10:

After KC told me the instructions on how to use it, I went inside the bathroom and take the test. Ginamit ko nang sabay-sabay ang apat na pregnancy test na binili sa akin ni KC.

My hands are cold and shaking as I tried to take the courage to see the result.

"Aika . . ." KC knocked. "Ang tagal mo. Papasok na ako."

Hindi na ako sumagot at hinayaan siyang pumasok. KC stared at me while the PTs are on my back, avoiding my gaze to it.

"What are the results?" she asked as she come near me. I didn't talk. "Aika."

KC held both of my hands as she stare at me again with an assuring look. Nangilid ang mga luha ko.

"Aika, don't be scared. We're here for you."

Bahagya akong tumango. KC slowly turned me around to see the result of the PTs behind me, resting on the countertop. Nanlamig ako nang makita na ang apat na resulta sa harap ko ngayon, iisa lang ang sinasabi.

One line. Negative.

Mabilis na umagos ang mga luha ko kasabay ng pagtawa. Pakiramdam ko, nabunutan ako ng malaking tinik sa lalamunan at nakahinga na ako nang maluwag.

Humarap ako kay KC at niyakap siya nang mahigpit. Umiyak ako nang umiyak sa kan'ya dahil sa saya at pagiging at ease ngayong wala na akong iisiping ganito sa bawat araw at gabi.

"Thank you, Katrina," I said in the middle of my sobs.

She chuckled before rubbing my back. "No problem! Huwag kang matakot na harapin 'yung problema kasi nandito ako—nandito kami." She pulled away from the hug and wiped my tears. "Hindi ka namin pababayaan."

Tumango ako nang paulit-ulit kasabay ng paulit-ulit din na pagpapasalamat sa kan'ya.

"Thank you, KC. Super thank you! And I'm sorry for not saying anything."

Tumawa siya nang dahil do'n.

"Okay lang!" She slightly pinched my cheek. "Next time mag-ingat ka na, ha! Huwag ka nang papayag nang hindi magko-condom 'yung lalaki."

Ngumuso ako nang pabiro. "Mas masarap 'yung wala."

Bahagyang umawang ang bibig niya kasabay ng pamumula ng mukha niya, pero tumawa na lang din no'ng huli.

"Ikaw talaga. Doon ka muna sa safe! Saka na 'yung risky pero masarap, kapag graduate na tayo!" She laughed. "Tara na. Pumasok na tayo. May oras pa."

Tumango ako bilang tugon.

Lumabas kami ng k'warto ko, matapos naming mag-ayos na dalawa, para pumasok sa school. We were late in school but it's not a big deal for the both of us.

Ang mahalaga, nakakahinga na ako nang maluwag.

Ang mahalaga . . . wala na akong iisipin pa ngayon.

I also realized afterwards, na kaya baka delay ang menstruation ko, kasi masiyado kong ini-stress ang sarili ko sa bagay na 'to? Women tends to have their period delayed when they are overthinking and stressing their selves too much.

Maybe it's true, kasi after a week ng paggamit ko ng pregnancy test, dinatnan na ako.

Tumatawa akong nagtipa sa cellphone para mag-send sa GC naming apat.

Me:
May regla na ako! 😂💖

Deli:
Tangina

Anna:
Hahahaha potaena. Bukod kay deli, ikaw lang kilala kong masaya kapag nireregla 🤣

KC:
Siyempre, ibig sabihin, hindi tumubo 'yung itinanim na binhi. 🤭

Anna:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Deli:
Hala, KC. Ang bastos mo! Anong binhi? 👀

KC:
Pakyu

Deli:
Sana all meron na! Tangina kalahating taon na akong hindi nireregla! Kapag nagkaroon ulit ako, paniguradong digmaan na naman ang pakiramdam! 😡😤

Pinagtawanan ko na lang ang mga message nila habang nakahiga sa kama. Nakipag-usap na rin ako bago tinapos ang plates at natulog.

***

The following months, I entertained men who flirts with me the way KC did before she met Tyrone. Matagal na rin ang panliligaw sa akin ng mga lalaki. May mga naging boyfriend ko pero walang nangyari sa amin kasi ramdam na ramdam ng Lucas Radar ko na sex lang din ang habol.

Dahil nga ayaw ko nang maulit pa 'yung sinabi ni Lucas noon na easy-to-get ako kaya niya ako iniwan, hindi na muna ako nakikipag-sex sa boyfriend ko.

Siguro mga one week muna kami sa relasiyon bago sex.

Charot!

I made sure that the man I'll be having sex with is not a dickhead. Ayaw ko na ulit magkaroon ng boyfriend na katulad ni Lucas. Sure, I want sex from men too pero hindi lang naman 'yon ang habol ko.

"Aika, I finished your plates already."

Napalingon ako kay Xander sa sinabi niya. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at hinarap siya.

"Bakit mo ginawa?" kunot-noo kong tanong.

He chuckled before wrapping his arms on my shoulder. "Binawasan ko lang 'yung requirements mo. Tsaka ga-graduate na rin naman ako so, might as well help my girlfriend with her projects."

He leaned forward to plant a kiss on my lips. I chuckled as we continued walking on the pathway of NEUST.

"Thank you. You've been a good boyfriend for over three months already, Xander."

He looked at me with his creased forehead. "Wait. Are you breaking up with me?"

Napaawang ang bibig ko. Ano?! Ganoon ba ang ibig sabihin ng sinabi ko?!

"No!" I laughed before wrapping my right arm on his waist as we continued walking. "Anong oras uuwi 'yung roommate mo?"

His ears immediately turned red as soon as he heard that. Ngumiti siya bago kinuha ang cellphone sa bulsa.

"Hindi siya uuwi."

Pinagtawanan ko siya bago niya tinawagan ang roommate niya.

"Dante, get a hotel room muna. Bayaran kita. Doon ka muna mag-stay for tonight."

Narinig ko ang malakas na tawa at boses ni Dante sa kabilang linya. "Tang ina mo, ikaw ang mag-hotel!"

Matapos no'n, pinagpatayan na siya nito ng tawag. Tumingin sa akin si Xander at ngumiti bago hinawakan ang kamay ko at pinagsalikop ang mga daliri namin.

"Hayaan mo 'yon, may night class pa siya. Wala siyang magagawa." He chuckled. "Anyway, are you sure about this? You know I won't ask you this much. You're more than enough."

Ngumiti ako at tumango bilang tugon. "Siguradong-sigurado."

Sumakay kami sa motor niya--nasa likod ako, nakayakap sa kan'ya habang nagdi-drive siya.

Nang makarating kami sa boarding house niya, isinarado niya ang lahat ng bintana at ni-lock ang mga pinto bago kami pumasok sa k'warto niya.

As soon as he locked the door of his room, he turned to me and kiss me aggressively, pinning me on the wall as he carried both of my legs, wrapping it around his hips.

We make out for a few minutes, pleasured ourselves with hands, before we really did it.

It's been almost a year since Lucas and I broke up. Hindi rin naman si Xander ang sumunod na lalaking naka-sex ko matapos siya, pero si Xander 'yung nagparamdam sa akin ng sarap . . . no'ng alaga sa kama habang pinasasaya ako.

Kung ikukumpara ko kung paano kami nag-sex ni Lucas sa kung paano kami nag-sex ni Xander, walang-wala si Lucas.

Lucas may be great in bed . . . but Xander is in love with me.

There's only few people who would take care of you so well while having sex. Xander made me feel taken care of, so well.

"Xander . . ." I groaned as his thrusts became more painful.

"Should I go . . . gentle?" he said while panting as he continued thrusting me.

With my eyes closed, I shook my head as my hands looked for him. I pulled him closer so I could kiss him as we reached our climax.

The following days and weeks, I know our relationship became stronger and we became more open with each other.

Hindi ko na nagagamit ang driver ko kasi kahit busy si Xander, palagi niya akong sinusundo at inihahatid sa bahay sa tuwing kaya ng schedule niya. He's always making time for me kahit na alam kong pagod na rin siya.

"Are we going home straight?" I asked as he drove away from the university.

He chuckled. "Uh, huh. Why?"

Ngumuso ako at mas hinigpitan ang yakap sa kan'ya. "I want sex."

Tumawa siya sa sinabi ko. "Well, aren't you tired? You're busy with the upcoming finals too, babe."

Inihinto niya sa gilid muna ang motor at tinanggal ang helmet na suot bago lumingon sa akin. Sa dami ng dumaraang sasakyan sa highway, hinahangin nang malakas ang buhok niya ngayong gulo-gulo na.

Humalukipkip ako bago nagsalita. "Pansin ko lang, araw-araw tayong nagkikita pero hindi tayo araw-araw nagsi-sex."

Namula ang mukha niya sa sinabi ko bago pinindot ang ilong ko.

"Woman, I didn't always come to meet you just so we could have sex. I'm making time to see you because I want to see you and I love you. I want to have sex with you too but seeing you is my top priority."

Well . . . you just know that . . . that you're in love with someone too, right?

What's there not to love with Xander? Seloso lang siya pero alam kong sobrang worth it niyang mahalin. I know deep inside, mahal ko na rin siya at hindi na lang basta dahil sa sex ito.

Hindi nga kami madalas mag-sex, eh.

"I have something to say to you."

Bahagya siyang ngumiti. "Hmm?" maliit na boses na sabi niya.

Tinanggal ko ang helmet ko at hinawakan ang mukha niya. I smiled at him.

"I love you."

Five months.

It took our relationship five months before I could finally told him that.

Xander cupped my face and leaned forward to kiss me, on the sidewalk, while numbers of cars and other vehicles are driving away.

I'm happy.

I hope that this freedom I have will last forever.