05:

"Seryoso ka ba?!" malakas na tanong ng pinsan kong si Winnie, kasabay ng malakas na tugtog sa loob ng lugar.

Tumango ako bago inilahad ang kamay sa kan'ya. "Dali na."

It was Winnie's 20th birthday and I went home in Fairview to attend to her party. Kuya warned me to behave since mali-late siya ng dating sa party but he didn't say that I should stop myself from enjoying the party.

Umiling siya nang umiling bago ininom ang laman ng shot glass. "Mapagagalitan kami ng Daddy mo!"

Tumingin ako sa paligid ng event's place at nakitang ang lahat ng bisita ni Winnie ay nagsasaya, habang ako, pinipigilan nila na gawin ang mga ginagawa nila.

"Wala naman si Daddy dito, hindi na niya malalaman," sagot ko.

"Kaya nga, Wins. Pagbigyan mo na si Aika," sagot ni Darwin, pinsan ko rin. "Wala naman si Tito dito. He won't know," he added before drinking his shot.

Ngumuso si Winnie. "I'm scared of Tito Luis! You know that he got me grounded years ago when I brought Aika sa bahay ng lalaking friend ko!"

I chuckled when I remembered that. I actually begged for her para ilabas niya ako ng bahay. Akala ko magagalit siya sa akin no'n pero mas nagalit siya kay Daddy kasi hindi niya maintindihan kung ano ang mali sa ginawa namin.

Pumangalumbaba ako sa table bago sumagot. "Winnie, I'm a second year in college already. Pati ba naman ikaw?"

Nakita ko kung paano siya na-guilty sa huli kong sinabi. Narinig kong tumawa si Kate sa tabi ko bago umakbay sa akin tsaka magsalita.

"Our baby girl is rebelling! She's finally come to her maturity now!"

Tumawa ang mga pinsan ko sa sinabi niya. Winnie frowned before she answered me.

"I'm just worried, okay? How about Kuya Giovanni? Baka malaman niya 'to! Isusumbong niya ako kay Tito Luis!"

I laughed at her panicking voice. Kinuha ko ang shot glass niya na walang laman.

"Kuya Gio will never do something that will harm me. So pour my glass now and let me taste of that bitter tequila, can you?"

Nagpalakpakan ang mga pinsan ko bago natatawa at umiing na sinalinan ng birthday girl na si Winnie ang shot glass ko. Darwin gave me a pinch of salt and a slicwle of lime. They told me what I should do, so I followed them.

The first time I tasted the bitter Tequila, I almost vomit everything. They told me to put the salt and squeeze the lime on my mouth so that I won't taste the Tequila that hard anymore.m, so I did.

"This tastes horrible!" I shouted, coughing.

Ang init sa bibig, lalamunan at sa tiyan! What the hell??? Why do I feel like I'm burning?!

They were all laughing so loud like I am an interesting show but I couldn't care anymore.

It tastes bad but I want more!

"Sa una lang 'yan! Masasanay ka rin!" Lyzel said.

Since I tried drinking the first time, naging kasali na ako ngayon sa bawat pagsalin ng alak sa baso at ang pag-inom.

Nakailan pa lang akong inom, naramdaman ko na ang pag-ikot ng paningin ko at ang mainit na pakiramdam sa buong katawan ko. Kate pulled me up.

"Let's go and dance!" she happily shouted.

Gegewang-gewang akong nagpahila sa kan'ya. I heard some of my cousins from behind laughing and screaming to the top of their lungs as they danced with me. Hinubad ko ang denim jacket ko at itinapon sa kung saan, tsaka nakipagsayaw na rin sa kanila.

Winnie has a lot of friends and acquaintances studying in UST. Kaya kahit na nirentahan ang buong event's place na ito sa isang hotel, iisipin mo na hindi dahil sa dami ng tao.

Tita Gloria must have spent so much for this party. She truly loved her only child and she's letting her explore like this.

Nawa'y lahat.

Hindi ko na alam kung nasaan ang mga pinsan ko ngayon. Masiyado akong naaliw sa pagsigaw sa lakas ng tugtog habang sumasayaw, hindi ko na napansin kung nasaan na ang mga pinsan ko.

I saw Winnie dancing with man I don't even know. They were near to kissing! My visions right now are blurry but I know that pose! I saw that in movies!

Gumegewang akong naglakad papunta sa kan'ya nang mapaupo dahil sa kalasingan at dahil may nabunggo akong malakas.

Damn, I feel so dizzy!

"Hey . . ."

Bahagya akong nag-angat ng tingin. Nakita ko ang isang lalaking medyo mahaba ang buhok, nakatingin sa akin habang nakalahad ang kamay. Napalunok ako habang nakatitig sa kan'ya, hindi maipaliwanag kung ano itong bigla kong naramdaman.

Damn, I feel so hot.

Iniabot ko ang kamay sa kan'ya at nagpatulong na tumayo. Ramdam ko ang malakas na kabog ng dibdib ko pero hindi ko alam kung para saan.

Is this because of the loud music? Hindi naman ganito ang tibok ng puso ko kanina. Right now, it feels like I am nervous for something.

"I'm sorry, I was quite in a rush," he said.

Hindi man lang ako makasagot! He looked handsome and very manly but the way he talk makes me want to be laid in bed with him!

Argh! Why do I feel this way? Is this one of the side effects in being so fucking drunk?!

"I . . . I want you," I said in my tipsy voice as I stare at him.

He chuckled sexily, sending shivers down my spine.

"I have a girlfriend. Enjoy the party."

After he said that, he left me all alone in the middle of the dance floor.

***

"Aira—"

"I said I'm sorry!" I said, crying.

Naupo si Kuya Gio sa upuan sa kabisera ng lamesa.

"I know that you're sorry but how many times are you going to do things that may harm you?" he asked, seriously.

Paano ko naman makakain itong porridge na hinanda niya para sa akin dito sa dining area kung pagagalitan niya lang ako nang pagagalitan?

"I know that Daddy has been very ruthless and strict towards you, but I don't think that it is enough reason for you to rebel and throw your life like that."

"I am not throwing my life, Kuya. I am just enjoying the party!"

He sighed deeply. "Aira, you were dancing sexily with a man so stranger to you when I arrived! Anong malay ko kung ano nang nangyari bago ako dumating?!"

Pataas na nang pataas ang boses ni Kuya. Palakas na rin nang palakas ang iyak ko.

"Do you know what happened before I arrived?" he asked, staring at me wtih his angry eyes. I didn't answer. "You didn't know! And no one knows!"

Tinakpan ko ang mga mata ko bago umiyak ulit nang umiyak.

I know what happened! Naiinggit ako sa masasayang nagpa-party, nagki-kiss and that man who left me for his girlfriend! I mean, why can't I have those experiences? I want that too!

"Aira . . . stop crying."

"You're angry," I said in between my sobs.

"I'm not. I'm just worried. In less than a year, you'll be alone here and I won't be here to watch over you and take care of you."

Lalo akong naiyak sa sinabi niya. Bakit kailangan pang ipaalala na aalis na siya? I don't want him to leave. Kahit na palagi ko siyang tinataboy, hindi ko naman talaga gusto 'yon.

"You don't have to worry that much about me. Stop treating me like a baby!" I said in between my sobs.

Kuya laughed before taking my hands away from my face. Tumingin ako sa kan'ya kasabay ng mga hikbi ko. Bahagyan siyang ngumiti sa akin bago pinunasan ang mga luha ko.

"Magpakabait ka muna habang nandito ako, please?" he said, wiping the tears on my face. "Kapag nakaalis na ako, hindi na kita pakikialaman sa mga gusto mong gawin. Ibibigay ko lahat ng laya sa 'yo. Ako na ang bahala kay Daddy."

I sniffed. "He will eventually check up on me or ask you about me."

He chuckled, crunching his nose. "Ako na nga ang bahala. Huwag mo lang pasasakitin ang ulo ni Manang, 'yun lang ang hiling ko sa 'yo. At huwag mong sirain ang buhay mo sa kalayaang ibibigay ko para sa 'yo."

I gulped as my heart started beating fast.

Whenever we're talking about freedom, laging bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko to the point na parang . . . naririnig ko na ito. Tulad ngayon.

I don't want Kuya Gio to leave me alone here but whenever I imagine the freedom I'll be having when he finally leave, my heart always feel excited.

Ang dami kong gustong gawin na hindi ko magawa ngayon. Ayaw kong samantalahin si Kuya dahi ilang beses na niya akong sinasalo sa lahat ng galit ni Daddy kaya hindi ko pa rin ginagawa ngayon. I don't want him to see me that way.

But thinking of the days that I'll be finally free . . . it always excites me so much. Ang dami ko nang naiisip na gawin.

I want to explore everything.

I mean . . . everything.

"Aira, are you listening to me?" Kuya asked, breaking me away from the thoughts in my mind.

I smiled a little and nodded. "Yes, Kuya. Magpapakabait ako habang nandito ka pa, at magiging malaya ako kapag nakaalis ka na."

Kuya smiled before brushing my hair. "Just do what you want that won't harm you. I will not control any of your decisions, and I won't let Dad know. As long as you're not throwing your life away, okay?"

I nodded in response.

When I finally have the freedom that I so wanted, I will not control myself into doing the things that I wanted to experience.

Sorry, Kuya. I won't throw my life away but I'll be living my life the way I always wanted too, because I know that this freedom will be temporary, and soon, I'll be back to the cage that this family created for the women.

"Go and eat. I'll need to attend something. Okay?"

Tumango ako bago uminom sa tea na itinimpla ni Manang sa akin.

"Okay, Kuya. Ingat."