it feels like being ripped in half

when i finally realized the truth of what you did to me,

tearing me down in a twisted psychological game of raising me up

when all it really did was shred my basic humanity into bits

it feels like you're to blame when he pushed until my answer was 'yes' because i was never allowed to tell you no either

but at the same time you tell me it's important to stand up for myself

this is confusing me, you're confusing me

how do i let you reduce me to a stupid submissive slave yet stand tall in the face of peer pressure?

the list to hate you grows the longer i spend time away from you,

slowing stitching my broken skin together

and murmuring apologies to myself as i remember every memory that tore it open

for never standing up for myself to you, for blaming myself, for hating myself

because i was never good enough for you;

you wanted too much from me and it seems my fault lies only in being desperate enough to try and give you everything that you asked of me

but then i remember that it is my duty as a daughter to love my mother and

i still can't understand

do i forgive you even though this doesn't feel right?

you seem exactly like the type of person you had always told me to stay away from

and our story doesn't seem like the others i've heard of

you gave me scars while other mothers gave their daughters cookies

and i can't help wondering why,

was it something that i did?

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happy mother's day xo