Logan: Listen to FM 750 tomorrow 7:00pm.

Logan: Please.

Troye felt compelled to respond to Logan with an apology, but he didn't know exactly what to apologise for. For not stopping Logan? It would have made the situation just as awkward, if not more.

Alternatively, Troye could respond with an emoji and pretend that the kiss hadn't made a mess of their friendship. However, that would be irresponsible. Even more frustrating, was that it completely screwed with Troye's brain; he was slowly warming up to the idea of being a sexual creature.

Amidst all the earthquakes and trauma, Troye was contemplating whether or not help from Romero was what he really needed. He now sat on the grass slope, where he had met up with Romero previously, waiting for his saviour to pack his bags.

For the purpose of recounting his experience to Romero, Troye unwillingly relived the events of him with Logan on his bed. He felt so uncomfortable and hot under the collar that he was sure the grass around him had burnt to a black char.

He also hated the way he had left things - without speaking a single word to Logan. They were both sort of left in a dazed trance, Logan left the moment Troye had retreated into the bathroom. It was in Troye's nature to avoid issues that made him guarded, but it didn't excuse him from the mind-numbing mess that was tearing through his brain.

The moment he felt Logan hold him, he knew that there was something more than friendship on Logan's mind. Troye couldn't believe that he had led Logan on, perhaps sending mixed messages that conveyed he was available and willing to try something more.

He wasn't, not at all.

Then came the moment of him realising that there was also something deeper within him that didn't want Logan to stop. He didn't necessarily respond to the moving pair of lips against his – mainly because he didn't know how – but he knew that he did not want Logan to pull away as quickly as he did.

This is fucked up. Troye groaned in his head, his two hands gripping his hair tightly in a frustrated fit.

Troye felt even more pathetic now. He was developing feelings for both Logan and Romero, yet he was desperate for Romero to help him figure his own love life out. It was shameless, and Troye was almost determined to leave.

"You've got a deadly grip." Romero said softly, kneeling on one knee in front of Troye with his hands trying to pry the locked fingers from Troye's hair.

Romero's eyes were censored by the shadows of the dipping sun, yet Troye could see the worry in them. He didn't know how much he needed the reassurance until Romero was directly in front of him.

As Troye stared impassively, Romero was tempted to ask What's up, love? But he knew Troye well enough by now that a question like that would yield nothing but silence.

"Sorry for bothering you..." Troye mumbled with his head titled down. Romero grinned and looked down sympathetically, there was clearly something bothering Troye. Even if Troye wasn't necessarily upbeat, he was usually a little more stable than he was now.

"Not at all. I was thinking of inviting you to dinner soon anyways." Logan brought a hand up to brush against Troye's knee. He took a seat next to Troye and cracked his knuckles.

Troye was left conflicted at the words, Romero truly liked him. As if to prove his point, Romero grabbed Troye's hand and brushed his thumb across Troye's fingers. Maybe the company was all he needed to clear his head, and Troye didn't really need to speak about the issue at hand.

Satisfied with his new conclusion, Troye just let himself enjoy the feeling of being pampered by Romero, even if there was a nagging tick in his brain telling him that he was going about all this in the worst way possible. He didn't dare dwell on the fact that it was taboo for him to jump from man to man.

"I..." Troye paused, then reformulated his words, "It was lonely." It referring to him physically and his thoughts. Between Romero and Logan, he was now used to having company, and since the events of yesterday morning, he was all alone with his thoughts.

"And that is what I am here for." Romero put his arm around Troye's waist modestly. "Would you like to have dinner or just sit for a while."

Troye scrunched his eyebrows together, and the question he desperately did not want to ask, slipped. "What time is it?"

"Half past seven." Romero said, as he glanced at his Fitbit.

Pulling his knees up, Troye shoved his face between his legs and took in a deep breath. His thinking had left him half an hour late to Logan's request and he felt terrible. However, he recognised that he would probably feel terrible whether or not he had listened.

"Can we sit in the car?" Troye mentioned, while standing up.

"You cold?" Romero asked while already shrugging off his wind breaker for Troye. Without thinking too much, Troye took it with a mumbled thank you. "Let's head off then, dinner would do us some good." Romero smiled and warped one arm around Troye to warm him up.

FM 750... Troye had never heard of the station in his life, but he didn't listen to the radio, period, so it wasn't a surprise. "H-how do you look for a channel?" Troye asked while sitting in Romero's fancy car. It was really comfortable, and he was convinced that the seats were made out of memory foam or something excessive.

"Oh boy, you are asking the wrong person, love," Romero chuckled, while taking his time with packing his bags into the passenger seat, the car's trunk was far too small for a duffle bag. "Try the numbers, I usually just tap those."

After five pop music channels and a loud static noise that startled them both, Troye messed around enough to come up with a screen display of a retro radio frequency system. He managed to get it to FM 730, then 740. Finally, 750.

"-estly, I really can't say I can relate to your situation. I... If I were in your shoes with my current financial situation, I would probably use the money to treat my partner first. Even though, I personally don't believe in miracles, but if I could help minimise the pain of my partner with treatments, I would do it. I don't think I would ever be comfortable raising a child with their mother's story playing in the back of my mind all the time. It would honestly... it would suck, and it wouldn't be fair for the child as well."

Troye remained dead silent. This was Logan's voice, it had to be Logan's voice. Troye had been annoyed enough by this exact intonation and pitch countless of times, and he would have to have amnesia to not remember Logan's voice.

Without context, Troye was exceptionally confused by the words that were spewing out of Logan's mouth. The subject matter was very heavy, and he could pick apart from the language used that a couple were going through some sort of health issue and are figuring out the financial situation to accommodate the changes in their relationship.

Logan went on and on, speaking to himself with a clear flow. Eventually the speaking slowed though and there were more pauses between Logan's voice. By now, Romero was sitting beside Troye, holding hands while Troye was in a trance listening to this strange radio station. He decided not to comment on it though and quietly started the engine.

"...I'm really sorry that I can't help you as much as I want to, and I'm sure that your usual host would have done a far better job than I would. That's not saying much though, since I'm not... really that invested in romantic relationships."

There was a brief cut before Logan spoke again. This time with a lot more hesitation.

"I do understand the... umm... your necessity to protect and provide for someone though. I think we can connect on that helplessness. I have this friend. He's really quiet, shy, kind of dorky, but doesn't know the first thing about self-care. He's always got a billion things going on in his head, and he never wants to talk about it..."

Troye blushed to the tip of his ear, hearing Logan refer to him. It was the first time Troye had ever gotten insight into Logan's impression of him, and he was shocked to learn the number of compliments between the light-hearted comments on Troye's timidity.

"...I wanted more from the friendship. After seeing him cry and what not, I felt the need to shield him. It was like an... emphatic rush of something I haven't felt before. I... really liked feeling that way about him. He was such a special person to me."

As Romero purely enjoyed the feeling of holding Troye's hand tenderly, he caught on to the monologue of this random guy on the radio. It was fairly intriguing to him, until he put two and two together and saw that Troye was staring at the moving cars but listening intently to the words of this man.

Romero then tuned in to listen a well.

"We kissed. It was such a mistake. I shouldn't have lied and said I had issues with my neck. I didn't, it was just a cover up for me getting all up in his grill. I should have known better though, only he would invite me to his bed and expect nothing but a good night's sleep. I was such an idiot."

Troye was offended by his own gullible self that he actually believed Logan was in pain. He had been worried, and he never liked to take injuries as a joke.

"...I've kissed so many people in my life. Yet, I felt like absolute horse... crap when after I made out with him..."

There was a long pause and Troye thought the audio had cut out.

"Regardless, decisions are meant to be made. Maybe the great thing about real life is that your answers don't have to be a 'yes' or a 'no'. Your fears of loss could one day become motivation to do something beautiful, or you could take bricks and build a castle for yourself.

Or maybe, one day in five years' time, you wish you said 'yes' instead of 'no'. Maybe tomorrow morning, you realise there was a third 'maybe', and you go for it, knowing even less about what could happen if you had said 'no' instead of 'yes'.

In the end, the future is only hung from threads of hope.

And I hope you at least make a decision.

If you have to chase down the streets of New York for heartbreak, at least you know you fell in love.

Because God forbid you mess up and the world mocks you for being in love."

Troye felt himself freeze from head to toe.

Logan's voice cut to music fading in as he said his farewell's, there was a tremble to his voice that wasn't there in his closing speech.

"Thank you, Angelou. For teaching me that love is not a joke."

Troye sat there. The car now silent.

He was the villain.

~

Troye was unmistakably affected by the mysterious FM 750 programme. Romero wasn't aware that such radio stations existed in the first place but hearing the story of Angelou struck up something in Romero.

He hadn't anticipated this much of an impact on Troye, but Romero drew a conclusion that either the subject hit too close to home for poor Troye or the closed off boy had always been more sentimental than Romero had thought.

It was sort of ridiculous for Romero though, despite the seemingly unending baggage that came with Troye, time and time again, he found himself unable to move away from the boy. Perhaps it's because of the waves of densely packed helplessness that hit Romero whenever he met Troye, or the fact that Troye was a massive mystery that kept appearing in the front of his mind.

Regardless, Romero was very fond of Troye.

"Are you feeling better?" Romero sat next to Troye, placing a hand on his knee once again. He figured that It was the safest bodily contact at the moment, not too much but just enough.

Troye gave a small nod and sat up straight. He felt like such a scumbag for being that person. The uselessness overcame him, and he felt worse than before. Logan was a valuable friend, yet he had to wreck it for the both of them.

Troye just didn't understand. There was nothing to like about himself, if he were Logan, or Romero for that matter, he certainly would not choose himself over the other candidates. He was dependent even if he didn't want to admit it, he didn't know how to take care of himself. He came with too many secrets and too many bundled up confessions.

"I'll go ready up the food, alright?" Romero said after sitting there and looking at Troye worriedly. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Troye's forehead, then backed off to reheat the takeaway they ordered.

Romero pitied Troye. He learnt from observation that Troye was troubled on the inside, even without regular drama. It was like seeing an adult go through the rapid mental changes of adolescence and childhood all at once. Perhaps that was exactly what was happening, but Romero didn't know exactly.

When the food was ready, Romero returned to the couch. He normally didn't like eating in that area of the apartment since he didn't want to risk dirtying the beige carpet, but it didn't seem like Troye was going to move an inch, so he just played along.

"Thank you." Troye looked up and smiled slightly. He turned back to his plate and frowned when a sharp jab punctured his chest, he squeezed his eyes shut and chuckled. "I'm not sure what I'm doing here." Troye looked to his left to see Romero smiling at him as if his comment was expected.

"Well, we are spending some time and getting to know each other." Romero leaned back against the couch. "Unless you wanted to see me for another reason, of course." He thought the little push was a good direction for Troye to explore his options of speaking up.

The TV turned on with the volume low, and Troye glanced at his phone sitting on the coffee table. "My full name is Troye Angelou."

Romero turned away from the TV and placed his food down, he put two and two together fairly quickly. That small sentence gave him an information overload. He tried recalling the finer details of the host's long speech, yet he couldn't seem to remember much apart from the name Angelou.

After taking a moment for the implication to sink in fully, Romero shuffled close to Troye and wrapped an arm around Troye's waist. "It's not your fault. You know that right?" Romero spoke while looking at Troye's fidgeting fingers.

"It is." Troye retorted with an exhalation that didn't seem to take away his stress.

Poor thing... Romero thought. He remembered his own experience of relationship trauma when he was younger. He blamed himself for everything, for not trying hard enough and trying too hard. It was all the same, because in the end, nothing worked out well.

Romero could hear the self-degrading comments flowing from Troye's brain. "You are a beautiful guy, and even though I am slightly jealous that your friend has the same sentiment, I can't blame him. You are very charming after all."

Troye turned away subtly. He hated it when other people gave him compliments, it forged a false benchmark that he did not want to reach. Being desirable was stressful to Troye.

Kissing Troye's temples, Romero moved to envelop Troye in a hug. "Come on, give poor Romero a hug." The older man snuggled close against Troye and shifted Troye around so it was more comfortable for an embrace.

The tears came and caught Troye in an inhalation that choked him on the spot. Troye didn't know how much he needed someone until the opportunity was staring him straight in the face. He turned around and sat on Romero's knees, then wrapped both arms around his neck.

He felt like the world was pelting him with rocks. He was trapped in a colosseum with nothing but his bare hands. "It's hard isn't it?" Romero whispered sympathetically into Troye's ear.

Troye nodded quickly and sobbed silently. It felt really nice to be treated this way, almost the same way he felt about Logan cuddling with him. "I know it's hard, love." Romero continued to kiss and whisper into Troye's ear while patting his back and offering his support.

"Do you want have a little grub?" Troye shook his head and curled himself closer to Romero. "How about we watch some TV and relax?" Hesitantly, Troye nodded once and the deal was made. Romero was concerned, but he was also glad that Troye was so close to him.

Their evening quickly evolved from watching a TV show to a cuddle session. Troye moved progressively closer from the opposite side of the couch, then next to Romero and eventually sitting on his lap with his head against Romero's chest.

Hearing a yawn from Troye, Romero kissed the top of Troye's head. "Catch some sleep." Romero whispered, and Troye grabbed onto Romero's shirt, telling him to stay. "Don't worry, I'll be here."

Nothing much happened from there on, Romero brought Troye to the unused bedroom and tucked him in. He contemplated undressing him, but chickened out because he didn't want to seem like more of a creep than he already was.

~

In front of the muffled television sat Romero and Troye. Both rigid as a wooden plank, though a piece of timber would definitely be more likely to converse with another piece of timber than Troye would to Romero.

Troye was so embarrassed. It should come as no surprise that the series of events which occurred the night prior was going to force them to be inquisitive about each other's lives. However, even after the heavy confessions with leaps and bounds of physical contact. Nothing has changed.

Air blew out Troye's open mouth, but his voice did not make itself known.

They had both woken up around the same time. Both with a silent anticipation that the other person would be first leave their respective rooms. Romero thought that a conversation should be in place, and indeed, there was a plethora of topics that could have been discussed, and since each was equally as pressing as the next, Romero couldn't bring himself to lead with the wrong thing to say.

The nurse-in-training was mostly silent due to numbness. His nerves frayed at the ends as his thoughts bounded between Logan and Romero. He hadn't given much thought to the prospect of a relationship, and all at once, he was clinched in an awkward position.

Troye was left tight-chested. He was forced to confront Romero, who was sitting there, probably expecting something from Troye. He didn't know what to give Romero, because he wasn't sure what was being asked for.

He couldn't bring himself to pin it all on sexual desires, it seemed a little too hollow for what Romero had displayed – kindness and acceptance. Not that the retreat into his personal nuclear bunker was going to allow it anyway.

"I don't think it was fair for you that you were put in that - this situation." Romero spoke, over the advertisement. He had gathered his wits to finally push out a thought, although, it came out more bitter than was necessary.

Romero's hand moved to latch onto Troye's knee, wanting to provide him with physical comfort. However, that proved to be a mistake. Troye's numbness dissipated where the warmth of Romero's hand made contact. He hated the longing that froze him twice over, wanting more.

Quickly jerking away, Troye was forced to think about Romero. The whispering and holding that occurred previously. He was being so needy. Yet, there was a seemingly unjustified sense of betrayal that came over Troye. He didn't think it was fair for Romero to be judging what Logan had or had not done.

Although, the bigger picture was blurry to Troye himself, he still felt upset that Logan was being condemned, because he knew between the two of them or even all three of them, only existed good intentions.

The hovering hand, which failed to complete its task, returned by Romero's side, bringing with it a searing pain that swirled and settled in the pit of Romero's heart. They were regressing, Romero interpreted. Perhaps it was, in fact, too much of a leap to be holding and whispering, with kisses to the head and the heart beating quicker for something slow.

"Sorry." Romero mumbled. He was thinking deeply about his compatibility with Troye. Romero was a physical person, yet Troye seemed to be fighting the clear desire he had for affection. Was it because Troye was merely in a moment of weakness that he repelled? Or would this persist if or when they became a pair? Romero wouldn't be able to stand the stinging in his fingertips to hold what was his.

The love triangle strengthened in correlation. Yet between each there was a field of barren land. Dry, crumbling: failing.

His world shook with an insidious crescendo.

Each oscillation dislodging his heart from its safe place,

All at once, the universe killed.

Then fell an Angel with clipped wings.

(Published 11/9/2019)

A/N: So that happened.

Life has a funny way of steering you into potholes and ditches. Sometimes it nudges gently, other times it shoves with the violent intent of a million tsunamis.

Although, being damaged and bruised is not a personality trait, it certainly does a good job crushing those rose-coloured lenses you dropped on the floor when you were twelve.

And trying to recover from the sort of betrayal life whips across your back is sort of like the start of a new life for you. But that doesn't mean you are un-salvageable. 

As big as the universe is with all its opportunities. Sometimes it's alright to not take the road less taken. Sometimes you take two steps forward and three steps back.

Sometimes it's worth to take your heart and brain, and put them in a box. Take a deep breath and take a break.

Don't be a narcissist, the Earth isn't going to stop turning just because you stopped walking. :)