It hardly made any sense.

It was precisely because Jeongguk has had this fantasy many times before, that he couldn't get used to the sight in front of him now. The sight of Taehyung in front of him, reminiscent of the times he'd been able to talk to him, touch him, kiss him.

Right now the love of his life was right there, but he was an entirely different alter. A different person.

One who had crushed his dreams with a single sentence.

"The other alters... They're gone."

How could that be? Taehyung, V, Vante and Dot... all gone? It just didn't make any sense. A sharp pain jolted in his abdomen. Even his body physically rejected the thought of such a thing.

"N—.... No, that-.." Jeongguk nearly chokes the words out. "T-That doesn't make any s-sense.."

The room remains dark. A light beam of the moonlight casts at the older's structured face. But X's expression is void of any change, a rather strict look to his eyes.

The boy forces out a chuckle. "You're j-just.. joking around, right? Trying to push me away a-again?" His shaky fingers clasp together. "T-That's okay with me. Taehyung and V have b-both pushed me away before.. so I can d-do this again.." He lifts his head, watered eyes locking firmly at the alter's blank gaze. "S-So go ahead and push me away all you w-want. I'll t-teach you as well. That I d-don't know how to give up."

Taehyung's brow perks. "What are you talking about?" He speaks softly. "I'm trying to be real with you. Like I said, I don't want to get your hopes up. We may have met again under some odd circumstances but it still doesn't change the fact that the others, who you know, are gone; and that I, who you know nothing about, am the only one left who can front. You can't say that's Taehyung's return, can you?"

Jeongguk immediately shakes his head, straightens his back and grips the bedsheets beneath them. "I'm sorry.." His voice is hoarse, weak. "I can't accept that. And I won't."

The older blinks back at him, a look of slight frustration in his now lowered brows.

"I've done so-.... so much research on anything that could help me understand Taehyung and the others better. I've studied up on Dissociative Identity Disorder, on Intermittent Explosive Disorder, on selective mutism, on hallucinations, and even the things that relate to said topics..." The younger continues, "I don't believe that Taehyung is really gone if it's possible that you're here."

The man opens his mouth to speak, and as if already having read his mind Jeongguk elaborates.

"You guys call Taehyung the 'host' because he's the 'original' personality before the disorder developed... But the research I've read suggests this 'host' term actually refers to the personality that fronts more often, compared to the other alters. What the 'original' personality really is, is the 'core'. The first alter. In this case, that's Taehyung."

Jeongguk shifts, crossing his legs over the blanket.

"It's not possible for alters to just.... disappear into thin air. That's not how it works. They c-can't be dead if the body is still alive. If you told me that the others are dormant, I'd believe that instead. But to me, it seems as though ever since that incident 5 years ago, you became the 'host'—the person who fronts the most. And Taehyung, the 'core', is now dormant alongside the other alters."

The older watches him attentively, eyes wide as though not having expected such a reaction from the boy. Of logical thinking, rather than giving up on the things he can't control. His hands lift gradually, reaching to scratch at the side of his head in a momentary pause before he lets out a quiet chuckle.

"Hm. You really know your shit, don't you?" He said slowly, and Jeongguk only felt his heated emotions grow stronger.

That he was right—right to hold onto hope.

X had to admit, it was impressive how strong Jeongguk is, mentally. He refused to accept anything he couldn't forgive. Couldn't possibly receive such a bold statement and stay quiet about it. Because of that, he knew he couldn't quite get away with lying to the younger much longer.

"Alright fine," the man sighs. "It's true that the others are dormant, but-.."

Jeongguk's whole body perks up.

"But they may as well be gone." X finishes. "They haven't fronted for five years, bun. I haven't felt their presence around, and it's possible they intend to keep it that way."

Immediately, the younger's head shakes in disapproval once again. "I won't let them keep it that way. I promise."

The man's lips part. "Promise..?" He inquires. "You know you can't promise that."

Jeongguk's gaze falter, despite the ignition in his eyes. The two men remain plopped upon the large mattress, letting the moon light caress their skin while the uttered words melted into their consciousness. With the silence Jeongguk began to feel self conscious around the older.

When he thought about it from X's perspective, it was true that he didn't quite know Jeongguk all that well. He had no real obligation to stick around him, only because Taehyung and the others meant so much to Jeongguk himself.

He knew that.

But that wasn't quite how Jeongguk viewed it. In his eyes, X is his own person, but he's still part of Taehyung. All the alters are. There was no need for him to feel like an outsider, Jeongguk would accept him the way he was.

Yet, he also understood it wasn't always that simple.

And though he meant it when he said he wouldn't give up, the younger decided to refocus to the words he'd meant to tell the alter since their small argument downstairs. "I'm.." He sighed beneath his breath. "I'm sorry I slapped you."

The sudden apology drew the older's attention, and a small grin curled at the corner of Taehyung's lips. "Mm.." He stifled a laugh. "It's okay. I did call you a stranger."

Jeongguk watches the boxy smile that had taken its place over the older's face. Subconsciously, his own lips lift to match it. "But you were right. I am a stranger. To you, at least."

"No. You're not." Taehyung's deep voice plunge deep into Jeongguk's skin, trickle into his organs. "You're our bunny."

The younger gazes at him, feels a tug at his heart. The gentle pumping of his blood. The words sink warmth to his body, pull him into a hug of reassurance.

Those eyes. That voice. That gentle tone.

Only Taehyung's presence can bring him this much comfort.

It was almost as though all the suffering and long nights he had endured the past five years were nothing at the face of the love of his life in front of him now. He could forgive everything.

For Taehyung, who was not quite Taehyung.

But even so Jeongguk was relieved. He was glad, at the very least, that his lover wasn't entirely gone. Even if it were true that only one alter remained, he'd be grateful for it all. Would thank the universe on his knees endlessly, if it meant he could still gaze at that smile, hear that laugh.

With that, a long sigh leaves him.

"I-I don't think I can go home t-tonight.." Jeongguk utters in a quiet voice. "Not when-... When you're here. If I let you out of my sight, you-.... may disappear on me again. And who knows for how long this time.."

Taehyung's stare persists, the usual darkness in his eyes masked by the lack of lighting in the bedroom.

"I won't disappear." He responds firmly. Finally, he lifts his head and places his foot at the edge of the bed. There's a momentary silence in the room while Taehyung leans back against his palms behind him, soft gaze on the younger, seemingly contemplating whether or not he should bring up a certain topic.

And after a moment, Jeongguk flinches at his low words.

"I overheard you and Minseok talking in the lounge room."

The boy's head lowers, teeth lightly digging to his bottom lip. If he were being honest, Jeongguk expected he'd have this conversation with the man one way or another. But what he didn't know was that it'd come this soon.

"Seems you have a boyfriend. An entirely different life than five years ago.." Taehyung continues. "Hearing that made me realize I have no right to come back into your life wearing the same face as your ex-lovers."

Jeongguk quickly shook his head. "Y-You do have every right.." He whispers. "I'm glad you're here. A-And Seojun, he's-... I've known him since high school. He's helped me a lot these past few years and I'm grateful for him, but—"

"You're repaying that by cheating on him?" The alter cuts in, and Jeongguk sinks his hands into the bedsheets, a look of frustration stretching over his expression.

"I-It's.." He stutters over his words. "It's an odd situation.. Hard to explain..."

Taehyung, or rather X, tilts his head slightly to his left, arms crossing up in front of him. "Try me." His voice booms.

Jeongguk's head faces the mattress, unable to meet the older's gaze. "Well, it's-... Minseok is.. helping me achieve something. We made the agreement because it-... benefits us m-mutually. He gets someone in the police force looking out for the gang, and I get information on what's happening in the underground scene. But somewhere along the way we let our 'business' relationship get a little personal. This was before Seojun and I rekindled things." He sniffles quietly, watches his own hands tremble. "Seojun always knew what Minseok and I's relationship was like, but he was still willing to win me back. W-When we started something, I made it clear that Minseok and I still need each other, business-wise. I think Seojun knows we still fool around, but hasn't said anything.."

The older listened patiently, legs crossed, ears attentive to the boy's weak tone of voice.

"Hm. So in other words," he begins, "Your boyfriend's aware you're cheating on him, but perhaps isn't saying anything because he's aware of everything you've been through these years."

Jeongguk wipes at his eyes before they could become watered, then threw himself back against the pillows. "I-I know he just wants me to be happy. Wants to take care of me.. But I-..."

The boy's words trail off, and another pause fills the room. This time it stretches on, forms a lull in the atmosphere. Taehyung slowly uncrosses his arms, fixated on the younger who laid there, arm covering his face, completely still.

Quietly, he shifts over to lay down on the spot beside Jeongguk, head falling to the cushioned pillow while the boy slowly lowers his arm. Jeongguk turns to the side to face Taehyung, and the two men lay beside each other, gently gazing into one another's dimmed eyes. Pupils that spoke a measure of emotions. The quiet heartbeats of reunited souls.

"I think deep down, you.. know what it is you need to do.." The older's deep voice is loud and clear in Jeongguk's ears. "But for now... Stay right here and look at me."

The boy blinks slowly, heart rate accelerated, his low breaths in awe of how close the other was. How long has it been since he's laid beside Taehyung like this? Gazed into his eyes, had long conversations with him until they both drifted to sleep? The man in front of him now wasn't quite Taehyung, but even so his eyes were on him.

Big doe eyes, that were firmly settled on him.

In all truth, X had never been one to pay mind to reality. Their whole life, he had remained in a spot, somewhere in Taehyung's mind, with no interest in fronting or experiencing the real world for himself. His focus had always been on Taehyung and the other alters, on managing their stress and emotions.

He'd been fine on his own. In his little corner, tucked away in Taehyung's mind.

It wasn't until five years ago that he'd had to take control of their body and keep it healthy. Three meals a day, exercise, socializing, experiencing the real world. Doing common things normal people did. It was hard to grow used to it all.

What he found the most difficult was socializing. He had no idea how to properly speak to others, how to listen to and interact with strangers. He barely even had memory of how the others used to communicate with people. Didn't remember names of people Taehyung had met, or even most of their personalities.

But he did remember their bunny.

Because he'd always have those thoughts—ones that burned with nothing but gratitude for the boy. Ever since Taehyung had met Jeongguk, X could rest assured that the alters were cared for. Had someone they could rely on. Their childhood had been rough, but their bunny made everything okay. That was what he thought.

He didn't know Jeongguk personally, nor did he remember anything about him, other than liking his voice.

The sound of his voice. So gentle, smooth, nurturing. It melted in his ears like honey.

Just hearing the boy's voice told him what kind of person Jeongguk was. And now that he'd finally gotten the chance to meet him properly, to talk to him, X was realizing his impression of him was right.

Jeon Jeongguk is a beautiful person. That's what he had concluded on all those years ago, and that's what he can confirm in this present day.

"Can w-we.. stay like this.. Just for tonight..?" A quiet voice speaks up. Taehyung watches as the younger scoots just a bit closer, their two pillows merging into one.

The words made the older smile. Just a little. A small grin taking its place at the corner of his lips.

"I won't disappear on you." He carefully reaches a hand up, rests it at the side of Jeongguk's head. His hand is so large it nearly engulfs the younger's head whole. "So yes. Let's stay like this. Just like this."

A doting smile stretches over Jeongguk's lips, eyes closing while the man's large hand strokes at his hair strands. The nurturing silence that fell between them persisted for a moment, until Jeongguk's eyes fluttered back open with his next words.

"Do y-you have some time tomorrow...?" He spoke suddenly. "There's-.. actually a place I'd like to go with you."

"Yeah?" The older's brow lifts. "With me, hm?"

Jeongguk's smile widens. "Yes. With you."

Fond gazes and airy breaths. Helplessly, daringly. Small innocent smiles that synchronized with their placid exhales, breathing promises of tomorrow.

"Tell me, then. I'd go anywhere with you."

※ ※

The smell of hot chocolate lingers in the air, accompanied by soft humming. The clicking sound of a door knob turning soon follows, and the man turns to see Jeongguk walking in, a weary look on his face.

"G-Good morning.." The boy speaks up groggily, settles his bag down over the love seat.

"Morning.." Seojun responds while preparing two empty mugs down on the kitchen island. "I'm making us hot chocolate."

Jeongguk's brow twitches, his careful stare fixated on the male. He took note of how Seojun didn't even bother to ask him why he never came home last night, nor did he ask where he had been. Instead he acted just as he would any other morning, despite the complicated look on his face.

Somehow the thought made him a little sad.

"Seojun, I—"

"You can go ahead and hop in the shower. I'll make us sandwiches too."

Jeongguk slowly closes his mouth, teeth gritting together for a brief moment of silence, before he finally nods his head and continues down the hall.

A sigh slips past his lips while mindlessly wandering toward the bathroom, where he did his usual routine under a sprinkling stream of cold water. He found that now that he's back in this apartment he just couldn't seem to focus. Couldn't quite organize his thoughts correctly. After all, X was right. He had been ignoring the weird relationship he'd developed with both Seojun and Minseok. One that grew more complicated the more he left it unclear. And one that could only get messy now that Taehyung is back.

With that thought he couldn't help but frown as he returned to the bedroom, began to pick out his clothes for the day. Upon reaching to shut the closet door his eyes take sudden notice of a box that was stored in the corner, underneath a stack of clothes piled over it. He opens the slim door back open for easier access, reaching to remove the lid with the clothes still atop, and once he kneels down he begins to sort through old books he had used back when he was in college.

His hands moved as though they had motives of their own, removing the stack of books until they revealed a thin, worn-in notebook. Upon seeing it Jeongguk immediately feels his chest become heavy, as it always did whenever he'd dig through old memories of the love of his life.

Every now and then, when life got a little hard, he'd rummage through his books in search of this one. Taehyung's old notebook.

It was the one Jeongguk himself had gifted him, in hopes that he could track his drug intakes to prevent another overdose. A suggestion in which Taehyung had shut down because he'd tried it before without much success.

"But I'll try again. Just for you." Taehyung had told him. "Or, y'know... I could fill it with love poems for you instead."

Jeongguk didn't know it at the time but Taehyung really did begin to write love poems for him in this very notebook. The older never told him, but rather, he'd sit down on his own at times, with a look so focused that Jeongguk felt he couldn't disturb him. He had thought the male was working hard on his school work, but as it turns out Taehyung was writing poetry of his deep love for him.

After the incident five years ago the Bangtan members left some of Taehyung's possessions with Jeongguk, one of them being this notebook. Back then, Jeongguk read over the poems for the first time and he cried, and cried and cried.

When he read it for the fifteenth time, he concluded that Taehyung never intended to give him the book of poems.

No, the notebook was simply the man's safe space, where he could write down his feelings of love and keep them to himself. They were pure, true feelings that he wrote down for no one but himself.

And then Jeongguk had lost him, and Taehyung's feelings became his own.

Jeongguk's favorite poem in the whole notebook was only four lines.

It read;

"my baby smiles
all the while,
I trace its line
and know that he's mine."

He wasn't sure why, but he'd cry every time he read it. The words took him back to those quiet nights when it was just him and Taehyung, laying in bed, sharing kisses and giggles and staying up all night talking. Taehyung would run his thumb against Jeongguk's lips often, trace the line of his smile. And it was in those moments where Jeongguk most felt he was his.

"Gguk?" Seojun's voice calls from the kitchen. "You ready yet? Breakfast is done!"

Jeongguk sniffles quietly, the pads of his fingers gliding against the thin book. He carefully returns it into the box, hides it beneath a stack of other books and shuts the closet door.

He hurries back down the hall, wiping his face and making sure he appeared relatively normal. When he arrives at the kitchen he sees plated sandwiches and gentle steam rising from two mugs.

He stands there, staring at the meal, a gurgle of emotions rising within him.

Seojun pulls out a chair beside the table and looks at him. "Are you not hungry?"

Jeongguk snaps out of the small daze he had slipped into, and took a hesitant step closer. "It's not that, I just..." He trails off, gaze falling to the floor while Seojun takes his seat.

"What is it, then?" The man speaks softly, gaze laced with patience.

"Well, I-.." Jeongguk stops. Becomes quiet for a moment.

All Seojun could do was sit there and look at him. Until the words finally slip out.

"I just think we should break up.."

With that, Jeongguk surprises both of them. He wasn't sure when would be the right timing to do this, but he certainly didn't plan to say such a thing to Seojun right that very moment. And at first, the man says nothing. Blinks incredulously at him. As though he had misheard him. The words marinate in his thoughts, sink into him for a while.

"Ehm.." He scoffs out a laugh. "What..?" He finally speaks, voice low as though he lacked the energy to say it any louder.

"W-We just-... We can't go on like this, so.." Jeongguk merely stands there, gathers himself together, hands clutched beside him.

Now that he'd said it, he had to commit to it all the way through.

"We're over, Seojun." He squeezes at his fists. "We have to be."

And the two men sit there, in a newfound silence, plated sandwiches over the table and fading steams from two mugs. The silent echoes of two parting hearts.

✱