The sound of something breaking.

Taehyung awakened from his sleep.

Then, a sound of unfamiliarity. He covered his ears, but he couldn't go back to sleep.

The pain in his throat was getting worse. He tried to cover it, but he didn't have a voice.

Today, he heard that sound again. But—

"——hyung..."

What...?

Was that, Jeongguk's voice?

"...—to... to talk..."

That's him. That's the sound of his voice. Jeon Jeongguk's voice.

He was here?

"—about it now—...never will..."

The sound of something ringing again.

And again, there was a crack on that frozen lake. He pushed past it, and emerged from its waters.

Or rather, the boy's voice had pulled him back from a dark place. And it was he, who had control again.

Taehyung's eyes fell closed. He held the side of his head with a trembling palm of his hand. It had been a while since his consciousness was so active, having been thrown back into the world that never seemed to agree with him. Never seemed to coax happiness toward him. The very world that he hadn't been able to face for days upon days upon days, because—well, why would he? There hadn't been any motive for him to anymore. And yet, upon his glorious return he was the one who remained still, following the shocking actions that V had done before him. The ringing in his head that had since fallen silent, as though having done nothing to be blamed for.

But it didn't take much for him to put two and two together.

When Taehyung had opened his eyes he saw Jeongguk, who was on the floor, blood cascading from his nose—evidence of impact. And the tears in his eyes. His shaky body. A sorrowful gaze. His suppressed sobs. The boy held his left cheek, where Taehyung could see remnants of reddened skin splashed over his face as though a brush to a canvas.

No. There was no way.

"Jeo—... Jeongguk.." He let out quietly, throat dry, an unease in his stomach as he sought to confirm his suspicions.

There was no way he'd just hurt the boy... was there?

Taehyung tried to calm his accelerating heartbeat. The throbbing in his chest had rendered him speechless, even. He felt like any second now, he could throw up from sheer frustration.

"Jeongguk.." he repeated, taking slow steps toward the boy.

The boy reacted quickly to his approach.

"Don't t-touch me!!!" Jeongguk yelled out frantically, in a panicked voice, the built up tears in his eyes now streaming furiously down his face. While the words left his mouth he flinched, huddling to the side as he raised his hands over his head to shield himself from another blow he thought could come any second now. Taehyung froze from where he stood, his mouth swiftly parting open. He took two steps back, not wanting the boy to feel more distressed than he already seemed, although he was also quite startled by the sudden outburst.

"I-I'm s-sorry..." The older uttered beneath his breath. "Did... I hurt you?"

But the younger didn't seem to hear him. Instead, Jeongguk brought his legs closer, forced himself to lift his own body up while simultaneously scrambling away from the man.

"P-P-Please, h-hyung..." Jeongguk squeaked out, gulping in a breath. "Please don't-... I'm r-really sorry. I shouldn't have a-asked.. I'm so sorry... Just please.. don't come near me..."

Taehyung gaped at him, unsure what the boy had even meant by that. But he was far too distracted to ask him about it. Because, right. He couldn't focus on a single fucking thing except that look in Jeongguk's eyes.

That look of utter fear washing his pupils in a terrified gaze, decorating his face with that of true terror.

It pulled every single ounce of oxygen from Taehyung's lungs and left him with nothing. Made him deny the reality he had seeped back into.

He's seen that look in his face somewhere before. In his dream.

He's seen Jeongguk gaping at him as though he weren't human. And with a startled gaze the boy had said, "I can't be around you anymore."

So was this it? Was Jeongguk finally going to say those words to him, not in a dream but to his face?

Suddenly Taehyung felt cold, his muscles frozen.

He merely continued to stare at the boy, tears of frustration threatened to form at his eyelids, but in that moment his body was rendered still. He felt as though one wrong movement could send the boy into a panic, and he surely didn't want to scare him any more than he already had.

Over in the distance, the sound of a door swinging open scurried down the hall. The two men stopped to turn their heads slightly, falling silent except for the quiet sobs that would occasionally slip from Jeongguk's wavering lips.

Then, came footsteps. And seconds later a figure appeared at the doorframe, eyes belonging to none other than Suzo who had settled over the sight in front of him, taking a moment to process what exactly was going on.

"Hyung...?" Suzo uttered in a quiet voice upon his return from his shower, eyes wide as he saw the blood over Jeongguk's face, how he was on the ground, and how Taehyung towered a few feet away from him.

But before the man could think on anything to say, Jeongguk was quick to lift himself from the floor as though his life depended on it, dashing straight toward Suzo's direction, who instinctively stepped aside once Jeongguk had reached his proximity. The boy ran out the bedroom, down the hall, his heart rate speeding, breaths lacking. Taehyung's lips parted once he heard the front door open and shut just as quickly. He turned toward the window, where the pouring rain had only gotten worse.

He inhaled a sharp breath, feet stepping forward, ready to run after the boy who had dashed out into the storm. But... no.

He couldn't.

He knew that he still shouldn't know Jeongguk's exact address, for the boy's own safety. It was too dangerous for V to know such things. But quite honestly he was worried about the younger running home in this weather, so late at night.

"Fuck..." he whispered, running an exasperated hand through his face, body falling back to sit over the mattress as he felt a headache start to come on.

"Hyung..?" The boy at the doorframe repeated, and Taehyung felt his breath halt.

"Who even are you...? Why are you in my apartment...?" He mumbled out without giving it much of a second thought.

Suzo's brow quirked up, a worried look twinkling his eyes. "What are you talking about...? I'm Suzo.." The guy took a few steps closer. "Did those Acre guys hit you that hard over the head?"

Taehyung's fingers scurried frantically through his scalp.

Right. One of V's friends, must be.

Before he knew it, he let a dry laugh slip from his throat. "Hah... Of course..." he uttered.

V... V... V... It was always fucking V.

Taehyung's eyes slowly drew open, hands lowering from his face. Lightning flashed from the window, bathing the room in a white light for only a mere second.

Over the frozen lake, a thick ice had formed.

※ ※

Blond strands of hair peeked through an ocean of lowered heads over a set of library tables. Yoongi held a textbook close in his hands, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips while he approached his tiny boyfriend, who sat at the corner near a large book shelf.

"Hey," he said quietly, not wanting to hear the loud shush's of the librarian who, despite rarely being visible around the study tables, had a talent for hearing noises that reached past a certain decibel.

"Hey," Jimin returned the greeting, his plump lips lifted into a cute smile. Yoongi lowered himself to the chair beside him and settled his bag atop the table surface.

"I thought you'd be here studying with Jeongguk."

Jimin's smile gently faded. "Yeah, well... He's sick today. Apparently he was out in the rain."

Yoongi nodded his head and began to gather materials from his bag, although he felt a tightness in his chest because, well... Taehyung, too, was absent today. He figured there could be a million reasons why that could be the case, and they would all involve Jeon Jeongguk. He just hoped the boy hadn't been too shocked yesterday, finding out that Hyukjae hadn't been a real boy. To be quite honest, he was just worried. Worried about Taehyung, and surprisingly worried more for Jeongguk.

"You alright?" Jimin's voice slipped him right back into reality.

Yoongi gave a gentle clear of his throat. Surely the boy couldn't possibly know the true reason behind his best friend's absence...

"Yeah, uh.. Let's just study a little before my next class, yeah?"

Jimin turned his head to look out the window beside him, where the rain still hadn't let out this morning, although it was pouring at a much lighter rate now, compared to last night.

"Mhm, sure."

※ ※

"You sure you want to do that, baby?" Namjoon's smirk only grew wider as his eyes settled over Seokjin, who sat across from him.

"Shut up and let me think," the older whined, brows knitted cutely in focus while he lifted a pawn piece off the chess board.

Namjoon gave a low chuckle before he leaned forward and moved his knight piece to the left. "Checkmate."

"Shiiit..." Seokjin huffed, gaping at the positions of the board pieces in disbelief. Then, suddenly, the door to the break room swung open, and in came the muffled sound of karaoke pumping from upstairs.

The two men turned their heads to see Kim Taehyung standing there, his eyes fixated on the two, seemingly out of focus. They stared at him in silence, and slowly, Namjoon's eyes widened.

"Taehyung..." he whispered.

Seokjin snapped his head to look at Namjoon, eyes nearly bulging from its sockets. "T—... Taehyung? That's Taehyung?"

"Yeah.." The younger mumbled in a rough voice. "Not V. It's just me. Hey."

"My poor kid.." Namjoon mumbled, dashing out of his seat and running to hug the man. Taehyung's eyes closed, chin propping down over his hyung's shoulder. He felt his body tremble for a second. "Are you alright?" Namjoon's large hands brushed over Taehyung's hair. "When did you front? Yesterday?"

"Uhm... Four days ago or so..."

"Did you talk to Jeon Jeongguk?"

Taehyung paused. Slowly, he pulled back from Namjoon's embrace. "What exactly... happened...? Do you know? Can you tell me?"

The older turned to look at Seokjin for a brief second, who gave him a lenient nod of his head.

"Well.." Namjoon cleared his throat. "According to Yoongi, he... I mean, Jeongguk met Hyukjae. Or rather, Vante introduced him."

There was a long silence in the room. Even though Abyss' basement wasn't particularly safe from the ruckus going on upstairs, the room seemed particularly quiet in that moment. There wasn't a single sound to distract Taehyung from his thoughts, while the new information slowly sank into his chest.

And after what had felt like hours just standing there, the simple word left his mouth. "Oh..."

"Taehyung, I'm..." Namjoon sighed softly. "I'm so sorry... I wish there was something I could do to help, but it seems there's no way to fix this. Jeongguk will get suspicious if he hasn't already.."

"I know.." The man uttered beneath his breath. "But I decided if I-... If I want him in my life, then... I have to tell him the truth. Or else it just doesn't... make sense... does it?"

Namjoon bit his lip.

"The problem is... I've tried to talk to him a couple times now," Taehyung continued. "I skipped school three days ago 'cause I just couldn't find it in me to leave my bed—had way too much to think about, and then... Next day I tried talking to Jeongguk. I felt like I shouldn't... Like I have no right to, but... I couldn't just let the days go on with him thinking I would purposely hurt him. He's been avoiding me. Not talking to me. Not even looking me in the eyes. I think sometimes I see him shaking whenever I'm around him, and he always makes sure he's not alone at school in case I approach him. He's always with Jimin, or... some classmate. Says he's too busy and that he can't talk right now..."

"Well, really, who can blame him?" Seokjin said in a soft voice. "All this must be really new to him. He's still processing it, so give him some time.."

"I know, but..." Taehyung gulped. "What if he never talks to me again...?"

Namjoon landed both hands to Taehyung's shoulders and guided him toward the chair beside the chess board, seating him over it and then crossing his arms. "Listen to me," he spoke. "That boy said he's in love with you before. And sure, this shit can come as a shock to just about anyone, but usually once the heart sets its mind over a feeling so complicated as love, it's not so easy to let go of it." He paused. "At the very least I don't think Jeongguk could ever hate you, kid."

Taehyung lowered his gaze to the floor.

Hate.

He didn't want Jeongguk to ever hate him. No. Something like that could be the end of him.

"Hyung..." he let out quietly, unable to lift his head. "Since he won't listen to me right now... or any time soon. Can you just... tell him for me?"

Namjoon blinked down at the man.

"Tell him for me..." he repeated, a rupture in his voice. "Explain as much as you want to, to make him understand, I-... I put all my trust in you."

Taehyung sniffled, and felt a kind hand pat at his hair. He lifted his head to see Namjoon's dimpled smile gazing sweetly at him.

"Leave it to me," he whispered. Taehyung's eyes glistened. There was a lull in the room while Namjoon retreated his hand and settled over the couch beside Seokjin. "But on another note, kid, I heard about that presentation grade you got a while ago. Probably feels like just yesterday for you, though."

Taehyung's brow lifted. "You mean... that A+ for English class? Did Yerin tell you..?"

"Yes she did," Namjoon grinned. "She also told me about that gallery offer you received and I'm here wondering why the fuck you wouldn't immediately take up an opportunity like that."

"I already told her why. I had to focus on the gang—"

"Forget the gang for a second," Namjoon spoke in a surprisingly stern voice. "Is it something you're interested in?"

"I mean... I guess maybe a little, but—"

"Then you're going to do it."

Taehyung narrowed his eyes and took a moment to process the older's words. "What? No, I—"

"No buts, Taehyung. I want you to at least try. Can you at least try for me? Please..?"

Taehyung let off a quiet sigh, teeth gritting down over his bottom lip. He clutched his right hand, squeezed at it firmly.

"I'll.. think about it."

※ ※

The flutter of an umbrella opening scattered water drops over the concrete floor. Jeongguk lifted the shield over his head and stepped down the street, his greyed eyes narrowed on the sight ahead of him as his feet splashed puddles beneath him.

Today, too, was a day for rain.

For five days now his mind had been nothing but numb. He found himself often lost when it came to his thoughts of Kim Taehyung. It seemed each day he knew less and less about him, unlocked newer uncertainties. It was slowly starting to consume him, the way he kept going in circles and never arrived anywhere.

He just wasn't sure what to do anymore.

He had claimed to the man that all he wanted was to be by his side. Had spoken proclamations of love toward him, thought of him, wanted to see him all the time. His heart fluttered, he had danced through clouds.

And now...

Just the thought of seeing him face to face sent him into a state of panic. The thought of Taehyung being in front of him now made his stomach convulse.

But yes, he had been numb. His feelings had been stripped of sensation, desensitized from the situations he had gone through.

"Something's fucking wrong with you... You're disgusting."

Taehyung's voice rang like sharp needles in his head.

He just wasn't sure what to think anymore.

"Jeon...?"

His body froze, steps came to a halt. He lifted his head to look in front of him, only to realize that the deep voice had come from behind him. Slowly, Jeongguk turned around to see a familiar man standing there.

He was dressed in a long black trench coat, a dark navy umbrella above his head, his sharp eyes fixated directly at him. Jeongguk inhaled through his mouth, seethed in a breath.

"Jeon Jeongguk." The man spoke again. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

The boy stared as though he had seen a ghost, though, slowly he allowed his body to relax itself, his eyes shutting momentarily before he mustered up the strength to speak a reply.

"J-Joon-hyung.." He bit his lip. "I-I don't know if I can—"

"Don't worry." The older interrupted. "I won't bring you to a place with Taehyung waiting or anything like that. This isn't some kind of set up." The rain between them engulfed their brief moment of silence. "I would really just like to talk to you. Just you and me. No one else."

Jeongguk stared at the man, whose eyes didn't seem as though he were speaking lies to him. His next breath came out shaky, hand gripping tightly to his umbrella knob.

His foot skid over the slippery ground.

"...O-Okay."

※ ※

The walk to the man's apartment was long. Or perhaps it was just under ten minutes. Jeongguk couldn't quite tell once he had slipped into his own mind space, that raced at a million thoughts per second. He had followed Namjoon, wherever it was he was taking him, until he figured it had to be the man's apartment. Much like Yoongi's, it had a nice lobby. The apartment itself was on the tenth floor, and whoever other tenants they must've passed in the halls were dressed as though they worked at reputable companies.

Jeongguk began to wonder if all Bangtan captains were part of some sort of rich young men cult.

Once Namjoon had opened up the door for them, when they had left the shoes near the entrance, the first thing the older did was offer him tea.

"U-Uhm... No, it's o-okay..." Jeongguk scratched beside his neck.

"Are you sure? Don't try to be modest now."

The boy looked down and timidly took a seat over the long black couch settled over the large living room area. "T-Then... Just water is fine."

"Just water it is."

Jeongguk watched as Namjoon disappeared briefly toward the kitchen and came back with a glass of water and a mug of tea for himself. He sat on the arm chair across from the younger, that was placed over a fancy blue circular rug, and gave him a welcoming smile.

"You gonna take off that jacket, or..?"

"O-Oh right... Sorry.." Jeongguk mumbled while he unzipped his layers and straightened his posture. He heard Namjoon chuckle softly.

"Are you always this polite?"

The younger looked at him with big, innocent eyes. "O-Oh, I'm j-just... Not... quite sure how I should, um..."

"Act around a gang leader?"

Jeongguk looked down. "It's more than that... You're very important to Taehyung, and also-..."

"C'mon now..." The man let out another small laugh. "I thought you warmed up to me after our first proper meeting."

Jeongguk clasped his hands together and began to fiddle nervously with his fingers. "I did, but... considering current circumstances..." He stopped himself, slowly coming to realize the opportunity this had landed him in. Kim Namjoon, who surely knew everything about Taehyung, was sitting right in front of him now. If anything, right now was the opportunity to ask all the questions he'd been itching to uncover.

He gave a quiet clear of his throat.

"A-Are we here to talk about Taehyung...?"

Namjoon kept a strong gaze on him. "Would that not be alright with you?"

Silence.

"If not, we could talk about something else. Really, I just felt like I had to reach out to you."

Jeongguk quickly shook his head. "N-No, it's... It's okay. W-We can t-talk about w-whatever.."

"Even about Taehyung?"

He lifted his head. "Yes... E-Even about Taehyung.."

"Alright, then."

Namjoon leisurely reached forward, grabbed hold of his mug and lifted it toward his lips. Jeongguk watched him take a sip and lower it back down upon the coaster.

"I heard you met Hyukjae."

Jeongguk's heart tightened. The last time he had mentioned that name, it had earned him a harsh slap across the cheek.

"Y-... Y-Yes..."

Namjoon gave a quiet hum and leaned back against the cushioned seat. "I'm really sorry... about what, ehm... Taehyung did to you. Truly. He shouldn't have raised a finger against you."

Jeongguk didn't say a word.

Namjoon continued. "Actually, Taehyung himself told me he's been wanting to tell you this for a while, but... Well, it's not quite your fault that you're avoiding him..."

The boy squirmed in his seat. "...Tell me what?"

The older looked off to the side, hands planted over his thighs as his expression became blank. His next words were uttered in almost a whisper. "About... his mental disorder..."

Jeongguk leaned forward.

What?

Mental disorder... So his suspicions had been right?

"T-... T-Taehyung?" he stuttered out. "He's really got.. a m-mental disorder, then?"

Namjoon looked at him. "You knew?"

"N-No, but—..."

"You had your suspicions."

Jeongguk nibbled on his bottom lip. "Y-Yes... After the w-whole Hyukjae thing..."

Namjoon didn't seem surprised one bit. But that within itself, somehow only seemed natural to the younger.

The older crossed his arms and sighed softly. Then after a couple seconds, he spoke with a careful voice.

"It's called D.I.D..." he said, tone composed. "Stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder."

Jeongguk's mouth pried open.

"Dissociative..." He trailed off, big eyes settled over the older, eager words at the tip of his tongue, ready to ask him the questions that had been burning at him, consuming his inner being.

What Namjoon had spoken to him of that night had stayed with Jeongguk, locked into his heart and stored for his knowledge only. Everything he had wavered over, everything that made him queasy, confused, frustrated.

It all made sense now.

And yet, having learned of this Taehyung, of all of Taehyung, didn't really change a thing.

Because just like that, after that night, Jeon Jeongguk and Kim Taehyung went back to being nothing but strangers.

✱ ✱ ✱

{ A / N }

so i posted a '.5' chapter for '37' since i've been thinking on doing little bonus dialogue chapters like that for a while now. let me know if u guys want more of that in the future~

it's basically referencing the way the 'Part 2: Of Love & War' chapter started; i made it vague on purpose to keep you guessing, but if you couldn't tell by now the two having that conversation was V and (younger) taehyung.

also, i wonder if you guys peeped that singularity reference at the beginning of the chapter 🥴

i've always wanted to reference singularity's lyrics in the book from the beginning; i thought it interpreted taehyung and his alters well. most especially bc in the music video there are all those masks or 'personalities', and in the lyrics i was surprised to see how well it interprets taehyung's pov of 'switching' (the frozen lake being his subconsciousness, and how he buries himself in there)

the part 'i buried my voice for you' reminds me of how he has to succumb to V (more than the others) when he switches in, which 'silences' him while V is that one that gets a voice while he's fronting.

i can talk more about this in the second book notes, if anyone's interested :]

thank you as always for continuing to support my book 🥺💜

next chapter will jump through time a little... hope you guys can bear through one of the toughest arcs in this book 😭