After that long kiss, napagdesisyunan na naming lumabas para kumain ng lunch. Everything's already set on the dining table. Wala na akong ibang gagawin kung hindi maupo at kumain. May rice, beef steak, may vegetable salad pang ang ganda ganda ng pagkaka-set up. May juice na rin na nakatimpla sa glass pitcher pero mayroon ding cold water.

Pinaghila pa ako ni Hunter ng upuan bago siya naupo sa harap.

"Let's eat," he said.

Nagsimula na kaming kumain. Sa unang kagat ko pa lang sa karne, alam ko nang hindi si Hunter ang nagluto nito. I can still remember the taste of that meat—the first meal I ate dito sa penthouse. Tapos, yung dinala niya sa unit ko two days after niya malamang buntis ako. I mean, the latter was a different meal pero yung taste niya, feeling ko isa lang ang nagluto.

Parang natutunaw kasi yung karne sa bibig ko, tapos yung lasa ng sauce pa . . . ang sarap!

"Did you ask your chef to cook it again?" I asked, munching the food he served.

He chuckled. "Nope. Was it good?"

I nodded. "Did you order? Saan?"

He laughed before slicing the meat on his plate. "I have lots of time to prepare our food, why would I order?"

Napatigil ako sa pagnguya at napatingin sa kan'ya. Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa plato kong may pagkain pa bago tumingin ulit sa kan'ya.

"You cooked this?!" He laughed, nodding. "Pati yung dinala mo sa unit ko?" He nodded—again! "And that first meal you made me eat noong second night natin?!"

Tumawa ulit siya bago tumango. "Yes, I cooked everything I served you here."

Naibaba ko ang steak knife at tinidor saka napatakip ng bibig. "Damn, you're serious?"

He chuckled. "Why?"

"Wow, your cooking skills are so much better than the other chef out there with their own restaurant." Kinuha ko ulit ang spoon and steak knife saka itinuloy ang pagkain. "Bakit hindi ka nagtayo ng restaurant? Steak house? Afford na afford mo naman."

He scoffed. "My father told me, why make something from scratch kung mayroon namang kompanyang naghihintay lang sa akin? I didn't actually try to tell him. My mom did. Wala naman akong pakialam sa kan'ya."

Napanguso ako bago humigop ng malamig na tubig. "Why? Ano bang naging problema ninyo? What was that mistake na sinasabi mo noong birthday ng mom mo?"

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at ngumiti ng maliit. "Nakabuntis ako."

Napaawang ako ng bibig sa narinig. "W-What?"

Nagbuntonghininga siya bago itinuon ulit ang atensiyon sa karne na ini-slice niya. "I was seventeen. Nabuntis ko ang ka-fling ko that time. Her parents were so angry, balak pa akong ipakulong. She was sixteen back then. Kung sakaling lumabas sa publiko 'yon, it would be a big scandal."

Parang natuyo ang lalamunan ko. In just a minute, nagbago bigla ang panlasa ko. Kung kanina, sarap na sarap pa ako sa mga kinakain ko, ngayon, feeling ko, wala nang lasa ang mga ito.

"Then? Where is she now?"

He smiled. "She's one of the brightest actress in this generation now. We never talked after her family made her abort it. Nobody knows about that. Pamilya ko lang at pamilya niya kaya hindi rin kumalat ang issue."

Hindi ko na alam kung anong sasabihin ko. I want to question more pero sumisikip ang dibdib ko every time sinasagot niya ang mga katanungan ko.

"Don't you . . . miss her?"

Hunter laughed like I told him a joke. "We were never in love. She was a curious virgin lady and I am a willing educator for everything that she wants to know. I was such a troublemaker back then kaya lahat ginagawa ko. Ewan ko ba, that time siguro fertile siya, and maybe I had a precum kaya kahit nag-withdraw naman ako noon sa kan'ya, may nabuo pa rin."

We're such a weird assholes—lalo na si Hunter.

Ang galing lang kasi paano niya nagagawang ikwento sa akin 'to lahat habang kumakain kami ng tanghalian?

Nang sumubo ako ng panibagong hiwa ng karne, parang bumaliktad ang sikmura ko. May something akong naamoy at nalasahan—was that garlic?! Fuck!

I covered my mouth and ran towards the sink. Isinuka ko doon lahat ng kinain ko mula umaga. Ramdam ko si Hunter sa gilid habang hinahagod ang likod ko. Ilang sandali pa, inipon niya ang buhok ko para hindi humarang sa mukha habang idinuduwal ko lahat.

"Fuck, I hate this," I said, angrily, as I washed my face.

Hunter didn't talk. Natapos na akong dumuwal nang dumuwal. Naghilamos ako't nag-gargle bago umayos ng tayo. Inabutan ako ni Hunter ng tissue. Marahas kong kinuha 'yon saka pinunasan ang bibig ko.

"I'm sorry."

Napalingon ako sa kan'ya. "What?"

He shrugged. "Nahihirapan ka ngayon dahil sa kagustuhan ko."

I rolled my eyes. "Keep your face out of my sight bago magbago ang isip ko at ipa-abort na lang ang batang 'to!"

After I told him that, bumalik na ako sa k'warto at muling nahiga. I covered myself with blanket and shut my eyes. I feel so exhausted and sleepy. Hindi ko na namalayan na pumasok na ulit si Hunter sa k'warto at naupo sa gilid ng kama.

"Aree . . ."

"Can you please, next time, kumatok ka muna bago pumasok?" Natahimik siya dahil do'n. I opened my eyes and glared at him. "I told you to keep your face out of my sight, Hunter."

His jaw clenched as he looked away. Nakita ko pa ang pagkuyom ng kamao niya. Ilang sandali lang, ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin.

"I don't understand you. I can't fucking understanad you, you know that?" inis na sabi niya. Napaawang ako ng bibig sa narinig. "One minute, you want me. The next time, pinagtatabuyan mo na ako. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Areeya. Sabihin mo naman kung ano bang dapat kong lugaran sa 'yo."

Bumangon ako para harapin siya nang maayos. "You want the truth? I don't want you. I don't want to be with you—to be near you. Okay na?"

He gulped. "Why would we kiss earlier if that's what you truly feel?"

"Because I feel horny! Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi ni Doc Salazar kanina? Being extra horny was part of the symptoms of being pregnant—"

"Hindi 'yon ang nakikita ko sa 'yo," he said in a calm and hurt voice.

"Eh, ano?"

"You want me, too, but you're holding yourself back."

My tears pooled at the corner of my eyes.

"Is it because I'm too much for you, like you told me before?" He sighed. "Sabihin mo lang sa akin kung ano yung too much, para lang maging sapat . . . para hindi ka na magkaganito sa akin."

Hindi ako makapagsalita.

May recorder ba siya sa isip? Why does he remember everything I told him, kahit na ang tagal tagal na noong sinabi ko 'yon?

"Mahal na mahal kasi kita, hindi ko kayang pinagtatabuyan mo ako nang ganito, Areeya."

Nagbuntonghininga ako at bumalik sa pagkakahiga.

"Can you just leave? Masama ang pakiramdam ko."

Narinig ko ang malalim na pagbuntonghininga niya bago umalis sa pagkakaupo. "I will bring your meds here."

Right . . . you're too much for me.

Ang kapal nga siguro ng mukha ko para patulan ka. Our lives were so different—parang langit at lupa. Nakakainis kasi ayaw kong kinokompara ang sarili ko sa ganitong bagay, lalo na sa isang lalaki . . . pero hindi ko magawang pigilan.

He's too much . . . and I have nothing.

Anong bagay ang masasabi kong . . . mayroon ako . . . para maging karapat-dapat na maging parte ng pamilya mo, Hunter? Hindi ko kaya.

Alam ko sa sarili kong mahal din kita . . . pero hindi ko kayang ilagay ang sarili ko sa lugar na alam kong hindi naman ako babagay.

My tears fell silently. I wiped it quickly, just as Hunter knocked on the door. Ilang sandali lang, pumasok na siya at naglapag ng maliit na tray sa gilid.

"I'm sorry. I got so enthusiastic earlier. Akala ko kasi, 'yon na 'yon. Maybe I expected too much from you—from us. Alam kong binigyan kita ng option sa kung anong p'wede mong gawin pagkatapos mong maipanganak ang bata . . ."

I took a deep breath.

Feeling ko, habang nakikinig sa mga sinasabi niya, parang nahihirapan din akong huminga. It feels like his words are trying to stab me in my thoat, making me unable to breathe.

"Still, umasa ako na pipiliin mo rin ako." He sighed. "Pero siguro, mali na 'to. Mali na ako. Maling mali na ako. I'm sorry. This will be the last time you'll be hearing about my feelings for you. I will not cross the boundary that you drew between us anymore."

Mas lalong nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko.

"Like you . . . hihintayin ko na lang din na maipanganak mo ang bata . . . para hindi ka na mahirapan tuwing nakikita ako. Para hindi na ako dumagdag sa bigat ng loob mo."

Again, he heaved a deep sigh as he took a few steps away.

"I will continue to tend to your needs . . . and wants, even. Just tell me everything . . . because you deserve it. You're an awesome woman for choosing to continue the pregnancy despite the fact that you never wanted it in the first place. So, thank you. Mangangako ako sa 'yo, Areeya . . . I'll be the best parent a child could ever have. I'll love the kid unconditionally . . . in place of you."

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang mga luha ko sa tono ng pamamaalam niya sa akin.

"In exchange, I wished you'll choose the path that you'll be the happiest—kahit hindi na sa akin. Kahit hindi na ako. Basta maging masaya ka lang . . . ayos na ako do'n."

___

Weeks and months have gone by, tinotoo ni Hunter ang sinabi niya.

Hindi na niya ako pinagluluto ng lunch or dinner. Pagkagising ko sa umaga, wala na siya pero may breakfast nang naka-prepare doon. Late na rin siyang umuuwi sa gabi. Minsan, hinihintay ko siyang makauwi bago ako makatulog. Pero kahit na gano'n, hindi niya pa rin ako pinapabayaan.

May chef siyang pinapadala dito sa penthouse para iluto ang kung ano mang hilingin ko. I had weird cravings a few months back and I was extra sensitive with every food I ate. Kaunting amoy lang na hindi ko magustuhan, dumuduwal na ako. Mabuti na lang, nang matapos ang first trimester ko, nawala na 'yon.

I was looking at my big tummy in front of a full-length mirror. I'm five months pregnant now. I'm so big . . . the kid is so big now.

For some reason, I feel so excited to know about this child's gender. Bigla kong naalala yung usapan namin ni Hunter, that one Sunday na nandito siya.

"Do you want a baby shower?" he asked while eating his lunch. "Also that gender reveal thing?"

Umiling ako bago humigop sa baso ng tubig. "We don't need that. We already have everything this child needs."

Tumango siya. "I just . . . want to experience that."

I gulped, looking away from him. "You can experience that with another woman—"

"—with you, Areeya."

We became silent. Hindi ko rin alam anong isasagot ko doon. He promised before not to mention about his feelings for me pero ano 'to? Not that I mind . . . nagulat lang ako.

He heaved a sigh. "Don't mind me. Kumain ka lang d'yan."

After he said that, binilisan niya na lang ang pagkain at tumayo na, dala ang platong pinagkainan. Dumeretso siya sa sink at nagsimula nang maghugas nito.

Inialis ko na ang paningin sa reflection ko sa salamin at lumabas na ng k'warto. Sakto naman na dumaan doon si Hunter, mukhang aalis kahit na Sunday din naman ngayon.

"Good morning," I said.

He nodded. "Morning." Tiningnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. "Going somewhere?"

I smiled. "Magkikita kami ni Queenie. May gifts daw siya for the baby."

"Saan?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Pupunta ako sa unit niya. She told me she'd come over but I stopped her. Hindi ko naman bahay 'to."

Nagbuntonghininga siya. "You should just invite your friends here, I don't mind. This place is too big for you alone."

Tumingin pa siya sa akin, nag-aalangan bago muling nagbuntonghininga.

"Seriously, Areeya, just don't leave today. Tell them to come over if they want to see you. It's not okay for a pregnant woman to always be the one to go to them para lang makapagkita kayo. Just ask them to come over, okay?"

Nagsimula na siyang maglakad palayo sa akin bago kinuha ang cellphone sa bulsa. May tinawagan siya pagkatapos. Hindi ko na narinig nang malinaw ang sinabi niya hanggang sa tuluyan siyang makalabas.

"Give me her mobile number," is the only thing I heard. Kung sino man 'yon, wala na akong pakialam.

Tulad ng sinabi ni Hunter, hindi na ako lumabas. Tama rin naman siya. Palagi na lang ako ang pumupunta sa kanila whenever they want to meet. Nahihiya naman kasi akong magpapunta rito. Hindi ko naman ito bahay.

Nag-text ako kay Queenie.

Mahal na Reyna, I'm sorry. Hunter told me not to go. Can you come over here?

Ilang sandali pa, nag-reply siya.

I was about to tell you the same! Tumawag sa akin si Sir Hunter for the first time! Anyway, I'll be driving there! See you, Mommy Aree! 

I winced at the last word she texted.

Mommy?

It's not as if I wanted it. But why did it made my heart flutter?

___

In just an hour, I welcomed Queenie in Hunter's penthouse.

"What a fucking place is this?!" manghang manghang sabi ni Queenie. "Did he fuck you in every corner of this mansion?"

I chuckled. "Hulaan mo."

Tumawa siya nang malakas bago iniabot sa akin ang mga paper bag. "Hindi ko alam kung anong gender ng baby mo so I bought unisex colors." She pulled me into a hug. "I'm so proud of you."

I chuckled before tapping her back. I pulled away. "Let's just go and eat. What do you want? Hunter's personal chef is here to cook everything you need."

Tinakpan niya ang bibig na parang kilig na kilig. "You really hit a jackpot."

I rolled my eyes at her remarks.

Queenie doesn't know anything about it. Hindi niya alam na ayaw kong magkaanak . . . at hindi niya alam na lalayasan ko lang din si Hunter after ko manganak. All she knew is that I'm pregnant . . . and we're living together. That's it.

Habang naghihintay sa pinapaluto namin, nagkwentuhan kaming dalawa. Since I left the company, this is only the third time that Queenie and I saw each other. And for all those past meetups, hindi niya ako kinwentuhan ng tungkol sa officemates namin . . . kaya ako na ang nagtanong. Curious lang naman ako.

"So, how are they?" I asked, caressing my tummy.

"Who?" kunot-noong tanong niya.

"Them. Our officemates. France, Dian . . . all of them."

Nagbuntonghininga siya. "Dian is in your side. Actually, hindi natin alam 'tong lahat pero pinsan siya ni Sir Hunter."

Napaawang ang bibig ko. "What?!"

Tumango-tango siya. "Yes, ako lang ang nakakaalam. Siya ang nagbabalita kay Sir Hunter ng kung anong mga ginagawa mo habang nasa business trip siya."

Hindi ako makapaniwala.

"Remember noong sinabi kong ipapakilala kita sa isang boylet ko noon? Yung time na hindi mo kami sinipot dahil umuwi na pala si Sir Hunter at na-kidnap ka na niya? God, that was Dian's doing! She's reporting everything! But don't worry, she's good. She missed you pero wala siyang time sumama sa atin. Hindi sila close ni Sir Hunter. Boss pa rin ang tingin niya rito kahit na magpinsang buo sila. Apparently, she was just there to train bago humawak ng mas mataas na position after two years."

Nagbuntonghininga ako. "That's why she's always talking to me in the office." Napapailing na lang ako. "How about France?"

Umirap lalo si Queenie. "That asshole has long been gone! He was fired, together with the secretary. Silang dalawa ang nagkalat n'on."

Napaawang muli ang bibig ko. "What?! Excuse me?!"

"Yes! The secretary has romantic feelings for Sir Hunter. And France, remember noong inaway-away ka niya bago ka umalis?" Tumawa nang malakas si Queenie. "Remember noong sinabi niyang s-in-educe mo si Sir?!"

Tumango ako. "Yes, and?"

"Well, sumunod ako sa 'yo noon, pero as a certified marites, tinapos ko muna yung eksena bago tumakbo sa 'yo. Ang nangyari, lumapit sa kan'ya si Sir Hunter, naka-crossed arms pa. Tapos, maraming sinabi pero ang hindi ko makalimutan, yung linya niyang, and for the record, I was the one who seduced her. I was the one who begged for her, I was the one who's crawling to her, not the other way around.' Right after that, he was fired in front of everyone. Everyone was dumbfounded!"

Muling humagalpak ng tawa si Queenie. Napangiti na lang ako dahil sa lahat ng hindi ko inaasahan, yun 'yong ibo-broadcast niya sa lahat kung gaano siya ka-under sa akin.

Marami pang kinwento sa akin si Queenie tungkol sa dating officemates ko. She said that they want to visit me some time kaso nahihiya lang din sa akin dahil may napanood pa raw ang mga ito na video namin ni Hunter na nagsi-sex sa loob ng office.

I couldn't care about it anymore. Nawala na rin naman na raw ang video dahil 'yon ang huling hiling ni Hunter kay France at doon sa secretary para pagbigyan niya ang dalawa na hindi na sila kasuhan. I stopped stressing about those things kasi ako lang din naman ang nahihirapan.

Gabi na nang umalis si Queenie sa penthouse. Sinulit niya talaga ang chef ni Hunter dahil maghapon kaming kumain nang kumain! Mabuti na lang din, masarap talagang magluto 'yon kaya kahit busog na busog na kami, nakakakain pa rin kami.

Pero . . . may mas masarap na luto akong natikman. I haven't tasted that for so many months.

___

A week after, Leonard, to my surprise, called me. Umayos ako ng upo sa long couch saka sinagot ang tawag niya.

"Hi," he said on the other line.

"Hey, how are you?"

He chuckled. "I'm better." He sighed. "I called to say . . . congratulations."

Napakunot-noo ako. "For what?"

"For continuing with the pregnancy." He chuckled. "You know what? I understand now, everything you told me at the bar when you found out that you're pregnant. Hindi nga naman namin maiintindihan ang nararamdaman n'yong mga babae dahil never naman kaming nagbuntis." He chuckled. "I'm so sorry if I made you feel offended that time."

I chuckled. "Don't worry about that. It's already in the past. What's important is . . . it's getting bigger. Hindi ka na nagparamdam sa akin."

He sighed. "Well, we're so busy with a case . . . a big and important case."

Napakunot-noo ako. "Case about what?"

"Fraud."

Tumango-tango ako. "How long did it take?"

He sighed. "Well, I think, more than half a year." I imagined him smiled. "But what's important is, it's already done today."

I smiled. "That's good." I chuckled. "So, did you win?"

"Of course. I would do everything to win that case." Tumawa siya. "That's why I called you today."

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. "Dahil?"

"Congratulations, Areeya. Your father won the case. He'll be getting back everything that was taken from him and the scammers are going to jail. Simula sa mga unang nang-scam sa papa mo, hanggang sa huli. All three different cases were won."

Namanhid ang mga palad at talampakan ko. Pakiramdam ko rin, nabuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig but for a good reason.

"You should thank Hunter. He was the most serious about this case. Walang kahit isang ebidensiya ang binitiwan niya para dito." I imagined him smiled. "I've never met someone so eager to win a case like that kahit na hindi naman siya ang lawyer."

Marahan na tumulo ang mga luha ko.

Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan matapos marinig ang mga balitang 'yon. I know I should be throwing tantrums here because nobody told me na may mga gano'ng ganap na pala. Sana nandoon ako bilang support system ng mga magulang ko. My mother never told me about it at all, kahit na nagkikita naman kami paminsan-minsan.

"Leo, thank you. Thank you so much."

"You don't need to thank me. I'm just doing my duty as their son." He laughed. "And I wanted you to feel at ease as you go on with your pregnancy. Just thank Hunter. It was all because of him."

I sniffed. "I will. I will thank him, I promise."

I feel so stupid . . . so guilty.

Parang ngayon pa lang ulit ako nagiging rational mag-isip. Ngayon ko nakikita lahat ng mga panahong tinrato ko siya na parang basura dahil lang nahihirapan ako sa pagbubuntis. Kung paano ko siya itaboy dahil sinisisi ko siya kung bakit nararanasan ko ang lahat ng pangit na naranasan ko noong first trimester ko pa lang.

Damn . . . Hunter, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that you were this eager to keep your promise. Akala ko ibabaon ko na lang sa limot ang lahat ng tungkol sa mga nangyari sa magulang ko, pero hindi pala.

Inayos mo ang gulo ng pamilya ko . . . habang ginugulo ko ang buhay mo sa kung paano kita itrato.

Patawarin mo ako, Hunter.