn't quite sure what it was he expected the man to say. It wasn't like he was going to profess his love for him or anything, and yet Jeongguk felt the need to confront him with such words. Just to pick his brain—figure out what it was that he was thinking. Because, V was never really one to initiate expressing his emotions. Rather, it would have to be dragged out of him.

So when the alter had spoken his response, Jeongguk was rendered speechless. Not because the words had really shocked him all that much, but it was the lack of repulse, the lack of intent to argue against him. His calm, gentle response.

"You're great the way you are, Jeon."

And with those words came a pulse inside his chest. Because, was it possible the man was saying that him being a boy, who likes other boys, was something he finally found acceptable?

It was unthinkable. So much that Jeongguk wasn't sure if he could take it as an answer just then.

"Am I?" He spoke quietly, almost at a whisper. "Because you-... You've always tried to make me feel disgusting for being the way that I am. Like it was a sin." A pause. Jeongguk looked down at his own fingers gliding over the tabletop. "So does it not bother you that Taehyung, your own host, is 'sinning'? That he's in love with a boy?"

There was a short stalling moment where neither of them spoke, and neither of them made any movement. That was, until a gentle breeze blew past their noses.

"Well, that's... really not much of my concern." The older spoke, leisurely grabbing the drink beside him and pressing the bottle opening to his lips. "I've lived every day of my life making sure Taehyung has the freedom to live however the fuck he wants."

Jeongguk's lips pried open while he breathed in a small cluster of cold air past his teeth. "So then... what about you?"

Taehyung blinked back at him.

"How is it that you want to live?"

And there it was.

The question that had seemed to throw the male off-guard for a second. As though no one had ever thought to ask him such a thing, and it wasn't like he, himself, had given it much thought either.

"How I want to live..." He repeated the question beneath his breath, and for the first time, he was stumped on how to answer. Unsure, even, of why he was struggling to come up with a reply.

But that was when he came to realize why that was the case, and as soon as the answer came to him naturally, the words were slowly trickling from his tongue.

"That's quite a difficult question, Jeon." He lowered the bottle back down upon the table. "After all, I..."

A short pause.

His eyes met Jeongguk's.

"I want to die young."

※ ※

The familiar walk toward his lecture wasn't any different today, and yet Jeongguk felt unlike himself. Or rather, his thoughts were drifted to a peculiar place. One he not often found himself indulged in.

And it was all because of those words V had said to him only minutes ago, with a solemn expression, vacant eyes, a soulless voice; the words that had pushed cold air between them.

"I want to die young."

What exactly did the man mean by that? Surely he hadn't meant it literally—and certainly there were further implications by that statement.

Surely.

But there was also the possibility V had meant exactly what he said, and Jeongguk couldn't rid his chest of the feeling of dire worry.

"Hm, I must say.." A deep voice pulled Jeongguk back from his ceaseless distress. "I'm surprised you let me walk you to your class."

The younger one lifted his head, peeking a glance at the man strolling beside him. A quiet scoff left him. "Why's that?"

Taehyung gave a shrug, then a simple response. "I assume it's easier on you not being around me."

"And why's that?" Jeongguk repeated.

This time the question made the alter pause for a moment.

"Hm.." Taehyung finally hummed out. "If you really want me to answer that, you'll only remind us both what a terrible man I really am."

The boy turned his head forward to look in front of him, watched as students scattered from the very building they were headed toward.

"You're not terrible..." He spoke up in a soft voice. "You've just gone through some things... Things that no normal person can comprehend. Because of that, you're strong. Stronger than anyone I know."

Silence fell between the two that had been filled by the faraway chatter of their school mates. A silence that Jeongguk felt would be permanent if he didn't carry on the conversation. But just as he began to worry over what else he could speak to the alter about, he suddenly remembered something he'd been meaning to say.

"By the way, V.." He began with a clear of his throat, eyes lowering to the ground. "You heard me talking to Taehyung, right? About Donghyun?"

A loud, curt laugh. "Who?"

Jeongguk's brows narrowed. "Donghyun, from my lecture class."

"Ahh... Dongshit?" The man smirked. "Your little classmate?"

The younger sighed beneath his breath, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Just-... leave him alone. He's got nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me?" Taehyung hummed, a pensive glaze in his eyes. "You implying that he's got something with you?"

"Of course he does," Jeongguk drawled out as if it were obvious. "He's in my class. Besides, we're friends. You shouldn't make my friends' lives difficult."

"And why not?"

This time Jeongguk couldn't hold back the long sigh that pushed past his throat, eyes nearly watering. His teeth sank to bite into his bottom lip where they ground up the flesh, hands now clenching up beside him. Somehow this kind of conversation with the alter was tiring, and it was difficult not to express some sort of annoyance without saying anything that would earn him backlash from the older.

Taehyung blinked at the sight of the smaller boy sulking, letting his stare linger on him a while longer before he straightened his shoulders.

"Mm.. You're frustrated with me, aren't you?"

Jeongguk remained silent, his steps continuing beneath him.

"What would make you feel better, then?"

The younger lifted his head to look at him curiously, unsure if the man was serious or not. And well, it's not like his expressions ever changed. V always had the same blank look on his face, after all. But it was all in the way he looked at things. The glint in his eyes. Jeongguk didn't see any ill intent in him now. In fact, it seemed the alter was still in one of his rather 'calm' moods.

"Oh—I know.." The older then spoke up, the depth of his voice crawling deep into Jeongguk's veins. "Let's go on a date."

The boy's eyes quickly widened in utter shock. "Wha-.." His hands began to feel clammy at his palms. "A d-date?"

"Yes." Was his simple response. "A date."

There was a short moment of hesitation from Jeongguk, where he inhaled a quiet breath and held it for a few seconds.

And that was when the alter continued. "Don't worry, I'll let Taehyung enjoy it for the rest of us. We'll all have our date with you vicariously through him."

Jeongguk's jaw lowered as he gaped at him, unsure of how to even react at such a suggestion.

But well, it would be their first date ever. Just him, and all the Taehyungs.

"So do you want to?"

The boy fought back a smile that had pushed into the corners of his lips anyway.

And his answer came naturally.

"Of course I do. Let's go on a date."

✱