The raging storm that bathed the city outside had only seemed to worsen since their arrival at Namjoon's apartment.

Jeongguk was seated over the cushioned couch, legs pressed together in a polite posture, the dark living room was gently soaking in a single source of light; which had been the large lamp beside Namjoon, casting a warm lighting around their proximity.

The room had a lumber scent. A scent that had only reminded the boy of being in a certain someone's arms. Gave a tight feeling to his chest.

But the thought dissipated once he noticed Namjoon cross his arms and sigh softly in front of him. After a couple seconds, the older spoke with a careful voice.

"It's called D.I.D..." he had said, tone composed. "Stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder."

Jeongguk's mouth pried open slowly, the words trickling into his head as through to slowly process them.

"Dissociative..." He trailed off, big eyes settled over the older. He looked down at his lap, at his open palm where his fingers were shaking ever so slightly. And it dawned on him within a single second. "As in... multiple personalities?"

Namjoon kept a calm smile over his lips, his expression gentle. He knew if he let a serious, stern face come upon him it would only make the younger boy feel more unsettled. But he wanted, more than anything, for Jeongguk to approach what he was about to learn with an open mind.

Of course, he couldn't force the boy to think in that way. Honestly, whatever happened after all this was all up to Jeon Jeongguk, in the end.

So Namjoon figured he'd just play his role. All he had to do was do it well.

"That's right.." he gave a short nod. "Although arguably the disorder is much more complicated than what's on the surface. There's a lot of misconceptions—many things we still don't understand about it. It's very much still a delicate topic.."

Jeongguk finally lifted his head to look at the composed man seated across from him.

"Will you listen to my explanation concerning D.I.D, as it pertains to Taehyung's life?" he asked in an inviting, coaxing voice. "Like I said, I just want to have a conversation with you. Check in with you, if possible. But if there's anything you don't wish to hear, I won't force it upon you—"

"No.." Jeongguk interrupted. Namjoon's brows rose when he saw the determined fire growing in the boy's eyes. "Tell me everything. Don't hold back, I-... I can take it."

"Are you sure?"

A nod of his head. Namjoon didn't sense any hesitation in his gesture.

"Very well, then." The older's smile returned to his face. He leaned forward, elbows propped upon his thighs while his hands crossed into fists ahead of him. "I'll start simple. I will warn you, though... I won't be sugarcoating anything."

Jeongguk gave another nod. A firm, curious glow in his eyes. "Of course. Don't."

"Right, well..." He breathed in, prepped himself to explain what he knew he had to as intricately as possible. As such, he began. "So, people with D.I.D, they... have a varying amount of personalities, personas, or something of the sort, living in their head. These guys can vary from all kinds of ages, species, anything, really. Take the imagination of a child, and it can be possible in a D.I.D personality. We call them 'alters'. Each alter has their own preferences, tastes, things they like, things they don't. They are essentially their own people, much like you and I."

The boy listened quietly, hyper-attentive to every word Namjoon spoke.

"Taehyung, himself, has four alters." A pause. "I'm going to tell you their names, okay?"

Jeongguk felt his stomach slowly sinking, but quietly he uttered a small, "Okay..."

Namjoon looked at him with a warm gaze, encouraging calmness in the younger. "Good. So, first up, there's Dot. He didn't quite tell us his name, at first. Didn't seem like he even had one for himself. But that wouldn't be too odd, considering he's a mute alter; meaning that he doesn't speak, but rather communicates through writing and sign language." Namjoon gave a lowered laugh. "He's very polite. Cute, if I'm being honest. He was the first alter of Taehyung's I ever met. I was also the one who named him; since he didn't speak a single word, one day I accused him of talking in ellipses. That's that 'dot, dot, dot' shit you see in comics or plays, when a character doesn't speak." Another quiet chuckle. "So I called him 'Dot'. He laughed, and insisted that was his new name."

Jeongguk inhaled a sharp breath, teeth skidding over his bottom lip. He realized for a moment, that he'd let a smile peek over his face.

With a clear of his throat he leaned back against his chair and waited for the older to continue.

"Hm.. Next is V..." he sighed softly.

Jeongguk felt his entire body freeze.

V...

The name he'd been hearing more often than seemed normal these days. He had thought it was some kind of code name, or alias of the sort, for Taehyung. But as it turns out, he was an entire personality living in the man's body.

"V is... the next alter I met, after Dot. He was also the one who dated my sister, Yerin. Or rather, Taehyung didn't quite pursue her, V did."

The younger's jaw nearly dropped, fingers growing numb.

That, he wasn't expecting. But the more he thought about it, the more it oddly seemed to make sense. The puzzle pieces in his head only grew in quantity. But slowly, little by little... He began to think that someday he'd be able to put them together.

"He's, by far, the most complicated of all of them. Taehyung's been lucky to have alters who behave, for the most part. But V is certainly... not always one of them. He's dedicated to protecting Taehyung, no doubt. But his methods are not always the best. That being said he longs to enjoy life, too. In his own way, as his own person. Hence, falling in love with Yerin, I suppose."

Jeongguk kept his head down while he listened.

"I won't get into the Yerin and V love story. That can be discussed another day, and frankly it's not quite what's important right now. Ehm, what to say about him... He's very... bold? Rough. Hard-headed. Knows what he wants and has to get it no matter what. He also gets angry a lot, but he can't control that. And despite being labeled some kind of monster by those who've met him, he can have a sweet side to him if he likes you. Although he can be shy about it."

Another quiet chuckle. Namjoon unclasped his hands and looked at Jeongguk, who was gazing at the carpet. He waited a moment, and the younger suddenly spoke up with a trembling voice.

"He's the o-one who... hit me, r-right...?" Jeongguk asked in a whisper. Namjoon's brows lowered, a tightness forming in his chest.

"Ehm..." He paused. "Yes."

Jeongguk's teeth dug into his bottom lip.

"I know that it hurts, and... you probably viewed Taehyung in a different light because of it. But Taehyung, himself, would never hurt you, kid.." Namjoon said in a soft voice. "As for V... It's very easy to hate him for it—for anything he does. Often times he does have solid reasons for his actions. Or at least... reasons he believes in. But at times like this I know for a fact that he, as well, didn't mean to hurt you either."

Jeongguk let a dry laugh scratch from his throat. "Didn't mean to hurt me..? I get that I can't hold Taehyung accountable for his alters' actions, but... If alters are their own people then certainly I can hold V to his own shit, no?"

Namjoon's persistently kind smile remained patiently on his face. "You can. They are their own people, so... Of course you can." When he saw Jeongguk hesitate, unable to utter another word, he continued. "I'll get back to you on that, yeah? For now let me tell you about the third alter."

The boy clenched his fist.

"This next one is called Vante. He's... very loud, bubbly. Blunt, and persistent. Very expressive. Can't stand still most of the time. He loves animals and colors and food and... guys. Cute guys, in particular. Guys like you."

Jeongguk blinked slowly, mouth prying open while his brows began to knit together.

Namjoon laughed in amusement at the mere look on the other's face, falling back against his seat before he let his body relax.

"My apologies—I just wanted to get a reaction from you," he snickered while watching as Jeongguk's eyes narrowed. "But really though, Vante's been very expressive on not being attracted to girls. If you catch my drift."

The boy huffed out a breath, and Namjoon thought for a second that Jeongguk had pouted a little. "Have I met him?" He mumbled out in a small voice.

"Vante?" Namjoon pondered for a moment. "Hm.. I don't know, have you?" He asked the question in almost a challenging tone. "You tell me. I doubt you would've met Dot, but Vante seems to really like you."

Jeongguk let his gaze waver across the room.

Loud. Bubbly. Blunt.

It's true that Jeongguk had often thought those things about Taehyung. Times when the man had seemed unlike himself, a brighter sparkle in his eyes, an energetic demeanor to his actions. Even the way he spoke, had more spirit to it. And, of course, everyone knew that Taehyung had a naturally deep voice. But in the moments when the man seemed more vivid in personality, his way of speaking held a slightly higher tone. Even Jeongguk could notice those small details.

And—well...

Polite. Cute. Communicates through writing.

Jeongguk let out a hefty gasp, jaw dropping while his pupils dilated in a matter of milliseconds.

' did you have a good sleep? you look really cute when you're dozing off. '

That day. When he had gotten drunk at Abyss, and Taehyung took him to his apartment to sober up. He had woken up in the older's bedroom, to the smell of pancakes being made.

' i made it while thinking of you. '

Those were notes that the man had written down for him after cooking up something for him to eat. At the time Jeongguk thought Taehyung was merely being playful by writing his words down rather than saying them. He was adorable, even. He felt as though he were in some sort of scene from a movie, passing notes even though the other person was right in front of him.

But, no.

That was—...

"I've m-met Dot, a-actually..." He nearly choked the words out. "Vante, as well. For sure. I... I-I've met them all..."

Namjoon's eyes widened. "You really met Dot...?" He spoke in sheer disbelief. "Really? You really did?"

"I believe so..." Jeongguk clasped his hands together again. "Taehyung wasn't talking, but... writing to me instead. I didn't think much of it at the time but I did remember feeling as though something was slightly off. Taehyung then got some kind of... headache... and started talking normally again."

Namjoon gaped at him in silence for a moment before he snapped out of it, his shoulders slumping a little as he recollected himself. "So Dotie was comfortable enough around you to front... That's amazing."

"Front...?"

"Fronting is... taking control of the system, if you will. Seeing as he's living with this disorder, Taehyung's body is considered a 'system'. It refers to all the personalities' physical state, which is the body they share. Taehyung's body, except it's not fair to say it's just Taehyung's."

Jeongguk gulped quietly.

"If Dot is 'fronting' it means he's taking control of their body. And 'switching' is the term used when an alter switches to 'front' instead. They switch control. That 'headache' you saw Taehyung have that day wasn't quite a headache, but rather... He switched in to take back control. Make sense?"

"Y-Yeah..." The boy thought for a moment. "So-... So when one of them is... 'fronting'... Does that mean the others don't know what's going on...?"

Namjoon gave a sigh. "Hm... It depends. It varies—all the time." He turned to look at the television a few feet away, although it remained switched off. "Think of it as... Say, Taehyung is playing a video game, right?"

Jeongguk nodded.

"Imagine he's playing a game... and he's trying to complete a level. But sometimes CPU players take control of his character, and whatever he does on his controller doesn't work. Now, when you and I play this 'game' or rather, life, we have full access to our controller. Our character, or 'body' moves when we want it to precisely how we want it to. We also have full vision of the screen we're playing on, and the game audio."

Namjoon looked back toward Jeongguk.

"Now for Taehyung, other CPU players, or the alters, can take control of his remote any time they want. When this happens he can't move his controller—they do that for him, but sometimes he can still see the screen. He can watch and hear what's happening around them, he just can't do anything about it. Other times, though, the alters 'turn the screen off', and Taehyung can't see or hear anything in the game anymore. So the next time the 'television' switches back on and he can play again, he's left at a random point in the game, not knowing what's going on."

Jeongguk listened in silence.

"It's the same for alters, though. Sometimes they're not watching the television—what Taehyung is doing, but off doing their own thing. Which means that what you do or talk about with Vante, may or may not be something Taehyung was watching; and vice versa. Other times Taehyung may be listening in to bits and pieces, but he can't see what's going on. Same for the other alters. Except... the alters are more likely to always know what's going on, rather than Taehyung."

The younger's throat felt dry. "W-Why is that...?"

"Well, let me explain the disorder a bit more clearly.."

Namjoon adjusted himself in his seat, breathed in, and continued.

"The 'original' alter, is called the Host. I'm using the term 'original' loosely because, well... It's more complicated than that. By original, I mean the person who was first born. The original personality. In Taehyung's case, Taehyung himself is the host. He was named Kim Taehyung when he was born, V and the others didn't exist back then because you can't be born with D.I.D. So suppose him the 'original'. You follow?"

"Yeah..."

"Now, D.I.D is caused in people who go through traumatic events during their childhood years. Usually kids aren't equipped to deal with all the severe trauma, and I guess their mentality shatters. Because of this, alters usually make it their job to protect their host. To shield them from these traumatic experiences they can't seem to handle on their own. In that sense, alters take in all the pain from their host to lift the weight off of them. They're a coping mechanism. It's also why hosts are usually left in the dark about things they shouldn't know about so that it can't hurt them; and often they have gaps in their memory. They can't remember their childhood well, they only remember blacking out whenever an alter switches in. They're kept in the dark about everything.."

"So does-... d-does that mean Taehyung doesn't know about his own alters?"

"He didn't... at first. But he's come a long way from the past. The Taehyung of today is much better at navigating the residents in his head... but, he still has much to learn."

Jeongguk's heart pulsed at such sorrowed words.

The two boys then fell quiet. Jeongguk could hear the aggressive clacking of rain against the windows, while he watched the angled shadow casted over Namjoon's face, the warm light from the lamp beside him contrasting the other side.

With a heaviness in his chest, the younger managed to continue the questions pressing at his curiosity.

"D-Does... Taehyung not remember h-his trauma..? If he doesn't, t-then... No o-one knows the kinds of things he went through... r-right..?"

Namjoon seemed to contemplate the question for a while. Seconds that grew into minutes. But Jeongguk waited patiently. After all, he understood that he wasn't going to grasp every single answer he seeked. At least not right now, and perhaps not ever.

"I've had a few long conversations with Taehyung's alters over the years, so..." He rubbed at his knuckles. "Of course I know what he went through. Bits of pieces I've gathered for a long time... I was able to compile them all into a full story. But, I... won't get into all that."

Jeongguk bit his lip and gave a polite nod.

"You understand, don't you?"

"...O-Of course."

Namjoon gave a satisfied smile, then calmly spoke again. "Any other questions for now?"

The boy hummed beneath his breath, unable to look Namjoon in the eyes as he prepped himself to ask the next big thing he wanted answers for.

"H-... Hyukjae..." he whispered. "He's... He's not real then, right? I-I mean... He's like some kind of... i-imaginary friend...?"

"Hm.." Namjoon reached to drink from his beverage a moment. Then, as the mug hit the coaster once again, the man uttered a soft breath. "I suppose I should explain this one last thing then, huh..." He wiped tea residue from the corner of his lip. "To explain Hyukjae I have to, well... further explain the alters a bit more, there's-... Well, there's sort of... complications, to all of them..."

Jeongguk tapped his foot over the carpet.

"Actually there's one alter I left out before... His name is X, or... At least that's what he calls himself."

The boy perked his head.

Another alter..?

Right, he did say there were four.

"This one I'm sure you haven't met, because... Well, X likes to live inside their head more than their body. Not much is known about him, since none of us have actually spoken to him. Other than the system known as Taehyung, of course." Namjoon rubbed at his chin. "So we'll cast him aside for now. Let's start off with Dot again. Taehyung's alters each individually have their own shit going on, as a result of trauma they've shared alongside Taehyung. It's not like they're invincible—of course, they have their own feelings, too. Which has led them to their own coping mechanisms, and.. Unfortunately, their own conditions."

The man continued, mug in his right hand. "For Dot, of course, it's his selective mutism. Obviously, Taehyung's physical body is able to speak just fine. All the other alters do, so we know it for a fact. But Dot's had.. to take bullshit in Taehyung's place, to protect him from it. They all have. In Dot's case, well... The short explanation would be that Taehyung was constantly told not to speak. His opinions, as the child he was, were deemed 'unnecessary' so... He was harshly taught to be quiet. To be silent. Don't speak, don't even let a breath make a single sound. Hence, Dot doesn't speak. And as such Taehyung as a system didn't either, just as they were taught."

Jeongguk gaped as the man spoke with a lowered gaze. Surely, Namjoon didn't wish to see his reaction to hearing such brutal stories.

"Next is V. Now, Taehyung used to hold a lot of anger as a kid, over the way he was treated. Rightfully so, too. Anyone in that situation would wonder, why is this happening to me? But Taehyung didn't know where to direct that anger. So V did it for him. V does the blunt actions Taehyung wouldn't ever dare think about carrying out. He was born from that side of him, Taehyung's desire to stand up for himself. But, of course, V grew to be his own person as well. One Taehyung doesn't always hold control over. Actually, um... Seokjin's friend is a doctor. Through him we were able to diagnose V to have Intermittent Explosive Disorder... This means that he has spontaneous outbursts of violent behavior. It can be verbal or physically, but usually it happens suddenly and can get a little intense. Hence why he... tends to hurt people without thinking twice. It's safe to say there are times where he does regret his actions, though."

The boy could feel a pulse in his chest, a wave of dismay washing over every single inch of his body. Slowly, he was no longer able to feel his own heartbeat. The more that the older continued to speak, the more he could feel his soul slipping away.

"And, finally... Vante."

Namjoon inhaled a long breath and released it.

"When Taehyung was... very small. Perhaps, four years old? His father died in an accident. His dad was a man who... loved his family. A lot. Unconditionally so. Taehyung's mother was pregnant, at the time."

Jeongguk lifted his head, that had suddenly felt heavy as though it were weighing down on him with the strength of a thousand moons.

"It was a terrible time for her. She was stressed, left alone with a child to take care of while another one was on the way. Plus, she was mourning her husband's death; the man she loved most in the world. Weeks rolled by, and one day Taehyung's mother woke up only to realize she was having a miscarriage.."

Namjoon's fists tightened.

"After losing both her husband and second child, Taehyung's mother fell into a deep depression. She was unresponsive to most things, couldn't take care of herself. She loved Taehyung with all her heart, but she couldn't give him the attention he needed. And how could she? Her mental state was deteriorating at an alarming rate..."

The older heard a small sniffle.

"Taehyung's unborn sibling was said to be a boy. His parents were going to name his brother 'Kim Hyukjae'... In a way, growing up Taehyung hated being an only child. But the name stuck in his mind. Kim Hyukjae."

Jeongguk lowered his head, palms coming to cover his face.

"Vante hated being an only child, too. So he brought back his little brother, with his imagination. How he would've looked like, how he would've acted, the kinds of things he would say. Vante has it all mapped out in his head. But he got deep into his fantasy, and... Well, he believes that the Hyukjae in his head is real, and very much alive.."

Namjoon's gaze finally settled over the distressed boy with his lowered head.

"V, Taehyung and Vante have been prescribed antidepressants.. And with the way their switching is uncoordinated, it's very easy to overdose. All they know is that they have to take it, but they don't know if someone else already fed the drug to their body. There's only so much the human body can take, you know.. Often times I have to be aware of the signs—Taehyung's body is quick to decline when he starts to overdose. We try hiding the pills and telling only Taehyung, but the others soon find out where they are, so that doesn't really work. Besides, when they don't keep up with medication, their conditions start to flare up. Mostly being, Vante's hallucinations and V's outbursts of anger.."

"Jesus..." Jeongguk muttered under his breath, lungs compressing in on themselves. Namjoon's words began to feel muffled against his ears, his heartbeat now loud inside his chest. Excruciatingly so, to the point Jeongguk's body felt numb of the world around him.

He sniffled back the growing tears in his eyes, arms settling over his head as he leaned down in his seat, upon his lap.

Because as expected, it was much too horrifying hearing these things. Jeongguk hadn't at all been ready to learn such cruel stories about the man he had fallen in love with.

The very man who had gently held Jeongguk's heart in his hands, pulled it close, and lightly kissed it.

✱ ✱ ✱

{ A / N }

so i lied, the slight time jump will be next chapter 🙃

this one was very information heavy in terms of joon explaining everything to jk, so i didn't want to rush it. hope it wasn't information overload, and that u all learned a little more :]