No.

"N-No please.." Jeongguk secured his pants over his waist, eyes widened as Taehyung moved towards the naked girl on his bed. He felt himself shake with dread, shutting his eyes tightly from the scene about to unfold in front of him.

A real man...? What did that even mean?

Jeongguk had no interest in, nor ever had the intentions of, having sex with a woman. Did that subtract from his masculinity? Well, he didn't quite know.

It wasn't like he was entirely ignorant to the real world. He knew from a young age that he wasn't like most boys his age. He understood that liking boys, other boys, boys like him, wasn't considered normal in the society he resided in. He knew from the way his parents used to tease him on the topic of girls and bringing them home. Knew from the way his stomach would churn when he pictured the look on his parent's faces when he told them he actually liked guys. Fortunately for him, Jeongguk was blessed with lovely parents. He'd brought Seojun home for dinner one night, and they immediately knew. Knew that he wasn't just a friend.

And Jeongguk's parents still loved their son, despite the fact that he'd never date girls.

So Jeongguk never thought much of it. Didn't fully realize his own privilege. Didn't know that other parents weren't always so understanding and couldn't always love their children so unconditionally. Still, he'd understood that he'd been fortunate.

Now, standing there on Taehyung's cold marble floor, a nauseous feeling at the pit of his stomach threatening to implode, Jeongguk was brought back down to reality. Because, even back in high school, it felt so normal to hold hands with Seojun in the halls or hug during a walk down the park. He never felt those eyes on them, the eyes of a judging society. He hadn't felt the need to hide because of who he was, because it was irrelevant to do so.

Reality had harsh ways of seeping back into his subconsciousness. Taehyung's eyes were dark, void, empty. Like he often remembered it. Throughout the days they'd been apart, Jeongguk had been clinging onto the rare moments the older would look at him with a glimmering gaze. Eyes that held calmness in its waves, serenity within its chaos. Jeongguk had gotten carried away in thinking he had tamed the enigma that was Kim Taehyung.

But that seemed to be far from the truth.

"N-No..." he repeated, voice falling to a whisper as he choked on his own ragged breathing. He didn't want this. Didn't want to watch whatever it was Taehyung had wanted to show him. But he couldn't look away, stood in horror and fear of his own predictions of what the man would do next. His heart was throbbing, bleeding, wailing with every pound.

"Taehyung.." the pink haired woman suddenly spoke in a sharp airy breath, her hands settling on the man's bare chest and sliding to grip his shoulders to detain him. "Hold on."

Taehyung lifted a brow and gritted at his teeth while he watched the girl push her thighs back together and sit up. "What are you doing?"

"That's what I'd like to ask you, oppa," she replied with a firm voice, her eyes unwavering even against Taehyung's intimidating black holes. "This was a misunderstanding. I thought you invited him here but clearly you didn't, so... just let the boy leave."

A crooked smile tugged at the edge of Taehyung's lips before he scoffed out a laugh in mocking amusement. "Let him leave? I don't think so. Now lay back down, slut." The man pushed her back against the mattress and gripped onto her legs, earning a yelp from the pink haired who then pushed Taehyung away with her foot.

"Jeon!" she called, and Jeongguk looked at her with fearful eyes. "That was your name, right? Just go on and leave, okay? Call Taehyung back later, if you needed to speak with him."

"But what about you—"

"Please?" She gave him a pleading look, and Jeongguk gulped before nodding faintly. He tugged down his own shirt and was quick to slip away from the bedroom, heart loud inside his chest, the walk down the hall longer than he'd remembered it. There were tears he didn't know were flooding his eyes, ones he swiftly wiped away as he mindlessly hastened his feet outside the apartment complex. The more he flicked tears away the more new ones resurfaced, and he couldn't bring himself to pay attention to his surroundings enough to know if he was headed the right way home or not.

Then, all of a sudden, he heard a loud horn like the ones from those giant moving trucks.

His foot was already halfway in the air towards the crossroad, stomach rising to his lungs in shock while he looked up at the incoming vehicle. Until there was a strong grip on his wrist, pulling him abruptly with monstrous strength, and Jeongguk found himself colliding with a cushioned chest from the impact.

"I-... I-I'm so sorry, I'm—!" he stuttered out, the intense fear in his chest slowly being washed out when he turned to see the large truck now rushing down the street safely.

"Jesus... Be careful, little one." A slightly hoarse voice responded, and Jeongguk turned back to the man who'd saved him from near death. He was tall. Really tall. With firm shoulders and bulky biceps.

"I'm sorry.." he repeated, pulling back sheepishly as he bowed at a 90-degree angle both to express his gratitude and to hide his flushed face. "And... t-thank you so much, mister."

"It's alright. You're safe now," the man assured, and Jeongguk straightened up only to see a deep dimple adorning the stranger's facial features, emphasizing his handsomeness, his cool shade silver hair slicked back to give him somewhat of a sophisticated look. Jeongguk smiled shyly and gave a small nod.

"Right.. Thanks again, um.."

"Joon," the stranger spoke up. "People call me Joon."

"Joon-ssi." Jeongguk gave another quick bow. "Thank you. Here's, um.. Here's some money for coffee or something. I-I mean that's not worth my life or anything b-but... just so you have a nice-... a nice treat, you know?"

"That's alright, I.. don't need anything," Joon quickly shook his head, "Just be careful from now on, alright?" Jeongguk nodded again and watched the man flash him another friendly smile, then Joon lowered his head slightly to dismiss himself. He watched the older male stroll down the same street Jeongguk himself had come from, the same direction that led towards Taehyung's apartment.

But of course, surely, he figured that was only a coincidence and he was just imagining things.

※ ※

Joon stood in front of the apartment door and reached into his bag to pull out his Kakao friends' Ryan limited edition plush keychain. When he did, an array of keys and library card tags dangled out beside the small bear plushie.

He flicked through the keys and grabbed hold of one of them, slipped it into the keyhole, turned it, then stepped inside and closed the door shut behind him. A weary sigh left his lips while he slipped his shoes off and stepped inside the apartment, finding it a bit too quiet for his own tastes. Joon settled his bag down onto the couch and made a swift turn towards the hall before he heard firm footsteps, and a pink haired woman emerged into the room, looking back at him with a startled breath.

"Excuse me.." she mumbled, "I was just taking my leave."

Joon nodded in silence, rising a brow in confusion until seconds later Taehyung appeared in sweatpants and a lack of a shirt.

"Holy shit..." he breathed out slowly. "If it isn't Kim Namjoon... Fuck, you missed the party, my man. You could have joined us."

Namjoon narrowed his eyes at him, quick to understand the situation he'd come home to. He turned to the woman and gave her a polite smile. "Can I offer you some water before you go?"

"No, thank you," she bowed. "Have a good day."

With that, the woman strode towards the door, slipped it open and was gone. Once the door shut, the two men were left alone to look at each other in silence.

"You didn't tell me you'd be back." Taehyung was the first to speak.

"I did," he whistled, then stood to walk towards the kitchen cabinet.

"Fucking liar."

"Shit. You're the one who doesn't check his phone," Namjoon calmly grabbed a glass cup, placing it down to the counter. He continued to whistle, a higher pitch now, his body moving towards the fridge to grab a gallon of the first drink he saw, which happened to be lemonade.

"Can you stop making noise for one second?" Taehyung huffed out in a very evidently irritated voice, and Namjoon turned to look at him with innocent eyes, putting down the gallon of lemonade. There was a pause, then the older man smiled gently at him.

"And can I speak to my Taehyungie now?" he said. "Like, for real this time?"

Namjoon stood patiently, watching as Taehyung's muscles slowly relaxed as the seconds passed, eyes blinking a few times in repeated long intervals. The man's dark eyes gradually softened and after a while there was a quiet sigh before Taehyung sauntered towards him. Namjoon's smile widened and he lifted his arms out, inviting the other into a hug, which Taehyung quickly responded by clinging onto him.

"I'm back now, okay..?" Namjoon whispered, squeezing the male tightly in his arms only to hear a small chuckle from the younger, followed by a sniffle.

"Welcome back, hyung..."

※ ※

"Who was that pink haired beauty, hm?" Namjoon asked through a mouthful of fried rice. The two men had ordered food and a couple beers, then sat down to watch some show while they caught each other up on lost time apart.

"Ah.." Taehyung hissed out after chugging half a bottle of alcohol. "Just.. Just a hookup."

"So you mean I almost walked in on you balls deep inside her?"

Taehyung scowled at him before grabbing his chopsticks. "No. We were done for a while. We almost had a second round, though."

"Good thing I came home then, huh?" The older chuckled and Taehyung looked away, eating in silence. His gaze flickered towards his phone, which was now beside him charging, a certain boy on his mind.

But no, he shouldn't.

"Yeah. Anyway, let's talk about something more interesting. You. When did your plane land?"

Namjoon sat back against the couch and rubbed his belly. "Hm.. Yesterday. Hoseok picked us up and dropped me off. Then he and Yerin went home."

"Oh. Yerin's back, too?"

"Yep. She's back, too."

"I see," Taehyung grabbed shrimp and moved it to his plate. "Cool... Very cool."

Namjoon eyed him, then cleared his throat. "Oh hey, guess what? I saved someone's life today."

Taehyung rolled his eyes and stifled a laugh. "Shut the fuck up, you did not."

"It's true!" Namjoon chuckled, shifting forward to prove that he was, indeed, serious. "The poor guy almost ran into a truck."

"Shit. Wish that were me."

Namjoon stared.

"I'm kidding."

"Oh.." The older visibly relaxed and pushed out a short laugh. "Dumbass. Don't joke about those things."

"Sorry. Now pass me another beer."

"Was that another joke?"

"No, idiot."

"Ouch.. Well sure thing, kiddo. Another beer coming right up!"

※ ※

"You were late today," Jimin mumbled, placing a box that was half his size down onto the floor.

Jeongguk looked up as he placed the paintbrush in his grip to a gray tray that was stained pale yellow at some parts from splattered paint. "Ah, yeah... Um, I'm sorry about that."

"What were you even doing?" the blond questioned, gaze now towards the window.

The two boys were currently in a half empty apartment covered in boxes and bubble wrap over furniture. More specifically, Hoseok and his girlfriend Yerin's new apartment. The couple had apparently found a place to finally move in together, until Yerin took her trip overseas and the move was delayed. Surely Hoseok wasted no time in getting settled into the new place as soon as his sweetheart had returned.

And Jimin wasn't exactly ecstatic about it all.

He wanted to be happy for them, he really did. But he couldn't help the piercing feeling of pin needles stabbing his heart; and if it couldn't get any worse, Hoseok had asked the two boys to help out with the move, which they both couldn't say no to considering the older was their dear friend.

Currently Jeongguk was in charge of painting the living room wall a pastel lemon color, and Jimin was in charge of sulking over his current situation.

"I... I was looking for Taehyung again," the younger sighed, unable to meet his friend's eyes.

"And did you find him?"

Jeongguk's lip quivered, hesitating for a moment. "No," he lied, then returned to his work.

"Hey, good work bud!" Hoseok's voice erupted from the hall, and the two younger males turned to see the cherry haired walking in with a big shiny smile on his face. Jimin's lips curled into a small grin at the mere sight. "The wall's looking amazing. I really owe you for this, Gguk."

"It's alright , hyung," Jeongguk laughed softly. "I've owed you plenty of times from before so, think of this as me repaying you."

"Well~ when you're all done there's a pack of soju in the fridge. Yerin won't be back for another hour since she's picking up that painting she wanted to hang up on the wall. You two can stay as long as you want." Hoseok placed his hands to his hips. "I'll start putting out some snacks for us. Jimin, could you help me out?"

The blond looked to the red haired man with big eyes and nodded, slowly walking up and following him towards the kitchen.

The two guys were quiet for a while, Hoseok pulled bowls to pour chips over and Jimin worked on prepping the popcorn bags to be microwaved. "Thanks again for helping out on such short notice," Hoseok spoke up, eyes fond while he poured salted potato chips into one bowl.

Jimin's face flushed, his hands trembling shyly before he swallowed his saliva and forced out a light chuckle. "Stop, it's no big deal. Moving in with Yerin-noona is... a pretty large step in the relationship. Of course we'd help you guys out." He fumbled with the excess plastic and faced away from the other male to plop the popcorn bag into the microwave, gritting his teeth for a brief moment. "You guys are practically married."

Hoseok chuckled at that, but said no further remark. Jimin silently thanked him for that.

"Well, things wouldn't be going so smoothly if it wasn't for you guys," the red haired male then continued, and Jimin turned to look at him. "If it wasn't for... you."

The blond's heart jumped, and in came the butterflies, flooding the lining of his stomach thoroughly, not daring to miss a single spot.

"You're a great person, always listening to my problems and offering ways to solve them or deal with them. Really, truly, you're an amazing friend, Jimin."

Jimin smiled weakly, head dropping to look at his hands on the counter. "Yeah..." he let out softly, his fingers gathering to his palms to form fists. "Friend."

✱ ✱ ✱

{ A / N }

hi lovely readers :]

just want to remind you all to refer to the DISCLAIMER chapter for any warnings on content within the book. I won't be putting trigger warnings anywhere else, so again, if anything causes discomfort I'd rather you prioritize your own health.

last chapter was supposed to be uncomfortable (it was, even for me to write at some points, oop..) but that was the goal of that chapter, after all, those feelings of discomfort is necessary for the impact of the overall story.

anyways I like reminding people because I've seen that there are readers who just skip or ignore chapters like DISCLAIMER which authors would put in all caps or bold letters at the very beginning to prevent triggers. then they end up blaming authors for any difficult topics they may write about, even though they did warn you.

but for those of you who know themselves enough to proceed, please do continue to support the book. I really appreciate every read, vote and comment 💜 thank you so much!